I just moved into an apartment with my 21-month old son after living with my dad after my divorce. I was co-sleeping with him while living at my dad's and now I am trying to transition him into his own bed. I don't like co-sleeping because Jon moves around and kicks me so I don't get any sleep. He was doing really good at first but it just seems to have progressively gotten worse. He didn't go to sleep until midnight last night and was up again at five this morning only to go back to sleep just in time for me to get up and get ready for work. I am trying really hard to be patient because I really am determined to get him in his own bed. BTW.... he wasn't sleeping very well in my bed either. He was waking up several times in the night. He would never go to sleep unless I was in the bed with him and if I got out he would wake up and start screaming. We have a bedtime routine, he has his favorite stuffed animal, and a new Elmo pillow to make his "big boy bed" special. At the same time I am trying to transition him away from the bottle and stop rocking him to sleep at night (both of which should have been done a LONG time ago but because we lived with grandpa it was never done.)
I am so frustrated because he isn't sleeping like he should be for a child his age. By the end of the day he is so tired and cranky (and so am I). I just feel so bad for him that he can't get a good nights sleep. I don't know if I am trying to make to many changes but I am afraid if I let him back in my bed he will NEVER get out. The most important thing for me is that I am a full time student as well and because I have to be in the bed with him at all times, I can't get any of my work done.
Please help!!! I have run out of ideas!
Added side note: Jon's dad and I seperated before he was born. He has never known us as Mommy and Daddy, the couple.
I have incorporated many of the ideas and put them into our night time routine. He is getting better and better every night. He is still waking up once in the night but this is far better than before. I still rock him right now with a bottle but I am phasing out the milk by diluting it more and more ever night. Eventhough I rock him and he falls asleep he ALWAYS wakes up right before I lay him down. I have been laying on the floor beside his bed until he falls asleep. I am going to start moving further and further away from the bed to see how that works. Hopefully by August (when the fall semester for school starts) we will both be getting a full nights rest!!
Thank you all so much for all of the great suggestions!
Maybe you should continue with his bottle and possibly even rocking him for now and just work on getting him to sleep in his own bed. I just think maybe it's to many changes for him to handle all at once. Between the divorce, the new apartment and then trying to take away his bottle and change his bed. He's probably feeling a bit uncomfortable right now. The bottle would probably help sooth him.
I hope this helps; Good Luck!!
L.
HI E.,
Well I have a few ideas.
first I would get him in his room, I would rock him to sleep in his room and as you do this I would tell him "I'm gonna rock you for 15 mintues then you are gonna lay down in your bed and go to sleep and mommy will sit right here next to you". As you keep rocking him cut it down every other night by 5 minutes so by the end of the week you would be at 5 minutes and then too where you are a t 2 minutes and then 1, when you get to 1 minute take the chair out of his room. When you lay him down that next night tell him "you are gonna lay down in your bed and go to sleep and I'm gonna sit right here until you fall asleep" (note at this point you haven't taken the bottle away from him, this is a comfort for him, work on this when you have sleeping all night in his bed down).
Now when you have the sleeping in his bed down to where you can lay him down in his bed by himself and you walk out of the room you have accomplished this. Do expect him to come in your bed once in awhile this is very normal. Even for the kids that go to sleep in their beds.
Now that you have that down start with the bottle, start with one time a day that he would normally get a bottle but give him a sippy cup instead throw one bottle away a day, weed'em out. When you get down to the one he would take to bed try to get him to drink all of his drink before he goes to bed, this way you aren't starting another habit that you have to break.
All of this might take a few weeks or it might take you a few months. Hope this helps you, W.
E.,
I would try one thing at a time. Too many changes will make you both crazy! I have two boys and they were both different in their little habits and routines. My youngest used a pacificer and when I tried to get rid of it, he would dig it out of the trash so I know what you mean about a determined child. He is going to push to see how far you will let him go. I would chose the bed routine first. Get him in bed, read a book and sit on the floor beside his bed as he gets comfortable. Maybe play some soft music, don't let him have anything that will make him active. Let him have a drink from a big boy cup about 1/2 before bed. I breastfed mine and Jared only had a bottle at daycare so that was a different situation. I think in your situation, rocking and cuddling are still okay. He needs your security and with the changes in his life at a young ages, he responds to the holding that you are there. Maybe rock and read first, then put him in bed with soft music and sit beside him so he knows that you are there. I hope it works. I have learned that every child is different and you have to keep trying things until something works - but when you find it, be consistant! Good luck! S.
Is his bed in his room or yours? Maybe if you put his big boy bed next to yours, he might sleep better knowing you are right there. Then you can move it further from your bed & then to his room. You might also try white noise, like a small fan. Maybe he's a light sleeper & little noises wakes him up. Good luck!
I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a 5 year old and faced the same problem. First I bought him some new sheets that he got to pick out. Sceondly I gave him my magic pillow. Which is one of the pillows off my bed. The other thing I did was used a magic sleep spray. The sleep spray is called Silky Sheets. Please email me and I will give you details on where to find it. ____@____.com
It sounds to me like you are trying to change too many things at once. Moving into a new place, no longer allowed to sleep with mommy and taking away rockings and the bottle. I would personally make getting him out of your bed your #1 priority. Continue to rock him at night (my daughter is almost 27 months and I still rock her), but try to put him in his bed before he falls asleep. As for the bottle, that's a tough one. Do you think he could go "cold turkey" on that if you kept the rocking in the routine? I was terrified I would have problems taking the binky away from my daughter, but she did really well. I found I was the problem and not her. If you find it's a struggle keep the bottle in the bedtime routine too. Have that one phased out eventually too. I don't think there's anything wrong with rocking your little one to sleep. After a busy day of work I enjoy that 5-10 mins that my daughter and I have together. We sing, giggle and rub our noses together. Just make sure to keep it short and sweet.
On the other note about him not sleeping well throughout the night....my daughter goes through those phases. I found I was running to her room when she made any little noise, which was part of the problem. If I let her be 9 out of 10 times she settled herself back in. If she does wake up before she's supposed to my husband will take a pillow and blanket into her room and sleep on the floor. That way she doesn't get into our bed, but they both get that much needed sleep.
Good Luck and stick to your guns! It will work out in the end.
My oldest didn't like to sleep in his bed either! We finally transitioned him by first sitting on his bed with him while he went to sleep. We did this for a few nights, then we sat on the floor next to the bed for a few nights, then by the door but still in the room, outside the door but still in sight, then, out of sight but still close by. Believe it or not, we eventually quit all together :-)
It is a long process, but worth it in the long run! Especially when you get to the point where you're not right next to him, then you can work on your homework while sitting there. I hope this helps! Good luck!
I know this is a very difficult time for you but I think you may be working on trying to take away too many things right now. Your son may be feeling your stress and if you try to get him into the big bed, take away the bottle and to stop rocking him at night. Take things slowly with him and work on one thing at a time. I think you both will feel better and he might take to the changes a little easier. By the way, it will get better. Just remember to take one step at a time. You have moved into a strange place, which your son doesn't know yet. So give him and yourself a little time and one thing at a time.
Hope this helps. I am a mother of 2 girls, one 5 years old and one 15 months and all children go through one thing or another. Do what makes your son comfortable and you may try sleeping with him in his room for a few nights to help him make the transition and then slowly you move back to your bedroom.
You might want to give him some time to adjust to the move before moving him to his own bed. Then you could try moving him to a pad on the floor next to your bed. If there is room you could move his bed into your room. This is how we got our 3 year old to sleep in his own bed. He is still in our room, but not our bed. I'm more comfortable taking things one step at a time. Try going to www.askdrsears.com for some ideas. Good luck.
I think there's just a lot of change for him right now. He may be feeling really insecure about it all and just need you right now to show him every thing will be ok. I agree that eventually going to his own bed needs to happen, but with everything happening, he's probably stressed. I know I can't sleep when I'm stressed. When my daughter came to our home (she's adopted), she just turned two. She didn't sleep through the night (a year later and she still wakes up crying) and she screamed when we put her in her bed. So we compromised. We started letting her fall asleep in our bed and then we moved her to her own bed. If she woke up during the transition, we patted her back until she went back to sleep in her bed. After being asleep for a couple of hours, it was easy for her to get back to sleep. After a couple of months, we started putting her in her bed (giving her a sticker on her chart if she went without crying). I started reading a book to her in her bed too to help the bonding continue in her bed so she saw it as a positive thing and not a place to scream. During the transition we let her fall asleep in our bed first for five days out of the week and then two days in her bed first. And in the beginning if she woke up in the middle of the night and came to our bed upset, we let her stay. I hope this was some help. Good luck!
ASK your son what he needs to sleep in his own bed all night and notbe scared. He can create a solution that you would never think of!!! Then, he's part of creating the solution WITH YOU towards the same goal.
Taking a pillow from your bed to your son's bed can give him the same comforting feeling in HIS bed. My son requested this when I asked him what he needed if he can't sleep with me.
Put his favorite stuffed animal "in charge" of helping him sleep. When he has trouble, give your attention - scolding - to Elmo and ask Elmo to help better. This takes the pressure of both you and your son. Both of you can express your needs to Elmo to help him stop screaming and comfort him so everyone can sleep. Your son can 'get it' and try harder.
My son had a sleeping disorder and I'm a single mom. Doctors may not diagnose it -if your son has one- for a couple more years, so try to take stress off each other during parenting problems.
My book may help. It's parenting solutions that take two minutes or less to involve your child in the solutions and create priceless memories. www.twominutemom.com
Good luck!
B.
Try finding the Book "babywise" on Ebay, I buy them used for a few dollars for my friends, it will help with all sleeping problems.
hey E. im A. and i just read ur request. hunny im so sorry but try to give him a sippy u know wien him off the sippy and i useally set him kids till they r asleep. but in ur case if i was u i would c if he has any kind of sleeping disorders he may have 1 if hes doing all that and if u need help of wacthing him im here im allways home i have 4 kids my own i just moved from oklahoma form almost the same situation ur n. but now im n manhattan kansas if u here im here for u but if ur not hunny try to slip him a sippy he might not take it at first but try everytime ok and i would diffenatly try sitting by him while he sleppes and if he has more problem get him tested for sleeping disorders.
When dealing with children it's best to not try new things or do any transitions while there are major things going on. Divorce and moving are 2 of the most major things you can do. And while you were the one getting divorced, your son will be feeling the effects too. You need to give it some time and get rid of the bottle seperately from having him sleep on his own.
