Husband and Daughter Want a Baby

My best friend is an only child and she has always said a sibling would have been nice, especially now that her parents are aging...someone to share the issues with. I think there are pros and cons to "onlys" but I think I would lean towards having another one. Just think...another darling girl or a rough and tumble little guy could bring so much more joy!

I would go for it! I know it's scarry being pregant and dealing with all of the responsibility. I had my first baby when I was 37 and my second when I was 39. I'm so glad that I decided to do it when my first was still young enough to be able to play with and enjoy his baby brother. They have a ball togehter and I could not imagine life without them both. I'm so glad that they have each other.
Now, everyone asks me when will we try for a girl I'm very happy with my two boys.

I think if you don't want another child, then you need to discuss it with your husband now. After your conversation, you can redirect your daughter when the topic of "having a baby" comes up. If you are open to it, then go for it. And if you'd like another child, but don't want to go through a pregnancy or are worried about age related medical issues, then perhaps you and your DH could talk about adoption?

Think about what YOU want, then pursue the topic with your husband.

Have a sit down with your husband and have a little heart to heart. Before the meeting you should both write down separately the pros and cons of having another child so you can have some talking points to discuss. Keep talking until you can come to a decision together. Personally I do not feel your 4 year old should have any say in the matter, and does not need to be involved. This is a choice you and your husband should make---the two of you will be caring for a second child, not your daughter. She will have friends--you should absolutely not have another kid to make your daughter happy or give her a playmate. I think that is a poor reason to bring a child into the world. I wish you the best on your decision.

As much as you shouldn't have a baby to please other people, you also need to be sure you're reasoning is clear for not wanting one. Is it a good motive, is it the BEST for your family, etc... Will your husband be resentful that you are not willing to have another one. Is it that you really DON'T want another one, or that you're content now and don't see the need. Anyway, just some things to ponder.

Hi, I am the youngest of five, and married to an only child. We have two children, now 12 and 10. The reason I mention those things first is to give you an idea of where I'm coming from when I say this. Being one of many always made me wish I was an only. My husband, being an only, always wished for a sibling. So we compromised and had our two (boy, girl). I'm SO GLAD I did it. I had thought about how easy it would be to stop after my son was born - I'd have my only and he could get all the attention I always wished for as a child (no one to compete with). But from my husbands perspective, I realized there was so much he would miss out on! When they are little, a sibling is a built in playmate. However, there is much more to the decision than that....you are also giving them the opportunity to learn how to share, wait their turn, recognize someone else's needs come first sometimes. (Some of that is from perspective of the wife of an only....I'm sure not all only children are selfish, but that has been MY experience :) Just a little FYI from one wife to another!) There are also many fun things that are made so much better by having a sibling....Christmas, vacations, summer break, swimming at the pool, etc...A sibling also provides them with someone to commiserate about us when they get to those preteen and teen years...someone who understands how "unfair" or "old-fashioned" their parents are because they are in the same boat - friends may listen but they aren't THERE in your home so don't truly "get it") .

Also, as 40'somethings now, with his mother widowed, ALL the "aging parent" responsibility falls on us, which is something else you might want to consider. When you are elderly and she is raising her own kids, do you want her to have ALL the responsibility of visiting you, helping with your yardwork, taking you to doctor appts & picking up prescriptions? It is very difficult on an only child when they are the sole source of connection to their aging parents and can cause some resentment.

One other thing (sorry to be wordy!), is what you mentioned about your biological clock...it's definitely ticking and that is something to consider. The longer you wait, the more possibility of problems with your pregnancy or baby. Plus the more age difference there is between them (if you "think" it through for too many years) the more likely she could resent the baby taking away her "only" status.

I realize this is an entirely different perspective than most others will mention, but that's why I felt the need to answer!

Just some things to consider! Best of luck with your decision & please keep us posted! J.

Well...I would vote that until you are ready for another baby nobody should guilt you or pressure you into it...it is your body, that may sound selfish, but it's your body and your time...your daughter doesn't realize that even if she gets a sibling it will be awhile before they are old enough to be a playmate...

Of course, I also just have one son and am also perfectly happy with our little family of three (plus fish and bunny) as well...I get a lot of pressure from people at my church asking "when are you having the next one?" when I have no plans for a next one, my husband even wants another and my son has talked about having a brother or sister before too...but to tell you the truth my son wasn't the most planned either, although he has turned out to be the best surprise of my life, and I love him dearly, I am not ready for another...I always thought I might adopt someday, and maybe I will, but for now the timing is not right...as for my son he is social, happy, smart, obedient...he gets to play with other children every single day of the week and then come home to having his parent's full attention (well...mostly :)

I think the decision is definitely between you, and God...maybe God has other plans for your family...maybe even fostering...maybe something you've never thought of that would be harder with 2 children...I dunno, I just don't think your daughter will fault you for the rest of her life if she ends up without a sibling...I had a younger brother and we didn't really have a close relationship in life til we were adults...make the decision prayerfully...make your decision based on peace...not guilt

Start Having fun with the hubbie with unprotected sex. You will find one more won't be so bad and you will regret it later. One more isn't gonna hurt no one.

I don't think you would ever regret having another baby :). I think kids need at least one sibling. It's comforting knowing that my children will always have each other even when my husband and I aren't around anymore. There are so many wonderful reasons to have another baby, but you need to be ready. Talk to your husband about it. Good luck to you!

I say have another. Especially for your daughter. I have 3 and they all keep each other company and love playing together outside. My girlfriend has one daughter when we go past their house you always see the little girl on the swingset all by herself. My heart breaks! My kids can spend hours outside together going from one thing to the next with both YOUNG imaginations at work together. They enjoy tying ropes to trees and making forts, pretending to be mom and dad to little sister, my older two actually will sneak into each others beds at night and sleep together (cuz they're scared). I think giving your daughter a sibling is one of the greatest gifts you can give her. My sister has one child who is 12 now, and she grew up really fast. She doesn't know how to share very well either (she's never learned as everything is hers and hers alone). Being home with her mother she didn't have anything else to do except mimic her mom. Talking like an adult all the time. In the end it is your decision, but seeing my friend and sister with only daugters, I wouldn't recommend it. Good luck to you!

I would definatly have another baby. My husband is an only child. At our family parties its my family of 20, and his Mom. His Dad has passed away. My siblings always call and come over. He only has his elderly Mom. So sad and lonely. He did say growing up he never minded being an only child. But now that he sees the fun our three kids have together he now knows what he missed.

I sort of always assumed we'd have 2 kids, but I cried when I found out I was pregnant the 2nd time. Sounds awful, but I just was not sure I was ready. My husband said "one kid changes your life, 2 just adds to it." I could not feel more fortunate that we have our two daughters and they are SOOOOOOOOO close to one another. They are the best of friends even at the young ages of 5 and 2 1/2. I cannot imagine our 5 year old not having a sibling now that I see her in the big sister role. Our family is more complete. I know I am making it sound all wonderful & it is NOW, but it was a rough 1st 2 years. Our 2nd child was much more difficult of a baby than our first and there were a LOT of sleepless nights, ear infections, crying ect., but honestly I would not change it for the world.

On the flip side, you need to do what you feel is right. You don't want to have a 2nd baby and resent that child for all of the things it will "hold you back" from…maybe a vacation, going out on a weekend, or a job promotion…..There are sooooo many countless sacrifices you have to make for a child, but somehow it's all worth it.

I can say this about my two, but as I have convinced our 5 year old...there will be no more babies in our house!!! At least that's what I say now :)

Best of luck to you!!

It should be up to you (with some input from your husband, of course). You know in your heart what you are capable of handling. All children want a sibling (until they get one!) but it will be mostly you, as the mother, that bears the load of caring, feeding, and raising another child. Take some time, do some introspective thinking, and go with your gut. You will know what is best for you and your family. Good luck!

I'd try for another now before getting any older and so they won;t be any further apart than the space you've already created between them. You won't be sorry. There are so many benefits so I'd stretch a bit and do this if your body cooperates with you on this. Children are such a blessing, and you're only talking two - not twelve!

I'm 43, a newly wed. I have one son 15. My husband has a son 13. My husband wants children with me. We have two boys that are almost out the house but my husband wants children with me. I'm 43, in decent shape and my husband wants children with me. I'm just in a little shock. I'm nervous about being pregnant and raising a baby at 43.

I have decided that it would be a good thing for us to at least try to have a baby. So here we are married for 6 months now and actively trying to get pregnant but I'm not pregnant yet. He's troubled because he thinks his little soldiers aren't working but I keep trying to assure him that it is me.

Whatever it is, I'm grateful for the delay in the pregnancy. Babies are alot of work, joy, work, fun, work, laughs, work and love. I wish I was 37 like you and then I wouldn't be so nervous but I'm 43.

I don't know if this helps but you are not alone. I say go for it remembering all the joy and love you felt for your daughter and know it could be multiplied in the family. Aren't you even curious what another child you and your husband make could look like?

Don't let your husband and daughter team up on you, he shouldn't be bringing her into the discussion (if he is). That being said, don't discount either of their opinions.

I think you should tell your husband thet each of you should make a list of everything you think would be involved, pros and cons, of all aspects - emotional, physical, financial, etc. Include who would be responsible for what baby-raising tasks, how it would affect vacations, your living space, any topic you can think of - give him all the angles you want his list to include before-hand. Then set a time period to come up with the list, and a specific time when your daughter will not be present (no other distractions allowed, either) to compare lists and go over your feelings.

I am 42 and have a soon to be 7yo. While I personally would, most of the time, have liked a 2nd child, and I DEFINITELY feel it would be better for my daughter to have a sibling, it never happened, and I didn't want these things enough to pursue fertility treatments for them. Mainly because, for all the good, a baby would bring, it would have brought financial difficulties (manageable ones), it would make it harder to travel, and my husband is 15 years older than I am, and the first baby was scary enough for him. So, in our case, he was the more-reluctant one.

I think you have time, if you decide together that a 2nd child is the right thing to do. I DON'T think you should wait too long making your decision, more because if you decide yes to a new baby, you don't want the gap between the 2 kids to be too great. (you want her to have a playmate, not a living doll). And, if you decide no, at least if you both go through this exercise, you should have a far better idea of the logic behind each others thoughts.

Best wishes

Just my input if your happy stay with one child your age does matter after 34 your at greater risk of pregnancy complications and having a baby born early or born with complications birth defects and down syndrome.Talk about it to your husband ask him what if something like this does happen regardless of age it happens unexpectedly.I have 3 kids all before 30 and i'm happy to say that this is it for me my hands are full.

It seems to me that this is a decision that should be made between you and your husband. I also have a four year old and my husband and I decided that we didn't want my son to be an only child. We were actually fine with him being an only now but want him to have a sibling as he grows up and into adulthood. Having watched my parents (my dad working with two siblings as his parents aged and then died and then my mom as an only child dealing with her divorced parents aging - lucky her, two households) and their relationships or lack there of with their siblings, we think it is better for my son to not be an only as he gets older. My husband and I both come from families of 3 siblings. His relationships with his siblings has varied through the years. I am closer to my sister than my brother but didn't truly come to know her until we lived together as single adults (I was 25 and she was 20).

Don't let your daughter influence you - she is interested in a playmate but isn't aware of the time that a sibling will take from her or the resources needed for raising a child. By the way, my due date is 8 days before my 39th birthday so you have a bit of time to decide:)

Good luck!
C.

I have a smiliar problem. My husband wants a third (& fourth) child. We have two. I feel that my family is complete.

What it boils down to is, if you aren't ready for a baby, or you're not 'in that place' emotionally, you shouldn't do it. What your 4-year-old wants doesn't even enter into the equation because she won't be the one caring for the baby. I know lots of only-children who are perfectly happy having no siblings.

If you aren't comfortable having another baby, you definitely should not move forward with it.

WOW - I could have written your post, I'm 37, have a 4 year old, and like you, I am in the "to have or have not" another child phase as well. We are matched even down to the dog and fish. lol

I have nothing of value to offer, just wanted to comment on the similarities in our situations!!

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

First off, what your daughter wants doesn't enter into it. And you'll be amazed how often she'll change her mind if another child was on the way. She'd have to share her parents with a new sibling along with living space (share a room eventually maybe) and toys. You can't send a new baby back to the hospital (and a LOT of siblings want their baby brothers/sisters returned once the bulk of the attention goes to that new bundle of joy).
What your husband wants matters and you and he are going to have to discuss how you think it would all work out. Will he help much with the baby? If you work now, will you be a stay at home Mom or will you need day care?
My sister went through this and my niece had this idea that a sibling would just be some puppet who would do what she ordered them to do, and they were beginning to look into adoption. Then they had a foster child over for a 2 week summer program, and all heck broke loose. The constant whining, crying, fighting almost 24 hours a day for 2 weeks drove my sister crazy. My niece did a total 180 on wanting a sibling and is perfectly happy as an only child and reigning princess in her household.