My 2 Year Old Talks--his Friend Doesn't

M.,
I would discourage HIS baby-talk by saying "I can't hear you when you talk baby talk." etc.
My son has and has always had a tremendous vocabulary (sounds similar to your son--no daycare, around adults a lot, etc.) But he is a quieter kid when he's with a group of friends, etc.
I think after playdates, all kids pick up behavior (good and bad) and you'd better get used to it. You won't be able to shield him from potentially annoying behavior exposure once he's in nursery school and pre school so it won't end!
I think it would be cruel to cut down the time with his friend. After all, you never know when a child will show a disability or delay (it can happen long after 2) and how would you feel if his friend's parents treated you that way should an issue pop up with your child? They all need your support, encouragement and friendship right now--maybe more than they ever will. All kids are different and they develop differently and at different rates. After all, it's the differences among us that make life interesting, don't you agree?

Hi M.,

My two are also talkers. They are about 2 years apart and my 3 1/2 year old is always imitating his sister. I usually just laugh. I think it's so normal for them to do this. They are recognizing that someone else speaks differently from them.
If it were me, I would not limit my child's play time with another child who didn't speak as well. It is wonderful for children to have friends with different abilities. It sounds like your son has plenty of opportunities to hear correct English. The kids don't need to talk to practice sharing and other skills important at that age. Or to be friends for that matter. Good luck with the situation!

M.

Hi M., As the mother of a child that didn't speak until she was three (our youngest) and one that could talk at 9 months in full sentences (our middle) I can tell you that your son is very important to the other child! It is important that she be around kids her age that do talk. Hopefully there isn't a problem, it maybe that she just isn't ready or doesn't have anything to say just yet. You need to talk, and keep telling your son that it's important that he talk to his friend, not babble or "baby talk" so that she will talk too! Tell your hubby that if he ignores your son when he "baby talks" or tells him calmly and firmly "No baby talk, I can't understand you." He will quit it quickly. As I said, our youngest didn't talk until she was three, there were no hearing or speech issues...and once she started talking....well, 7 years later we still call her "Marathon Mouth"! LOL and she could say the names of the three rivers before she could say sprite!Best wishes.

First of all, after you are around your friend and her little girl, when your son begins the babbling, remind him to use his words so that you can understand him. I believe he is using her babbling because he is trying to learn to communicate better with her. He is still in the stage where they learn by imitating. I wouldn't stop socializing with my friend or her child. I might remind him during the play date to use his words so that his friend will use hers.

I wouldn't be concerned with them spending time together. I don't think he will forget his words. He might even encourage her to learn more words.

However, I would be concerned about my friend's child. I might casually say when we next played with them, "I haven't heard *daughter's name* say any words yet. Does she talk yet?" If the answer is no, I might go on to say, "That is unusual. Have you mentioned it to your doctor?" or "Have you thought about having her tested to make sure her hearing is alright?" It could be a problem with her development (nothing permanent. some kids just need a little extra help to catch up to their counterparts faster so they don't fall behind.) or it could be an actual problem with her hearing. Alternatively, it could just be that she doesn't talk around you and your son. I would think that your friends daughter should at least be using words to identify what she wants by this time (even if she doesn't have a lot of words). It may be nothing. She just may not be ready. But I know from friends' experiences that the earlier the intervention if it is a developmental delay, the easier it is and less time it takes to catch them up. If it is a delay and it waits, it can affect other developmental milestones as well. Like I said, it might be nothing. If she spoke with her doctor about it and he is not concerned, then that would put my mind at ease. If, however, she hasn't asked, it may mean that she doesn't know that it could be an issue or that there could be help out there if there is an issue (oftentimes help with no cost to your friend).

Anyhow, I hope this helps. Good luck. And if you are looking fore moms and socialization, check into the MOMS Club. There are several around Pittsburgh. I belong to MOMS Club of Pittsburgh East. It is a wonderful place to meet new moms, join playgroups, make playdates (sometimes even just ones for mom to come to like our book clubs) and even get information about area happenings.

I think that kids do this naturally -- my three year old, who is also an advanced speaker, completely reverts to pointing and grunting for things around his 18 month old brother. Sometimes this bothers me, and I do as the other ladies suggest -- I tell him his brother is a baby, and does not have words, he does, so he needs to tell me what he wants, and he complies. Another mother told me her nephews were this way, and it passed without an issue.

I don't think your son will be negatively affected by hanging out with the little girl, and as others said, she will definitely be helped. If he also has other playmates that are a little advanced, he benefits from both the chance to be a leader and a follower.

First, I would say if the kids enjoy each other company and you enjoy the company of the parents don't give up spending time together. I am sure the period of time where your son immitates the younger friend is frustrating, but it isn't harmful. Tell your son that if he wants to speak he can do so with the words he knows and in his usual voice, otherwise you can't understand what he is saying.

Second, don't feel bad about taking your son around this little girl. Everyone has obstacles to cope with. If she does suffer from hearing loss or some other disability they will find a way to deal with it. They will need your support and it would be a wonderful experience for your children to realize at an early age that a disability doesn't have to change or ruin a friendship.

Third, my kids had limited vocabulary until their second birthdays. About 2 weeks after they turned two each of them started talking in complete sentences and saying words they never had before. Perhaps this will be the case with your friend's daughter. Also, my nephew didn't start talking until around 3. Everyone used to sneak up behind him and make noises to "test" his hearing. It would drive my SIL crazy. Now my nephew is a smart and clever 12 year old. He does well in school and has a wonderful vocabulary. Best wishes to you and your friend.

My advice- if your son likes spending time with his friend, let him be! He certainly isn't going to "forget" how to talk. I know how it is as a first time Mom, you worry about everything! Doctors will tell you, babbling is a natural progression in learning how to communicate. Your smart little guy probablly understands everything his friend is saying! Isn't that wonderful for her, who probably gets frustrated because nobody else "gets" her!Don't worry or feel bad for your friend. It is probably a blessing that the kids found each other, each for their own reasons.
When my kids were little, I found some wonderful play opportunities at the local library during 'Story hour.' Check it out, you will be amazed at what some libraries offer for free.
Good luck!
S.

Hi M.,

It sounds like both you and your son have a wonderful opportunity to be caring friends to this little girl and her mother. Not only will this benefit the little girl (as many have pointed out), but it will benefit your son as it will help him be tolerant and accepting of the differences in other people. What a nice world it would be if everyone was the same don't you think? It sounds like your little boy has a wonderful time with his little friend and it would be a shame to separate them because he babbles a bit after the play dates. I would say just reinforce his speech when he is around you and do what you have been doing since it has worked out so well for him thus far. I sincerely hope the issues with your friend's daughter are quickly resolved.