My 4 Year Old Thinks She Has a Boyfriend

My cousin went through a similar phase, she's 7 now. She had a male teacher at her daycare and she looovveed him. I thought it was cute and harmless. He never did anything to promote her fascination, he was just fun and he played with the kids like most men do (i.e. tickling, throwing in the air...all that stuff that makes us mothers nervous, but that our kids LOVE) She eventually moved on to another little boy in her class and he was her boyfriend for awhile. For her, it meant that he was her best friend that was a boy. He was the one boy she wanted to invite to her house to play or invite to her bday party and he was the only boy she actually hugged (no cooties I guess). I don't think they understand what they're saying when they refer to a boy as their "boyfriend."

My 2nd grade daughter has had 5-6 "boyfriends" since beginning pre-school. I don't have a problem with it because it is really just the same type of relationship that she has with the girls in her school. They don't kiss, or even hold hands, they just play. Teachers often comment to me that the boys just love my little Chloe, and I know why. I taught her to love everyone-to be kind and helpful and willing to share. She treats everyone as an equal. So at the age when the boys are chasing girls with bugs and pulling their hair, these boys are treating Chloe with respect and genuine caring. She loves to play with her best girl friends, but is not appalled to digging up worms with the "boyfriends" either. They have told her they love her, brought her gifts on valentines day, and one even walked her to our car after a birthday party, opened the door for her, helped her in and gave her a hug good-bye! His mother and I were trying so hard not to laugh about it, but it was precious. And these boys are learning more about how to treat others when they care for their peers that way. So I really feel it is an innocent attraction at that young age, and knowing that my oldest went through the same thing at her age, I know it all works out fine if you just sit back and keep an eye on them and let them work through their little relationships. Be glad your child is loved by others and can love others. By the way, we as parents had to draw the line when the boys were constantly asking if Chloe could spend the night! (Very innocent, they don't know any better)

My daughter had "boyfriends" in headstart, too. However, the thing that concerned me was that when I would volunteer in her class, is appeared that the teachers and aids were encouraging them to have boyfriends and would laugh and play with the kids, joking about so and so being boyfriend/girlfriend, and all that. We actually did have a conference with one teacher about it, because it really got bad. If I were you, I would do a little observing and see what's going on. Otherwise, it's nice that little children are so sweet with each other.

One of my sons had a horrible crush on a little girl from Kindergarten all the way to the 3rd grade. I was both amazed and scared. He used to ask me "Why doesn't she love me mama?" He would be crying big crocadile tears. I would tell him love is a funny thing and when it is right both people will love each other.
He is now 27 years old with a wife and 3 children. He is a wonderful, faithful husband and father. When he loves he loves hard. He has always been so single minded. In fact, he rarely dated until he met his wife and then, that was that. I have learned to really appreciate his focus.
I say let you daughter have a boyfriend. She really doesn't even know what that means so it's just words at this point. I fear that forbidding her will only make her more determined to have a boyfriend. You know, forbidden fruit is always sweeter (at least for awhile). And, if she can't have a boyfriend, then what else. Sounds like she is having normal puppy love stuff.

JD

Hi K.,
I just wanted to let you know that having a "boyfriend" in preschool or kindergarten is absolutely normal. I will be graduating with my Masters in Psychology in December and have taken several child psychology classes. Children go through phases at typically the same ages. She will go through the boys have cooties stage soon enough! Then the "boyfriends" will be back around 4th or 5th grade. I wouldn't worry too much about it, her idea of "boyfriend" is not the same term nor does it have the same meaning, than a teen or adult would use. If you are concerned talk to her teacher, and I'm sure you will find that many of them have "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". My brother had TWIN girlfriends in kindergarten, and my daughter wrote a love letter in the 1st grade, right before the cooties hit! lol! Good luck and enjoy them, mine is 10 now and DRIVING ME NUTTY! Oh, by the way, this is not "professional" advice, just my own opinion gained by experience and some classes I've taken. Have a great day!
T.

My 4 year old son has had 3 girl friends during his preschool career.. I wouldn't stress.

You don't take it seriously & you don't talk to her about boyfriends.
-My daghter was "married" when she was 3 or 4. She's now 16 and has tons of friends but no boyfriend.
-My middle daughter had "boyfriends" all through daycare. She's 13 now & thinks that girls who are stuck on boyfriends at her age are strange.
-My youngest daughter was "married" at 2 to EZRA. They also went to our church. When we would arrive to church...they would meet in the aisle, hug & kiss & come back to sit with their Mom & Dads.
--EZRA had to have Alexis at his birthday parties & ALWAYS made is mother buy her a present for Alexis bday which I normally didn't have at my house since her BDAY is on a DAD weekend.
--She is 10 now, EZRA & his family have moved away.
--She had Jonathon as a boyfriend when she was in 2nd grade.
--He has moved also.
No biggie.

I have talked to all of my girls at different times & ages about relationships, marriage & sex. But not until later. The 10 year old has gained some inside knowledge because she has older sisters but none of them take the whole boyfriend thing seriously.

Chill out for now.
Leave it alone.
She's a baby & right now...it means nothing.