How Old to Bathe with Child?

My opinion, seven is too old for opposite sex parents. I wonder...if he feels uncomfortable with it, because of HOW she acts when she is in the bath with him. Or, is he looking to use it against her??

I think it's inappropriate and creepy. If I knew my friend was doing it, I would be very uncomfortable with that knowledge. If this was a man bathing with a seven year old girl, would you think it's strange?? I think most people would, I don't think it's any less strange for a woman and a boy.

My daughter is 9 and my son is 7. They and I still all shower together. My husband stopped showering with my daughter about 2 years ago, she started "looking" a little too long for him to feel comfortable. Personally, I think it's great. It saves time, water, and they fully know what the opposite sex looks like and have all of their questions answered as they come up. I have always answered all of their questions, in the most simplistic way that would satisfy them.
What really made me happy was that we were watching a movie with some tribal women that were topless...and neither of them seemed to think there was anything weird about it. They commented a little about how they looked different, but no giggling or anything.
We will stop showering together when someone starts to feel uncomfortable - me or them. I assume that will be in not too long.

As soon as either the child or the adult begins to feel uncomfortable, shy or embarrassed, it should stop. Until then, it's doing no harm.

But parents should stay alert for a desire for more privacy from the child, because kids may not be very good at expressing a wish to change. This desire is fairly common, and usually sets in somewhere between 5 and 10 years old. My 6yo grandson has no such shyness yet, and likes having an adult keep him company while he bathes or showers. He still needs a bit of help to get all the soap off when he's rinsing.

Family nudity varies a great deal from one family to another. I've known a few families for whom it's just no big deal all the way to adulthood.

Must be a small family or a HUGE bathtub.

I don't bathe regularly with my son (or my mum, for that matter), but I DO bathe occasionally with either of them. Also aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. But we don't fit in bathtubs! (Scandanavian, we hardly fit in a tub if we're solo!). Piling in and out of showers, though? Common. Hanging out in the bathroom chatting while someone else is bathing? Even more common.

In my family, there's no nudity taboo. Part of it has to do with about half of us are european, and nearly all of us are athletes. We pile into showers together. Whomever is there. Esp. after sporting events, or at the beach, or camping/hiking. Or if there aren't multiple showerheads (like at home), then we're lining up and dominoing in and out, or one in the shower another in a towel brushing teeth, another changing or hanging out talking.

In Japan (lived there about 1/3 of my life), we used the public baths fairly regularly (imagine a whole series of swimming pools with different temps, some with different scents, some are set up like water parks, some are natural hotsprings both indoors -building built around the natural formation- and outdoors... LOVED it when it snowed! We'd be in the steamy black water, snow ringing a few feet around the edges. As kids we'd hop out and make bum prints!)). Some are split by sexes, many are co-ed. All are nude (you clean yourself ahead of time, soap, all that jazz in the showering room). That's about the only way any of us would fit IN the bath.

So in my family... we see same and opposite sex grandparents until their death.

Birth to death we see people naked.

There's never anything sexual about it (Eeeew, icky, gross! That's family!)

I think it really depends on the culture, household, etc. I always showered with my boys until last year when the oldest was 4. I remember being 4 and certainly 5, and I don't really thinks he wants to remember me naked...

I don't freak out or anything if they see me naked, but I no longer shower with them. It started making me feel uncomfortable, so I think that's the sign to stop. I know some homes where children and parents are nude around one another always -and no one seems to notice much or care. If that's the case, I think it's fine. If neither she or the son are uncomfortable, I wouldn't think much of it.

However -if she JUST started doing this -and this hasn't been going on his whole life where they bathe together -then I would feel like it was a strange situation. Be very careful what you say though -it sounds like someone is gathering fuel for a custody battle (her husband), and you really don't want to get in the middle of that.

A.,

In our family, we are not ashamed of our bodies or make a big deal of them etc. If either person were to be uncomfortable, then it would be time to stop bathing together. If not, I don't see the issue. If the child got to be 11 or 12 etc, then I would be insistant on them showering by themselves because they are definitely old enough to do so--but there wouldn't be any weirdness about it before then.

In regards to your aquaintance--what other things are they doing that are weird? Medication? Drugs? Its hard to see the whole picture without that info- If the dad is uncomfortable with it, then he should speak with the mom and ask her not to do it. What does the 7 year old think/feel about it? Who encourages this? Best wishes and hope this helps!

M

My son is ten now and showers on his own of course. I never took a shower or bathed with him. He always took showers with his dad until he was about seven. I definitely think that a woman showering with her seven year old son is so inappropriate. And my son has never seen me naked either. JMO

I spent several years living in Japan, where families bathe together on a regular basis until the children hit adolescence. They often have larger bathtubs, but the sex of the child and parent are completely disregarded. To me, this seems very natural. Children and parents in a healthy household are not sexual objects to each other.

Although I am not Japanese by culture, my family had an open-bathroom-door sort of policy when I was growing up (once again, until I hit adolescence), and so the naked body was no mystery to me. I see no issues with the mother bathing with the son UNLESS this is a behavior that just suddenly developed. If she's been bathing with her son like this all along, it could be the divorce that is putting him on edge. If it just began, that is a bit of red flag. Is he the suspicious sort, or are there other behaviors that he also thinks are inappropriate?

In response to Gamma G, frankly, I'm offended. She leaves no room for other cultures or perspectives - not all of us are prudes or ashamed of our bodies. Calling CPS for this? Seriously?

I showered with my daughter until she was about 6, but would not do that with a little boy over the age of 4 or so.

Numbers wise - 7 year old boy - it sounds weird and "eww". But, that being said, it makes me realize that I have a 6 year old boy and in a pinch I'll shower with him. It's not awkward on either end or sexual, so it doesn't feel any different than showering with my 2 year old girl. It's just something that has always been done and there aren't nakedness or modesty issues in my house. So, although it is pushing the limits of "too old", I think it just depends on the situation and that they don't feel weird with it.

It's fine until such time as it makes either the parent or the child in the tub uncomfortable.

I think that bathing with a child sets up a family for disaster.

How many of you would automatically think "bath" if a 7 yr. old child was playing with your child or you were their teacher and you overheard that child talking about he and his mother spend time naked in water ....just saying.

If I had overheard that I can pretty much say I would have pulled out my phone and called my friend at Child Welfare and given any and all information to them, if the child was with a parent and they had a car I would have given tag number, if I heard the adults names I would tell her that too, any information I could gather I would. Kids talk to other kids when they can't tell an adult what is going on or being done to them.

That is the main thing I can think of. The other is that a 7 yr, old child is old enough to start feeling sexual urges, a boy can get erections and masturbate, unsuccessfully I believe, but it still feels good.

A boy bathing with his mother past the age of 2 is just inappropriate in my mind. I think a child bathing with the same gender parent is okay for a bit longer but really, once they discover their own body in that way it is too late. They are sneaking peaks and trying to figure out stuff they don't need to see or be exposed to.

I agree with the other posters who say it's creepy that the ex has contacted you. Why is he asking your opinion? You are "acquaintances" with his ex-wife??!!!
Sounds like there is an alterior motive here.
I'd decline to discuss anything personal with him from now on.

He is way too old to see his mother naked and way too old to be showering with an adult parent or not. I'd be very uncomfortable with having this knowledge and direct her soon to be ex husband to call CPS. It sounds creepy too me. Children need those boundaries.

Has she always taken baths with him? Or was he bathing alone and then she decided to start bathing with him? Either way, I don't think it's appropriate. He might still see her naked if she happens to step out of the shower or is getting dressed and he walks in on her, but that's different from them both being naked together in the bath tub. There's no reason for a 7 year old to have his mother in the tub with him - even if he needed help for some reason (special needs, etc.), she would be helping him while she stayed out of the tub, if she really needed to be in there, she could put a swim suit on.

I guess the other question is, what does the soon-to-be-ex-husband think he should or can do about it, if this is actually what is happening? Does she really want CPS getting potentially involved and her custody being affected? Does she see her son taking the place of her husband in some weird way? Or is he looking to get back at her somehow?

My 5 year old son will shower with me occasionally as a timesaver, but he bathes on his own. He's HUGE - he's as long as the tub is if he lies down so heck, there's no room even if I wanted to.

I think if it just suddenly started out of nowhere, I'd want to know why cause it seems odd if it just started up. If they've always bathed together and it's just starting to bother the dad, then he needs to talk to his wife about it. Either way, HE needs to talk to his wife about it. The son is old enough to learn about privacy, etc.

I find it strange. I think when a child is old enough to be asking questions and pointing out the differences in the body parts there is an issue. My same sex children have seen me change, but I do not bathe with them. They are 3 and 5. They are too curious at this age to be seeing opposite sex organs.

I think 7 is too old. My guy will be 3 in April, and he's already noticed our differences, so no baths or showers together.

Your friend is putting herself in a danger zone. Not that I believe her soon-to-be ex-husband could get sole custody (if he chose) based on this alone, but he could make things very uncomfortable for her. I would suggest to him that if he's not comfortable with the practice he needs to speak to her about it.

And I think I would avoid getting in the middle of their situation and also not tell him you're uncomfortable with it, he may mention this to her and stir things up between the two of you. Just because he contacted you doesn't mean you have to give him an opinion, IMHO.

I know a family who openly shares with everyone that they co-bathe with their kids. Totally freaks me out. Eeeew, ick.

I do not want to know if mom/dad are in swimsuits. I do not want to know if they are not. Total freak out.

& no, I will not share the ages/genders.....blah. Even typing it grosses me out....privacy, please!

I think it's strange, that is too old to be taking a bath with him. My son is 5 and takes showers on his own with a little help.

Sounds old to me too. I shower with my almost 5 yr old daughter everyday but imo that's different. At 7 my son wouldn't let me even watch him change clothes because im a girl!! Im not sure what I would say to him but its a little weird for me too!

I'll repost on your newer question.

When breastfeeding appropriately should end so should any activity involving a parent being nude. Changing clothes, showering, bathes, etc. Of ourse if you are one to bf until they go to kindergarten then way before then. I would talk to her privately and just let her know that some are questioning you about her and the childs bathing together and perhaps she may want to rethink doing it as some will consider it questionable.

I bath and sleep with my two year old son. Can't see anything wrong with continuing this but best stop before puberty. Or once the child goes to school and loses his innocence (learns vulgarity from other kids!)

7 does sound like it is getting a bit old. I'm sure much depends on the family and the circumstances...but by 7 some boys are having wet dreams and beginning to explore different feelings towards girls. Seems like it might start getting complicated.