Mom Desparate for Advice

M. sorry to hear of your situation but with out all of the info on it i can only base your opinion off of your own words you wrote. Please don't be offended but i am a mother of two beautiful children who i would walk to the end of the earth for. I for one would of never left my children in a atmosphere where there mother feared there father or would've left them period....This is coming from a single mother of two who left my husband and had nothing but my personal belongings and that just so happened to include my children.. Money should not be an issue if i understand you correctly you are living at your parents due to financial problems .WHAT about your children is the house to small or something? There is help out there for mom's out there in your situation.I would suggest get your self a lawyer. I can not imagine walking out the door leaving the children behind. Shame on you!!Do you know when you walk out the door with out your children you are giving the father the rights and responsability of children that's why he's making the calls on there behalf..And just too clue you in today as we speak i just finished a long custody battle against my husband who left and i walked away today with sole legal and physical custody of my children. And through it all i've used every penny i earned to get them and i lost a vehicle and almost my home through all this.Good luck
please don't think im a mean person but i was a child who's mother left me with my father and i think it's a sin. And yes i don't know your whole story but if you want you can email me at ____@____.com i am willing to talk to you.

M.,

First and foremost, make sure that you are taking care of yourself so that you have a clear head when dealing with the other issues. You should be eligible for child-support and alimony, but you have to get that taken care of - it won't just happen. My main concern is for the children. I know you said there is a lot more to the story than what you said here, so I'm sure you fill me in, but how far away from you are the children? If you are struggling with this situation chances are they are struggling too and don't understand what is going on. Is there a chance that you will have the kids again or are they going to stay with your ex? Are you in Mercer County? Mercer County has a program that you can use if you don't have any money to fill out the paperwork for custody agreements. You go to them and they walk you through the process - this way it is a 'legal document' and must be adhered to by both you and your ex husband, and it creates stability for all of you, especially the children. Also, you can go through domestic relations to figure the alimony and child support. These services are all available to you free of charge. Good Luck.

L.

Dear M.,

If you were a stay at home mom and your husband was suporting you. He is required to continue to keep you in the lifestyle you were accustomed for a certain period of time (I believe it is at least 6 months). So, yes you are entitled to alimony. Child support is granted to children unless each parent has a 50/50 custody split. You are entitled to half of everything. You need an attorney. If you can't afford one you need to see if your local bar association because they can offer you one probono. You should not be seperated from your kids. Possesion is 90% of the law. It may be difficult for you the longer they are only with him as the court will take this in consideration. If you do not have a custody order at this time then you do not have to schedule time. You can say I am coming to get the kids and go get them. If he refuses to give them to you make a police report, this can help you establish his refusal. The court is going to look at the parent that enhances the relationship of the other parent. They will see his behavior as toxic. I hope this helps.

All My Best,
J.

I agree with others, talk to a lawyer. I believe in PA divorces are "no fault." This means you can not get alimony. But I could be wrong. Good luck to you and your family.

You are entitled to half of everything and allimony. I was in a similar situation, except I borrowed and begged and got a very good lawyer to help me figure out what was mine. I am extremely happy now and wish the best for you.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I would recommend contacting an attorney to find out what you are entitled to and how to get it. You will also want guidance on the issue of custody. You might want to consider counseling or a support group to help you deal with the emotions you are facing. Good emotional health will help you be strong in dealing with your ex and doing what is best for you and your children. Good luck to you.

Call a lawyer immediately!!!!!! Yes, you are entitled for alimony and child support, but you have to file for it!If you are only using "his" lawyer, you may be missing out on some benefits you may be entitled to, so I suggest if you are not sure, you get yourself a lawyer, Also, you need someone to direct you with the best way to handle the kids. You also may need to see a therapist to help you thru this time, especially if you are feeling down. You need to hold it together for the kids and for you.

I am very worried for you and your children. When you leave the house, you give up all your rights. You need to get your children and take them with you. You are giving up your children, if you do not take them. He will automatically get custody, and you will have to fight to get it back, or visitation. Can't you take them to your parents with you? If you don't you may loose custody. I wouldn't ask your husband. Just go and take them. Take someone with you if you are scared.
If you are afraid of him, you should be afraid to leave your children with him too. He will end up the same way with them, if he is not already.
Feel free to pm me if you need anymore help or advice, or just need to talk.

you need to get a lawyer do not sign the divorce papers!!!!! You have rights to half of the house and half of all the assets that incurred during the marriage. You also have rights as far as your children.

Hi M.,
you need a lawyer and should have had one before you signed divorce papers.... you should have your children. If he was hurting you the children are next... get them away from him even if you have to live in a battered women's shelter...

S.

Hi M.,

I am a law student at the University of Pittsburgh, and I am in the Family Law Clinic. I second the advice given earlier--GET A LAWYER--It sounds like your hub has one...Please feel free to email me if you have any questions--I AM NOT a lawyer, but I may be able to make the process more clear.

But, seriously, get a lawyer. I see women get screwed in court every week by not getting a lawyer and their hub having one--I saw a woman lose her house and child, just because she didn't get a lawyer--pawn your wedding ring, borrow from you family, it's the best plan...

Hope, actually, that this advice is not timely, and you've already got a lawyer.

My email is ____@____.com if you have any questions.

GOOD LUCK!

I was just at my attorney's office yesterday to try and finally get my divorce and settlement finalized after 2 years.

You should call around and see if you can make a free consultation appointment with a local divorce attorney, just to see what steps you should take, what you are entitled to, etc.

Next, contact your county court house and make an appointment to establish child support and alimony. You will not need a lawyer for this. It is all based on how much each of you makes, who pays for the health insurance, who the kids are with, etc. I did this about 6 months before I even filed for divorce. I made too much money for alimony, but I did qualify for child support. Since you are a stay at home mom you will most likely qualify for both.

You should be entitled to half of all marital assets, which includes the marital residence, any retirement funds, savings, vehicles, etc (anything acquired during the marriage). If the papers were filed then you should expect to get them in the mail soon. Nothing can be finalized without your signature and notarization.

Good luck.

I am sorry to hear about your postion. I am not sure about the alimony or part of the house. Your best bet would talk to domestic relations. But becarful. That he dosen't try to come back and get you for bandiment of the children. I have always found that the courts would not keep the children from there mother unless they felt there was a threat. You we need to get a place for you and your kids. Is there room at your parents for all of you till then?

Take a deep breath and try to relax. Keep seeing your children as often as you can. and talk to them every chance that you can.

M.,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. My advice is to hire a good lawyer fast! You absolutely qualify for alimony and child support and part of the house. 12 years is a long time and PA is a commonlaw state - so everything that you and your husband had should be 1/2 yours. You need to get a lawyer because it sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you. Good luck!
J.

I got a lot of help at: http://womensresourcecenter.net/

Hi M.. Sorry to hear about your divorce. I'm going through that myself right now. Keep your head up. It's hard, but it does get better. The most important thing is to see your children as often as you can. They need that. And don't let your ex tell you what to do. This is probably one of the reasons you left in the first place. You were married for 12 years, so of course you are entitled to a portion of what the two of you built. I think the best advice I could give you is just to see your kids as often as possible because it will keep your spirits up, and it's good for the kids. Good Luck to you.

My goodness, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation! All the advice given here is good and should be taken seriously. I agree that you must get your precious children with you, no matter what. You must show that you will do anything for them. For their sakes and the courts. Please know that I will be praying for you. Lean on your faith, only God can give you the peace & courage you need to get through this storm.
See Deuteromy 31:6, Joshua 1:9, I John 5:14,
Philippians 4:13
I hope these help. God Bless!

I agree with what everyone is saying, call a lawyer fast! Once the divorce papers are final, you may not have options to the house, child support or other things, which you clearly have rights to. You are entitled to at least one half of everything you and your husband own. If your husband is this controlling, then I am sure he is not looking out for your needs. Please call a lawyer and find a way to be able to see your children. I'm sure it hurts them as much as it hurts you, and I don't know the full circumstances, but you don't want your husband turning this around on you and claiming you abandoned him and the children, it may affect your custody rights. Good luck!