Moms with Grown Kids

We have never lived close to our family until just recently 9 my Dad is 1 hour away)

We had our parents read books on CD and send the books with the cd to the kids so thier voice is familiar. ( Our families only visited about 1 time every 3 months at the most and some only 2 times a year)

We also had them send letter and pictures weekly ( sometimes a postcard) My Mom also had one of each of my boys stuffed animals and everytime whe traveled she sent a picture of herself with the stuffed animal( that made the boys feel like they were with her)

My Inlaws go to FL and they send momthly postcards and packages one time monthly.

Ah, C.! I feel your pain! I have 5 grown children and most live pretty far away. I have one in Germany, one in California, one in Grand Rapids, one in Rochester and a 20-year-old still at home. This is such a good opportunity for you to grow a relationship with them one-on-one. When kids live at home en masse, it's hard to relate to them individually. You NEVER stop missing them, but you can use this to spend time talking to them or emailing them and getting to know what special people they are!

I don't have grown children, but my husband travels alot for long periods of time. So, we got a webcam. Now, whenever he's away, he'll dial me up and shout over the speakers and we can visit even when he's on the other side of the world. His parents, who live 3 hours away, also got a webcam and use it everytime they call. Now, they can see daily how much their grandson is growing.

MC

C.,

My son is not yet grown, but I have seen how moving out affected my mom. She will call and we plan lunch, or a shopping trip with one of us so we can talk and do something fun. She really misses my brother who lives in California, but can't visit him as much as she can my sister and I.

You might want to consider planing part of your weekends with one of your kids. This way you can rotate through your kids and get to know each one of them better than before. Enjoy lunch out, go to a movie, or go shopping. Invite them over for a summer BBQ for the 4th of July, etc. Enjoy the time you have and look forward to the day when you can retire and spend even more time with them.

I don't know if this will help, but good luck.

I have eight grown kids; five of them are within an hour or two of driving, but three are quite a lot farther. Two live in Three Rivers; one lives in Mendon; one lives in Sturgis; one lives in Wolcottville, Indiana. The other three live in Lawton, Oklahoma;Lake Elsinore, California; and Suffolk, Virginia. Even though five live close, what with their jobs, families, and now the cost of gasoline, we still don't get together as often as I'd like. All but two of them are online, so I have to settle with e-mail and snail mail to "visit" with them. Phone calls are out of the question, because of the cost of long distance. When we do get together, we make a day of it. We try to have family days or nights (or both) where all those who are in the area, can get together, with as many of their kids and grandkids, as possible. I know you said your kids are about 4 hours away. Are any of them online? Did you know, that even if you don't have AOL, you can download their Instant Message software to your hard drive? That way, you can "talk" to them whenever you get a chance to get online. I hope this has helped you, or anybody else out there who have the same problem of distance from their kids.

I live 750 miles from my parents. All of three of their kids live over an hour away. My in laws live 1/4 mile away. The way we manage it is very simple. Each set of grandparents is different. For special occasions, (dance recital, end of school year, confirmation, etc.) my parents come to visit for a week or so. That is how my kids get to know them. If I am still around, they would cling to me when they were young because they didn't know them as well as their other grandparents. I went back to work and let my parents be in charge. The things they learned about their grand kids without me or their Dad being around! Some years we see them 6 times a year, but as our kids get older and busier it is getting harder. However I think my parents including the distance see the as many of the kids games and events as their closer grandparetns. Neither is right or wrong, they are just different.

For me, I email and phone my parents often. Now that my Dad is texting we can catch up so much faster. It is a special time when my parents come and the kids are already cleaning and getting ready for their visit in two weeks. Use your vacation wisely and see them as much as you can.

My kids are much younger of course, but my mother-in-law has to deal with this problem. My hubby and his brother live up here in Michigan, and they live in Florida. She's disabled and so does not personally have a job to consider, but he's a high-ranking sheriff and they just bought a *beautiful* house a few years ago with pool, two hottubs, etc. Their answer is that they spend all *or almost all* of my dad-in-law's vacation time visiting up here. They rent a house somewhere in town for a month or so and then spend thier time visiting with us and the grandkids. Once in awhile, if she's real lonely, her husband will send her home for Christmas (it's also a few days after her birthday). She's having a little better time of it now that she is becoming more involved in the community where she lives and spending a little more quality time with the hubby, but I know she still gets lonely..in fact I was thinking of emailing her some pictures this morning. They bought us a digital camera a few Xmastimes ago, and we email them pictures and short video clips. Mom still wants us to get a cable internet connection and a webcam though!

Hi C.,
I am a young mother of 5 girls and have the same thoughts about when they get older. My ex's grandparents had 9 kids and then they all had kids, the family is huge! His grandparents had all the major holidays at their home, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, ect. And then every month one of the kids/grandkids would have a family get together for birthdays. Times have changed now and they don't get together every month, but they do still plan things like every 3 months or so a family get together. You do that and take turns at everyones house. Then you could plan a trip to each ones house for a weekend that works out. I know it's hard, with everyones busy lives these days, but I'm sure you could work something out. Good luck!

Well, I don't have grown kids, but my parents live 2 hrs away in the Summer and many hundred in the Winter. I think since we live further away we are able to spend quality time together--more than we did when they were closer.

I wouldn't move--the job market is not good and the older you are the harder it is to find a good job.

Just look forward to the day you will retire, and then you will be able to pick up ang more often.

Hope this helps!

GL:)

My husband and I have lived far (out of state) from both of our parents for many years now. We have two children who would love to see their grandparents & do "everyday things" with them as you have mentioned. It just isn't possible for us right now to change the situation. To me, 4 hours doesn't sound so bad! You could still easily travel to see them for the weekend. It isn't easy to be away from our families, especially with our kids, but we try to make the best of it.

Good morning C.! Try scheduling a get together once a month with them, either at one of their places or yours. I have 4 grown children, and while they do not live that far away from us, they have kids and busy lives! I try to schedule outings with them once a month. Going out to dinner, celebrate birthdays, etc. We also go to the cabin on summer holidays and we all go! Memorial day, july 4th, and labor day. We have a time share and when we go we alternate years between the kids. This year our daughter and granddaughters went, next year our son, daughter-in-law, and grandson will go. The next 1 or both of our unmarried sons. Where there's a will there's a way. Good luck with your planning! L. S.

Hi -- We have had the same problem for two years, only we are both their parents. They are just too busy to visit, even though five hours isn't the end of the world. So, what do we do? Arrange to visit them as often as possible, sleeping on couches or whatever so we can interact with them as much as possible. Thankfully, we have had cheap train tickets available for one group, and we keep our eyes open for discount air fares. Driving is getting expensive, but we do that, too.

Now we have done it -- we are moving 2,000 miles away from all of them (great job) for a couple of years until retirement. Cheap airfare is now our only option for travel.

My latest idea is a family newsletter, which I will send out via regular mail after contacting each family for news, plus doing surveys about their favorite food, vacation, most scary time in their lives, etc. To combat my loneliness, I am going to get to know my new neighbors better, compile our family history and organize photos, find opportunities to volunteer, and try out new recipes for my husband, who appreciates fine food.

It's not ideal, but you do what you can to stay connected -- and be grateful for a happy marriage!

C.,
How about this one: one child lives 10 minutes away from you and you rarely see him? Or hear from him. Or that it takes some major doing for him to actually respond to emails or phone calls? Ridiculous, right?
I have another in Arizona. I think he keeps contact a lot more often and better.
My youngest will be graduating high school and going into Air Force, so that will greatly curtail how often we get together.
I say just schedule a weekend getaway for yourself or both you and your hubby. Go visit. One kid one weekend, another some other weekend. And keep in contact so that if you should want to plan a big get together at your place, they have enough time to save $ for gas or airfare. And once together again, take some great photos as a group, for each of them and yourself.

A few years ago, my daughter's favorite aunt (my sister and my best friend) moved away to South Carolina. My daughter was only a year old at the time, and all three of us were pretty devastated. It was a good move for my sister and her husband, but it was still (and still is) hard to have her so far away. One thing that has kept us in touch the best is our webcam. My sister and my daughter colored together (at my daughter's young age she even tried to pass a marker to my sister through the computer). It is free and the only investment is in the webcam and high speed internet. It worked so well that my entire family now uses it to keep in touch. We have set times (Sunday at 4pm!) to talk. If only we could figure out a way to have more than two people talking!