Mother in Law Question

Keep in mind that your MIL did raise your husband, and he turned out o.k. You are raising your child in a different generation so you will differ in a lot of things. The thing that bothers me about your situation is that she acknowledges your views yet is not respecting them by following them, she should. You knew in your mind that it is not safe to have a baby sleep in its stomach because it makes it harder to breath since their lungs are not fully developed, so it is reasonable for you to feel uneasy about leaving your child with someone that did not do what you told them regarding such a serious matter. She also lives in Austin, so you probably do not get to see her too often, so in a way, it's like leaving your baby with a stranger and that brings uneasy feelings too. Your baby probably cries because she can sense those feelings and your MIL seems to be new at this "grandma" thing, how long has it been since she has been around a baby? Your baby would also sense her feelings. I would suggest to let her watch the baby, just not for long periods of time. If you have to go run errands or want to go out for an hour or two, so be it, I wouldn't make it any longer. Feed your baby before you leave and make sure you leave a prepared bottle handy and toys around. Before leaving my baby with my MIL I would always say stuff like, "Mommy is going to go out for a little bit, but grandma is going to play with you and feed you and you guys are going to have lots of fun together", so I would always give her the details of what I expect of her.

my opinion is- my husband and children come first and if everyone else doesn't like it? too bad!!!! that goes for his family and mine!!! the safety of my children come first and if that hurts people's feeling oh well. now don't get me wrong i do feel somewhat bad but God blessed me with these two precious little ones and i'm going to do the best job possible of keeping them safe! i won't allow my own dad to watch my children alone because he doesn't pay attention. my s-in-law wants my 3 yr old to come stay with her for a week by herself in austin and i say no way!!! there are things on tv i don't want them watching and things i don't want them eating and her and my m-in law don't pay enough attention to them in public places! of course they think i'm too overprotective and what i say to that is "that's my right!!!!!!" by the way my husband feels the same way i do and it's his family!!!!
i hope this helps you. i do respectfully tell them that i think she's too young and when she's older then maybe she can come stay! God bless!!!!

I agree! Until your baby can tell you what is going on, it is best that you don't leave her with someone that she has such a reaction to. It doesn't matter what the relation of other people are to your kid, you are the MOMMA, and even if they get their feelings hurt, it's your responsibility to do what you feel is best for that little one.

Good luck!
Jodi

HI M. - sounds tough, but I would always first start with your gut. Find a way to sensitively speak your truth (first you have to listen to and honor your own truth!) to her, letting her know you are uncomfortable (which is usually a good, neutral word) when she does not respect your requests that you feel are very important. Then I'd pick your battles, ie, be firm (and gentle if that works) about those things that are important to you so your mother in law feels she can still have her own independent time without too much controlling of it (as she might interpret your requests) with the baby. Also, if you find places to compliment her about how she is (already) with the baby, she'll probably be more inclined to "let" you tell her what you need. She will no doubt want to feel(and want you to feel) that she is a great grandmother and that she knows how to feed them for example. If she knows that and is appreciated for what she does and knows, she will probably be less inclined to do a power struggle kind of thing with you. I'd definately be wondering about why the baby is crying when she sees her and look more into that - what was she like as a mother? good luck with that
B.

We have the same m-i-l!!!!! I'm in the same situation. I like things the way I like them, and she doesn't care...at all. And she's told me before. She's only babysat a couple of times. Other than that, my mom is the one who babysits because I warned her. My m-i-l just never babysat...period. Even my husband mentioned one time that he felt more comfortable with my mom watching our son. If you're having that much trouble with her, then don't let her babysit...especially if your child is crying. Good luck!!

I agree with you. Your job as a parent is to #1 protect your child. Even if you feel you may be overreacting or others think you are silly. Always follow your gut. YOu know your baby better than anyone. Worse case senario you will be one of those mother's who felt she should not leave them and something tragic happened. Your baby is worth you being very protective at this time in her life. Even if it is silly. Yes she is grma. Find ways she can spend time with her when you don't have to leave. I am the first to give everyone a standing chance as you have...she has given you reason to doubt and it's okay for you to say no. She's your baby and you don't want to leave her- there are nice ways of declining without being hateful. Go with your gut - better safe than sorry.

follow your gut, always go by what you think is right not for your child.