Mom's with 3 Year Olds

we use the leash that goes around his wrist, I tell him that we're "wrist buddies" and we hold hands as well.
In situations where he absolutely cannot run we use the leash. In situations where I'm more comfortable and it wouldn't be the end of the world if he took off we use the "invisible leash" and hold hands.
I never let his older sibling hold the leash, but they are free to hold the other hand if they both agree.
Basically I'm not betting that his 3 year old brain can remember what I said about Stranger Danger when he gets really excited about a dog or a toy or whatever and being wrist buddies gives me peace and keeps my baby safe! In time I know he'll learn just like Big Sister did.

Are you talking about my son??? LOL He's 8 now and still has a tendancy to run. I have hook and eye locks on the tops of my screen doors so he can't get out and just "go" without me knowing it. I could tell you many other horror stories, too. As far as the stores are concerned, at that age I would tell him that he could either help push the cart or have one hand on the cart. If he took his hand off then he was put IN the cart for the remainder of the trip. He didn't like riding in the cart and it only took a few trips for him to realize I meant what I said. If there were no carts available he had to hold my hand or one of his older brothers hands. If he squirmed away and took off he had to hold my hand for the rest of the trip (I still do this). There were many trips where he would have to hold the hands of both the older two and would try escaping by falling to the floor pulling from their grasp. I got to the point that I told the older two to just drag him back to me across the floor and don't let go until I was done paying or whatever it was i was doing. By the time I got my hands on him after these episodes he knew he couldn't get away from me and would straighten up. He's an AI kid so it takes a lot longer for lessons of "stay with me" to sink in but he is finally to the point he won't take off anymore unless he is unusually hyper.

I hope this helps - S.

My son is no longer using his leash. I thought they were a gift from God! I am a big fan of kids on leashes. They help protect children not only from run offs but from an abductor. Although while having our son on a leash, my husband was approached with a negative comment. Luckily he thinks quickly, and was able to spin her nasty comment to a nice way right back to her. Watch out, Many people don't believe that children should be on a leash.

My son wandered away once at that age...I sternly told him that if he woundered away someone bad could take him and I may not ever see him again. It may sound harsh...but it sunk in fast. He never did it again.

This may sound cruel, but it worked for me: When my 12 year old daughter was 3 or 4, she would constantly try to wander away from me while we were shopping. After several warnings, on several occasions, I decided to teach her a lesson. I let her wander a few feet away from me and hid behind a clothes rack to watch her. After a few seconds, she realized that I was gone. She started to get scared and then went up to a young lady pushing a stroller and said, "I lost my Mommy!!" Well, I immediately stepped out and explained to the lady what I had done. The lady was very understanding. I had to teach her a lesson and also teach her to be a little scared. My daughter never wandered away from me again. It's better that she be a little scared and learn a lesson than something horrible happen. Drastic times call for drastic measures. I got lost as a child inside Kmart. I was scared to death!! They called my Mom on the loud speaker. I never, ever, strayed away from my mom again.

Supervise her closely! I had some scary moments with my second who did this. I finally used a harness/leash when we were at the mall because she'd get out of that stroller and be gone in a flash when I was paying for things or looking at something for just a minute. A backpack is also an idea that you could do. When my husband was with me, he'd carry our youngest this way and she loved it! She could see everything! Sometimes they like to travel in a wagon but they are easy to get out of. Sometimes you can "bribe" a child this age with a prize or treat if they stay put.

We use the Elmo lease with our daughter. We use it around the chest, but it can also be used around the wrist. We do get some dirty looks occassionally, but we also get a lot of I wish I had that when my kids were younger. I believe you have to do what works for you and the safety of your child. Most days my daughter doesn't mind having the lease on as long as I walk behind her because then she forgets she has it on and she has the freedom of not walking right next to me. It's been a life saver for us. We have not been using it as much lately and she has been getting better at staying next to us if it is only me with her or my husband with her, but if we make a group outing she is a nightmare thinking she can get away with anything. During this moods she will not stay in a cart no matter how tight we buckle her in.

I had a wrist leash once, but we never really used it. My son figured out early on how to take it off, and would do so when I was engaged in discussion with the cashier, for instance, or while I was scanning the shelves for my next purchase. He was my second oldest (my first wasn't the running off type) so we developed our running strategy early on in our parenting career : )

1) Compulsory hand holding while in public. (or my hand holds child's wrist if they are struggling finger wigglers ;) When your child eventually grows sick of this and whines, remind them that if they didn't run off all the time, it wouldn't be necessary.

2) At the first sign of running off in the grocery store, stick your child in the cart. [We generally have a "hands on the cart" rule, where the younger kids have to have at least one hand on the cart at all times] Remind them that they are now in the cart because they won't listen and keep running off. When your child becomes upset. Mention that if they didn't want to be forced to sit in the cart, they should have listened to you and not run off. If their tantrum continues, let them know you'll be leaving the store, going home, and putting them down for that nap they so clearly need (since they are not listening and having tantrums in public) :)

My biggest challenge was trying to keep the other kids from running after the wayward toddler. (who then just thought the running off was the start of a fun game of tag)If just my husband or I went after the wanderer, it felt more like "ugh-oh! Here comes Mom/Dad!" and therefore a lot less fun.

Good luck!

Hello D., My oldest was an escape artist also. 3 is when they want to be in control of their own lives. What worked for my daughter was treating her like a big girl when she deserved it, and taking that privilege away when she didn't. Example: If you can stay with us then you can walk like a big boy, but if you start to wander then you will have to hold hands(wear the leash) like a baby. Don't give ANY attention for his bad behavior other than holding his hand. Bad attention is still attention, and that is a reward for 3 year olds, this includes simply talking to them. Praise him, clap and get him a special treat, like a trip to the dollar store for not running off like a baby. Hope this helps.

D., many children who are on the autism spectrum have "no fear and take off in public". My first question to you is about his developmental milestones. If you lost your voice for three or four days, could you communicate w/ him using only gestures? Is he watching you for non-verbal clues and cues and communication? Watching you in public and staying by your side is basic attachment, where he watches you and keeps himself close. If he's not watching you and if he's not responsible to keep himself close, you may have a defiant child who needs better limits and boundaries (which starts at home, not in public) or he may have a developmental delay in an area of communication which affects attachment.

You have three older children, and I gather that this bolting in public didn't happen with them, so I'm guessing you're a good limit and boundary setter.

You may want to contact your local school district for a developmental screening. If he's over three, he's too old for "Early On" and you'll need to contact the special ed dept. DO IT NOW because the school has 30 school days from the day they get your written request to do the screening. If you wait, you'll wind up not getting any eval or screening until school resumes in September.

And the leash is a good idea -- do what you need to do to keep him w/ you in public!

You sound like a great mom!

I was just talking about this with some other moms a couple days ago. My daughter, now 5, also was a runner when she was 3. I told her that if she didn't stay close to me that she would have to sit in the stroller/cart and be buckled. I would also ALWAYS carry with me her teddy backpack leash when we were in a place like the mall. I did get a few looks, but as a mom who KNOWS her child, you just have to ignore them - they do not understand. My thought was - I'd rather have them on a "leash" and safe, than for them to run off and get lost, kidnapped, or hurt. All it took for her to vanish was A SECOND. After a couple times of having a heart attack and finding her far from me, I got the backpack leash (Walmart). She actually loved it and requested it. I only referred to it as her Teddy backpack and that it had a tail for mommies to hold.
By the way - it took her until she was 4 until she no longer needed the backpack. (but she would still request it!) lol

Don't put your child on a leash. Shes not a dog. Take control let her know whats right and wrong. Have all the kids hold hands when they are shopping with you and if she buddies with one over the other older kids. Than she needs to stay and hold there hand till you get to the car and if she does this she gets a reward. If she doesn't the consiquence is she can be kidnapped and taken from you. Tell her that. Also your older kids could should be able to help you out. They make videos about what happens when making a bad choice of running off. Theres videos I think there at the library or you can buy them at kmart and stores. Theres one with elmo or blues clues or big bear ina blue house that show what to do when out with strangers and how to act or what to do if someone takes you you don't know. If she watches these with you or her older siblings she may get the idea its not safe to run from mom in the store or in the parking lot. I personally just talk and explain things to my kids and they learn from elmo and bear in the big blue house and from ther older siblings. I feel teaching is the key. She will learn. Just keep explaining. Life can be crazy but it can be done Good luck!!

A leash is not going to teach obedience. Getting him to obey you is key here. Work on that at home and let him know that until he can come when called, stay next to you when you're outside and things like that, its unsafe to take him to the park. Try using a blanket in the living room and teach him to stay on the blanket to play, or just try keeping him in one room while the others are running around the house. He needs to learn to stay within certain set boundaries (ones that others ignore) before you are safe to be out and about.

Oh my goodness! I know how terrifing that is. My son is also 3 and is the exact same way! I was skeptical about the leash idea because i thought it to be a bit cruel, but he took to it quiet well. We bought ours from Toys R Us. It's a backpack, and the "leash" part attaches to the back of the backpack. my son loves putting his little hot wheels, and Thomas the train figurins in there. The backpack buckles around his waist, which makes it nearly impossible for him to take it off. I hope this helps. Good luck and God Bless!!

I have a three year old who at times will do the same. He is the oldest of our kids. I was told to do some training at home. During the day have him sit in a chair, or on a blanket and set a timer. He needs to practice self control and learn to sit for longer periods of time. When he shows signs that he can sit long enough without getting up and until YOU tell him he can get up he may be ready for better control when out in public.
With my guy I have also told myself and him that if he runs off like that he is showing me that he needs to be in a stoller like a baby cause he can't handle that freedom. If I don't have a stroller handy I just make sure I hold his and and DON'T let it go. He hates it but he also knows that once he shows more control he will be able to let go of my hand.

Three is a great trainging age. It sounds like he just needs a shortened leash. Watch him closely and don't allow so much freedom. This alone seems like punishment to them but it teaches them to be responsible with their decisions and their bodies.

One run and that could be his life. Good luck. It is frustrating and scary too!

Hello,
I don't really have any personal expirence with this, my Daughter is only 7mo. old. However I was reading through the responses you have recieved, and I just wanted to say that I think there is no issue with using a leash, they make them in cute little back packs, yes you may get a few looks, but I would rather have that, then to turn around and my child be gone, even if they are just hiding in a clothes rack as they alll do, it still scares the hell out of you for a moment. Do what you think is best for your babies :-) Mothers intuition is always right!
Good luck!