Moved and 12 Years Old Son Doesn't Want to Go to the Closest Jr. High

All the advice you have gotten so far is GREAT and I just wanted to confirm that chances are you can not get a special permit this late in the year. Unless they are desperate for a head count. If it was my child I would let them know I tried and that if they still feel that same way and they don't make me miserable in the meantime when open enrollment starts I will get them into there old school for the next year. Good Luck

Hi M.,
My question to you is, was the school issue part of the reason for your move? Were you hoping for him to go to a "better" school? If so,then you should stay on that path. However, if the move was just about a different house then maybe it wouldn't hurt to allow this request. Do you like his friends? Does he feel connected to this group? Ultimately you have to decide what will work out for all of the family. Is someone available to drive him to and from school, is the school allowing permits right now, etc.
I am also facing this issue right now and I do not have an answer for you. You are right that this is a hard time for kids and your son has a good point. But you also have a valid point.
I wish you luck. Take care,
B.

I would sit down with him when things are calm and tell him you want to talk about school - make sure that you are willing to look at both opions if he can talk with you calmly. Ask him why he wants to stay at his old school. It may be friends, it may be school rivalry, it may be what he hears about the new school from kids at his old school (believe me, in Jr High and High School we talk about the 'snotty' schools and the 'gang/drug' schools, etc). It may or may not be correct, but honor and validate his opinion, even if you decide to have him go to the new school.
In general, as long as you are in the district, get him to school on time, and he has good grade, there should be no problem with him staying at the old school. On the other hand, forcing him to the new school MAY (not will) cause him to feel isolated, friendless, or insecure. There are so many changes going from 6th to 7th grade anyway and a new school at this point may just be too much.

It is a very tender age! My son is also 12. We have had him out of bounds since kindergarten (to attend a better school) and have been driving 15 mins each way for years. I agreed to let him attend the Jr. High that is still out of bounds. The main reason is all his friends are attending this school, and JHS is a lot about connecting socially with people. Your son will feel like an "outsider" if he is the new kid on top of the already insecure feelings of starting jhs and his age insecurities as well. Please reconsider keeping him with his buddies!

I have to respectfully disagree with the parents that have responded so far. I think that as parents these days, we feel way too compelled to not have our children face anything hard. It makes us feel bad if we are not catering to the wants and wishes of our child. Don't get me wrong, I think we are absolutely doing it out of the best intentions - we think that somehow we're doing emotional damage if we don't give in - but I think we often confuse emotional wants with emotional needs. I think we are doing our kids a big disservice by sparing them from difficult situations. I also think we are doing them a disservice by teaching them that if they complain long and hard enough they will get what they want. It does a lot for a kid to face a difficult situation and get through to the other side. They gain strength, character and confidence because they know that they can handle difficult things when they come their way. If we do not allow them those experiences, they will not be as well prepared when we are no longer there to protect them. Life will throw difficult things at them & it is our job to prepare them to meet those challenges. We are raising adults - not children - meaning we are raising them to be capable adults. Now I'm not saying that we should intentionally throw difficult things at our children, but I don't think we should be too quick to save them from them. That being said, there may be very good reasons to keep your son at his old school and you need to weigh those as a family. But if the sole reason is because he doesn't like the idea, I would resist the temptation to just give in. Best of luck!

If you "special permit", it is your responsibility to get him there.

It may be too late to special permit, since the deadline is usually about mid-February. (I am not sure how a move affects that.)

If possible, I would let him go where he wants. At least in the area where I live many of the kids do that anyway. None of my 3 who have graduated went to the school assigned to our area (except after they changed the boundaries we were reassigned to the school my son had already started attending.)

Ok I’ve been here, lots of crying, winning, somebody else gets to go, and it’s not fair and not talking to us for a week (girl). What we did, was had her write 10 of each good and bad thing about the new and old school. Also a list of 20 reasons why she had to go to that school and why she didn’t want to go to the new one. Both had to be good reason not just my friends are there and I want to, but like they have a great swim team or I can go to college class right in the building . then we had her look at how far it from home, we had her make a plan of how long it would take to get to school and how she was going to get to and from school, Without using us as rides. What it would cost, how she was going get the money to pay for it, if that’s what it took to get there and back. now she had to do research on the new school and the old school and prove the fact she come up with, then she has to really think about the whys and how’s. By making her come up with a way to get to and from school it showed her what she was asking us to do with an already busy morning. Then we sat down and talked about what she found. One thing she found was that there was a school bus stop that was just two streets down and she could ride it as long as she didn’t cause problems (check with the school not all can do this) and it was on our way to take the other kids to school at almost the same time and that both schools feed into the same high school. We also found that the school she wants to attend was a better school. But most of all the whole point was to get her to think before jumping. It worked for us after two time of doing this all our kids know to present good argument for thing they want. It has also work in not having to say NO right out for a tongue piercing. She found it wasn’t something she want after have to look at more than my friend have one

M.,

I t is not a big deal to get a permit. You can request them at anytime. It is just whether or not the school has room for the child. Some are open and some are closed to any one outside of boundaries due maximum enrollment having been reached. You will need to call the school(s) involved and do the paperwork--it is just a form that both schools sign off on--one to release the student and one to accept the student. If you can handle transporting your son, it is really something you should consider his feelings on and it sounds like he has very strong ones. I would rather have one less battle to wage with a teen if it were me....a good education is what counts, right? Good Luck!!

M.,

Is there a way that he can get to know the children in the new school? What is your main resistance to having a special permit?

Moving into Jr. High is a huge transition for even the children how are doing it with old friends. What is the most loving thing that you can do for your son?

He has already show the ability to make new friends,
so there is nothing for him to prove to himself or you.

wishing you all the best.
With my whole heart,
C. TLC (Transition Life Coach)