Learning Patience with a Toddler

Hi J., my name is T.. I don't know if I will be able to help with what I say but I sure hope it does, even if it's just a little.

I'm a stay at home Mom but that's it. No school, no pt. time job....just my kids & my house. My son turned 2 in December (I have a 7 yr old Daughter and a 15 yr old Daughter) and my Husband travels a lot for work, he's out of town almost every week, has "dinners" to go to, has to work at home sometimes too. So the majarity of the time I'm doing it ALL....I know how you feel, some of our biggest arguments (or me loosing my mind from time to time) are because I feel as though I'm being pulled in every direction, every one needs a part of me and I don't have time for "me"!!!

I have a few suggestions.....On the weekends, maybe you can plan a playdate for your little girl somewhere else and have Daddy take her so you can have some time to yourself in the house. Or maybe just have him take over long enough so that you can sleep in/watch t.v., or read until late morning. Can you make plans with a girlfriend and leave baby with Daddy for an afternoon while you go out??

I know it sounds hard, having to wait until the weekends for "you" but it's a start.

I don't know when you squeeze in your school work but sometimes (especially if the weather is nice) I'll keep my boy outside as much as I can so he won't take a nap...this usually insures he goes to sleep early so I can do a little something for "me" before it gets too late, t.v., read, email, or phone calls.

I'm sure you've thought of these things yourself....if nothing else I hope you know your not alone in feeling our loosing "you" to your child. One thing I can say I've learned and what seems to help make it a little better is this: I tell myself "this won't be forever, I WILL live through this and one day I'll look back on this time and be able to say "damn that was hard but I did it"!!" It's just a phase and it will be different soon!

I know this wasn't much but I hope it helped some :)
Good Luck Sweety!!

T.

I totally understand. I have a 2 1/2 year old girl and a 9 month old boy. Sometimes I could just scream. Sometimes when I get frusterated I will just go into the bathroom, shut the door, and let out a scream. Take 10 seconds and breath. I know it soulds stupid but it works. It gets my frusteration out and helps me calm down. Good luck!

I find that being home with my toddler becomes more stressful according to a few factors: 1) how overwhelmed I feel with the things I need to do and 2) my expectation of how he should behave.

At age 2 toddler's have little self control. My son just turned 3 and I feel like all I've done for the last year is say "NO!" to him. You have to learn to pick your battles... and then let the little things slide. You can also take steps to prevent unwanted behavior in the first place. If your toddler loves to pull out all of your pots and pans... move them to higher ground. If she loves to put things in the toilet... put door knob safety things on them so she can't get in. Create areas in your home that are "toddler safe" where she can be free to do what she wants while you do something else... places where you don't have to say "no."

Also, you're in school. Your head has to be spinning as you think about your classwork, taking care of your daughter, taking care of your house, etc. When I have a lot to do, the last thing I want to do is play with my son. He picks up on that. He goes crazy. He makes a mess, climbs all over me, etc. Perhaps you could try giving her your undivided attention for 15 minutes of every hour you are doing something else (or whatever amount of time works for you). For those 15 minutes just turn off everything else and concentrate on enjoying her no matter what she wants to do. Really get down on her level and play your heart out :) who cares if the dishes aren't being done....

Finally, I think the saving grace in my life has been the playgroup I'm part of. Being around other people is the only way I'm surviving motherhood. Make time for friends a priority (with or without your daughter present), and suddenly your husband's late schedule won't be as annoying :) Also, try to get out of your house as often as possible. Find a fenced in park where you can study or go to a friends house and study while your children play together. A change of location is usually like a breath of fresh air for both me and my toddler!

Good luck!

Boy do I understand! My daughter just turned 2 and she is driving me nuts!!! :) I have put her in a preschool at our local church. She goes 2 days a week from 9-12. I work from home so it gives me just enough time to really focus UNINTERUPTED on my work. I feel good that I have accomplished something and not frustrated, which helps my attitude when I deal with her. The preschools are usually resonably priced. I am paying 100.00 for the month. You do not have to be a member of the church. Maybe having a little "you" time will help. Take a deep breath and remember all the wonderful things the little monsters bring into your life!
Your friend in the war, :)
Steph

My son turned 2 on the 12th. I'm the only one raising him right now. My husband's deployed at the moment. Even when he's here he's working 12 hour days. The only thing I've found that has kept me sane is daycare. My son goes two days a week and that allows me a chance to do whatever I need. Sometimes that includes doing absolutely nothing. Since I started this, my patience is much higher with him.

although i don't know exactly how you feel-but for one year my husband worked pretty far from home. i worked full time, prepared all the meals...ect...so what i thought to do is every weekend we planned something new and exciting that i thought might be fun....the aquarium, train museum, children's museum, park to meet a friend-the key to this is to plan it with a friend that has a two year old...that way the child is stimulated and you get to speak with an adult...it saved my sanity that year...

i know this sounds stupid but put her in daycare one or two days a week to give you some me time. youll be a better mom later. i know i raised 5 stairstep children. i swapped with friends.

Sweetie, I feel your pain.My son turned two back in January, because of family health on my side I was forced to move and we only see each other one or two days a week. I am also very easily pushed over the edge. The best thing that I can tell is you remember that consistency is the key. You can tell him no for something 20 times, but that you time you let it slip, you've given permission. If she doesn't have interest in the potty don't push it, it will come in time. If she is throwing temper tantrums, show no attention what so ever. Just make sure she's not in harms way and walk away. The purpose behind a tantrum is to get attention, good or bad, so the slightest bit attention is re-enforcement for the behavior. Once she has calmed down, then communicate and ask what was bothering her. Lastly, and honestly, the best thing sometimes is for Mommy to take a time out. If you feel you are reaching your snapping point, step away from the situation and take a breather for about 5-10 minutes.

As far as your husband: Does he drive 2 hours because of the money or because of the work? If it's the money: If he finds a job nearby, granted he might have to take a paycut, but think of the gas savings. How much would his pay really be getting cut? And then find other small ways of saving money: pack lunch instead of buying, using cheaper diapers (I use Pull-Ups by day and Luvs by night), get like a Costco membership and buy in bulk. If these are things that you are not already doing, then give it a shot. If it's because of the work, talk to recruiters, there is always something to be done.

Don't feel alone! I used to. My friends seem to be so patient and just let their kids run around, while I am about to lose it. The only advice that has helped me is to try to take your daughter out with some other children, or maybe go to a McDonalds play area and let her get out and play. You sound a lot like me, and I am kinda glad selfishly I feel like I am the only working mom and it makes me feel bad sometimes. All my other friends don't work and can be with their children all the time. I work full time and used to take online classes as well, and yes my husband only helps when I am about to lose it. I wish I had some advice but just hang in their she is probably going through a stage and wants some attention.

OKay, I am a full time studen(online also--love that), with a full time job and four children 8, 5, 2 1/2 and 1. My two middle ones are girls and one is almost three. First of all you have got to stop pushing the potty training on her. Let it go for a while. I did that for my daughter and about 6 months later she has shown an interest in potty traing and undies. My 5 yr. old potty trained immediatly and age 2. They progress differently and will only potty train on there terms, it sounds crazy but is so true!!
As for me time try putting her in a moms morning out class at one of the churches, they are usually free and for 4 hrs. Sometimes even four times a week. Or swap babysitting with one of your friends who has kids.

Try to find some playgroups for you and your daughter. There is an excellent organization called "Mothers of Preschool Children" (MOPS). I think they could help you a lot. You can find them on the Internet, I'm sure. It is Christian based, but I don't think they are "pushy" about it at all - just very supportive. You need some kind of outlet and chance to interact with other moms - and a break! Also, it sounds like your relationship with your daughter's father is very difficult. Probably a lot of your "impatience" comes from the anger you have over that. A lot of schools offer free (or sliding scale) counseling services. Maybe you can look into that with the school you're going to. Otherwise, there are other organizations that can help. If you are willing to go to church, I know there are many out there that would be happy to help you out. Hang in there! God bless you.

Try reading "The Happiest Baby on the Block" I have started it and it is WONDERFUL!!!!

sounds to me like you need a little less stress. If you had someone who could take your daughter for a little while every week, that would be good. Maybe you could go and seek some anti-depressants. If you lived anywhere near me, I would help you out. I hope you can find someone to give you a little "you" time.