My Kid's Friends and How Do I Handle This Issue?

I would probably just put the stuff that they were welcome to eat on the table and say something like, "Hey guys...anything on the table is up for grabs! Everything else is not." Then after they grab their snacks you put the stuff that's still on the table back in the pantry.
My brother used to have his friends over all the time. They got treated like part of the family. Which means that my mom just talked to them like she would talk with us.
Talk to the boys! Everything will be fine.

You should not be afraid to tell the kids, "Snack are for eating while you are here. They are not to make doggy bags out of. And please stay out of the rest of my groceries."

Don't make it a free for all, each child gets one snack and one drink and then the kitchen is off limits. To be honest if I was one of the parents of these boys I would be very upset with you for giving them any more then one small item because it will ruin their appetite for dinner.

first off, good for you for being a house where everyone likes to congregate, and for providing good healthy snacks.
now stop being a doormat. you're not disciplining other people's kids by not letting them take your food. it's your house, of course you should have firm no-nonsense rules about this. if you see granola bars disappearing into pockets, you say 'ah ah ah, put those back, theodore. that's to eat here if you're hungry WHILE you're here, it doesn't go home with you.' don't freak out, don't lecture, but also don't plead or beg or ask softly. state it as if you assume they're going to comply immediately and they will.
don't take it to other parents unless the kids get nasty with you (in which case they need to be firmly uninvited from your home.) this isn't for them to handle, it's your home and your food.
as for the pantry thief, head him off at the pass. 'whoa back right there, cowboy. the snacks for you are on the counter. no helping yourself to anything else without checking with me first. nope, those aren't for you guys. have a banana.'
if you're calm and firm about it, they will comply like magic.
khairete
S.

When I was a kid and went over to someone else's house, I ALWAYS gorged myself :) however, I did so because at home (in the foster home) the parental units were very TIGHT with food.. we never got snacks, this despite being VERY active all day and we pretty much got the same food every day, which was corn flakes with powered milk for breakfast, pb&J with one apple for lunch and dinner was usually something packaged like hamburger helper.. that was it, almost the same meal plan for nearly five years.. soooooooooo.. whenever I went to my friends house, I have to say, while I NEVER went into their pantries.. IF they had food out, I ate it.. I ate it because I was always very hungry.... and having some variety was always nice. otherwise, at home, it was slim pickings... so you can do this..either you just not put out so much food and lock the pantry (as my foster mother did to us) .... OR you can look beyond proper protocols and consider IF some or even one of those kids at your house is going home to slim pickings... on the outside, things may look like a kid is healthy and eating enough, but honestly, unless you are at their house, it's hard to say.. for me, I guess because of my personal experience, I always like to make sure people get enough to eat.. even if they want several pieces or slices of something.. it's just food.... if it really bugs you, then just stop putting out so much... otherwise, let them chow down..
it's up to you..

Why make a big production of this? Just put the food away after they are done munching. I'm sure no one expected you to leave the food out the entire time they are there. If I were the parent you talked to, I would laugh and ask why aren't you putting the food away....there's no better hint than not leaving it out. Now if they are going in your fridge or pantry, I would say something directly to the kid.

These boys are still learning appropriate behavior. Just say in a casual voice snacks stay here or these are snacks for while you're here.

I wouldn't talk to parents. How embarrassing for them. Look it as training, probably reinforcing what parents have said. This not discipline. This is the rule at your house.

I would just kind of joke with them the next time they come over. Just say something like "hey guys, as always, help yourselves to snacks for when you're here but hey, leave the rest for next time, OK? You're eating me out of house and home and I don't want to have dole out snacks on demand like you're in pre-school. Make sense?" Hopefully that will correct their behavior. If not, you'll have to put less out or put it away before they leave and let your son know that you expect him to remind his friends of what you expect. It's pretty rude of them, but kids that age can be pretty thoughtless.

I would say that when it looks like the kids are winding down, put what's left away so there isn't anything out for them to grab on the way out.

Is your pastry-baked goods bowl out on the table? If it is, I think you should move it. If it's not, then a simple - hey, only the stuff that was out on the table is for you guys, the rest is off-limits, ok?

I think you can be kind, but casual and firm about drawing the boundaries. And, don't think of it as disciplining, it's just letting them know the rules at your house, which is totally ok to do.

They are middle school boys. You don't need to discipline them, you just need to put the food away when *you* decide snacktime is over. If they are hungry, they can go home and eat.

At this age, it's not a playdate any more, they are hanging out.
And no, if you leave food out for them and haven't told them "no" previously, it's not rude. Kids are generally willing to take every inch you give them. So don't leave a 'baked goods' bowl out; put the food away. Simple fix.

(And please, if you love your kids, don't tell their friends they are stealing. That is liable to wind up being a big put-off for the kids and their parents. This is easy to fix if you just take charge of the situation. It doesn't need to be a big deal. If it continues, talk to the child privately. But just put the food away.)

I don't view that as disciplining so much as following your house rules. Kids aren't allowed to do that at my house. I would just say no. No is not mean if said kindly.
If you let them and don't say no, they will continue to do it.
Don't go to their parents. It's your home. You set the rules.
A neighbor came to complain to me once because she couldn't say no. Not my problem.

I don't really see how expecting kids to behave in your home is "disciplining" them. I mean you are an adult, and it's your home, make your expectations clear. Maybe it's a little rude on their part but they are kids, YOU should be in charge not them. If you don't want them to take something just tell them, problem solved!

I'm a middle school teacher.

I would make an announcement: "I like to give you guys lots of nice treats when you come over. The food is for you to eat while you are here. However, I've noticed that some of you are stuffing your pockets with food on the way out. I do not put out food for you to help yourself to all of it -- that is stealing. If you cannot stop stealing my food, I will stop providing it for you. From now on I expect you to take a reasonable amount, and do NOT take any food when you leave. Thank you."

It's time to stop being worried about "disciplining" your kid's friends. Anyway, you are not disciplining them, you are informing them of the boundaries in your house. If you can't do this, it will be really hard once they start trying to drink alcohol at your house.

If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to tell them this, just feed them for a half hour or so and then put it all away.

Stop putting out lots of food.
Just put out just enough.
They'll eat you out of house and home if you let them.
Some kids will go through your pantry if you don't spell it out.
Your house - your rules - and informing people what the rules are (and consequences for breaking them - like they will no longer be welcome) is not disciplining others kids.
It's letting them know the lay of the land.
I work as a lunch lady at the high school.
We get kids who steal just for kicks - they see nothing wrong with it - it's a game to them.
YOU tell your GUESTS - don't talk to the parents and don't have your kid tell his friends what to do.
But I would ask your kid how he acts when he's at his friends houses.

Offer them a snack, giving a couple of choices and put the rest a way. If they are abusing the "buffet" you are giving them, don't give them one. Don't be afraid to discipline your child's friends when they are in your home. In fact, you shouldn't be having kids over if you aren't willing to discipline them.
ETA: By discipline I don't mean punish, but having and enforcing rules , expectations and consequences. Rules-don't take food to go, don't help yourself to the pantry. Consequences-no more snacks, no more invites. You need to have rules.

If would put the food away after they've had some. Just don't leave it out. As for the pantry, I would tell the KID, "the pantry's off limits" They don't know, unless you tell them. Please talk to the kid - no need to involve the parents. It's your home, you need to let them know what is and is not acceptable. You let it happen the first time without saying anything, so to them, it's okay. They have no reason to believe otherwise.

Your house your rules. They don't know your expectations and so they are doing whatever they want to do.

In my house this behavior would be viewed as rude and unacceptable. I have no problem letting children know the rules and expectations of my house hold. I also require my children to inform their guests of the rules in my home.

Next time they come over, don't put out anything at all until they are all gathered around. When you begin to put the snacks out let them know they are free to have what you have put out. If you don't want them taking food to go. Take up the food sooner than they leave while reminding them that you would prefer they don't go into your pantry for food since they are guests in your home. Any of the children unable to comply get to not be guests in my home. NON NEGOTIABLE.

You have to have rules in your home for guests of your home. Not every child is being raised with the same set of rules you raise your children with. They need to know the rules in your home and you get to tell them what they are. No need to feel anything about this. It is what it is. The children are used to having rules in different places like school, church, sporting activities, summer camps, etc. Why not your home too?

Why are you putting that kind of stuff out for them to just grab? Coming over to hang out doesn't mean you eat non-stop. We only do that kind of thing when we are all getting together for football games.

Otherwise we have a snack basket in our pantry which the kids can pull from. It's the only place they can get things from, but they have to ask. Everyone has to ask.

And don't make a big deal about it. You have allowed it to this point so you need to be kind when you address the issue. I would ask them to not do that, but I would also not just leave it all on the counter for them to take whenever.

Well, if one of the boys decided to cause a ruckus and break things in your home, what would you do? If the boys are in your home, they should follow rules you have outlined. And there is nothing wrong with setting rules. If you have not set anything yet, now is the time. Give them choices for snacks if you want, maybe provide a few extra, and put the rest away. If they start looking for more, tell them that the snacks you gave are it for the day. No need to be a pushover just because they are not your kids.

First of all, you are being too nice. All that food is not the usual fare after school. Do you put all that out for your son when it's only HIM? Of course you don't. It would ruin his dinner.

And that's what you're doing - ruining the dinners for all these other kids. You don't seem to understand that you're competing with their moms for the "Mom of the Day" award. Don't do that.

As one lady mentioned, the boys are still learning appropriate behavior. But they aren't learning it from you. You're letting them walk all over you and teaching them that it's okay. It's not.

What do you do from here? You stop putting out so much food. You also have a sit-down with them and tell them that you realize that they don't know that it's rude to do it. And you tell them that they have to learn and that you are teaching them. NO stuffing their pockets and taking food as they leave, and NO going into the pantry. Period. If they want something out of the frig, they have to ask.

This isn't disciplining. This is accepting only appropriate behavior in your home. You act like they are adults. They aren't. They don't have free rein in your home. Stop giving it to them and stop acting like you don't know how to be a mom. Be the mom.

Can you afford it? Maybe they don't have food or snacks at home. If they have great parents, they will catch it and correct it.

If not tolerable, pull the snacks 20 minutes before the end and put it away or only hand out what you feel like sharing.

This may sound weird but if cost isn't a huge issue...pack the boys a snack bag to take with them.

These are very hungry growing boys. Yes, they will take food for the road if it is out and offered.

Believe it or not you want these boys at your house...you know where they are and what they are doing. At this age food is a huge thing for them there is never enough to fill them up.

Only put out what you want them to eat ALL of....a whole bag of chips will be gone, etc.

Then pack them a snack for the road....here guys I made some bags of chips for you to take with you and set them on the coffee table...or here are some muffins/cookies/whatever for you to eat on the way home.

Middle school boys need to eat a lot and often...keep them fed and coming back for more...

You really do want them there so plan for them to eat.

You tell them immediately. "Boys, No. You may eat any snacks I put out while you are here, but you may not stuff your pockets with snacks when you are leaving and you may not go into the pantry. You don't grab snacks here to take home. That is not polite. You can ask me if you need anything while you are here. Feel free to help yourself to a glass of water or to the snacks I put out on the table. These are the rules in this house." Tell them with a smile. Repeat as needed. Sometimes it takes a village! I have had to say this to a neighbor boy. He has always been polite since then.

I'd talk to them about it and also limit quantities. We made it clear to my stepkids' teenaged friends that our fridge was not an open bar. We needed those leftovers.

One reason I'd talk to them is if it's all on the table, then they don't know you have limits and/or perhaps they are children with no food at home or no food like that at home.

I'd talk to each one privately and stop them from taking what you don't want them to eat/have. You can also put out one box of granola bars or something and say THIS is the only snack today, once it's empty, that's it. Don't touch anything else. We told the sks and their friends that we honestly couldn't afford to feed the neighborhood.

Why are you putting out a buffet? And why are you upset that they take what you offer?

It is not disciplining a friend's child to enforce the rules of your house. Next time put out the snacks and first thing say, boys, go ahead and eat what you like but we're not going to take any snacks home today. Period. That's it. I would also suggest probably putting them away about half an hour before they leave. If one of them asks for a snack in this window, simply say I put them away, but your mom/dad will be here shortly and I'm sure she'll feed you.

I would tell them "no". I would say the house rules are that you can snack on what is out but not stuff your pockets with pantry food. Do you think these kids' families may be struggling financially and need the food? If so that is a whole different issue,

It could very well be that they don't get enough food at home. Why else would kids be brazen enough to
go to our pantry to fill their pockets. It's ver likely. You can do one of two things...1) put the snacks
somewhere else that you do not want them to find it 2) say "ok let's not go into our pantry. I did put
together a few snacks for you to take home or eat on the way home. Here you go." Most likely is it that
they are hungry at home and like your snacks OR are brazen and feel comfortable at your house to do this.
I can almost bet you....it is because the are hungry and may not get food at home. Try this....get a few little
snacks for them to take home like a few bars & some goldfish or what have you.

I have twins, a boy and a girl, who are juniors in high school. Most of their friends are guys, and they are over all the time. I dont put food out for them, if they get hungry and want a snack they just help themselves. if you dont want them taking food home, put the food away after their snack is over.

okffer a milk and cookies kind of snack and put the rest away. if its there they will think its free for the taking. if its out of sight they won't see it as soemthing to take home.
like another poster said, no more buffet of snacks

When my SS friend would come over he could easily eat everything in the house. My husband and I spoke with my SS and asked if he and his friend would pick up snacks before coming over. They did and it solved the problem.

Maybe it was the way we asked or because it is his best friend it wasnt a problem.

I would put away any extra food and talk with your son first. Maybe they are not getting stuff at home, but this has become a habit since you haven't said anything until now.

You've given it to them time after time after time after time after time. Why would they think this is rude? You gave it to them. They don't have to ask, they've done this forever. not their parents fault, you did this.

So, now that you are feeling like it's rude and don't want them to do it anymore you need to keep your food put up. Only put out a portion of what you're offering them then refill it if you choose to. Keep your baked goods put up in another room if you have to.

You might talk to their parents and ask them to chip in for snacks. Ask them to bring stuff the kids can eat or to give you money to help pay for it. Otherwise put it up and don't offer it, they'll likely go hunting for it because you've made them feel welcome, like it's their home. So they are going to go find their food. Put it in another room for the rest of the school year and perhaps by fall they'll have forgotten how plentiful the food used to be.

I wouldn't have let them have free range of my kitchen and pantry to begin with. I'd have told them that the food on the table was all they could have.