Mother in Law - New Castle,DE

This lady sounds like she could use some sensitivity lessons. She has to learn your family does not revolve around her,nor do you have to report to her. Your husband needs to talk to his mother about respecting your boundries or else this may not be the only instance she will be intrusive.

Ugh! Sounds like your MIL could use a dose of boundaries and a side of selflessness. I would try to ignore her, its not your fault how she's taking the information, and you don't owe her anything further. After my 5th m/c, my MIL didn't call me for a week, and when she finally did, she simply said, "Oh well, it is what it is."

Try to focus on those who truly support you! hugs

Simply put: yes, she should be respectful of your situation.

Realistically? You will both need to forgive each other at some point. You will have to forgive her for being "a brat" about not giving you personal space and grieving space, and she will have to forgive you for not including her in that process.

Miscarriage is definately a grief process, as well, as physically painful. I'm glad you were up to having a party for your husband and inviting the family. Your mother-in-law will get over it in time, but it will take time. I'm sorry she wasn't adult enough to make the party enjoyable. My guess is that she was grieving her grandchild also, and/or remembering a lost child of her own, and she probably thought that you spent lots of time with your mom over it. At some point you may be able to inform her (kindly) that you needed some private space and didn't talk with your mom either, just with your husband.

Take care. Family life has its mine fields, and they usually show up when we are dealing with something important. I hope you are beginning to feel better, physically and emotionally, but do be patient with yourself, because the emotional thing sneaks up every once in a while, when you aren't expecting it.

You should be the number 1 priority. It should be about how you feel. Your the one that had a miscarriage. Your the one that went through this trama. I understand that maybe she wanted to know about it, but mother-in-law should respect your descion to not talk. It's not like she did not know that you did not want to talk about it. Your husband told her.

She should respect your fellings and if you don't want to talk about it that is up to you. Everyone handles tragedy in their own way. She has no right to put additional stress on you right now. I'm sorry she is acting childish. She should be there, for you, when you are (if you ever are) ready to talk.

I guess some people don't understand unless they, themselves, have been through it.

Having a miscarriage is a very personal situation. I told my parents, because I had told them I was pregnant. I told my Sister in Law because we're close, but to my knowledge, we didn't even tell my mother in law or father in law. Very few people on my side of the family know about it outside of my immediate family.

I really believe that your mother in law is out of line for the way she is treating you. It's a very personal situation and we all grieve in our own ways. For a while, I was very closed off about mine, then I started talking about it because I needed support from people around me. Now it's some sort of happy medium.

If she continues to act this way, maybe you could take her aside and just tell her straight out, that you are coping in the way that is most beneficial to you and that you need her to respect you and your emotions during this trauma.

S.

HI J.! First let me say, "you gotta love mother-in-laws"! I have one very similar to yours as I'm sure other readers out there do also. I've had problems with mine from the very beginning. I loved and accepted her only because she was my husband's mother. As far as your situation, I am very sorry to hear you are going through a tough time and your mother-in-law has noooooo right to be mad at you. Does she have a heart????? This is between you & your husband and you need time to grieve alone and should not have to talk about it if you don't want to! I'm sure the Mom's out there will have a lot to say about this subject that is why I LOVE this site! The best thing for you to do right now is take care of yourself and don't even worry about your mother-in-law. She will feel like a fool, I'm sure! When my mother-in-law would act up, I'd keep my distance for awhile giving her time to realise how she was treating me then she'd behave herself for awhile! God Bless You and again, I'm so sorry to hear of your news! Talk to other Mom's that have been throught the same thing. You'll need them when your ready to deal with everything:) Take Good Care Of Yourself! L.

First, I'm *very* sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and yoru family in my prayers.

Second....woo, whooo! Sounds like my MIL. She thinks shes entitled to know *everything*! She wanted to be at the birth of my kids on the business end! Um. NO! I didn't even want my husband at the business end! Luckily (well, not really) I had an emergency c-section and no one was there!

When my husband and I had problems in my marriage she couldn't believe I hadn't told HER! What was she going to do about it? My SIL calls her "Mom" and calls her whenever her and her husband have a fight. To which my MIL then tells the whole world! She thinks I'm going to confide in her? She just wants the gossip.

The way you heal is your business. What does she want to know? Every heart breaking second, how bad and scared you felt? That's between you and your husband! If she has to pout like a 3 yr old when *she* wasn't the one to lose a baby she has her priorities screwed up! Its not all about her!

Stick to your guns, have your husband run interference, and deal with your miscarriage at your own pace.

J.,

I understand how overbearing some in-laws can be. I had a mother in law that was just like that. I think what you went through was very traumatic and I think that you and your husband should have the time to grieve together. I think if your mother in law is angry, I would ask your husband to speak with her and let her know that this is your own private matter and if you select to share it with her you will and if not she need to accept your feelings and respect your decision.

I can understand how you feel and I think at this point, I would accept her apology for the way she acted, but in the future let your husband know to keep things private between the two of you.

My prayers are also with you and I wish you the best. Things will get better, you are feeling down from your hormones and also from the trauma of losing something so dear to you. Time has a way of healing and give yourself time to grieve and don't be h*** o* yourself.

First of all, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. I hope you're healing quickly, both physically and emotionally. (if that's possible!)

Second of all, I can't believe your MIL! What a selfish person to be angry at you for not talking about something so extremely personal and sensitive. She's totally being over the top with her insensitivity. Don't let her get to you! Just ignore her if at all possible. Hopefully her son can clue her in to how rude and immature she is being. Good Luck!

J., I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you shouldn't have to talk about it when you don't want to. I am sure your m-i-l is also grieving, but that doesn't give her the right to add to your pain. I think this is something that your husband has to handle with them, and make sure they understand that he will not put up with any one or any thing that unnecessarily upsets his wife at this point.

Take care of yourself.

Dear J.,
You are not going crazy. Your mother in law and you are just on totally different wavelengths (planets) -- you being the normal one. That being said, you will probably be dumbfounded by her behavior again and again over the course of your marriage to her son and, even more frustrating, conflicted with her behavior toward your children. My mother still says and does things that "blow me away" and she is my own mother. The best thing is to accept it that you will never have an "understanding" with this woman and guard against it by keeping her at arms length. You apparently tryed to do this but it didn't work this time. You'll get better at it. Just be glad this woman is not your mother.
Good luck,
N

Hi J., I'm so sorry. I also had a miscarriage before I had my son. I think that people that haven't experienced it don't understand the emotional turmoil that you go through. Sometime soon you will most likely be ready to talk and you can explain to your MIL why it is so difficult. My doctor told me that I would cry b/c the traffic light turned red and he was right. I cried straight for five days...my husband stayed with me the whole time. It can be devastating. Maybe your husband can explain that your hormones are on a roller coaster ride right now and you just need time. I think she owes you an apology but don't let this cause a rift between you, right now you are probably very emotional. Just take care of you.

Hi, J.. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and I was devastated. I, too, did not talk about it to ANYONE until I was ready. Your mother-in-law may be going through her own emotions regarding the loss. But you have to take care of yourself right now. Don't worry about it. When and IF you are ready, you will talk to her. Maybe your husband can just let her know that this is a difficult time and you need to do things in your own time. Also, I don't think people realize that just because you are no longer pregnant does not mean that your hormones have completely gone back to "normal". Take care of yourself and God Bless. You are not alone. :)

At best, she wanted to share the pain of the loss. At worst, she's self centered and cared only of her own feelings. This is something you should judge since you know her personally. In the end, no matter how she felt, she responded incorrectly and rudely and it not only affected you and you family but your guests in your home, and that's unacceptable. Because this is sensitive for you and your loss, your husband needs to address this with his mother. And mainly it's up to him to do because it's HIS mother. He needs to explain to her how her behavior was unacceptable and will not happen again in your home, no matter how she felt. If she had a problem she should have gone to you one on one and discussed it rather than making a fool out of herself and you all. If you're unable to talk about it, then she needs to understand that, period.

I feel you pain. I've had two losses. My first loss was well after having our two older boys. It was a shock! I went into a depression and didn't even realize it. Later, when pregnant for the triplets, we found we actually had quads but had lost one. I had dealt with the first loss, but the quad baby I still have problems with because sometimes I see him/her when my triplets are playing. Someone will always feel like they're missing. And if I hear one more time "Thank goodness it was early on so it's not so bad" I'm going to hit someone. Does that mean if I lost a two year old child vs an 18 year child I shouldn't feel so bad cuz they weren't around as long? It makes no sense. Our child is our child. A loss is a loss and I wish you the best!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

I am so sorry for your loss. There are many selfish people in this world and your mother inlaw is on of them. Your husband should be the one to put her in her place, not you. She should be told you suffered a great loss and everyone deals with grief differently. She should respect your wishes. She needs to grow up and focus left on herself and more on her son and you!

Miscarriage is a tough subject when you have been through one and I respect your decision not to talk about it with anyone until you are ready. Your mother in law definitely should have been more understanding but perhaps she never had one so it makes it hard for her to understand how you feel.

Some time in the future when the pain and hurt aren't so raw perhaps you can sit down with her and explain that you weren't ready to talk about it and she should respect that decision. It was a deeply personal tragedy for you.

First of all--God Bless you for even doing a family gathering for your husband only a few weeks after your miscarriage. I had three miscarriages and it is hard. Maybe if YOU tell your MIL that you're still going through some feelings of your own and are not ready to discuss it, she would be more understanding. I think a lot of times people don't know how to react or what to say in this situation. The last thing you want to hear is "It's probably for the best....or....maybe there was something wrong with the baby." My feelings were "how can THIS be for the best" and "I would have loved the baby regardless og his/her problems" BUT ( a bit of UNSOLICITED advice here...my brother really said something that made sense to me after my last miscarriage..he said "maybe you couldn't have been able to handle what was wrong with the baby or maybe it would have torn your marriage apart down the road..."
Sort through your own feelings first, but I did find that once I opened up to people, I was amazed by the compassion from other women who have suffered this cruel (but almost unbelievably common experience. Talking about it when you are ready will help you. God Bless you and your husband.

I don't know your mil .. but consider that she may have been hurt by you not confiding in her. You don't mention if you have a close relationship with her or not. She SHOULD just respect your decision, but people rarely do what they SHOULD. Maybe you could write a short note to her explaining that it's just too difficult for you to talk about right now. One thing you might want to consider, did she ever have a miscarriage? That may be why she reacted the way she did. I'm not saying you should have a conversation with her .. but that there may be reasons for her behavior.

Yes, you have every right to NOT discuss it. SHe's a nimrod. It's totally her, not you. Your husband needs to buck up and tell her she needs to get over it. It IS NOT about her! It's about you and your husband. Jeez louise! I'm all fired up for you!

I'm so sorry for your loss, you should not have to deal with her on top of your pain and sadness.

Hi J., A miscarriage is an awful experience to go through, for both you and your husband. You both have my deepest sympathy. My brother & SIL lost their first. It was very hard for them to call us (we live in different states) and tell us about it. We have never discussed it since...we respect their pain & grief and need to continue on with their lives. I do not feel that is too much to expect from people that "love" you. It is hard enought to experience it and go through the painfull process of telling people of your loss, why should you re-hash it again and again. If I were you I would just ignore her. You and your husband need to take care of yourselves and your son. She'll just have to get over it! So do what you need to do, not what she want's you to do...life goes on. Best wishes.

ABSOLUTELY!!! You have every right not to discuss it if you feel not up to it. I would wait until she decides to say something and it is then that you should make it clear to her that not everything in your husband and your life should be her business. This is a tramatic time that both you and your husband need to heal through, not your MIL personal feelings! If your husband says anything to you about her, then you should let him know just exactly that. This matrimony is just you and your husband not you, your husband and his mother! It should be at your discretion as to if and when you want to discuss it.
*I totally agree with Eileen D. & Sammy R.
Best of Luck & deep symapathy!
-M.

Sorry to hear of your loss. It is a deeply personal time and you should be able to grieve as long as you need. It does help to talk to others about your miscarriage, but you should be the one to decide who to discuss it with and when. It is an experience that is much more common than you realize at the time. Try to appreciate the son that God has given you, and continue to believe that in time, you will be blessed with another healthy baby if it is your desire. Hang in there and take care of yourself, your husband and son. They suffered the loss too.

I'm sorry that you had to go through a miscarriage, I suffered two myself. I also have a MIL who only thinks about herslef and no one else, not even her own children let alone me her DIL. I saw that a lot of people said to ignore her and that's what I have done in the past also. However, from personal experience ignoring is not fixing the problem. My husband and I now have two children, 2 and 10months. I am no longer keeping my mouth shut. I will no longer listen to her speak down to me especially in front of my children, which she has but no longer. I would start speaking up, or like in my case it won't ever stop. This is about you and your husband not her, and she needs to start respecting the choices the two of you make for yoursleves. Good Luck to you, and the pain does get easier, you'll never forget, but it gets esier.

Yes she should.

She apparently wants more from her relationship with you than she gets, but with that behavior ... Wow. I hope your husband backs you up when she pulls stunts like this. Everyone in the room witnessed her behavior and now they know her better than she might like.

All kinds of people have no sense of boundaries and reject efforts to enforce them... to even just have them.

You are right; she got her feelings hurt unnecessarily; you don't owe her anything.

J....

I don't blame you for not wanting to talk about it with her. I went through the same thing a couple months ago. My mother in law is great with my son but she is one of those "everything is about me" kind of people. My miscarriage wasn't about my loss and sadness but about how I didn't call her personally . To me it was a VERY personal matter. It was hard enough going through it but to have to deal with people being angry with you because how you deal with it is a whole other issue. All I can say is I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your mother in law learns to respect your feelings and your privacy. I've come to find that for my mother in law I just have to be frank with her.

Good luck and take care
C.

First, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. Having suffered 2 miscarraiges in one year, I know what you are going through. Shame on your MIL for being so selfish and not respecting your wish to grieve in your own way. When I had my miscarraiges I found it very helpful to talk to people about it...but that was MY way of dealing with things. My sister-in-law had a miscarraige and didn't tell anyone...I remembered feeling hurt that she didn't want to share it with me at the time, but then I realized that was HER way of dealing with her grief. I also remember that my dad took it the hardest of anyone...he broke down on the phone just sobbing...this is a man I had never seen or heard cry in my entire life. So maybe your MIL is grieving too, and instead of having an appropriate reaction to your grief she has turned it into her problem. Hopefully, when (and if) you are ready, you can sit down and talk things through with your MIL. Again, I am sorry for your loss.
J. W

I think she should respect your wishes. You are going through a hard time right now. My thoughts are with you.

I miscarried a baby last summer, and I deliberatly avoided the topic with my MIL - not only because I wanted to pretend it never happened, but also because she had had a miscarriage and I didn't want to hear how my experience was nothing compared to what she had gone through. I didn't ever really discuss it with anyone, not even my husband. It's easy to feel like you're to blame, or that it will never be right again. I didn't want to admit to anyone that I felt totally responsible, like a part of me was broken. So here's the advice: deal with it any way you can. When you're feeling more stable, if you want to talk about it, do. If you never do, fine. Until then, ignore your MIL and take the time to deal with your loss.

On a better note, 3 weeks ago I gave birth to my 5th child, conceived two months after the miscarriage - there is hope, and you'll be surprised how quickly a new child can come into your life! Stay busy, be strong, and screw the MIL. :)

Hi J.,
My antenna would be way up on that one!!

Not only for your own sanity and well-being, but also she is going to impact your children.

I really hope this is overkill, but this web site is so helpful and informative.

http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/hom...

I am so sorry you had all of that to deal with when you have to be emotionally feeling so vulnerable.

Best to you!

P.

Also want to add my ex mil got upset with me early on because I said an author that she loved didn't do much for me.

She warned my wasband not to marry me. (If only he had listened!) Then she told the entire family I wasn't "one of them" because I didn't like this one author.

She still brings it up, thirty years later. Says no wonder the marriage didn't work, I don't like this guy. LOL

Sorry to here about your loss. It is A hard thing to go through, And yes they should try and understand . When u feel ready to talk about it u will, but right now you need to grieve first. Your Husband should be the first one to talk about it to. He should support u first til u are ready to talk about it with others. hope this helps, and Once again I am very sorry to hear about your loss.

You have the right to feel/grieve any way that you choose and the right to share/not share these feelings. Frankly I would have my husband put her in her appropriate place which is OUT of your business and call it a day. Some MIL's are not able to accept the fact that they don't control the world that their adult children live in. I have a MIL who is awesome about letting us live our lives and I hope to be that kind of MIL for my kids...it just upsets me that you are going through something as horific as this and it becomes "all about her"!

I am so sorry about your miscarriage. That is a very private matter and she is being RIDICULOUS!!!

J., First of all I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. I have suffered a miscarriage also, and I completely understand the feeling of not wanting to talk about it. I didn't even want people to know that I was ever pregnant after I miscarried, but eventually I felt ready to tell people and discuss what happened. There was a certain amount of guilt that went along with it, and although I know it wasn't my fault I still felt like people would think something was wrong with me or that I had done something to make the miscarriage happen. I especially felt this way about my MIL. I really felt like she would feel like something was wrong with me (it was my first pregnancy) and I was afraid she would feel like I wasn't good enough for her son anymore. Eventually we told her and she was very supportive. I think your MIL is acting a bit harshly. This is something that you need to deal with yourself first before you can be ready to talk to others about it. Maybe you could write her a letter expressing your feelings to her so she could better understand that it isn't personal against her, it's just a general feeling so that she doesn't think she is the only one you don't want to discuss this with. If she has never experienced the loss herself it may be hard for her to understand how you are feeling.

J.,
Your mother in law should respect your decision on not talking about the miscarriage. This is an emotional time for you. Maybe you should sit down with her face to face (if you can or want to) and let her know that when you are ready to talk about you will let her know. You also might tell her that if might not happen for quite some time. I had a miscarriage about 2 yrs ago and still have a hard time talking about it. It is a hard time to get through but you will. I didn't talk about much with my family either. Family and friends need to know that you need your space right now to deal with your loss and when you are ready (no matter how long it might be) you with share with them and only what you want to share. Sorry for your loss and you will be in our prayers. Hope this helps.
A.

I am so sorry about what happened. she should respect your decision about it. May be if you do talk about it you would feel better but it should be when you are ready. I had a miscarriage before my son. I figured that god decided something was not right that is why the baby did not make it. I am sure your husband said something because he did not want to make his parents upset they were not told,especially his mother. May be she was upset also about the miscarriage and wanted to talk to you about it. everyone acts differently when something sad happens and unfortunately they do not always act the way we want them to. she will get over it and probably realize that she is not being fair. when you are up to it you need to tell her that you did not even talk to your mom about it because you were not ready. she does need to respect it.

J.,

That whole in-law thing is a tough one. Most of us go thru it at one time or another. Mine didn't talk to me for 5 weeks straight once and didn't see their grandchild all that time because of it. Pray about it first, but maybe it's up to us to reach out and try to explain it somewhat anyway. We are only holding the poisons in until we break the ice anyway.

Wishing you the best,
M.

First of all I am very sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is a very hard thing to go though and I wish no one ever had to experience that pain.
I have a mother-in-law that sounds very similiar to yours and once again I'm sorry. :)
It's important to remember that you have done nothing wrong and not to take anything she says to heart. What I would do is just have your husband tell her that it's not for her to decide with whom or when you are supposed to talk about your feelings. Tell her you understand her wish to be involved and acknowledge that she cares(even though she's not very good at showing it) but that you aren't ready to talk about this and don't know if or when you will be. Also let her know that her attitude hurt not only you, but her own son by acting rudely at what was supposed to be a nice get together for him.
Try not to worry about her. I know that's hard. But just take care of yourself. We have had to sever all contact with my mother-in-law because actiions similiar to that have caused her to be too unhealthy for our kids to be around.
Good luck and once again I am sorry for your loss.

Hi J.,

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That must be so difficult for you. I am also very sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's behavior. I wouldn't take it personally. She is just thinking about herself instead of the big picture. If it makes you feel any better, when I was pregnant I had horrible morning sickness and my MIL got mad at me because I wouldn't eat her turkey dinner at Christmas. The smells in the room were enough to make me gag, but I sat there with the family and ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwich anyway. Later that evening my hubby and I went out for a drive and we ended up stopping for chinese food - of which I ate an egg roll. At that time in my pregnancy most foods made me gag and I had lost a lot of weight, so I would eat basically whatever stayed down. When we got back to my MIL's house, she was mad because I had eaten the egg roll but couldn't eat her dinner. I told her that I ate what stayed down, but she didn't get it. Some people just don't get it. Don't take it personally. You do what is right for you at this difficult time. And I would recommend having your husband tell her how uncomfortable she made everyone. The important part is that your husband and your mother understand and respect you. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

J.

J.,
Monsters in Laws..... we have to have them. (Sorry to those who are offended). You SHOULD NOT feel bad in any way nor should you approach her. Let her be a child and be mad all she wants. Just don't invite her the next time and when she asks why have your husband explain why. If she is still ranting and raving today, have your husband talk to her and ask her to respect your wishes and to grow up. This is YOUR personal business and no one elses (and your husband).
My heart and prayers for you in this tough time and God does have a plan for you. Your little one is in a safe place being cared for and loved.
God Bless,
Chris

J.,

Yes, your mother-in-law should respect your decision to not talk about your miscarriage right now. However, maybe she is feeling hurt for you and her son over your loss and over a loss of her grandchild. Losing a child is one of the hardest experiences to go through. Try not to take it personally perhaps it is her way of dealing with it even if it was in an inappropriate way. Another way to look at it, she cares enough for you to be mad that you haven't talked to her.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Take care,

M.

She should. BUT that doesn't mean she will.

The best advice I can give you is to just let it go. If you don't want to talk about it then don't. I've been there and know how you feel. It is a personal loss and one that you sometimes don't want to share. I know I really didn't want to share it with anyone when it happened to me. Luckily, my MIL didn't push this (partly because she lives 26 hours away by car).

If you want to try to make peace with her over it (which I am not pushing you to do), you could send her a note through the mail. In the note you could write something like, "I am sorry to hear you were upset about my decision not to discuss my recent loss. I hope that you can understand that I am just not ready to share or relive the experience with anyone but **husband's name**. I do not intend this as an insult to anyone or a reflection of how I feel about any one. I just need time to myself to deal with the pain and loss I've gone through. Thank you for respecting this decision." Or something to that extent.

BUT as I said earlier, quite honestly, this requires NO action on your part. I feel she should be ashamed of herself for being angry with you for not sharing. It, also, makes me wonder what exactly your husband said to her and in what way since you were surprised by her reaction. Either way, my personal opinion right now would be HIS mother HIS problem. If you feel it needs dealt with and you don't want to do it, let him deal with her.

If you want to do it, I really recommend the note. By using a note, you don't give her a chance to respond and try to force the conversation.

Anyhow, I hope this helps and good luck.

Everyone should respect your decision unless they see that it is truly tearing you apart. Even then, I think it is your husband's job to get you to open up or maybe your own mother. It could be that your mother-in-law views you as a daughter and really wants to help you deal with it. Has she ever experienced a miscarraige. Maybe you should have a talk with her and explain that you are dealing with it and if you need to talk you will contact her. Best of luck and please seek help if you need it.

Wow-I'm just amazed at the insensitivity, and I'm so sorry for you. I can't imagine what your going through, having never had a miscarriage myself.My Mom and sister in law both went through horrible full term miscarriages, and I do know that it's a devastating, emotional time.
Maybe your MIL wanted to support you and felt left out or something. I don't know, but being someone who was on the other side, I struggled with what to say to my SIL, not knowing what would be helpful or unintentionally hurtful- I mean what do you say that won't sound insensitive?
Anyway, there is no excuse for your MILs behaviour. You don't need to deal with that now. I also suggest maybe writing her a letter explaining your descision.
I wish you all the best, and God's healing physically and emotionally,
S.

Dear J.,

When my daughter-in-law had a miscarriage about a year ago, my son called to tell me about it and to let us know that she could not talk about it too, just like your situation. I felt an overwhelming need to comfort them - mom, dad, and daughter who was so anxious to be a big sister. I did send cards of love, sympathy, and encouragement, but never spoke in person of the tragedy. I would have preferred to just hug them instead and cry with them.

Anger is part of the mourning process. It sounds like your mother-in-law may have been frustrated by not being able to talk to you about your miscarriage. Maybe, she simply did not know how to express her grief in a constructive, compassionate manner. Have your husband talk to her again. Maybe it will give her an opportunity to release her emotions. She should respect your decision. Sometimes, misunderstandings like this build better relationships than you could ever imagine being possible.

While you are suffering it is hard to realize many things....Your mother and mother-in-law both lost a grandchild when you had your miscarriage. They should and would be sympathetic towards you, but you might consider their loss as well. Your baby would have been shared with them and they are entitled to feel the loss. Just tell her that you still don't want to talk about it, but recognize that this was also her loss. I am very sorry that you lost your baby.

Are you and your mother in law close? Do you talk intimately often about things? If you are maybe it would be better she heard it from you that you didn't want to talk about what happened. Though it should be just as good as hearing it from your hubby. And to answer your question, yes she should respect your privacy. Whether you had talked to anyone else about it it not it's about what you feel comfortable with and who you feel comfortable talking to. She had no right to be angry. Does she always have to know what's going on? In anycase, have a talk with your hubby about how you feel and why she had no right to do that. Depending on how comfortable you are you could put her in her place nicely or just let your hubby take care of it. For you right now, this is no time to be worrying about how angry someone else is over what happend to you and your hubby. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers.

Hi J. D,

Your mother in law should absolutely respect the fact that you are not ready to speak about your miscarriage. A miscarriage is a very sensitive topic and takes time to heal physically and emotionally. No one can rush that process. Take all the time you need and speak when ready. Take care and God Bless!!!

I am very sorry for your loss. I had two miscarriages and it was very difficult. It sounds like your MIL was angry because she felt uncomfortable. The whole "there's an elephant in the room" thing. You certainly don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, even ever. Although as a mother of two boys now, I worry about a future daughter in law shutting me out someday. I really do think about this all the time! So, as time goes on, maybe try to reconnect with her in another way. Good luck to you. I know this is such a difficult time.