jff-Do You Help Other's Children at the Park?

I help any child that needs my help, anywhere, anytime. I do not help any child get on playground equipment because I firmly believe that if a child can not do the equipment independently, then they aren't ready for it. I will chat with children, and I certainly didn't mind if my children chat with other adults. I was not one to play with my kids at the playground (except when they were toddlers). I brought them to the playground so that they would play with the other kids. I was a SAHM, and my kids didn't go to daycare to socialize, so the playground was for developing social skills. They got to interact with me all day, they needed to interact with other people. Just because I am not following my child around the playground doesn't mean I am not watching. I see him talking to A. adult and I am pleased he has the social skills to do so.

oh, i would. i know there are all sorts of taboos these days, but i just can't get in line with a world where it's not okay to push a little on a swing or help one onto the slide. if the parents are hinky about it, they should be there to glare me away.
khairete
S.

I always help. I am clearly at the park with my own child. I really don't see a problem. I never had anyone look askance at me.

I would always help a child to play in the playground. What has this world come to!

Yah, we play with everyone. But there ARE some reasons why I would not help a kiddo with their wants.

First, I am not always on the playground (proper) with my kids. I'll sit on the grass or bench to the side, watch 'em intently, and give my kids some space to explore by themselves. Sometimes I'll get in there and climb around, play tag/chase/monster/princess/dragon/cheetah/etc., but sometimes going to the park is my of the opportunity to rest my body while the kids run off their (never ending) energy. Legalistically, this makes it difficult for me to help another child to swing, or what have you.

I'll be honest here, my kids have to TWIST my arm to get me to push them on the swing. Okay, granted, when they were still little I'd help them of course, but now that they are 4 and 5 they pump their legs and/or I'll give 'em a few underdogs and then let them do their own thing. It's really strange, but pushing people on a swing is one of my least favorite games to play with children.

But IF I'm playing with my kids on the playground (or grass/trees around the playground) I certainly invite other kids to play with us. The more the merrier! It's a great exercise for the kids in how to be socially inclusive, flexible, to play at the level of younger children, how to respect other people's boundaries, and how to make mayhem and fun! Same at the beach - if we're in the water looking for creatures, we make sure to let other kids have a touch/see too. I like to keep a good look out for any little ones around me. It only takes one moment with their parent's eyes off of them before they fall into the water, etc. I sure do appreciate when we take a village attitude towards our children's immediate safety.

I like it when my kids interact with new adults too. I'm always around to help/hinder certain exchanges, and I try to emphasize to my children that they get to listen to their gut instincts. They are both incredibly social and friendly little people, but if they feel a funny feeling around someone, that means something is wrong and that they need to be distant.

When I see another parent hanging with my kids, I wave and make sure they know who I am and who I belong to. I figure that if the parents had A. issue with my kids, they'd send body language or actual words that would express disinterest/distaste for my kids. It's important to me that my kids learn that we have to respect other people's boundaries and not force ourselves onto people.

Anyway, the short answer is that yes, I make a point to help and have fun with any kids we happen to meet on the playground.

I am surprised by how many parents say no.

If a child comes to me and ask for help, no matter what it is, I help any way that I can. a lift on a swing, sure, a push or two, sure. Why not? Where is the harm?

If a parent was going to have A. issue with someone else helping their child then they should be standing right beside them to help them if the child needed it. Heck even if they were and the child asked I would, I might look to the parent for permission but that would be about it.

I would not help a little one swing - you never know at what age they are ok in the swings without falling. But, yes - I will help one get up to the water fountain or down from a bench or anything like that. It would never occur to me that it would be a problem.

Their mom is sitting on the bench sipping a latte. :p Seriously that is where I have found them when the child finally leaves, just sitting there talking to their BFFs acting like we are the hired help because we actually interact with our kids.

I think that is a point you need to realize, it is not a matter of protective or not, it is interactive or not. I let my kids do their thing but I am paying attention to their needs, I don't hover, I could care less if someone touches my child in front of me but they are my children and I should be the one to get the sore back if they need to be pushed.

Those moms would be all over you if they think you are a danger. They would run you off. Granted they would sit back down and do nothing but wait till someone more trustworthy plays with their kids but you can't tell their level of protection from ignoring their children.

It's not a dumb question, but it's also not a JFF question. This question isn't a fun poll, you are asking about a genuine concern. You are right not to help a kid up to the swing. My kids are teens now, not tiny tots, but I would tell the child that she has to go and ask her mom/dad/grandparent/babysitter to help her with the swing and that strangers can't help you with that. If you see the parents, let them know that their child asked you, but that you don't feel it is right for you to touch someone else's child and didn't want to give them the idea that it's okay to approach strangers without their parent. Parents may not realize that their kid is approaching strangers, asking for help that includes touching.

Reluctantly, I do. I do feel scared sometimes that a parent is going to have a problem with it. But I just can't resist helping kids when they look at me for help. (I guess that is a result of growing up with a mom who ran a daycare)

However, I've never got yelled at. I also don't think I'd have a problem with someone helping my child either, but I definitely am unlike those parents I do have watch over my kids in the park.

(I don't think its a dumb question). I'm usually at the park with the kids in my daycare. I encourage them to play safely by using their independent skills - I don't follow them around on the play system, hold them while sliding... I prefer them to do the things they can do, so if the swings are way too high for them to climb into, I might lift them on, or I might ask them to "climb and play" instead. If I'm constantly lifting one child up and pushing them on the swing, I can't supervise the rest very well. I don't care for other parents at the park to be lifting them up, pushing them, "helping" them do things that may not be safe or right for their age. Obviously, though, I'm always RIGHT THERE to make that decision and be in charge of them.

I don't feel uncomfortable touching a child at the park at all. But, I do ALWAYS say, "where's your mama?" when I am being asked for something. I also never help a child climb up onto something. Their mother may be like me, if you can't get on by yourself you can't get off!
L.

I help kids find their parents. I ask them where their mommy or daddy is, and then I ask if they can take me to them. It gives me a chance to explain what is going on, and help the child at the same time. The one time that finding parents would have meant leaving my children, I had the little girl sit with me until her mother came over - and she did. I never ignore a child who is speaking respectfully to me.

Oh that's happened to me a number of times at the park. I always felt awkward, and would often ask where there parents were. I would just have them go on the slide with my son instead of swinging. The most awkward thing was when my son and I were wanting to leave and the child's parents still didn't show up. I had to walk the girl to her home as I didn't want to leave her alone in the park. Luckily she lived close by, but still. Who does that?

If someone came up at me because I helped their child, I'd be polite and say "he asked me to __ " first, and if it kept going, I'd give it right back with why aren't THEY helping their child, but that's me. I've never had a problem though...I think people see that your kids are there with you, you're playing, and you're not a threat. It'd be entirely different if you were hanging around a playground and trying to interact with children who didn't know you, if you came with no children or aren't at least babysitting, ya know?

If someone asks me to help them swing, I *might* do like 3 pushes to get them going, but to tell the truth I really, really HATE being trapped at the swing set even with my own children (my youngest could swing for HOURS without stopping if I let him), so I avoid it like the plague. If the 3 pushes to get them going wasn't enough, I'd tell them to go ask their mom or dad. One thing I also do? If a child wants to hang out with me or my husband, that makes us uncomfortable and I will direct them to go play with those little boys over there (my own sons). My sons love playing with new "friends" and that way it's not weird if I'm there....and it gives a little child who needs some attention a way to play without taking time away from my own.

I occasionally have been asked to help them swing. I hate pushing my own kids on the swing and reserve my energy for them. However I will do a token swing then tell them to go ask their parents. It really depends what kind of mood I"m in or how much energy I have. I agree its strange. If the parent is right there, and I can read their reaction then its not strange. But with their parents no where in site, I agree its awkward.

I wondered if it was just me. Every time I take my son to the park I have other kids talking to me, telling me things, asking me to watch them do something or help them with something, etc. Most times I think it's because I'm right there helping and watching my son, who's almost 3, because he always wants to play on the big slide and I'm scared to death he's gonna fall from the steps getting up there. The kids see a mommy and they naturally think I'm there to help all of them, and they're after attention. I usually humor them for a bit, but then I try to redirect my son to another part of the playground so they don't hang on me. I'm like you and I usually look around for their parents who are seemingly nowhere, wondering why in the world they are letting them play unsupervised and talk to a stranger. But I guess in the end I'm thankful they asked me and not some perv who may have been lurking around the playground.

I help them if it doesn't distract me from taking care of my own kids. I'd be more worried about one of them getting hurt because they fell while I was helping them than I would about the parents being mad that I'm touching their kid. I appreciate the closest person to them helping my kids if they need help, as I'm usually pulled in at least two directions!

If a child asks me to help her/him with a push to the swing, or a little leg-up, I'd be happy to give a little help.

If their parent(s) are next to them, I'd ask them if they asked their M./daddy, and look at the parent(s). Not that I mind helping them, but its the parent's job to help their kids in the first place.

If the parent(s) are nowhere to be found, then I offer a little help, definitely. No child deserves to feel helpless or left alone. But I'd only give a gentle push to the swing, or give them a light leg-up to a baby slide or something. Beyond that, I'd probably keep some conversation, or get them and my daughter say a Hi to each other and so on, just to keep them engaged.

No 'flying in the air' pushes, no scuttle up to the top of the slide, and definitely no leg-ups to the monkey bars. My reason, I do not know if the child has done this before, and would be able to handle it. And I wouldn't want to be the cause for any unfortunate accident to the child.

I always help other children if their parents arent there. Its not big deal to me, I even put them in the swing and push them along side my child and talk to them. Sometimes it is something as simple as the parent was helping another one of their children at the park on the other side or got distracted with a book, or something...if you dont want me helping them then keep them closer! lol

Years ago when my kids were little, I would help other kids on the playground without a thought-just go down the line and give everyone a push on the swing. However, it is a different environment now--I would be concerned about another child being injured (falling off the swing) or being accused of being a stranger and touching another child. There are too many legal implications. Now if a parent was nearby and unable to give a push right then (like having a newborn in their arms or being physically disabled), and gave verbal permission, I would probably give them a push or help them get down.

I have more issue with parents or caregivers that are MIA and the kid is too little to be unsupervised. I once helped a little boy onto a swing and nearly fell over - he weighed MUCH more than the average 3 yr old and I was stunned when I tried to pick him up. His grandmother had not put him on the swing because she couldn't lift him. So I've helped, but I often weigh the situation carefully first. It's easy to get "stuck" with someone else's kid.

"How about we go find your mommy or daddy?"

I once rescued a little one at a petting zoo. A goat was trying to eat the poor thing's top and the little girl was terrified.

I try to help and if I get yelled at then so be it.

I was at a mall playground and a boy sat with us for about 15 minutes and even ate a snack with us (hypoallergenic food!). He was too young to even tell me where his mom was. Finally a nanny came to claim the boy. She must have been shopping...it's not like she couldn't find us on this little mall playground.

I gave her a sneer and if I had known her employer I would have reported her. I knew it was a nanny because she was a young red head and the boy was dark hair/skin. GRRRRR

Another time, a kid sat with us in the library for about 25 minutes. The parents had sat him down at a computer, then ran off somewhere (apparently in the library). He got bored and wanted to listen to me read to my daughter. I let him stay with us. When it was time for us to go, I brought the boy to the librarian's desk and told them that his parents walked off and we had to leave. I watched while the libararian took the boy around until she found the parents. I hope the librarian gave them hell!

I help kids with dangerous stuff (climbing). If they ask me to swing, I say "go ask your mommy."

I've got a different angle. I don't help because I have four playground-aged kids, and I need to keep my focus on them. So, I'd just say "I'm with my own kids right now, sorry!" or something to that tune, to the kid and leave it at that. If I knew the parents, then yes, I'd help the kid. ...But people I know are the type of parents that are involved with their kids anyways, so that doesn't come up often.

I put my kids first, that's all there is to it!

Side note: There really is a great range with the swing. My oldest HATED the swing until she was about 5 1/2... and therefore she was quite wobbly and unsure (therefore, not so safe) when she started to warm up to the swing and use it (she's by far my most fearful kid). My youngest immediately took to the swing and was able to be in a big kid swing as soon as she was standing (my most fearless kid...LOL)... That's a 4 1/2 year span of swing comfortableness.

I don't help them get onto swings, as I figure not all of them are actually capable of sitting on the swing without falling. But, if they are already sitting on it, I might push them very gently, but also tell them that I have to go watch my own kids and that they should go find their parent.

Older kids - I'll help them out more.

I don't necessarily feel "uncomfortable" touching someone else's child to help them and I don't think I've ever helped a child that the parent didn't appear within a nano-second.

Has it ever occurred to you to call the police and report that there are 2 and 3 year old children at the park unsupervised. If I ever saw a child that young and knew that they were unsupervised, I would definitely call the authorities. You never know - the parents might be beside themselves because the child snuck out of the house. 2 and 3 year olds should NEVER be without adult supervision, obviously, so I baffles me that you would just shrug it off and go about your business.

Yup, I always do. Old habits die hard. I have been A. educator for years, and did home daycare and taught preschool for over 15 years, so I am like a kid magnet. It seems like EVERYWHERE i go, young kids see me and just know I will help them or play with them. My husband laughs at me because even when we are someplace without our own kids, other children seem to always come up to me and ask me for help. I attract them. I do have limits though. I am very cautious about what I will do, and how I help. Obviously I try not to do anything that would look suspicious, or would be taken for anything like a predatory type of thing. I usually end up chatting with the parents at some point before the "outing" is over, and sometimes even end up making a new friend. Some things you just can't help. LOL

Hi, C.:

If parents are nowhere to be found, that is a problem. Call CPS. This is neglect.

Here are some examples of public and private duties:

1. The duty of parents and elders to protect, teach, feed, clothe, and provide shelter for children.
2. The duty to provide insofar as possible for the needs of the helpless--the sick, the crippled, the injured, the poverty-stricken.
3. The duty to support personal annd public standards of common decency.

If you are available to help a child, it is your duty.
If a child is being neglected, it is your duty to call CPS.

Good luck
D.

I would help unless it took too much focus off of my child. Just this past weekend we were @ Great Wolf Lodge and a tiny child - maybe 2 toddled over and was trying to climb into the water part @ the bottom of a slide. I saw disaster (a person can come down the slide at any time). She could have seriously gotten hurt not to mention toppled over head first into a foot or more of water. I snatched her up before the lifeguard even blew the whistle. It was just instinct and I would have wanted someone to do that with my little one. Her mom was there seconds later and I handed her over. I'm sorry but it's a sad world when we can't help each other out. As diligent as we try to be, every parent looks away for a second and that's all it takes. I know it's a little different in that these children aren't in danger but I still think it takes a village. Let these children know there are kind people in the world who will take a minute out of their day to push them on a swing! It takes a village.

I always help any little ones who ask for it and do not seem to have a parent nearby. I have never had a parent express anger over it. And there have been times when another Mom helped my eldest when I had her baby sister in my arms and I always apperciated it.
To be honest it would always upset me though when a little one would ask me and the parent was nowhere to be found. I would keep A. eye on them while at the park just to make sure they were safe or until I saw them with their parent. We are all responsible for the children and it never hurts to have another pair of eyes watching out for their best interest.
I am also the type who talks to parents when I see toddlers walking in the mall a store or more away from their parents. I always take their hands and walk them up to their parents who are often talking on cell phones and not paying attention. They always seem shocked to find me next to them holding their child's hand. I tell them how far back their child was and that I was worried someone might grab them.
My philosophy is that as parents we all sometimes make mistakes and so I do not judge them, just try to help.