Making This Loss Harder?

My mom had 3 children, then 3 miscarriages, 2 more children, and another miscarriage. So, we ended up with 5 kids in our family, out of 9 pregnancies. While she has always felt the loss of those babies, she knows that what we did end up with is exactly they way it was intended to be. Losing her babies seems to have made her appreciate us even more. I know that my youngest brother was very doted on, since she realized he was the last one.

You will never forget the loss, but you will heal. As long as your hubby is not getting a vasectomy, the door is never closed. If you are a person of Faith, you can pray about it. My cousin's hubby was adamant about only wanting 2 kids, so after the 2nd was born he got a vasectomy. My cousin was devastated and turned to God, who, in turn, helped change the husband's heart. 3 years ago they adopted a baby.

You never know what life is going to hand you. Give him time, and give yourself time as well.

I lost twins during my last pregnancy. I never got pregnant again. It is an extreme loss and those that haven't gone through it don't realize it really is the loss of your child.....and the child they were to become. This was 10 years ago and I still have twinges here and there, moments when I wonder what our family would have been like with two more. The thing that gets me through is that I know everything happens for a reason. It's not simply random. You are grieving right now and I'm sure your husband is too. We all handle grief differently and he needs to work through this as well.

Even though he says no more, it doesn't necessarily mean he means it forever. Give him some time and know that you really ARE blessed. Maybe many more blessings will come....Time is a awful and wonderful thing.

God bless!

M.

You have tasted the joy of having another baby. Your heart was revealed to you through this. It is natural and good and right that you want another baby. I'm sorry that your husband isn't on the same page with you. I would not be able to handle that very well either. I would not give up the hope. I wouldn't nag him either, but I would not give it up. Maybe give it a little bit of time and readdress it with him. Share your heart. Let him know how you feel. You don't want him forced into it because that would cause problems of its own down the road. You want it to be a mutual desire. Yes, be thankful for your family. Embrace what you have been given. But, the two things are not mutually exclusive. Embrace the 3 while still desiring the 4th. I guess the question about whether or not you will ever go back to being happy with the way your family is depends on whether or not you can find contentment or not. That ball is in your court. You can be happy if you choose to be thankful. You can be miserable if you choose that. I completely understand the longing in your heart. But, don't live in discontentment. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and heartache.

I am so sorry for your loss! I also had a miscarriage. Mine was at 16 weeks and I had no idea I had miscarried until I went in for my ultrasound. It does take time to heal. You may want to consider going to a support group. You should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Give it some time, and he may change his mind. I hope everything works out for the best for you!

Talk to your Dr. It sounds like you feel like you're missing something? That could lead to emotions between you and your husband... You don't want that to happen.

I've always believed that things happen for a reason. Things that happen are meant to be... If you're meant to have a 4th little one... You will.

I am sorry for you loss. I have had 2 miscarriages and that feeling of something missing has never gone away, I am just become more at peace over time. I have spent a lot of time praying and enjoy the family that I do have. I still go back and forth if I would like to have another child but I think for some it will always be that inner struggle.

In part I have realized that I was scared of forgetting that little baby that I never had the chance to bring in this world. So I have a charm braclet that has an angel for both of those lost babies and a girl charm for my daughter who is still with me. That really helped me to know that they will always be in my heart even if I could never hold them in my arms.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I felt the same way after my miscarriage but I only had one child at the time who was going on three years. I'd say in your position try to get your husband to agree to discuss it again in a year. Explain how important it is to you to not close the door on having another one. but don't feel you need to rush into it. Allow yourself to grieve, and allow your body to rest and recover, enjoy your three precious little ones and let your littlest one have time to just be the baby of your busy family. When the oldest get older and Dad can relate to them even more, when the youngest gets more independent Dad may be ready to be on board and there will be more harmony in the family then pushing Dad into it now. When he sees you still feel the same way after a year he'll know you really want another child, not just an attempt to cheer yourself up after a tragic loss. If you need help to deal with the sadness talk to your doctor! I think most of us deal with a sense of loss when we decide this is the last child! so for you you this is two losses at once and I don't think it has to be, postpone that decision!

I lost three babies, at 10 wks, 16 wks and as a tubal pregnancy, and still wonder "what if"? What would that first baby be doing now, since he/she would be old enough to be driving. Were they boys or girls? We went on to have three children and our family feels right but I will always wonder.

My own husband did NOT want a third child, and I did, but grew to love the boy that was eventually born. Would I decieve him again to have the 3rd child? No, but that would have caused the same problems in me that you are experiencing. I came from a family of three kids and know what a joy it is to have more than one sibling (like hubby had) and if we hadn't had the third I would have been discontented.

It's been many years since I lost our babies and I can say that eventually you get to where you don't think about them every day, you may forget their due dates, and it's not a sore subject anymore. The first time I couldn't remember each one's due date and the date of their miscarriage I cried 'cause it felt like I was losing them all over again. But then I realized it was ok...I was healing and living the life I have now.

I wish you the best.

K.

I can feel your pain and tell you with time it doesn't hurt as much. I had three miscarriages and then a stillborn before my first child lived and then it was another 5 years before our second daughter was born. You will always remember that child and will wonder what could of been and hurt at times but time does not stand still and with 3 other little ones you don't have time to grieve the way you want and the children don't understand why mommy is sad and is crying. My advice to you which is something that was not available when I was going though this is to find a support group of parents who have dealt with this and take your husband with you so he also get the support he needs. Husbands grieve differently than us and cannot understand why we just don't buck up (my husbands words) and get over it. Just remember you are not alone and my advice is to wait until you have grieved for the loss of your little one before deciding to have another one.

Sooooo very sorry for ur loss. I had a m/c with an unexpected surprize. I cried and cried.... u r right that baby can never be replaced but just know God knows what he is doing.

It took a few months for my DH to come around and see that it meant so much to me to have "just one more baby." I got preggos 3 months after my m/c.

I think you should explain to him exactly how you feel about the m/c. When you want to cry... cry.... with time the pain gets less but you will never forget the baby.

I hope your DH sees how much it means to you..... but give him time too Honey.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son Evan at 18 weeks in April 2009. I now have a beautiful little girl who is 9 months old and another one on the way! I wouldn't trade anything for my AliBeth and this new one coming along. But, I will never ever "get over" the loss of Evan and the horrible experience it was. You will get to a point with God's help where you can get up every day and still function. You will be happy again. You will enjoy your other children and love them for the rest of your life. Maybe your husband is grieving over the loss of this baby too. Just in a different way. After my loss, I didn't see how I could ever go through pregnancy again. Maybe your husband doesn't want to risk the loss again. Maybe he just doesn't want to see you hurting again. I suggest ya'll wait a while before you talk about having another baby again. Maybe he needs to heal just as much as you do.

I am sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel because I also found out I was pregnant in November but I think I was already pregnant back in October. I also had a miscarriage at around 7.5 to 8 weeks. This is my first miscarriage and it was hard. It is something I never thought would happen to me.

This made me appreciate my 15 month old son more. My husband really wanted another kid and he seemed to have taken this better than me. I think men and women are different, we are more emotional and we are the one that carry the baby inside us so the loss is greater for us.

For right now, you should focus on your three beautiful children and know how blessed you are to have 3 awesome kids. Alot of women have a hard time to even have one.

Try to talk to your husband about how you feel. I think you will go back to being happy in due time. But if you really want to try for another baby, definitely talk to your husband about it.