My Husband's Idea of a Birthday party....HELP!!!

Wow, "allow" on his part sounds controlling.
I had my daughter's party at Out of this World Pizza & Play. I asked the guests to pay for their entry instead of giving presents. It has worked out great for three years.
http://www.outofthisworld.net
I bring my own goody bags, my own cake to keep it cheap. Generally 2pm-5pm on a Sunday is a very pleasant experience, otherwise the place is way too packed to be able to just grab tables, which is the cheapest way to celebrate instead of paying for their packaged parties. I can get all the free water the kids can drink. I don't buy food because when I did the kids just wanted to play & it ended up being a waste of money.
Just an idea if she is not set on bowling.
By the way I invited 30 kids & only 10 came.

8-10 kids sounds like a lot for a bowling party. I'd allow her to invite her 3 closest friends, and please don't do favors. For some reason, everyone feels like they need to send home tacky little dollar store plastic favors, or candy, or some ticky-tacky thing that I throw away as soon as I get home. I don't do favors for my son's parties, and have actually had parents thank me for it!

If money's really tight, why do bowling at all? 3 good friends at home, a rental movie of her choice, pizza and popcorn, and maybe a sleepover sounds like a great time, and won't break the bank.

Well, I'd actually go with your husbands number for bowling. Not because I think 8 friends is extravagant but because 6 people on a lane for bowling is about all you can do (you, dad, daughter, three friends... that's all there's room for). Sure you can get two lanes for a bigger group, but your daughter can only be in one place at a time. If you keep the number small she'll really get to socialize and enjoy the time with her friends. Plus with a small group,everyones attention stays on the birthday girl. With a bigger group, she ends up having more the same experience of the rest of the guests (not bad, but just not "special day" material).

Hope this helps,

T.

It has been my experience that men are LAME when it comes to giving gifts and parties! They are always ONLY worried about money...

I think that inviting 8-10 girls is a good idea...it is not likely that everyone will be able to make it...

My nephew is around that age and he invited 7 kids to his party and he has been invited to 2 parties this month...both had more than 10 kids there!

Maybe a compromise between you and your hubby is in order? The way we do it in our family is the kid has a choice. A "friend" party OR Gifts from mom and dad. Parties are expensive and our kids know that if they choose a party they will still get a couple gifts from mom and dad but it is not the same as it would be w/out the party. Might be worth a talk?

Well I have an issue with him saying what he will allow you to do. Being married shouldn't be like having to ask your daddy to allow you to do something. It should be a mutual decision.
All that said, I believe smaller parties are more fun and special for all involved (birthday child, guests, and parents). I have had many bowling parties for my children when they were younger because it was their choice.
I think the ideal number of guests are 3-7. If you have too many, some will wander after a while because they will not feel connected to the activity. It's harder to watch and more chaotic with more children. It's more one on one and easier to enjoy the game together with smaller groups. Usually children will make their own fun.
Yes to bring the homemade cake (or cupcakes) and maybe some chips too. Party favors are not really needed and a waste of money. We used to had a bag at home to put the cheap junkie party favors that we reused for Halloween treats. If you feel you need to do something some suggestions are: home sewn coin purses, colorful shoe laces to use while you are bowling, 2 quarters each to play an appropriate game (which bowling alleys often have) per guest, any homemade gift (knitted cuff, custom made bookmark, cheap notebooks with each child's name printed by you on cover, friendship bracelet, photo of everyone at party taken by you etc..)

We live in an age of excess and luxury. People have huge extravagant parties. I used to do this as well. My largest party was 17 kids. I'm sure it was fun for the kids, but the disregard for rules and the ruckus and screaming was very h*** o* me and I was a grumpy hostess! I decided it was time to pare down.

We now have our kids invite 2-3 of their best freinds. And we take them somewhere real nice, like the raceway, on a train, ect. and then let them have a sleepover that evening. My kids all love this, and they tell me that they wished the birthday parties they went to were like that also, because they never get any time to spend with their friend because there are so many kids.

I think you should try to honor your husbands wishes. If your money is tight, he is trying his best to watch over his family wisely. We are in what the media calls a JOBLESS "recovery ". The government's idea of "recovery" is inflation. Jobless+inflation =stagflation. We will eventally, in the next year or two, start to see double didget inflation, going higher as the years go forward. But you are also going to see more and more people losing jobs. One prediction I saw was 45% unemployment in the coming years. I have studied the depression and the Weimar republic crash. We are on the same course and we are just now starting to head into the mouth of the crash. We will be in the belly of it in the next 1-4 years. That's when its going to sink in to everyone that things are not going to get better.
We must hold on to our money. We are going to need it.

We have 3 girls on our block, who all turned 8 in the past few months (each in different families!). Two of them chose to do dinner and a movie, and the third chose a sleep over. Each of them were allowed 3 friends. We get all the scoop at the bus stop!

My son's 7th party is next week and we're having it at a sports place....it's only about $8-9 per boy. BUT he has invited 18 kids! OK--so we're over $150 with that but today I just ordered a cake ($30) bought goody bag stuff and plates, napkins, cups, etc to the tune of $65....this is adding up quick!
Why don't you & your husband agree on a dollar amount and work backwards form that? I agree that for bowling, you can make it really nice for about 5-6 girls total...doesn't matter whose parties she's been to, etc. Just aske her to name her closest 5 friends....Oh--Sam's does awesome cupcakes really cheap and get those little ice cream single serve cups if you decide to buy treats....

Just another perspective real quick: I was doing in-home childcare last year and the parents of a great little 6 year old threw a pretty big party for him at one of those bounce house places. They paid for the venue and some party package that included more kids than actually showed up, and brought a cake that they bought. It was his favorite theme, the music was pumping, it looked like fun, but TWO MONTHS after the party, I asked him if he remembered what he did for his birthday (a test because my brother had said children don't remember until older)......HE DID NOT.
Who cares about the going trends??? The "going trend" for quite awhile has been to go into debt or buy things before being able to really afford them. It's not a good place to be or a good lesson to teach our kids. I was really surprised at some of my neighbors and how far they go to throw a big party for their young children. And then they stress out over having to find a second job. That's really weird to me. My son's first birthday party was very big (40-45 people in all?) but it was a school reunion / family from 4 states gathering / hey most people, meet my husband / hey everyone but my parents, meet my baby who is now one party. His second year, I took him to a homecoming parade (free), pumpkin patch to play (free), and had a friend over for dinner and cake/icecream. His third year, we went as a family to a dinosaur event and had a small party for a few friends at a great park where we grilled hotdogs, served dips and a veggie tray (that I put together), had a pinata, some games, and homemade cupcakes. After singing, eating, and playing in the park we came home with my close friends and hung out. He loved it.
Simple is not a bad thing. A birthday party is to show someone you love them and celebrate the day they were born with people who care about them, not to be cool (certainly not at 7 at least) and try to keep up with the Joneses. Love doesn't really cost much. What we don't do in venues, and number of guests, we make up for in fun, funny, sentimental traditions. We try to make a theme centered around what he was most into at that time, so the memory and pictures of the party also give us great memories and markers of who he is as a person each year. (Example: the parade--he had JUST found out what a marching band was a month before and we went to every football game so he could dance and jump to the music; the dinosaur thing is what he's been obsessed about for a year and at the park we had a dino dig, dino dogs, a T-rex pinata, dino-related toys and favors, safari hats with dino stickers on the brims instead of cone hats, etc).
In the long run, your daughter may or may not remember the 7th birthday party (or at least, how many kids show up). What WILL last is how secure she felt growing up in her home, how strong her family was, and the feeling that she was always loved. I'm sure she'll have a great time with a few of her best friends and a cake, some singing, some fun competition at the bowling alley. I would suggest going with what your husband feels comfortable doing as far as finances are concerned, and just have a good time. Take a bunch of pictures and surprise her with a great birthday scrapbook or something. If you feel that's not enough, let the girls come home before or after bowling and make a pizza, listen to their doofy Hannah Montana or whatever their into, do their nails, etc. Have fun!

We took a few kids bowling awhile ago and they had a good time, but it was hard for them to wait their turn. If you have too many, the kids will get tired of waiting. You could have a little craft for them to do while waiting. I was thinking small spirals and craft foam stickers to decorate their own. It wouldn't be too terribly messy. And this is the party favor, too.

Limit the number of kids to close to the child's age and with bowling, like I said, a smaller number might be better. Seven might be a good compromise with your hubby.

Oh, another thought, you might want to have each child pay a portion and request that they don't bring gifts, the their presence is a gift (they will be paying for their bowling). This also helps families who are also having money difficulties and don't have to feel that their child has to miss out on everything because they can't afford a nice gift for the birthday child.

On top of cake, I would provide a few healthy snacks for munchies, too.
D.

just my initial reaction - 10 girls is a LOT of girls, especially 7 year olds. i guess it depends on what you mean by "money is tight", but to me if money was tight it would mean a couple close friends, not ten. in our neck o' the woods, 10 guests at a 7 year old's party sends the message, "NO RECESSION OVER HERE!" lol. just joking with you.

not to say that him telling you 3-5 is all he's "allowing" is necessarily right AT ALL (my husband tries to "lay down the law" sometimes too, forgetting that *ahem*, i do have an opinion, tyvm.) but i can see the sense in it. why haven't you offered to compromise? like, 7? 7th birthday and all.

i wonder why you aren't willing to bend on this. none of my business. but if it was me i would be happy to cut it down to just a small handful. i went to a huge birthday bash in kindergarten and the ENTIRE class (girls) were invited. it was only memorable because it was my first time - but 95% of those girls i don't even talk to anymore. is it really that important? (fewer guests means less stress on you too, by the way...)

it's also not JUST about the money (and please don't ask people to send money with their kids, i would be so offended at that, unless it was a close friend of MINE that just wanted some of us to get together to celebrate their child's birthday - i did that once - not a party, just some of us getting together, but it was at a FREE park and petting zoo.) it's also about how you're raising your child. do you really want her to think that to be "cool" she has to have big parties every year? or would you rather she value the few closer friends she has and learn to appreciate something more simple. really, she's only 7. let's teach our daughers better.

ok i'm shutting up now :)

Many of the other Mom's have given you great advice. If my husband told me I was "allowed" to do anything, I would freak out! Anyway, if bowling is a must, I would only take the number of kids that could bowl on one lane. Bowling is kinda expensive. 8-10 may be too many for that activity, to allow the kids to interact with each other. If bowling is not necessary, then a party at home can be really fun if you can get creative with activities. What about a sleep over? This is a good age to have about 3-4 other girls sleep over. Or a day party of 7 kids (your daughters age== number of guests).

I hate to say it, but I don't think kids now a days appreciate all that they get. 7 years old is still very young, I let my 7 year old invite her 2 closest friends over and we have a party at home. She is probably not close to all those 8-10 girls, and at that age, they don't get too jealous if they are not invited. Parents probably don't mind either, as there are plenty of parties throughout the year to go to, and plenty of other presents to buy for. I have to agree with your husband, less is more.

This is such a tough one because some of it will depend on precedent and what you all may be expecting based on what you have done in the past. In our family, money was often tight, but kids didn't do the extravagant parties that they have done in recent years. We just didn't go to big venues back then. My mother gave a rule of thumb that we had a family only party every other year and a bigger party on alternating years. Typically the number of children we could invite matched the year of age we would be celebrating (i.e., your daughter is turning seven so, in our family, she could invite seven).

I have a question. Is bowling something your daughter loves and has her heart set on? If so, do you need to go to a bowling alley or can you do a bowling theme party? In other words, could you set up some fun quirky bowling stations at your home? I am guessing that you might be able to come up with some fun quirky "bowling lanes" at home with such items as refrigerator boxes and then put together some bowling pins and balls with various items like 2 liter soda bottles with sand in them, etc. If you all are crafty, your daughter might enjoy putting these things together. Just a thought.... I am struggling financially right now so I often have to put more time into the parties my daughter and I have here at home, but she seems to get a real kick out of them and remember them more than most.

Hope you all have a fun birthday!

I can relate to all the previous posters here as far as you needing to do what seems reasonable on some level, but I also must confess that I absolutely LOVE throwing a big theme party for my girls' birthdays, and, even though we are usually struggling with money, I don't want to skimp on those.
AND not only my daughters, but their friends, still talk about them a year or even two years later, so I know the effort is appreciated.

Sometimes we do these at home, including a sleepover, and sometimes we go to some place they like.

In our community, which is very big on potlucks and other shared cost experiences, it is no big deal to put on the invitation that each child should bring $5 or whatever for their bowling, skate rental, pool admission, or whatever we are doing. I don't think anyone has a problem with it, and it is the mothers who read these--if you are having economic difficulty, then just say so.

But a birthday cake, snacks, plates, etc, don't really vary that much in cost for the numbers of kids you are talking about. Instead of regular party bags, you could do something thematic--not sure what. Maybe a cute pair of inexpensive socks for each girl to wear when they are bowling? With some candy and bubbles inside? I like to get unusual with that stuff, and still keep it to just a few dollars per child.

I do have to say that, no matter what I do, it seems that our birthday parties always cost between $100-200 to put together.

What you want to think about with the friends is how this affects the social situation at school. I tend to like to invite the class, or, if my daughters have gotten to the point where only girls are "allowed", all of the girls in the class. Usually, not all of them come for one reason or another, but nobody is hurt or left out.

Well...I really think that no matter how many friends you let your daughter have over..she will still have a lot of fun! Bowling is a great idea..It's always a lot of fun and it is pretty inexspensive... I think a lot of parents understand how tight money can be..Maybe when you send out invitations you could some how put that each child could bring 5 bucks or so to pay for their bowling shoes...Or something like that... Maybe a big sleepover and you could do all the girls' makeup and give mani/pettis... Maybe a movie night...Or a birthday party at the park and if their is a pond neer by you guys could go fishing or camping and roast hot dogs and marshmellows...well I hope this helps...Either way it will all work out...!

Most places like bowling alleys and such will cut you a break on the number of attendees.

Personally, we do have large parties. We've had a few with 10 or less that include sleepover but since our daughter had a big 13th party, we've routinely had a large bday, end of school year and fall party. Of those parties, all of which had DJ, location, etc we rarely have had less than 50 and a max of 100.

Of course, our parties are NO GIFTS. The teens love these parties and it gives them a safe place to go.

See if your bowling alley does a special deal for a party (ours did). If I remember correctly, they plan for about 10 kids (and you pay for that). If fewer come, you still get all the food they plan. (ours was hot dogs, pop, maybe fries or chips). They didn't provide the cake, we did that. I forget how many games of bowling they got, and whether shoe rental was included (I think it was). There was a table set up in the bowling alley where the kids ate.

See what that costs and then compare to what it would cost if you bought all that stuff separately.

My parties 35 plus years ago included the 8-10 girls but were at home.

Hope that helps

K. Z.

My granddaughter had her 9th bd party at the local indoor Parks and Recreation Swim pool with 3 girl friends this summer. They all loved it. Because there was a minimal admission charge at the pool and there were only 3 girls I spent more at the Dollar Store. Each received a large bubble wand, a package of stickers related to their interests and one other thing that I don't remember now. They were so excited. We had planned to have cake in the park but it rained so we had it in my van. We layed down the seats and spread out beach towels. An instant party in the parking lot. They laughed, giggled and seemed to have a really great time.

My point is that we don't have to spend much money. I think we spent less than $20.

My daughter had a bd party for her son's 6th bd, also this summer, at a bowling alley. She brought soda, chips and cookies. It was a family party with more adults than children and they used 2 lanes so that there wouldn't be a long wait. One friend and his sister made 3 kids with 5 adults. The kids did have difficulty waiting for their turn and did start running around the alley and were difficult to manage. We even had to keep reminding the 9 yo that it was her turn. Everybody rolled lots of gutter balls and splits which was fun for the adults who made it fun for the kids by praising and cheering them even when the ball bounced and went down the gutter.

My granddaughter cried at one point because she kept rolling gutter balls. Parties have a lot of stress for kids. My daughter usually ended up crying at her parties when she was around that age. There are such high expectations. I did have one party catered. There were 2 adults who provided food and games. One of the adults paid special attention to my daughter during the entire party and that was one party without tears.

Mostly, when planning a party, I recommend planning one that will work best for your child instead of one based on the going trends. I also want to agree with others who've said it's not necessary to invite all the kids who've invited your daughter to their parties. You can have them one at a time for a play date if doing the socially correct thing is of concern. I take my granddaughter and one friend at a time ice skating from time to time. My granddaughter thinks that's just as much fun as a party.

My granddaughter (9) loves to bowl and has been bowling with her summer day care group but she complains that there are too many kids in her lane and it's "boring." She does get excited about going and sometimes isn't disappointed I think you'll have a chance at a better party with everyone having a good time if you make this a small party. Also by having just 3-5 kids you can bowl more than one game. They'll not want to quit if they're having a good time.

Updated

My granddaughter had her 9th bd party at the local indoor Parks and Recreation Swim pool with 3 girl friends this summer. They all loved it. Because there was a minimal admission charge at the pool and there were only 3 girls I spent more at the Dollar Store. Each received a large bubble wand, a package of stickers related to their interests and one other thing that I don't remember now. They were so excited. We had planned to have cake in the park but it rained so we had it in my van. We layed down the seats and spread out beach towels. An instant party in the parking lot. They laughed, giggled and seemed to have a really great time.

My point is that we don't have to spend much money. I think we spent less than $20.

My daughter had a bd party for her son's 6th bd, also this summer, at a bowling alley. She brought soda, chips and cookies. It was a family party with more adults than children and they used 2 lanes so that there wouldn't be a long wait. One friend and his sister made 3 kids with 5 adults. The kids did have difficulty waiting for their turn and did start running around the alley and were difficult to manage. We even had to keep reminding the 9 yo that it was her turn. Everybody rolled lots of gutter balls and splits which was fun for the adults who made it fun for the kids by praising and cheering them even when the ball bounced and went down the gutter.

My granddaughter cried at one point because she kept rolling gutter balls. Parties have a lot of stress for kids. My daughter usually ended up crying at her parties when she was around that age. There are such high expectations. I did have one party catered. There were 2 adults who provided food and games. One of the adults paid special attention to my daughter during the entire party and that was one party without tears.

Mostly, when planning a party, I recommend planning one that will work best for your child instead of one based on the going trends. I also want to agree with others who've said it's not necessary to invite all the kids who've invited your daughter to their parties. You can have them one at a time for a play date if doing the socially correct thing is of concern. I take my granddaughter and one friend at a time ice skating from time to time. My granddaughter thinks that's just as much fun as a party.

My granddaughter (9) loves to bowl and has been bowling with her summer day care group but she complains that there are too many kids in her lane and it's "boring." She does get excited about going and sometimes isn't disappointed I think you'll have a chance at a better party with everyone having a good time if you make this a small party. Also by having just 3-5 kids you can bowl more than one game. They'll not want to quit if they're having a good time.

It depends on what we are doing , if having a party in the house and ordering in a pizza then we have around 10-12 kids. For bowling I'd say you wouldn't need as many , with that many kids you would need 2 lanes otherwise they will be waiting forever for a turn (2+ lanes will cost more). So I would cut down the amount of kids and say she can invite 5 or 6.

Hi- Honestly I don't think inviting 8 girls instead of 5 is going to save much money. We don't have a "kid party" for each of our girls every year. Sometimes a small slumber party or outing with a couple friends, some years jaust a fmaily or neighborhood gathering, other years a big blowout. If you're going to do it at all what difference will it really make if their are 4-5 or 8-9 kids? Why not let her invite 10 with the likelyhood that less will actually make it? Happy B-day to your girl!

Well- My neighbors just had their 4 yrs olds party- It was 30 kids and they rented a monster truck to come;-) I really think a dozen kids is ok- especially if it's not going to cost and arm and leg. You don't want her to have to not invite someone. I had my sons 2nd birthday (money is tight) So I had an open house with food and cake. About 30 people came by with their kids- so about 15 kids. It didn't cost much bc I had my mom help with food. It depends on the child too some kids like lots of friends where others don't. Good luck steering your husband away from the WE DID IT THIS WAY;-)))
L

ok yes I started out doing big parties for my kids but I'm slowly going down. My daughter had a big on for her 1st and 2nd now she turned 3 in December and it was just immediate family and her 4th will be small but I will do a big 5th. My son had a big 1st 2nd and 3rd his 4th was just immediate family and we went to a Royals game and froze to death but I had just had his sister 3 months earlier his 5th birthday we did the kids from the daycare he was going to at the time and did the bowling thing they had a party package and it was a lot of fun the kids had a blast last year we did another immediate family and now he will be 7 in April and I'm letting him invite just the boys in his 1st grade class. OK so really it's what you and your daughter want if money is tight I agree maybe a sleepover would be just as fun. Have a great time!!

The recommended size of a Birthday party is one more child than the age of the child.. So 8 to 10 being invited is about right. You can also remind your husband, girls typically have more good friends than boys and are more social..

When my now 15 year old daughter turned 9, we did a birthday party at a roller skating rink. She invited 10 girls, but only 6 showed up. The rink offered a package that cost me $90 which included the goody bags, pizza, pop, skate rental and use of the rink. I ended up bringing my own cake. The girls had a blast. And, to me, $90 was cheap and here's why: If you choose to have it at home, when you figure out the cost of the goody bags and stuff to go in them, decorations, food, and having fun games to do with prizes, it will probably run you alot more than if you had it at the bowling alley. Best of all, no clean up for you! Girls generally have more friends than boys do so 8-10 is about right. I think a bowling is an inexpensive fun time and a whole lot of fun. Plus, you and hubby can relax and watch the kids play--you will not be expected to entertain the girls--they'll be bowling:) It sure beats a party at home--and I've had those too by the way, which always ended up less fun and costing more. As far as trends are, my daughter and her friends rarely had home birthday parties under the age of 13 unless it was a family party separate from the "friend" party. Most of these "friend" parties were at Chuck E. Cheese, skating rinks, movie theatres, spas, restaurants, whirlyball, or bowling alleys--so you're daughter is not alone in wanting it outside of home:)

Just my 2 cents,
Have lots of fun,

M.

Here are some questions to ask yourself: Which girls invited her to B-day parties this year? Who is she closest to? How many siblings will come? This may help you determine who to invite. And you can present this to your husband.