How to Talk to Teenagers About Obesity

Updated on April 08, 2008
T.F. asks from Mishawaka, IN
26 answers

Does anyone have any ideas on how to diplomatically talking to your teenagers about obesity? It's a tough subject, having been a morbidly obese individual myself, I know that they have to want to do it on their own, but as their mother I struggle with how to change their negative eating habits.My 17 yr old daughter has struggled with my weight loss since she is larger than I am and I don't know how to help her. She is well over 250# and I don't want her to go through what I went through, my son is 16 and he also is overweight, he is active in school sports but doesnt seem to be helping his weight, and you know teenagers have poor eating habits to begin with, they want fast food and junk food. HELP!

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R.K.

answers from Cleveland on

How about finding out their "eating triggers". A lot of people, myself included, eat when they are bored, frustrated, angry.

Determining their trigger, and helping the kids to find a different way to express their feeling can be very helpful.
I used to eat because I didn't feel free to speak my mind.

Also, MAKE them help you make healthy food for the family.
Slowing things down helps the kids de-stress, and this gives you additional family talk time while preparing meals.

Just a thought.

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D.G.

answers from Columbus on

#1 . Stop buying junk food
#2. Tell them to drink water instead of soda pop.Diet pop will actually make you gain weight, not to mention the brain fog it gives you.
#3. Start using smaller plates and smaller portions.
#4.They need to conquer this problem before they are out of school.It can lead to all kinds of Distrimination even as an adult.
Good Luck.

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S.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Can you by healthier food? Or fix healthier meals? Maybe if the +junk" food is not around it would be easier. Also she knows she is overweight tell her you are concerned with her weight. You know from personal experience what it is like. You love her dearly and obesity causes many health concerns tell her about the health concerns and she might just listen I would start out by telling how much you love her and care for her. A balanced meal might be all she needs

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M.H.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I had the same problems with my 2 teens. The one thing I had to do was just to stop buying junk food. I only buy good healthy foods. If it isnt there for them to grab, then they wont have it. Buy more fruits and vegies, also things like cereal bars that could relpace chips. Also they have some good low fat popcorn and things like that. Since I stopped bringing in the junk food my children have both lost 25-30 lbs a piece. You of course can not stop what they eat at school, unless you make them get the hot plate, but encourage them to make the right choices so they dont have to go through all the things that obesity can bring on such as heart deasese, dm, ect. Our children are smarter than we give them credit for. So bring them in on the choices, teach them that if they want something that isn't that healthy for them it must be in moderation. Also exersise, exersise, exersise. All of this has helped with my children. I hope it helps for you.
M.

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E.G.

answers from Indianapolis on

Consider making a family outing where you all walk together, no pressure simply just some good family time. If you plan a vacation look for things you can do that are active, trail walking ect. See what she is interested in and start building around it. Dancing, Martial arts ect. Is she into video games, I hear the new Wea is a bit of a work out. I know that the dance play station game is good. They also make a bike that is hooked into the games and race the game. Make sure what ever you decide she has some sucess in it a little sucess goes a long way in the changing of behaviors and attitudes.Also look at what your rewards systems are one of the things I find myself fighting is when the boys have a disappointment or something good happens I reward them with food. I am in the same strugle you are but I don't qualify for the surgery yet. My mother is morbidly obese and no longer walks because of her weight. I fight my weight full time, and its winning and now I have a boy who is right behind me, doing the same thing.

She can't feel like you are picking at her. I am 39 and can still hear my Grandmother and Dad say "You would be such a pretty girl if you would just loose weight" That has haunted me all this time. My family even went so far as to ask when I married an older man if that was because I couldn't get anyone my own age. All that simply to share that you need to watch what others are saying to her too. Remember if you are a nervous or stress eater those words do nothing to help.
Good Luck with your fight, please know that you are not alone in it and you have the respect of many moms who are fighting the same battles.

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D.B.

answers from Cleveland on

Hi T.,
I, like you, have dealt and are dealing with the same issues. I have learned to stop being a consistent nag to my son about his weight. I did the pediatric assessment, the changing of the food in the house, and the exercising bit. We still have control over what our families eat for dinner, what we supply as a snack and what is to drink. We have the power to get out and invite them to participate in activity...if they don't want to..eventually they will make a decision on their own to do something. Remember...it didn't take them overnight to get there. All we can do is be a positive example. My son just turned 16 and decided to go to weight watchers. I knew he was mentally ready when I heard him say "Wow mom, that's 10 lbs. I never have to worry about again!" I personally take him and I sit in at the meetings with him. They help me too being a patient just listening...
Good luck and step back a little bit to see the whole picture...they still struggle and always will...just like us!

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L.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

Since they haven't noticed your change in eating habits...tell them. Someimes people need to hear it in order to consider it for themselves. Also, let them know how bad fast-food is for them. They need to consider this for their health. Here's an even better idea...take them to this link, http://www.eatingbythebook.com/ ...then go here http://www.christianhealth.com/health_tools.html

Those links will give them a good handle on their situation. Remember, they won't benefit unless they really WANT to loose. I cannot say enough about this guy - I saw him in person....he's funny and he shares how following scripture (God's way of eating) helped him loose hundreds of pounds!

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J.R.

answers from Cleveland on

i don't think surgery is the answer to your children, you have to set an example. NOT, "do as i say" you must do what you say, they will follow your actions and your words. My family has 1/2 hr of excersising, at least 4x a week we all do it together in our basement. tredmill, weights, roller skateing. anything, we watch tv and talk about our day.

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

Good for you for working so h*** o* your own lifestyle and keeping yourself healthy!!! I do not have advice on what to say to your daughter, but I own and manage a website that might help. This is not spam; I am a member of Mamasource, have three young daughters and have contributed on several issues none of which deal with obesity. This request just happens to be right up my alley. As I said, I do not have advice, but I have many resources on my website www.getkidsmoving.com. There I have created a large database of books and other products that help families with their quest for health. I am sure you will be able to find a book that deals with talking to teens as well as books that your daughter might find interesting and helpful. Even if you don't want to purchase a book, look at the titles and try to find them in the library. There is so much that goes into the situation of overweight and weightloss for kids and teens! It really is complex and emotionally charged. Again, I congratulate you on your own success and hope you can help your daughter find the path that is healthy for her on all levels. Good luck!

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T.H.

answers from Terre Haute on

Hello,

I understand what your children are going through. I have been obese most of my life. I have just joined the Family Y (just like a YMCA OR YWCA). I work out at least 5 days a week even it if is just walking on the treadmil, or lifting waits. I have lost 17lbs so far. in just a matter of 5 weeks. I am also on Weight Watchers. This helps alot and just having family and others around that give words of encouragement.

Also change the types of foods that are in your home. more fruits and veggies and healthy oils. I know I never thought there was such a thing in healthy oils but there are.

If you would like to know some of the foods that we eat at my house hold i would like to share with you.

Drink a lot of water!! this helps also.

If you would like more information please let me know.

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P.S.

answers from Cleveland on

Congratulations on a successful surgery and outcome. I know a number of folks who have been through that and it is tough.
A good friend of mine had a situation with her 12 year old. They both needed to lose weight, so they followed weightwatchers together, almost like a game. She got her involved in the grocery shopping and point tracking, and also encouraged her to join a sport (she's into swimming now), which has made a very positive impact. By doing it together, they were able to support each other and almost made it a competition in a positive way. It also taught her to make better choices, especially when she had a say in the grocery purchases. I hope this helps! Good luck!

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E.W.

answers from Cleveland on

The key is talk about healthy choices. The key is exercise and good nutrition. Focus on that more than her weight. Our society has influenced everyone's opinion of what healthy looks like. Health is not about how you look on the outside but how your body is doing on the inside. Have her get a physical to check on cholestorel and blood pressure and thyroid functions. Thyroid disease causes girls to be underweight and overweight depending on what disease they have. Please work with a doctor to rule out these health issues first. Then look at activity and eating habits. Good luck.

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M.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi T.,

Being told you're fat is a hard thing to hear as a teen or adult.
No matter how nicely you package it.
My suggestion would be inviting them to the gym with you. The YMCA has so many options at a reasonable price. Enroll yourself with your daughter in an activity she enjoys and one with your son.
Tell them you're all going in the AM before school together or afterwards. Don't make it a choice. Families can do great things together.
I take my daughter to work out regularly for I want to instill this in her.... Trust me, I don't feel like going most of the time ;)
However, your children are older so you may have to use more force to get them interested.
I would also buy a cookbook and have them pick their favorite dishes (healthy but fun and yummy recipes) You could make it where one of them cooks once a week their favorite dish or what not, and then splurge once a week on an ice cream or whatever they like to make it less tough :)

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J.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

I wrote this and it disappeared. You are the adult; stop enabling them. Have a family meeting. Inform them that having surgery to become healthy is a last chance effort. You don't want them to go through it so you are making some changes and want to involve them in the decisions. Get rid of all of the chips, cookies, sweet cereal, sodas and takeout menus. Replace the sodas with 1/3 juice to 2/3 club soda or sparkling water. Getting rid of sodas alone will cause weight loss. Deleting processed sugar for a couple of weeks will produce dramatic effects. Replace regular pasta with whole wheat, white rice with brown. Add more flavor to both by using boxed chicken or veggie stock. Have roasted potatoes instead of fried. Fry the chicken in the oven instead of in the oil. Give them alternatives they can enjoy. If a swimming pool is near and you have access, go for water walks, at least three times a week. It is less painful and you will find it to be more fun, Let them choose the fruits and veggies you are going to stock the frig with. Make your own pizzas using whole wheat flour for the crust, 2%milk cheese, ground turkey instead of pork or pepperoni -- with lots of garlic powder, onion powder and spices -- and a good tasting spaghetti sauce and plenty of veggies. If you have to do fast food, do only Subway, where you can control what's in the sandwich. Stop enabling, be proactive, get them involved in the process of making choices, but at the end of the day, you have to lead them to those choices.

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D.T.

answers from Indianapolis on

Congrats on your weight loss and being able to change your lifestyle to stay healthy. I just don't understand, though... if you've changed your eating habits and lifestyel and all that, why haven't your children? After all, I'm assuming they live with you so they are eating the same food you buy and prepare. If there's no cookies in the house they aren't eating them there. I understand teens can get junk food at school, but that's only 1 meal a day and you can teach them healthy foods simply by talking about the food choices you made for dinner. Most overweight teens do not want to be overweight but they feel trapped and honestly don't know what to do... you do know, you're living proof, so you can explain what makes food healthy and dispell myths they have heard one dinner table conversation at a time. It's not good to restrict calories too much for teens but often just starting to eat healthy with small changes is enough when they exercise. Try exercising as a family -- go for walks together, play soccer or football in the backyard, take long weekend bike rides, etc. Also, they are old enough to have gym memberships and use fitness equipment if they are interested in that. Your daughter may enjoy the classes.

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M.L.

answers from Indianapolis on

Not sure if it will help - I'm not having a lot of luck in my own home but this is the advise I have received. To explain my situation I have a 15 year old daughter that has horrible eating habits (not much help from my bad eating habits) and as she has matured has managed to gain quite a bit of weight. Not sure where she is at exactly, she won't share that information. Anyway, the advise was to get the junk out of the house and don't let it come into the house. It has to be a "family thing" - we're all eating healthy. It's also hard because while I've done that at home when they go to school they don't eat healthy. I started making her pack lunches and stopped giving lunch money - then you have to make sure they don't have extra money for the vending machines! Hope something that I have shared can help! If you come up with any great ideas would love to hear them!!! CHEERS TO YOU for your success!!!!!! OH!! Check your local churches for exercise programs! Usually they are free or very inexpensive. My daughter, a friend of hers and myself have been going to one of our local churches for kickboxing and we are having a blast! Good Luck!

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M.P.

answers from Evansville on

Gee you would think you would know how to keep your children from gaining weight since you lost all that. How old are they?
the best thing I can think of is do not!! Bring home fatting foods. No potatoe chips do not!!! Buy them!!! You can't eat them if their not there. BRing home fruit dry cereal lean meat. Leave the potatoes at the store too. I keep my weight by eating a lot of cereal. Honey nut cheerios. it's mostly protein and very little sugar. You can eat it several times a day and not gain weight. No Ice cream no candy!! If you eat right you can eat a lot and not gain weight. and exercise is very important. I live on a farm and do 3 hrs of chores every morning and 30 minutes in the evening. It is simple follow the rules of what's fatting and what's not and only eat them and only bring good food home.

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D.G.

answers from Columbus on

Congratulations on your weight loss and changed lifestyle habits! But, what parent wouldn't want to give the gift of good health and a lifetime of good eating habits to his or her children? As a parent I feel very strongly that we, as parents, have a job to do in protecting and nurturing our kids. We suffer as much as our child does with every cold, fever, cut, bruise, ache, and pain. We do our best to protect them by using car seats and bike helmets, and by being watchful parents.
We would not knowingly expose our child to a deadly virus or bacteria. Yet, many parents allow unhealthy eating habits for their children, putting them at risk for disease. This is the disease that we don't see, disease that lurks under the surface, within the cells, within the arterial walls, and within the bones of our children. This is not as obvious to us, nor will it become obvious until many years down the line, perhaps, long after we're gone.
We are talking about the degenerative diseases of aging, like heart disease, stroke, arthritis, macular degeneration, diabetes, and cancer. These processes are heavily influenced by our diet, but most of the research so far has focused on the adult diet. However, many of the changes have already started in childhood. Our children must begin early and learn a healthy style of eating to give them every advantage later in life. We may be able to change their odds by understanding nutrition and nutritional supplementation and its role in preventative medicine.
If you could receive FREE information on how to help with your children's eating habits and how to protect their most precious asset, their health, would you be willing to listen?

There are many individuals seeking advice for healthier lifestyles and establishing their ideal weight. I have organized a "Columbus Weight Loss Meetup Group"...www.meetup.com (search for the group name) and we have a meetup this Saturday, 2pm at Caribou Coffee House in Powell, Ohio! Let me help you and your family!

Yours in health,
D.

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L.S.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Being overweight myself, I understand what you're going through. I am actually a little anal about what my four year olds eating habits are. Because I want him to learn the right way to eat now. I don't buy junk food except on occasions like movie nights or when my 12 year old has friends over. My 12 year old only gets enough lunch money to eat lunch and not buy any junk at school. The schools don't help with healthy eating when they have soda machines and offer candy with lunch. As far as fast food, don't buy it. Since they are older, I wouldn't give them money for it either. My mom tried to get me in check with my weight in high school, but I feel now that I already had my mindset by then. I feel for you. You'll just have to be persistent with them. Good Luck. :)

Congratulations on your own weight loss. That's quite an accomplishment. :)

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K.R.

answers from Dayton on

I was an obese child. In about 6th grade, I went to a church camp and decided to change my life. I decided to be different on on inside and out. I got involved in sports and got busy doing things. I lost over 70 pounds by the end of my eighth grade year. Since then my weight has been an absolute yo yo. I recently found out that i have a hypo (underactive) thyroid. I would get them to the doctor for a blood test. It's been only a few weeks since my diagnosis, and i'm feeling better already.
If that is not the case, I would recommend motivating them in a positive way. That will have more positive effect in the long run as a lot of food issues are tied to emotional issues. Hope this helps

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P.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Well, all I can say is, have their thyroids tested before you look any further. That could be a lot of the problem.

Next look at what types of food you keep in your home for them to eat. This will tell you a lot about what they are getting. If you don't have chips in the house, they won't have chips to munch on. Fresh fruits, vegetables, etc.

Been through this with my half-aunt who is younger than I am and a daughter who fought the fight from the time she was 16 until we realized A. she is hypogloximic and B. she has a thyroid problem.

Things got much easier then.

If they don't have a lot of money in their wallets they won't be able to go out and buy a lot of fries and burgers, pizzas, and ice cream treats either.

P. R

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R.T.

answers from Cincinnati on

T.,
Change their lifestyle too. You control what food is brought into the house-not them. They sound like they are old enough to understand your health issues and your struggles, just sit them down and tell them how you feel about their weight and your concerns for their health. Start putting a stop to the eating out that they do(maybe impossible but worth a shot)with their friends. What does their doctors have to say about their weight?? Have you tried family outings/hiking, walks around the block/park?
Kids learn by example.
Good Luck!! I hope all goes well.
R.

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D.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

1. LEAD BY EXAMPLE Have NOTHING in the house that will sabotage their desire for poor nutrition. EAT FOR NUTRIENT VALUE NOT DESIRE! Eat frequent small meals (graze) 5-6 X a day limiting the calories to 200 per. If you have LESS at one time, like eating only an apple, then you can have the other 120 calories at another time, like at a meal.
2. EDUCATE YOURSELF so you can educate them! Knowing the WHY you need to something is MUCH more productive than just someone telling someone they need to. IT WILL SAVE THEIR LIFE!! Learn about what nutrients are essential to hair, nails, lungs, heart, skin, etc. and THEN.....KNOW what nutrients contain those things. When you do that.....there won't be a whole lot left for junk AND you CERTAINLY won't end up on multiple meds!!!
3. LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND EXERCISE!! Plan activities that involve movement. That could be a walk with a daughter, swim or whatever ..but SOMETHING! If they decide they'd rather SIT in front of the computer....take the things away that are contributing to the obesity! They may not like you, but AGAIN.....you'll be saving their life. THAY HAVE TO LEARN BALANCE and they shouldn't be allowed to leave exercise out of the equation. THE BODY WAS DESIGNED TO MOVE!! THE MORE SEDENTARY you are, the more problems you have...weight, metabolism, pain, posture, etc. The body's systems are ALL interrelated so one thing will effect another. EDUCATE EDUCATE EDUATE!!!!! There's no such thing as learning too much. It CAN be overwhelming, but START SOMEWHERE!!!
4. SET GOALS and hold each other accountable.....long term and short term. Make sure you have a reward system (NOT food) when those goals are met...i.e. new jeans, etc.

You can't change what decisions they make outside the home but you CERTAINLY can help change the way they think so that they make better choices AND eat better at home.

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D.Z.

answers from Indianapolis on

http://www.alternativesmagazine.com/18/boutenko.html

http://archive.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2007/8/6/857...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSuqCMld00w

http://www.vitalearth.org/MSG.htm

hi:) forgive me for being lazy...i had written quite a bit and was checking a link i wanted to share with you and it opened in this window and i lost all i had written...so i am just going to send the links which are full of information you should know...be sure to check out all the names they hide MSG under. Also Unfermented soy is Not good for the body.
Asian ladies are not drinking soymilk.
Artifical sweeteners are worse on the metabolism than refined white sugar and high fructose corn syrup is!!!bad. i use sucanat which is just dried cane juice so it still has any naturally occurring vits/mins that help to metabolize it. Turbinado has been called raw sugar but it is closer to white refined sugar than it is to dried cane juice.
Check into anti-estrogenic foods.
i have found they are putting natamyacin, an antimyotic/antobiotic in cheeses and also in english muffins!
ya gotta read labels even if you are buying from the healthfood section or store.
i wish you the very best!!!!!

http://www.healthfreedomusa.org/docs/nutricide.pdf

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S.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

You have already shown your children that you have dealt with your obesity, so you do not have to say much.
My recommendation would be that you must get rid of any food in the house that is inappropriate and make sure that from now on that such food is NOT allowed in the home.
Any food that is brought in that is in that category should be thrown out immediately, no questions asked.
You know how important this is, so get some backbone and do what is necessary.
No preaching etc. just action.
It is your home.

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M.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

You should take your children to the doctor for a checkup and have him tell her/him that it is unhealthy to be overweight and to put them on a diet, or have him suggest weight watchers which is a great diet program. Also, ban video games and TV unless she has done 30 minutes of exercise 3 days a week. As a parent you are obligated to help your child stay as healthy as possible.

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