Mom's Don't Be angry...i'm a Guy and Need Perspective...

i would say you are doing what you need to do to show her that you want this to work out. Maybe this is just her way of saying it was an accident and that she just doesnt want to deal with the realities of it yet. or she just feels that once she takes that step she will lose everything as far as going to school and finishing her education. speaking from experience it is so hard to go to school with kids and when you get everything you want and need. It just might be easier for her to finish this way. maybe if you would move where she is and then maybe you be the one communiting might work with her. sorry i dont have much advice for you but i do APPLAUDE you for w2hat you are doing thereb are many men out there that would not do that.

50/50 ...reminds mo of a scene in joyluck club. That union didn't work.

I have to go with Riley J and whomever she's ad libing on this one.

lol, I think Chrissy's right about this being a third post. Either that or S. and Milla both need to learn how to use the apostrophe correctly...

Stop trying to control her life. You have a plan - you have all this stuff YOU want to do... and you don't understand why she won't join your plan? It seems pretty clear, your vision is all about doing it your way and her making compromises. (She can travel further to school, she can share bills with you 50/50 when you know she's living off her savings now?)

I completely understand where she's coming from. Would you have proposed if she wasn't pregnant, if she didn't have your baby? That is her point - you wouldn't have (most likely)... and she doesn't want a guy that is only with her because of the baby. She wants a happy marriage - not someone that settled for her, or she settled on. She also doesn't want to end up trapped, which she would be if she moved in with you and didn't end up finishing her school. She wants to have the ability to be independent.

You can still be a good Dad without living with her. Afraid or not -- set up child support. Until you have something official and protect yourself she could come after you for support AND back support. Set up custody and visitation as well. Do this the right way through the available channels.

Good luck.

Sounds like you are being very selfish. I think child support is the biggest thing on your mind. If you truly wanted to make things right, you would ask her what she wanted & make compromises from there. All I hear is what you want & what you think is best for everyone involved & you want her to make all the sacrifices & changes. Maybe you should move to her, get a new job, & be a full time father.

Kudos to her for keeping her head on & finishing school. I wish more woman were strong like her, she truly is a role model for a single mom. You should tell her how proud you are of her for being strong, this means that your son will benefit from a strong mother that doesn't want to live off a man or collect child support.

I also commend her for not taking your bait & agreeing to getting a new car & splitting the payment. She was fine with her older car & you dangled a new car at her with the hopes she will cave which would mean that you would have some control over her.

Also shame on you for not writing anything about loving her, maybe you are looking at her more like a roommate instead of a potential wife. You don't talk about any love for her but you mention splitting the bills often. I think she sees right thru your true intentions.

I think the mother of your child has written on this forum a few other times. If it is her she mentioned that you have not been helping out much financially. I hope this is not the case but if it is you need to stop your 'investing' & start investing in your son even though you don't have much 'budget room', and don't expect receipts. I hope you get some good advice.

Your story sounds vaguely familiar. I think we have already heard the other side.

Anyway, there are a ZILLION red flags in your post. 'Started pressuring her to move in with you'. She said no she will not help you pay for the car and you bought it anyway. Marriage is NEVER EVER 50/50. And so on. Of couse you'll need counseling, but meanwhile, will she agree to move into a place of her own only closer? Why can't YOU move to be where she is?

It's WONDERFUL you want to parent your child! I think for now you should have a mutual legal agreement with a set schedule for the baby.

She is not hearing from you that you are just crazy about her and are willing to go great lengths to live your life with her. She's hearing you want a sensible arrangement that's convenient for YOU to have a relationship with your child. That is not the basis of a successful marriage.

Everybody 'gets along great at first'. I think her concerns are legit. I think she's doing the right thing for all three of you.

Sorry, just the way I see it, I mean since you asked. :(

Good for you wanting to be involved with your son. But it doesn't mean you have to move in with his mother.

She is overwhelmed with all the changes. She told you that and I believe her. She is being honest, so please respect that. Appreciate that she is not trying to snag you into marrying her. Be there for your child, be there for her as the mother of your child, but give her the space to work out her feelings and feel secure that you are part of the solution, and not yet another pressure on her.

By the way, splitting 50/50 only works if you both make the same amount, so her point about not having the same earning power as you shows she is concerned about this. I make significantly more than my husband and cover way more of our expenses. So if you ever do move in with this lady or anyone else, sharing expenses proportionately is what's fair, not 50/50.

What can you do to make it better? Do what she asked and back off. There is nothing better to get a woman to run, not walk, in the other direction than to not listen to what she is telling you.

She is telling you she feels overwhelmed, that she wants to slow down, she needs space to sort all this out and yet you are pressuring her into getting married, moving in, having another baby after you get married! All of those things are the quickest way for you to never have a real relationship with this woman.

Make the effort to go to her and your son on the weekends. Offer to stay with your son so she can catch up on errands, school work or just have a few minutes to herself. Make sure you are supporting your son financially.

Just back off and give her time to come to you on her own.

Good for you for wanting to be there for her and your son. Sounds like you are well intentioned. Don't pressure her or you will push her away.

Continue to be there for your son and help his mother. She does have a lot on her plate. Getting married or living together just because you have a child together is not in anyone's best interest. Becasue of your son you should both give it your best shot but you can't stay together just because of him. If you add extra travel time to her load, it is only going to be tougher for everyone.

Your relationship did not have a chance to truly develop before your child's birth and having a newborn can be stressful under the best circumstances. Be patient.

Have you considered moving closer to her and your son? That would allow you to be there for them, not add time to her commute, and show her you aren't asking her to give up everything while you don't.

The "what happened" post indicates that you want to split every 50/50 knowing she is not employed right now. Correct me if I am wrong but she is the primary/custodial parent and provides the majority of care and you still expect to only pay 50/50? That is unrealistic. It sounds like you want her to move in to avoid child support. That may be part of her hesitation.

"Taking a step back" means she doesn't want to move in with you. Don't try to analyze it any further than that.

Good for you for trying to make this work for your son, and maybe she'll come around eventually, and maybe she won't. Meantime, don't be a doormat (it's not attractive to women anyway), and spend as much time with your son as you can. He's what matters anyway.

Saw your "what happened": Oh wait, so you want to move in with her to avoid child support? Sorry, no good answers for that. That's why you protect yourself before having sex. Child support or not, this is what you got into by not using a condom, so go out there and be a good dad, and get used to being broke.

From the little I have to go on she sounds like a woman with a good head on her shoulders and her priorities in line. Your relationship will have a much better chance for long term success if you give her the space she is asking for. Pushing her will only lead to resentment and doubts. If you continue to stand by her as she finishes her education and be an involved and responsible dad to your son, she will feel much more confident about your relationship. But of course, you could do everything perfect and still not end up marrying her, you can't force a relationship and expect it to last. The best thing you can do for everyone involved is be supportive and understanding of her needs. Good luck.

Control.
She wants to be in control of her life.
No matter how much you offer to help,
she's holding back because she believes
that you will have control over her if she agrees to give in.
Best suggestion . . . see if the two of you can see a counselor together.
One who will meet with each of you separately and both of you together.
It may be hard for each of you to hear the other one clearly,
since your internal filters get in the way.
A counselor may be able to help sort out the conflicting needs/expectations, and give you both some guidance on how to proceed.
Good luck.

She sounds like a smart woman. Make your relationship about the baby for now (support your child physically, emotionally, and financially). Of course, show your care and respect to her as well. Let her know that you are willing to wait for more (marriage, moving, etc.). And then wait. Patiently.

Obviously, there will come a time when you both need to fish or cut bait. I would give this thing at least another year before you make any major decisions.

EDITED
Saw your what happened. No sir -- That is not how child support works. You pay a set %tage of your salary; regardless of what she makes or what you have saved, invested or whatever else you feel you cannot cut from your budget. Don't like where you are going with this post.

I think it's really creepy that you're posting here under the guise of innocence after your ex/gf came here looking for advice. Are you spying on her? Your intentions are clearly about control and self-interest. This is especially revealing:

"I'm concerned that child support will be a lot. I want to keep receipts and just split them at the end of the month. I do a lot of investing and don't have much budget room. That's also something I think about."

Get over it, buddy. So she's supposed to pay for everything and then come to you begging for money at the end of every month? Talk about you being in control...and what leverage does she have? You've made it quite obvious that she needs to take legal action and get court-ordered child support from you or you will do what you can to weasel your way out of it. I know your game and so will many of the moms on here.

Raising a child IS expensive and you WILL be responsible for half as he is YOUR son. I actually advised her to try it out with you, but now I'm kicking myself and will advise her to see you for your true intentions and run for the hills. I hope she gets a court order and soon. It is very clear that you are above all interested in paying as little as you can for your son. Leave her alone, you disgust me.

Whatever else happens, learn to be her friend. Anything that comes from that is blessed. Our first son was conceived 2 months in to the relationship. We were in no place in our lives to have a child, and yet, we committed to raising him together, no matter the outcome. We committed to learning to and becoming very very good friends, regardless of anything else, for the baby's sake. It helped us focus on what was important. (results-marriage-not typical lol)

I hope you read and reread the responses here, these women are wise.
(and bravo to all of these wise women here!)

I only read a few answers, but I agree with Sarah and MeganOlie. Give her a break and realize that her hormones and life are on a weird roller coaster. Perhaps she is worried if she dumps her whole life out the window, marries you, and then things don't work out with you two, then what will she have? No degree, no career path, nothing to fall back on that's for HER. SOunds like all of this has fallen upon her quickly and she's stressed, trying to forsee the future but unable to do so. So she wants to play it safe and slow. She's probably like me and doesn't want to get married until she's done with a few of her other goals. If you two are meant to be together, why not marry and live together in a year or two when she's done with school?

I say just love her, support her, support your child (keep receipts or a log of what monies/diapers/formula you give). Go visit her, do Skype, etc. Tell her that you want her to move there with you, but you are willing to wait for her, b/c you love her so much and want her to be happy. By giving her room to breathe, you'll show her that you do value her and her wishes. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. If not, then at least you won't have to go thru all the legalities of a divorce with a child. NOT fun for any party involved.

Best of luck.

I understand you wanting to be there for your son, which includes child support at this time. A woman goes through so much when pregnant and I don't think a man will ever understand what it takes out of a woman. She just went through one of the most intense and important moments of her life with someone she doesn't have a foundation with. How scary is that? You are asking her to turn her whole life around even more. Though it doesn't seem fair to the child, she is doing the only thing she knows to do right now and that is take a breather. Marriage? You have been together a year and it was distance...what substance did you two have other than having a few good nights to create a baby? Sorry that is harsh...but it's the truth. Stop trying to control her decisions. Listen to her concerns and support that. Life is hard for her, too right now...you don't get to see your son everyday, that has to be very hard...but try and see it from her perspective...don't pressure...that isn't what she needs right now...i'm sure she is under enough pressure to try and do the best thing.

I don't understand how you have the money to invest in all these things, but don't have the money to invest in your son. You have the money to get a car but think child support will be expensive. I would give things up for my kids and I have. That is the sign of a true and loving parent. You need to put your son first, not yourself. In order to put him first you also need to back off his mom. If you want to try to make it work in the long run you have to be there for the long haul. I think the two of you should go to counseling and talk about your problems. I think this will be good for you two as parents even if you don't wind up being a couple. You could try to date her and woo her if she is accepting of that. Offer to take her to a movie or dinner-just to have fun and not worry about talking about where you to stand. Take her for a walk with your little boy. Just talk with her and be supportive (not badgering about the future). Let her finish school. You can date until then and then if the two of you still want to discuss your future then you can. Pay your dues as a daddy; spend time with your son and pay for raising him. He is your priority.

You are putting way too much pressure on her. You are being too controlling. If you love her and truly want what is best for her, then you will respect the decisions that she has made thus far. Her decision to complete her education is a very smart one. If she doesn't do that now, then she most likely never will. You need to back off and give her some breathing room. The more you try to force the issue, the more of a turn off you become and you will blow any chance that you might have at developing that family that you so desire. The quote, "If you love something, set it free; if it comes back to you, it was yours, if it doesn't, it never was," is very appropriate for your situation right now.

Also, you may have to adjust your budget and not invest as much as you have been to accomodate the cost of having a child.

DON'T PUSH!!!

You're doing the classic guy thing and trying to 'fix' this situation, when what you should be doing is listening to what she NEEDS and is asking from you!

She sounds like she doesn't want to be 'taken care of', like she wants to be on equal footing with you before committing to a relationship. She's right to be worried about rushing things now and causing more problems later. Most people that I know who got married because of a baby are either miserable and still together or divorced.

There's nothing wrong with taking your time here . If you really love this woman and want to be with her for life, then you need to stop pressuring her and just *be*. Be her boyfriend. Be the father of her child. Be her friend. But DON'T be 'that guy' that won't leave her alone about getting married or moving in.

Anything worthwhile is worth the work AND the wait :)

I'm a single mom and I understand where she is coming from. I am scared to death of meeting that perfect man and getting married, living together, sharing everything, baby getting attached to the man, and then it not working. It's super scary to think of up rooting a child from where they are comfortable, and love. If it was just me, then sure, marry a man and if it doesn't work. Oh well. But it involves an innocent child. Also she has already made schedules, has her way of doing things, and probably doesn't want you to change things. Which moving and marriage would.
Another thing that DOES NOT help at all, is her hormones. If they were anything like mine (i'm now 13 month postpartum) I'm still sooooooooooooooooooo hormonal!!! That really effects how we think, like you men and sex.
Keep doing what you are doing, and she'll either come around or move on. Which if she decides to move on, then that is what she thinks is best for her. Which you of course wont like, but if she doesn't think it will work in the beginning, then at the end she'll just be right. Don't push, that could push her farther.
I applaud you for wanting to be there. My son's dad has decided not to be around and I feel for my son not getting that father figure around. Yay for great daddyness!!

If the mother of your child has posted here before...and I believe she has...I totally get where she is coming from...she has family support where she is living, she is close to school, she has everything she needs right where she is located. Do you live close to her and her school/family? Or are you asking her to pick up and move a significant distance from her current location.

Are you asking her to move in because you really want to make your relationship go to the next step or to get out of paying child support?? Child support is going to be expensive...children are expensive...you need to be paying it...splitting the bills might be cheaper for you and she sees that as one of the reasons you are pressuring her into moving in...not out of love, but out of it being a "cheaper" solution for you.

So she wants to date a while...great, date her...woo her...make sacrifices for her...pay her child support (talk about showing her how much you are committed to her and your child)...if you find out you are a great and compatible match...wonderful then get married down the road. But make sure you are really well suited and getting married for the right reasons...and a baby is not the right reason.

Back off, give her some room.

I can't honestly believe that you would think your INVESTING is more important than child support. I'm thinking I would want space from you too.

... its great you are trying to do the right thing... wanting to be a "Partner" and a "Dad."
It seems... your intentions... are genuine.

But... no where in your post... did you mention anything about how you feel about her?? Do you love her? Are you just doing this... out of your wanting a child??? Do you really... see a future with her.... SOLIDLY?

Naturally... she is overwhelmed. She just had a baby. She is going to school. She is not solidly in a profession as you are. HER life... is still changing... motherhood... is a real doozy. It takes a TON... or readjusting too... and to have a Man in her life... whom she has not known long... is quite... overwhelming too. But she had a baby with you... still... that does not mean... she is ready... to do the marriage and living together thing.

She probably... envisioned having a "Husband" and a child... the traditional way. Like most women dream of. Not JUST because... of an accidental, pregnancy.... and to then shack up or get married shot gun style.
There is a TON of things, for her to digest. PLUS... you went ahead... and did things... despite her feelings on it. ie: Buying the car. Getting an apartment. Assuming that bills would be split 50/50. (when she does NOT have the same earnings as you. That is not equitable by the way).
In other words.... you are "planning" your AND Her life... without really considering... her feelings on it or her visions of what she is going through. You are just "ASSUMING" things.... and going ahead with it. Trying to convince her.

Luckily for you... she is NOT a "mooch" or a leach... who got pregnant on purpose and is trying to use you. SO... count that as a blessing. For you. She seems to have admirable qualities and a smart head on her shoulder. GOOD for you.... she is an independent Woman. Appreciate that. She is.... trying to be wise... and not "rush" anything. Which is smart.

And YES... you both need to get to know each other better. NO woman... wants to.... be married to a Man.... whom she does not know... nor feel 100% confident/safe/trusting/positive about. She is actually SMART... for not just rushing to get married. Because otherwise, she could potentially end up... in a very bad situation. MANY women.... are victimized that way. So you need to understand... that women... will always look out for that.... AND their child.... and not commit until they KNOW... in their heart...that things are.... normal and healthy and good. That you are.... a normal good Man... whom she also has to "love" as well... not just play the role and play house with.

In fact, if I were her... I would background-check you. I would also want to see your resume..... and I would... thoroughly, check out your background and stability....

AND you also did NOT mention... if YOU met her Family and if she met yours????

The thing is... you seem to really want this and her and the baby. BUT is it really... or is it just the 'idea' of it... that you want? ie: a family and another baby.... and it does not matter with whom? Or is it really HER.... that you value and cherish and love... in your HEART. AND that you care for her?????
If you do care for her... genuinely.... (even if she did not have a baby).... would you STILL want to marry her and be with her.... and all that stuff????
If you do care for her... you WILL wait for her.... and be there for her at the same time... AND still be caring... and NOT toss ultimatums or challenges or conundrums... her way. If a Man... REALLY loves and cares for the woman... he WILL... be patient and nurture the relationship caring-ly..... and respect.... her.

If you really want to get to know her.... then you will... like any other normal couple... and always talking about it... and not it being ONLY one way or one sided.

AND yes... any woman, would worry about getting pregnant again... by accident.
And yes... she DOES have to think about HER future... HER education... HER career... HER baby with you... and the 'future'.... is all very overwhelming to a new Mom.

She feels.... like she is being manipulated. That maybe you will take her baby from her. That you are just a fox in sheep's clothing..... that you will control her... that you will take advantage of her because she does not have the financial strength as you do.... that she will become... hurt.
Like many men.... do to women and their child.
It is the ugly side... to relationships.... but reality..

IF you are an upstanding Man... who cares about her.... then... you will stay by her side... and help and care and nurture and get to know her for her... not because of, the baby.

Its great you want to be a Dad and are trying your best... to do what is best.
I know this is hard for you... but women, in this society... have to be REAL REAL wary... of a Man... and how that will affect her life and her child. And it also has to do with TRUST. AND... if you are true blue and completely genuine with no hidden agenda... THEN your actions will be the same as what comes out of your mouth. AND... you will not put only yourself... first.

The bottom line is: IF you love her.... for her??? She does not know that... and is wary of you.... because of that... too.

And by the way... married or not... you both have to contribute to the raising/care of the baby. BUT... you say to split things 50/50. Well, that is not equitable... because, she does not have the same income as you. She CANNOT put in the same amount or money. DO you see that???
AND if you are a couple... usually the one with the financial/money/job strength... is the one who will naturally support the family. DO you realize that??? And if you are married... will you also support her going to school? Will you support her working? HOW do you 'expect' her to be as a "Wife?????" Because... IF your and her ideas about that differ.... then you will have conflict... or you will have to learn to respect each other for who you are... not about what you do for other. It is not about keeping tabs on each other or tallying how much $ one has versus the other, or who buys more diapers than the other etc. It is a JOINT.... effort.... on everything.... material AND emotionally.
You cannot just keep doing what YOU are doing and investing in... and then expect her to just fit into that. YOU have to REadjust... your life, your finances...and everything too.... compromising, sacrificing... spending less here and more there... and thinking about about it JOINTLY.... with her. That is what "marriage" is.
AND not just expecting the woman... to 'become' what you want.. what if her ideas on what a "wife" is... is different than yours??? And her idea of what a "Husband" is is different from yours???
Lots.... to contemplate... and discuss... and see about.
DO NOT rush it. Let it be a "courtship."

all the best,
Susan

Back off and let her have time before you lose her and get only limited access to your son. Buying the car was a mistake. I think you should apologize, back off, and sell that car.

How exactly did you find out she was coming here for support? Are you stalking her online?

It sounds to me like she has a lot on her plate right now and is being reasonable by wanting you to back off. It sounds to me like you are a responsible, loving man and are a great father. However, maybe she feels like things are going really fast. She got pregnant after not knowing you for a long time, and probably felt unprepared. I don't think pressuring marriage and for her to move in with you is what she needs. Yes, it sounds great and in reality, would be a great thing. But women are emotional creatures and she needs to sort through everything that's going on.
My advice would just to be as supportive to her and your child as you can. It sounds like you're already doing this, but keep doing it!
And just a question, why couldn't you get an apartment closer to her school? Probably because it was closer to your work, but I just want some clarification there. It's great that she wants to finish her degree, so help her any way you can. If she wants some space, give it to her, but don't give up on her until she tells you too.
Best of luck to you!

Whatever is going on in her head, the baby is yours, too, not just hers. I would contact a lawyer and see if u can get 50-50 custody. The baby needs u just as much. All kids need their daddy to be their daddy, not an occasional babysitter like u are in danger of becoming.

She can't afford to do what you are asking her to do. She is scared and needs time to figure things out.

I was in the same situation. All I needed was time to figure out what I wanted and how I was going to survive the next few months, or was it the next few hours.

I am now engaged to him (father of my daughter) and we live together happily. I am not saying that everything will turn out perfect for you, but you really need to give her the space that she is asking for.

Why don't you court her for awhile and get to know her better. Build a better relationship. If you truly love her and you want to be with her and have another child together then listen to her. You sound like a pretty stand up kind of guy. Could it be that she is overwhelmed? Having a child brings about so many new feelings in a women. It's like you have to get to know yourself all over again. Because the cart came before the horse you are really going to have to work to prove that you love her. It is very honorable that you have asked her to marry you and that you want to have her move in, but she can never be sure you are doing because you love her or that you feel obligated to the baby. It will take time and you will kind of have to prove yourself. Continue to be there for her. Date her and get to know her. Marry her and then move in together. Ask her what her goals are and ask her how can you help her to make those a reality. Show her you care for her and be the best Dad in the entire world. I fell in love with my husband ten fold once I saw how wonderful a Dad he could be.

There have been some good responses here. I just want to highlight the facts that cohabiting couples are less likely to get married than couples who don't cohabit, that marriages that take place when the couple has cohabited are more likely to lead to divorce, and that women in cohabiting relationships are more likely to be abused than married women. If you'd really like to do what is best for your child and for the mother of your child, don't pressure her to move in with you. Pursue her, woo her, provide for her, and take the time (it will take time!) to demonstrate that you are a man who will be a good husband and father. Then ask her to be your wife, and continue to woo her, provide for her, and love her and your son. Disrespecting her wishes, asking her to pay for your apartment when she doesn't have an income right now, pressuring her, and demanding that she give up those things that provide security and stability for her do not demonstrate either love or the characteristics of a good husband and father.

Its great that you want to be involved in your son's life and want a family and it sucks that she doesn't feel the same way but it sounds like she is really overwhelmed and uncertain about the future right now. Even if you're the guy for her, she's not going to see that with you pressuring her to move in with you, hours away from her family and friends, all alone with a new baby. She needs space and time and you have to give those things to her if you want any chance of this ending up well. Whether you two end up together or not (only time will tell with that one), you have to respect her wishes, back off and just be a father for now (not a husband, maybe not even a boyfriend). If you can, move closer to her so you can see the baby more but give her room to breathe -- don't talk about being a family, moving in, marrying, etc. Show her how great it is to have you in her and the baby's life by making things easier for her, not harder.

She is just scared and doesn't want anymore change right now. She needs a normal but at her own pace. I think if she finished school and earns a paycheck she will relax more. When I was a stay at home mom I felt that I didn't "give" enough even thought I took care of the kids, the housework and yardwork. Hubby said that was enough and more so I learned to accept it. Now that I'm working part time I feel like I can give "more" Give her some time and if she doesn't come around then it's not meant to be. Stay involved in your child's life that is the most important thing. I just hope she doesn't push you away as it show's you want to be involved.

.

Hi S.:
I understand where you are coming from but stop pressuring her. If this is meant to be it will be. She needs to finish her education and get a good job so she can feel secure.
I always tell women to be secure in their life before moving in with their boyfriend. If the incomes are too unbalanced and she is totally dependent upon you and you decide that this isn't working she could end up homeless.
For now continue to pay child support and let her have her space. She needs to finish school and all the pressure isn't helping her.

Focus your energy on the baby -- spend as much time with him as you can, pay your share to support him (babies are expensive!). Consider that since he is still so young you'll probably have to make an extra effort to spend time with him -- its easier for you to drive to her house to visit the baby than for her to pack him up and bring him to you. Offer to stay with the baby when she needs time away for her classes or just to have a little time to herself. Things may or may not work out with the mother, pressuring won't help. But in any case your relationship with your son is important and that is where you should be focusing your efforts now.

It can't be about all that you want right now. I think that she is looking at things realistically and that it is wonderful that you took the necessary steps to man up and do what you felt was right, but if she didn't go along with the plan you had, maybe she just needs time. There aren't many men who would've taken it upon themselves as you did to try to make a go of things and I commend you all that you tried to do, but may be she doesn't want to complicate things any further at the moment. She may not be sure of what she wants at this time and may want to ease into things to be sure for all of your sake to take things slowly so things don't spiral downward. It's understandable that you want things to be the way you want them now, but can you find it in your heart to give her the space and repect her wishes for a while. You sound like a great person for doing all that you have already. Good luck.

I don't blame her for not wanting to move in and have a 50-50 relationship with you. If you want a relationship, marry her now. Skip the moving in until after you are married. It really isn't very flattering to her that you want to share expenses. For me it would be 100-100 or nothing. She needs to see that you are truly committed to HER, not just to your baby. It is good that you are committed to the baby. But, it sounds like you are mostly worried about the financial arrangement.

I clearly remember this story! I am SURE this was posted from the woman's perspective. I just wish I could find that post for you.

I don't believe for a second this is from "S.". I think this is your 3rd post with the same question where you are still looking for the answer you want to hear. The first post was probably your most truthful and you didn't like the answers that people gave. Your second was a little more on the "victim" end and then this one... bizarre. You can't make yourself fall in love with someone. Call it a day and have shared custody and move on.

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I don't believe for a second this is from "S.". I think this is your 3rd post with the same question where you are still looking for the answer you want to hear. The first post was probably your most truthful and you didn't like the answers that people gave. Your second was a little more on the "victim" end and then this one... bizarre. You can't make yourself fall in love with someone. Call it a day and have shared custody and move on.

First thing you should do is get a paternity test. Pregnant at month 2 of the relationship????? Make sure it is your child, please!!!

Tough situation, but I applaud you for wanting to be an active part of your son's life. Focus on that... move closer to him if you need to. You can't control how she feels, but you can control how you build a relationship with your son. Do that and see if she will follow. She is just overwhelmed, and sensitive to any action on your part to make it "work". As hard as it is, show you care for her by giving her space and being a great Dad. Good luck!

You sound like a great guy. I remember reading her posting and thinking that she was immature. Her life may be hectic with all that she has taken on but it doesn't mean it should seclude you....unless she really doesn't want a relationship in the future.

Good luck. I hope she can remember that sometimes it takes risks and hard work to make a relationship work. Whatever the reason was that she found you worth having sex with, should be a reason for trying to make this relationship work.

This sure does sound like a post from a woman's point of view (Milla)! If not, you sure are a guy that listens and remembers your girlfriend's point of view about everything! Maybe she should give you a second chance, since you are sooooo tuned into her.

She may need some time to understand things so if she needs space give her some but also it is better for children to see two parents together if the relationship is good. Explain that you will give her time and that you will always support her even if she did move in with you. Explain that just because she is out of a job doesn't mean that she doesn't contribute as much as you do. She needs to feel secure as much as you do. Tell that they will always be your top priority and that you will always be there for them and you want her to finish her school and have the job of her dreams. And after you tell her this make sure she knows that "you will wait for as long as she needs to feel secure" and here is the key sentence "because she is worth the wait."

If this were the other way around I would tell the woman that that man doesnt want to be with you... SO why are you pushing let him go. So same for you, She dont want you. Pay your CS, and have split custody or whatever. Obviosly she isnt moving in with you for a reason, and what woman doesnt want to get married to the man who is the baby's dad. A woman who doesnt want to be with that man.. Sorry... Hell that might not be your baby for all we know... Is that bad? sorry sometimes i am very blunt and these are things that come to my mind. you might want toget that checked. Sometimes thing happen. Who knows she might come around... IDK, but you cant convince her to move with you it wont work

Having a baby is tough. And especially if it is an unplanned pregnancy. It can wreak emotional and mental havoc on a woman (and man) at times. She probably feels a little like she has lost control of her life at this point. As I'm sure you know, your whole world changes from "me" to "the baby" when they come. And it can throw things out of wack for a while til you find your "new normal."

She probably just needs a little time to get used to everything. Plus, she's probably not getting a lot of sleep and that makes it harder to think clearly and keep hold of your emotions.

I agree with focusing on the baby. The relationship will come. It is sexy to see a guy being a good dad.

A father should be paying child support willingly to provide for his child today, not investing for the future. A child needs food, medicine, clothes, diapers, and a safe home today.
You need to get an attorney so you understand your responsibilities and what your actual legal rights and obligations are. If you have enough to invest, you have enough to pay for an attorney.
Some people question whether this is really the woman, posing as a man, to get a certain answer. I don't know. I know if I got pregnant by some guy I barely knew, I would have a court order regarding paternity, child support, and visitation as soon as the baby was born. I would protect my child and myself.

Not once is the word love used. It sounds to me like she has her head on straight. She knows you well enough now to realize that you are not her future. yes you have a child together, now be a father and quit trying to be a husband. You want to invest your money then, then do it for your child and quit being condencending about it. Split the bills. Really. How about you give her $1000.00 a month. A Good Day Care will cost that. Support her on Finishing School, and be her friend, that is were all solid relationships start.