My 3 Year Old Will Not Stay Asleep And/ or Stay in Her Room.

My son did that too. I set up a portable crib in his room and at night I would ask him if he wanted to sleep in the bed or in the crib. I would explain that if he gets out of bed he automatically will be put to sleep in the crib, and we stuck with it. For a few nights he would end up in the crib, but mostly he stayed in bed. Some nights he did choose the crib. It seemed to me like they were nights he wanted to go to sleep but he knew he wouldn't have the self control to stay in his bed.

You need to take the toys, books and you laying with her out of the equation, no caving in. Toys in the bed send a mixed signal. Get it clear bedtime is just that, time to sleep.

My kids are good sleepers and I contribute that to just laying down the rule bedtime is bedtime. No negotiations, it is just time to go to sleep. It is my downtime and it isn't always perfect or smooth but it is the same time every night, same routine and my kids know what to expect.

Set up a structured bedtime routine, good bedtime for a three year old is around 7pm, depending on her napping.
Then go through your routine, brush teeth, hair, wash face, jammies go into bed, read some books, kisses and hugs and walk out the door.

If she gets up, don't say a word and put her back in her bed. Continue it. Also if she does this a few nights remind her that if it is going to be a battle her bedtime will be earlier then following night. That works like a charm for my kids!:)

If she thrives of visuals, put up a chart, for every night she goes to bed, stays up and goes to sleep, a star, for every 14 stars a special treat or surprise. For every night she pitches a fit, take one away. Then after a while the chart isn't even necessary as she just knows what is expected and does it. Praise her for her doing it too, big time. Then it becomes a habit she is falling asleep on her own. Don't be stern or yell as that elevates blood pressure in everyone, be matter of fact "it is time for bed, let's go get ready" and do it. If she cries, you can warn her once "well you have to go to sleep, if you pitch a fit no story and I don't want that for you"...if she continues make sure you follow through. When my kids were really young we did the three story rule, if they started to whine or cry around bedtime they lost a story, then another if they continued until no stories. If they did great, then all three stories could be read and they were to go to sleep.

But firm tough as she has conditioned herself to having to have you fall asleep with her or be entertained. Make it clear what the rules are and don't sway. It won't be overnight but in a few weeks she will get the message and go to sleep herself. It takes you being firm and not giving in. Let her scream, pitch a fit, whatever but be very clear what you expect out of her and consequences if she does not follow those rules.

I am not being harsh, nor is it mean, but doing this for her is a positive as she will sleep better and when parents lay with their kids until they fall asleep, it is setting them up for dependency, so when she wakes up and you aren't there she needs you to go back to sleep. Giving her the gift of a good nights sleep will benefit everyone!
Good luck!

I feel your pain. My little girl had the same problem and at five she will still rebound to the nasty habit of wanting to sleep every night with me. I found that when she reverts its because I need to spend some extra one on one time with her because she is needing extra reassurance ( usually its her ready to make a new step in her independence). Also do not fall into the trap of laying down with her, it helps foster the bad habit. So set up a consistent time and routine for bed, then tuck her in and say goodnight. If she gets out, walk her back to her room, tuck in without any fan fair, kiss and goodnight. At 3 we also started a reward chart for an extra special bedtime lovey. We went to the store and let her pick it out ( the glow bear), then she had to earn it by sleeping in her bed at night for X amount of nights. She did really well after she had a special bedtime friend, and if she crawled out of bed after she earned her bear we would remind her that Twinkle was lonely. If it continued for several nights she would lose her bear and have to earn it back again. It also helped to remind her that she is such a big girl and that they sleep in their own beds then heap on the praise and excitement factor when she does make it all night in her own room. Hang in there, take consolation in knowing that you dont see teenagers in bed with their parents. Best of luck.

I hope someone will have the magic answer too. We so regret taking our daughter out of her crib. She goes to bed just fine but sometime in the night comes in with us. No amount of taking her back to bed makes her stay as she is usually asleep and oblivious to the fact that we are even aware that she's up. It usually starts with crying for us too. Charts have not helped or motivated her. I'm looking forward to her 4 year checkup to ask about this very problem. Good luck and thanks for asking this question.

Sounds normal, I would say you are honestly really messing up by laying in bed with her. Stand in the hallway or promise to come back every 2 or 5 minutes (her choice). I would also bet some good money if you let the two girls share a bedroom she would not be as likely to come in your room at night. Now she has a habit of getting your attention at night so you need to change that.

I've been going through the same thing with my almost 3 year old daughter. For the last 3 nights, though, I have stopped laying down with her to go to sleep. I read her 2 stories, sing a song, turn out the light and leave. The first night, she cried for about 5 minutes and got up once. I put her back in bed and told her it was time for bed. She went to sleep a lot easier than I expected.

She has gotten up and crawled in to bed with me and, like you, I have put her back in her bed and laid with her to go back to sleep. I am hoping this will stop soon! Why don't they sleep through the night? I think if my daughter would lay on the floor, I would let her - if she wants to be uncomfortable, so be it.

I'm glad you posted - maybe someone has the magic answer!

I understand your dilemma. And I sure don't claim to have the only suggestion, or the right one. My daughter has been sleeping with us from the beginning. We sleep all over the home, sometimes in her bed, sometimes in ours. Honestly my wife and I don't always wind up sleeping in the same place with each other.
Children are really little people. I think some children just prefer the companionship during sleep time. They might enjoy more attention during wake time also, or just be more social people. The request is obvious, that your daughter wants your company during sleep. You can respond to that in different ways, and eventually she will respond to your response as she grows through the situation. I am not suggesting she has to sleep with you, or that you separate from your spouse in order to satisfy her. But, I do suggest that little people or children fundamentally are developing cognitive abilities, and need guidance, but also love, empathy, compassion, support, and a lot of patience. So, whatever you do, be kind and supportive so she grows through this in a healthy way. Even the strongest tree can sway in the wind.

I agree with Mary - you have taught your daughter that she gets more goodies by coming out of her room than staying in bed - she gets your time and attention.

put her in bed, do your usual routine of stories or whatever, say goodnight with a kiss and hug and leave. If she cries, she cries. If she wakes her sister, the sister will get over it. By giving in to the 3 yr old, you are teaching her to manipulate you and she's getting really really good at it! It usually only take a few nights of ignoring her to stop the negative behavior. Go in after a few minutes, remind her that she must stay in her room and leave. Take progressively longer to go back - 10 minutes, then 15. don't cuddle, and never lay down in the bed.

good luck!

similar to what deb said - bedtime has to be firm and that has to come from you. i'm a big proponent of the supernanny technique - I'm sure her website has a better description...
do normal routine (if you don't have one - set one up) - bath, books or stories then a "night night" w/a kiss and leave. the first time she gets up, you say "its bedtime, goodnight" and put her back in bed. then each time she gets up you put her back in bed with NO COMMUNICATION - this means no talking, no eye contact, nothing. the first few nights will be hard and may take up to two hours - it will get easier. you do the same thing if she gets up in the middle of the night - again w/ no communication at all. This does mean that there could be up to a week of everybody being cranky - but really, isn't it worth it in the long run?
this worked for us - and only took 3 nights. good luck!

Deb, great advice! I have a 3 year old who has been fairly difficult, but is getting better. I got a child-proof doorknob cover so that she cannot exit the room. It was actually more for her own protection in the morning, since she got up and got into things before I woke up, but also works to keep her in her room at night.

Lots of physical exercise also helps. If my daughter is physically tired, she is easier to get to sleep. Good luck!

Pretty much what everyone else is saying. Don't lay down with her. Don't worry about her sister right now. You need to take care of this now and then it will be better, you may have a few rough nights, or maybe even weeks, although I seriously doubt it will take that long, but it is worth it in the end. Just take her back to bed, try not to interact with her too much when you do, except when you first put her down. Make it clear that she is not going to get what she wants, and it should be okay. My 3 year old sleeps all night in her bed, and we were having troubles at first, but she is so much better now. She sleeps in the same room as her 16 month old brother, so we kind of had this worry too, but I'm telling you I'm so glad we were consistent. (As a mother of course it was at my husband's insistence) Our kids sleep wonderfully and they still know they are loved. We try and give them lots of attention in the day time.