It's Getting old--School Morning Drama

Is there any way that their Dad could drop them off in the mornings instead of you? Or could you carpool with another mom, she does the drop offs and you do the pick ups. It may be that they will behave better for someone other than mom. Another idea would be to have consequences for their behavior, like if you throw a tantrum in the mornings you get no cartoons after school (or no dessert that evening or you take away their favorite toy etc.) but if they behave each morning they get a sticker on their chart that you make them and when they have filled up five spaces on the chart with stickers (for five tantrum-free mornings) they get a special treat like a toy from the dollar store or an ice cream cone, whatever motivates them and is not too expencive for you. Good luck!

I took a picture of me, and a picture of our family and laminated them and sent them with my daughter and told her to keep them in her pocket and look at them when she missed me, and I would know it and send her an invisible hug when she did. It sounds silly but it worked.

Denise is exactly right. Ignore and redirect to a positive conversation. Who will you sit next to at lunch today? etc
:)

(This too shall pass, and MY GOODNESS you have your hands full!)

I would suggest each time they say they don't want to go to school, respond with the same answer without any emotion. You could say, "I'm sure glad I liked school when I was in kindergarten/first grade." or, "I will be happy to speak with you when you say something positive/happy about going to school today" if they start complaining. Or, "If you are still sad after school, I will be happy to discuss it with you then". I am guessing they are looking for a reaction from you and talking about it each morning gets you to engage in it as well. Also at the end of the day, I would talk about the great day they had and not mention the crying in the morning. Don't bring up the morning issue with them at all any time of the day. If you are not going to talk to them (both positive and negative) about it then they may get the point that it is not getting a reaction from you and it is not worth being emotional over.
Obviously you are a good Mommy and would know intuitively if there was something else going on and you are at school so you can see how much they enjoy it. Good Luck, hang in there, take care of yourself! This too shall pass!

Can you do some playtime with them where there are "kids" that don't want to go to school and a "mommy" and "teachers" and "friends"? Have your kids take turns being every character and give them freedom to explore all their emotions and reactions. In other words, don't focus on having everyone get it figured out in the playing, but this is letting their heads work through whatever's in there.

Also, can you talk about it at different times of the day and see what they have to say about it?

Can you talk about the morning routine at night and verbally walk through a good morning? Can they tell you the parts of a good morning? Then in the morning before you start, can you walk them through the steps of a good morning?

My son's kindergarten teacher had a good pattern where she'd say what was going to happen. Then she'd ask the kids what would be happening? She'd ask them if (this wrong thing) would be happening, and the'd say "NO!: Then she'd ask them if (this right thing) would be happening and they'd say "YES". So, she was repeating herself, but keeping it interesting.

Doing something mentally first has helped us with transitions. Maybe you can simplify the mornings some by doing as much as possible the night before? And then if you have 10 minutes, use that to focus on playing with them. Maybe that extra bit of mom-time would help.....

Well, for the millionth time, I left my crying child at school today, too. I feel your pain! :-)

We've been working with a counselor on some other issues, and her suggestion is to simply ignore the tears, drop and run. I do this, and I have also found that rehearsing what we're each going to do at drop off helps too: one last hug, you walk in on your own, no tears, you go ask the teacher what the craft is, etc. etc.

I would stay away from "punishments" or "discipline" on this issue. I don't think it will really help, and why add in something else you need to do? :-)

I've come to the conclusion that there are simply phases that need to be outgrown, and the "Mommy, WHY do I have to go to school EVERY DAY?!?" is simply one of them.

Best of luck!
C.

Oh, man! I have been there! But with us it was "I don't want to ride the bus!" I thought I was going to lose my mind. There seemed to be NO good reason for it but I wonder if it almost became an expected protest on my end?
What did help (somewhat) was when I would begin a conversation like "Do you think Jason is going to bring his DS on the bus again today?" "Now you let me know if that bus driver is all nasty to anyone today, OK?" etc. It kind of got him thinking about different aspects of "the bus" rather than focusing on what was in his head (I still don't know--plenty of buddies, an assigned seat, etc).
I think you just have to hang tough and DON'T let them see you sweat it. They feed off of our stress, that's for sure. And keep the drop off VERY lighthearted (even if you are screaming inside!).
Good luck. I HATED that phase. Really.....hated....it.

I tell my 6 yr old son it is "the law" that all children attend school. That it is his job to learn and if he were to stay home it would be against the law! We have a police officer friend who our son looks up to and he told him the same thing...that really pulled a lot of weight. Our son still complains now and then but he does not act all dramatic like your daughters are acting! They know how to push your buttons!

It may be that they have feelings of envy or jealousy that the toddler and new baby inside you get to be with you all day, and they do not. I think a lot of older sibs go through this phase. I think I would stop trying the rewards and punishments, since it has not worked for you and it just gives the whole issue too much attention. The minute they start crying and saying "I don't want to go to school" I would acknowledge their feelings with kindness, repeating back, "I understand you don't want to go to school. I'm sorry you're feeling sad about it." And maybe give a little hug or cuddle. But I would switch gears quickly. Just change the subject, breakfast, weather, what episode of Curious George is on, or whatever. I'm sure they will try to draw you in with more crying and talking about not going to school. At this point, you ignore it. Or you can give a one time response of, "I'm sorry you're feeling upset about going to school today, but school is not a choice, so I'm not talking about that anymore right now." And again, quickly change the subject or walk away. Expect the first day or two of this will be difficult. They will work very hard to be up in your face to get your attention over the school issue. Ignore it. Change the focus onto another subject. You're not ignoring THEM, you're just not giving any attention to continual whining about not not go to school. I'd keep handing them off to the teachers with a quick, friendly good bye. Also, I'd simply stop having conversations about the acting out after school at home. Whatever the issue, if you give it too much attention, the kids will continue to as well, and keep making it into a "big deal" Good luck!

I've found with my daughter acknowledging her concern for not liking school is better than just dismissing it. And of course staying calm. I say I know you don't like school but you have to go. There are many days I don't want to go to work, but I have to go so we can live in our house and pay the bills. If you don't work, maybe you can use dad as an example.
Just last night my daughter said I don't want to go to school, I hate school, I am not going! I said, well what are going to do then? She said stay home with you. I said I can't stay home, I have to go to work. She said, then I'll have you drop me off at the airport and I'll go find daddy. (Dad is in Virginia right now) I said, but how will you know where to go, you don't know how to read, so you won't be able to find your way? The conversation went on, but she got the point, she needs to go to school to learn. (This doesn't mean I won't have this same or similar conversation 20 billion more times it just ends up being a calmer way to talk through her frustrations)

Hope that helps

And for what its worth. Its nice knowing from your post and all the posts responding...that I am not alone. I am so jealous of the other kids I see so happy and ready for school. I never get to see this from my daughter. My youngest is due to start this fall....I'm hoping she is on board. Because like your title...it does get old.

Mine went though a phase like that.

I had to start the night before saying this is how it is. The year is almost over (we talk about when the next holiday is and how far spring break is away stuff like that) you know you have to go. No fussing, I just don't like the fussing. If you fuss then you will get punished. (let's say no movie and popcorn on the weekend or something not to big think of then you were potting training and you gave the m&m for going--that kind of reward/punishment system)

I just tell them I don't want to hear about you not going. I know you don't want to go. I heard you but I have an appointment I can't take you with me. You will have to wait at school for me. If I can come early I will. **They might be worried about you being all alone all day so this is their way of letting you know they care**

Now mine usually get tired by Thursdays and Fridays but I just tell them how close we are till the weekend and to hang in there.
But getting in the car and out is a lot better.

Maybe stop going to school and hanging out....completely. Maybe a lunch date once in a while but thats it. It may be enabling their clingy-ness to you, they need to enjoy school (and I know they do) without your presence until this phase passes. The more independence associated with school MAY help.

It sounds hard but I have friends who are teachers, including pre school teachers. They tell me that the faster Mom leaves, the better the child is.
My little one cried every time I dropped her off at preschool so I feel your pain.

You are doing the right things, they are just clingy and it will pass.
Do what you are doing, be consistent, DONT give in, not even once!

Ignore the drama (I know, easier said than done), QUICK goodbye and leave.
Plus, since you have 2, they are feeding off each other and its making it worse for you. I would work harder on the older one, her little sister will follow her lead.

Another teacher tip from a friend: the night before school, go over what the morning routine will be like, step by detailed step. The certainty of what is to come may be reassuring.

Last ditch effort, can you car pool with anyone? Maybe their friends. Possibily they will handle your departure better with their peers watching.

Have you asked them at the end of the day when nerves are calm why they didn't want to go that morning? I'm guessing something is making them uncomfortable - maybe a bully in school or for kids, just someone who said something or looked at them funny. It's probably something they are afraid you will discount so they don't mention it, but there is something there.

My son did the same thing about the school bus. He was only 3 at the time (in early childhood learning) so he couldn't really articulate what it was, just kept telling me the bus was dark. I think it was that the bus ride didn't follow his normal car ride structure (no seat belt, no toys, etc.). We ended up bribing him with the school bus fairy who left 'small inexpensive yard sale finds for little boys who ride the school bus without crying' for a couple of years.

Another suggestion is find a friend who will drop them off for a few days - they won't have the melt down with the friend and maybe they'll get out of the habit.

Wow, you do have your hands full. A couple of thoughts, is there a friend that could bring them to school and you be the pick up mom?
When my son was young, he HATED leaving me. He had to be ripped off of me a few times. I remember when he was in 1st grade, someone saw us and said, trust me, this WILL end. There will come a time when he will never believe that he acted this way. It happened and not too long after 1st grade. He is now 15 and barely has anything to do with me! You can enlist the help of the school. At our school, the principal was good about coming out to help with drop off when she was made aware of situations like yours. This too shall pass but see if you can get some help to offset it right now. They could just be reacting to a little jealousy of having the baby at home with you. Good luck!

Sounds like they are having some issues with a baby on the way. Give them lots of special attention.

Have you ever thought of keeping them home one day? Show them what it's REALLY like to stay at home and put them to work - make it not fun at all! After all, you don't sit at home eating bon-bons on the couch all day!