I mentioned in previous posts that my little one was sick...well this past friday when he was really sick my husband got upset at me and started calling me names and yelling at me because he thought that the LO was grumpy since I got home (another question I posted previously). I kept quiet since my focus was on the sickling and not making him get more anxious but this was ridiculous....I took the LO up to his room to read to him and let him watch some lullabies on my phone before tucking him in and my husband thought that I was intentionally trying to have our son spend more time with me.....he also had an issue when I picked up our son and kept saying why do you have to pick him up -- well he is sick and wants his mommy.....so then he stopped talking to me on Sunday, not sure what else triggered this reaction, and left for a business trip the next day....he has not reached out to me since he left....calls his mom to check on our son and her....I even sent a video of our little boy to him saying this is the reason why we need to work on our relationship and he never responded....we are going to a therapy session tomorrow....I know I should be the one who should say he did me wrong and I don;t give a #$%^ about him....but since he is returning today I am so nervous/scared....really what do I have to be scared off - he is never physically abusive since he knows I will call the cops.......I am so not a confrontational person and the thought of all the hostility directed towards me is a little nerve wracking.......the funny thing is that in all other situations like at work I am pretty bold..........so any words of support to help me get through tonight are appreciated......
ThAnk you for your support and wonderful advice. I am hanging in there actually in my room doing my own thing since I am still being subjected to the silent treatment!!!!!!!phew! Tiffany, I just want to clarify that the baby wants me when he is sick is because Dad has never fulfilled that role.....I am more than happy ( and so relieved) when the baby wants his daddy as this takes some pressure of me and I also like to see the LO bonding with his Dad. Also, I think I do have a good view of therapy....I have had an individual counsellor for 8 years now....I started seeing her when I went into depression following my divorce when I was previously married. I only go to her annually for a mental health check up of sorts or when I have stuff I need to air out...I have gone to her to get advice on how to handle my husband's temper. The couple's therapist is very new to us so I don't have the same comfort level and it also takes some patience on my part since she doesn;t know us yet so she is just listening to both sides...today is the first time she will be helping us through a conflict......
Boy Mom.....I feel your pain..........I am so glad to hear that you are strong enough to take this huge step which I am sure is in the positive direction. I will certainly look up Narcisistic Personality Disorder. So far what I have gathered is that for my husband it is alll about control....top that with selfishness and the inability to express frustration calmly and you have an explosive personality combo........we had a good therapy session and I think our therapist is finally getting to see the explosive side of my husband...........she of course is very neutral as she should be.......so my decision is that the next time the yelling and name calling occurs, I will walk out the door. I have put up with this long enough and like you I don't want to expose my son to this toxic behaviour......
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in an mentally abusive situation and that is why you are scared, no one wants to be berated. Focus on this time with your LO and know that your therapy session will be here before you know it. Although you may not feel like it, you are strong in this situation as well, you do what you have to and that is not always easy. Good luck mama and I will pray that you find solace.
I'm so sorry. This is a really bad situation you are in. Though he isn't physically abusive, he is emotionally abusive.
Saying prayers for you, MK.
Dawn
Just take care of yourself and your little man. If he has issues with you making him a priority especally when he's sick he's got problems. Try to stay positive and I am so glad you are goign to go to therepy.
Good luck and God Bless!
It sounds like the therapy session is a good idea, and it shows a commitment to work on the relationship. That said, it is wholly unacceptable for him to give you (and by prosy, your son) the silent treartment. Your son is a child, and your husband sounds like he's jealous of the love your baby has for you. Becoming hostile and angry is NOT going to improve how your son feels about his dad...it will make him scared, insecure and will hinder attachment. You need to call B.S. On that to both your husband and your MIL...4he has no business in your marital conflicts.
Good luck!
Hi M.K.,
To me, it doesn't sound like your are so upset about what happened with the baby as much as how your husband treats you. I know the feeling of being afraid, my soon-to-be-ex-husband flips out and goes into long (2 hour) rages. The entire time he is berating every detail of who I am. So far, the only thing he hasn't berated me for is my breathing.
We also tried marriage counseling, but, after he started screaming at me In the car after our last session, I didn't ask to go anymore.
I also have been spending a lot of time in my bedroom so as to not be in the same room as him. I have learned not to even talk to him because I know that whatever I say will come back at me with such hatred.
My final straw came when I came to the realization that I do not want this man teaching my sons how to be a husband.
Our situations sound similar, so I am asking you to google Narcisistic Personality Disorder. If you read about it and find yourself saying, " That explains that! And that! And that!", it can help you sort things out for yourself.
I hope you don't think I am supporting divorce, I just believe really strongly that if you aren't being treated well by the person who is supposed to love you most in the World, you don't deserve it.
Good luck to you and your family. I hope that it all works out for everyone!
That sucks...I'm sorry it happened. Good luck in marriage counseling. I guess you have to weigh all of the factors to decide if the marriage is overall good and should be worked at and kept or is toxic and should be ended.
I have never had a situation like this with my husband. I have no idea what I would do. It would floor me, I will tell you that. We do not argue that often, but if we do, we don't argue about the kids. We argue over money or me being stressed out or whatever. but don't attack one another like that.
You have alot to think about. On the one hand, you don't want to be in the group of those who have one argument and that's it, divorce time. But on the other hand, having a mentally/verbally/emotionally abusive marriage for years is a terrible thing to do and a bad example for your kids.
It's not easy and none of us here KNOW you or your husband and can only send support your way to make the best choice!!
Sounds like you are doing all you can to keep peace and calm, that is something to think about, if you need to retreat or be less "mommy" to keep someone from getting angry. My only word of caution would be with the couples counseling. When there is a verbally abusive spouse (name calling, blow ups, silence treatment, constant finger pointing) the counselor cannot control the situation at home or outside the counseling office. If you feel it is not safe for you then do individual counseling first. Both of you. Just something to think about. Good luck and hope your baby feels better!
I want to reach out and give you ((big hugs)). You sound like a wonderful mom. I am so sorry about your husband and what he is putting you through :(
Be calm, quiet and do what you need to keep the peace, but don't be afraid to take a stand and state the facts. You sound like you are afraid of him even though he has not abused you. A soft answer turns away wrath, grievous words stir anger...be nice with an element of surprise! He needs to respect you as well.
Sending you hugs & a peaceful weekend!
