How to Prepare 1St Child for Birth of Second Child?

Updated on August 04, 2008
B.H. asks from Matthews, NC
13 answers

hi, mommies! i know a lot of you probably have experience with this and can give me some great advice! my first child, parker, is now 28 months, and we are due to have a baby in 6 weeks. i've been preparing him and trying to make him a part of all of the decisions so far. but, how do i really prepare him for the shocking change that is about to come his way? we've already purchased a large gift for parker that will be from the baby, but what else should i do?

i'd greatly appreciate any suggestions! thanks!
-B.

1 mom found this helpful

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M.V.

answers from Las Cruces on

I had my daughter feel my tummy a LOT. When the baby hiccuped, or kicked, or anything. I also would show her real babies in the grocery stores (with the parents' permission) and my friends babies. I really wanted her to understand it was a real baby, not a doll. Congratulations!

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J.C.

answers from Phoenix on

We bought our son a doll. I picked one up at a garage sale and we bought boy clothes for it, even though we were having a girl. This was 'his' baby so we decided to make it a boy. We took care of the baby. It could go in the bath, so we gave it baths, 'breastfed' it, strapped it in the carseat and took it to the store with us. We showed him how to use 'nice hands' on the baby and we would rock the baby and sing to it. He absolutely loved it and he was only 19 months old.

I also made him a 'big brother' shirt and told him that he could wear it on the day the baby came. We made a welcome home poster for the baby and he decorated a card to bring to her at the hospital. He also bought her a floppy bunny, that she still sleeps with:) He was at the hospital when I gave birth and got to hold her within the first hour. He was so much apart of the whole process and I felt very confident knowing that he would be a good big brother. And he was. I don't mean to brag, but he honestly never hit her, scratched her, bit her, etc. He was so loving and we are proud that we instilled that in him. He would sit on my lap while I breastfed and being the "Miss Octopus" I am, I also read to him while I breastfed.

I hope these ideas help. We also bought our son a small gift from the baby and grandma gave him a special gift as well.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.M.

answers from Albuquerque on

We got our older son a baby doll. I had a hard time finding one that wasn't too girly but I finally did - at Walmart I think. It has a green outfit with turtles on it. We practiced being gentle with it and swaddling it - and now that my infant son is here, my older one sleeps with the doll as it is "his baby" and his brother is "mommy's baby".

good luck!

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M.Z.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hi B.! I have a couple of really neat books that you can borrow asap. Also, presbyterian offers a big brother/big sister class and I think it's open to anyone, it's $20 or so. the kids watch a short film, they get to see real babies in the nursery, and they get a certificate when they finish their "course".
M. (your neighbor) :-)

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K.L.

answers from Phoenix on

I know this may sound silly, but when I was pregnant with my daughter, I did all the things you are currently doing, but I also let Tyler, 24 months at the time, know that she was going to cry! I wanted him to be aware that he is my big helper and that sometimes Mommy needs to spend special time with his new sister just like I spend special time with him. He is doing great and God bless his soul, he tells me all the time that he wants to buy her formula and when I ask him what he wants for his birthday he actually responds, "I have plenty of everything mommy so let's get formula and toys for Olivia!" Imagine a 3 year old saying this. You are going to do great and your children will love each other and adjust to everything in a more amazing way than you can imagine. Good Luck!

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L.W.

answers from Tucson on

My kids are a year and a half apart. My son and I went to the build-a-bear work shop and we made a teddy for his new sister. He enjoyed that but I'm not sure if it helped him or not. I moved him out of his crib early so that he wouldn't think his sister was taking "his" bed. I planned on having Grandma bring him to the hospital but he got a double ear infection 2 days before I delivered and couldn't see me for the four days that I was in the hospital. It was our first time apart. He was excited to see me when I came home with the baby but turned his head as soon as he saw that I was holding his new baby sister. Thinking back I should have greeted him first then introduce him to his sister. After a short period of him ignoring me he jumped right into the big brother role. He is so helpful and loves to tickle, sing, and giggle with his lil' sis. He still get jealous from time to time but I have found if I let him know his sister needs me and that he can snuggle up with us he does ok. Or I give him something to do while I attend to his sister. For all other things I involve him as much as I can.
No matter what I think it is a little shoking to them but they adjust pretty fast and forget about what life was like before brother/sister came along. PS Make sure you have help for that first week or so. It makes a big difference.

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M.J.

answers from Tucson on

I read to my son "What to expect when Mommy is Expecting" I changed a few words to better suit our family. My son loved it because he went to all my appointments with me.

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A.

answers from Albuquerque on

Not sure if the class falls within your time frame, but there's a class called Becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister at http://www.bodymindandspiritabq.com
There are lots of ideas there, including
Spend time with someone with a baby
get a doll
make a birthday cake "for" the baby

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M.C.

answers from Phoenix on

Well I have sucessfully done this twice(so far). I have a 3 week old girl and her brothers just adore her. I think you are doing good by getting your son involved. I don't know if you know what you are having but It really helped the older child relate, Especially when you refer to the baby with their name (or nickname if you don't know the sex) #2 is 28 months younger then #1, and #3 is 30 months younger then #2. I took #1 to the store and had him buy a dress for my daughter. He said he picked the cherries on her dress because he liked cherries. He gets a big smile on his face whenever I put that outfit on her because he knows he picked it out.
Another thing, my husband spent a lot of time with the older kids after the births so they wouldn't feel left out which also helped with their transitions. Neither of my boys liked feeling my tummy it freaked them out they kept saying they will hold baby Erin after she is born.

My boys have never washed their hands so much in their lives. They come home from daycare and run to the bathroom so they can hold their sister or feed her. Hopefully your transition will run as smoothly as ours did. Good Luck

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C.M.

answers from Tucson on

I have 3 kids & w/ each one I have told the older one that they are going to be a big helper & will have to teach the little one how to play & read & he can help give the baby toys & watch over the baby.... We also talked about the baby calling it her name so she was already a "person" & part of the family in the older child's mind. We also did the gift from the baby to the older child. For my 3rd baby we had the older 2 buy a gift for the baby also! I wish I would have done that w/ my first & second..... it sounds like you are doing the righ things though! Blessings w/ your next sweet thing!

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G.J.

answers from Santa Fe on

Dear Barbaa,

I am 1 of 5 children myself. I don't remember my younger sister being born, she has just been in my life for 38 years. I don't think you can really prepare Parker for a life changing experience. The difficulties you may experience may be giving your new baby the attention he/she needs and that which Parker will want and has had all his life so far. It may be harder on you than him. The fact that you are concerned shows you are sensitive to the adjustment that is coming for Parker. All the presents in the world will never match the greatest gift you are about to give him- a new hand to hold- someone to teach- someone to learn how to share with-love-fight with-family. I suggest you take it one step at a time by dealing with each adjustment as it comes. He may very well be fine and I have no doubt he will not remember in a years time a world without his new baby in it. The greatest gift we can give our children is teaching them how to cope with the changes that come into our lives, see the positive and learn to go forward. I think if you make it a big deal it will be one for him, when in fact it is a new and exciting time in all your lives.

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M.L.

answers from Phoenix on

We had a nickname for our 2nd, while I was pregnant we called him twinkle, that helped some. Some one sent a book by maxine chambliss "I'm a big sister now" huge help. and a life size baby doll as a gift before hand. for starters she was a little rough on baby doll and it helped my husband to understand they they cannot be left together w/o supervision also while I was taking care of the infant she changed and fed big baby doll. also, don't be afraid to let her touch/hold the baby they need to bond too.

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J.P.

answers from Phoenix on

I did everything you've done. Yes, even the baby gave my son a present. (a special soft blanket). When my son walked into the hospital room to see baby(immediatley after birth) the baby handed him his blanket (all wrapped in pretty paper). So, his very first meeting of the baby, he recieved a special gift. Then dad took our son out for a special dinner and took him to buy his sister her going home outfit. So, he had a very special job as a new big brother. (He was 25 months when his sister was born) All along we talked up being a big brother before his sister was born. After she was born, my son was "mommy's big helper" and helped with changing diapers and anything else he could do. I think that one of the biggest helps was that when the baby went down for a nap, it was my sons turn to have "mommy time". I ordered kits from "brighter visions" (you can find them online) They came via mail on a monthly basis. The have a hardcover story book, "workbooks", an art project, a science project, stickers, music tapes(maybe cd's by now?). My son really looked forward to his special package arriving every month and using them during mommy time. ------ I think the biggest thing is don't worry and don't stress out about this. and you will be fine. Just make sure the older child isn't left out when the baby does come.

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