How Do You Fit in at School When No One Else Is like You?

Find people with the same interests and it all falls into place. Both my daughters marched to their own drums, the oldest did it so well others followed in her parade. My younger daughter has a core group of friends and even though it doesn't look exactly like normal friendships they are all happy.

My younger daughter does not have a Facebook, snapchat, any of that, just pinterest. I think that helps with not having to deal with her peers that have different interests, like boys and letting everything hang out.

Why does it matter if you don't know about profanity and other stuff, if you are happy you are happy. Knowing that stuff doesn't make you happy and I would argue those girls you are looking at as potential role models aren't very happy.

You join 4H and make friends who enjoy working with animals like you do.
Although there is peer pressure to 'fit in', conformity is not always what it's cracked up to be.
When peers get into trouble for the sake of 'fitting in' - drinking alcohol, trying drugs, becoming sexually active, etc - it's time to get a new set of peers - you don't always have to follow that crowd.
It's perfectly fine to be unique and march to the beat of a different drum.

Just because you haven't found anyone in your school like you doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your place in life right now. And I would also bet that there are more kids than you know that are feeling the same way you are at this very moment. The difference is that you are strong enough to know who you are and hold on to your identity and values. A lot of those kids you see are doing anything and everything just to fit in.

I would just keep being you and trust your little voice when it comes to making friends. Jump out of your comfort zone and talk to people you think have a good heart. You may hit it off with someone, or you may need to just keep being friendly until you hit it off with someone. There is most likely a girl or boy out there that would love to be rescued by a friend like you! I would have LOVED to have a friend like you growing up! In fact I still would! My son and I just drove past a horse farm this morning and he just laughs as I sigh wishing I had a horse. Just be true to yourself. During the teen years it's hard to be different, but fitting in isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Suz's advice is bang on. Just be yourself. So long as you're not woe is me, no one is like me, and you're friendly and engaging, you'll make friends.
I wouldn't generalize and says all the other girls at school are into inappropriate shows, etc. Nor would I say no one is like me. If you're yourself and friendly and approach kids who seem kind, it will happen.
I was into riding when I was a teen. I went with a group of girls I wouldn't have known otherwise from school. I would pursue ways to meet others through your interests.

Take the time to get to know people. It might really seem like everyone is watching things you are not ok with, but that's not necessarily the case. Some people just talk about the things that they think everyone else is doing, so that they'll sound like they are in the know and doing what is popular.

Get to know a few people that you are comfortable with. Ask them questions about themselves to try and get to know them. They might be just as eager as you are to meet someone like you.

H.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

I'm sure there are other girls at your school that likes horses. Isn't there a horse enthusiast club? If not - start one. You will find people will similar interests there.

Staying away from profanity? Do you go to church? If so? There should be a youth group for teens. If not? Start one!!

Ask the school or your counselor about the clubs you are interested in, where they meet, etc. IF they don't have one you like? Ask about starting one, where you can meet, etc.

Start a church teen group. instead of feeling sorry for yourself for not having any friends? REACH OUT!! Maybe you need to take down your expectations. NO ONE is perfect. Everyone has flaws. You don't need to have 100% similarities or likes. Learning something NEW IS A GOOD THING!!! Open your mind and your boundaries.

Don't focus on what other people can bring to your life, focus on whose lives you can improve by being who you are around them. Join a community service club like Key Club. Friendships made through clubs like that, are developed by helping other people together. Make more friends like that.

ETA: Wow, problem solved overnight! Well, agreed - as long as you stay away from "northern girls" you'll be fine. Good luck!

I agree whole heartedly with the posters below. You might broaden where you're looking for friends. Is there a therapeutic riding place nearby? They can always use volunteers. Having friends in your high school is nice, but don't limit yourself.

It is hard to feel like nobody likes you. Try to be friendly and smile a lot. As I tell my daughter sometimes, you have to fake it 'till you make it. Maybe try to notice if there's another person sitting alone at lunch or doesn't feel included and befriend them. High School is hard. I promise you are not the only kid in your school feeling this way.

We homeschool and my 17 year old has friends in many age ranges. She doesn't tell people right off that she's homeschooled because she's received negative reactions before because of preconceived ideas. She has some high school aged friends who drink, smoke weed and are sexually active. She doesn't participate in those activities, and she doesn't judge them. She enjoys her friends and is there for them if they need her. You can be friends with people without compromising your values.

Most importantly, be yourself. Don't compromise your values, but know you can be friends with and enjoy people who think differently.

You might also consider talking to the school counselor. They might be able to recommend some options of clubs or activities that would help introduce you to others. 4H is an excellent suggestion.

Hi H.! So glad to read that you reached out to the girls in a youth group and they were kind and open to having someone new in their group. Growing up is not without struggles but I'm proud that you are facing things head on. Take care and keep reaching out to others. I'm sure there are plenty of girls that would love to have you as a friend.

I know you've already gotten some great responses and had some good luck. I just wanted to add my two cents. You seem to really have your act together.. As another poster said, you sound like the type of person I would want to be friends with or that I would want to have my kids be friends with. Please don't doubt yourself or your values. As others said, you don't have to compromise your values but I wouldn't judge them either. This is a tough age and many of the kids are struggling to fit it and may be "talking the talk" just to fit in. You can be respectful and friendly towards them without having to necessarily hang around with them or do the things they do.

It may seem that not many others share your interest in horses, but it may just be that they haven't been exposed to it. I met a friend in college that was very much into horses and before that (having grown up as a "city girl") I just hadn't really been around horses and didn't really know anything about them. So it could be that they just haven't heard much about it. I wouldn't try to hide your interest - you should talk about it.. try to think of an interesting fact or funny story about your experiences and share them.

I will say this. When I was in middle and high school, I was a bit of a book-worm and didn't fit in with the popular crowd. I was in band and had a nice set of core friends, which was great..but I wasn't in the "in" crowd. I was shy and didn't really feel like my interests would be worth talking about and sharing with others. Since that time, through the years I have been around teens in countless volunteer/scouting/church group situations. One thing that I have noticed is that the happiest ones are those that are comfortable in their own skin. So even if someone is a bit quirky or likes things that are a bit unusual, if they own it and are proud of it, then others are drawn to them. So I would just say try to not to worry about others...be true to yourself without judging others, maybe try a new hobby, and you will be fine. I wish you the best of luck..you seem like a smart, well-rounded kid and I'm sure you will be fine!!

Sounds like you're a lot more grounded than most of the girls in your school. At the same time, I am sure there are many other girls like you, at the school. I assume that you clean pens at a stable. Have you looked to see if there are any other people your age there who also take care of animals or ride? That might be a good start. How about joining some sort of equestrian club? There are some small towns here in South Florida we call "horse country" and in the parks in those towns, you will see people of all ages riding horses, either alone, or as a group. Try to find out if a park in your community has equestrian trails, and if they have organized outings. If so, join them, and if not, maybe the park ranger can help with community outreach to make people aware of these outings, so they can join you.

How about neighbors? Do you live in a farming sort of community? If so, you can make friends that way. Don't limit yourself to people who dress like you or have the same interests as you. I would have loved to have a friend like you, but I was the nerdy kid that people didn't talk to much. The few friends I had were the outcasts -- goths, metalheads, and the sort...not the kind of people you'd associate with a nerd who always wore her clothes tucked in with a belt, huh? These kids would have long hair, dark eyeliner, and dog collars. Well, we all had something in common -- we didn't fit in with the cheerleaders, the popular girls, the jocks or the rappers, and that is the point.

The quiet kid in your classroom who has trouble socializing may be the kind of quiet, intellectual, down to earth person you're looking for, and I bet that person would love to ride a horse or join you at the stables to help you take care of horses. I never owned horses but I had a friend in middle school when I lived abroad that did own a horse. It was tons of fun getting to pet the horses and sometimes getting to ride them (around the stable only, I was a newbie after all), though she rode alone on trails, or with her parents. I am glad she didn't assume that because I did not own a horse, I would have no interest in one. Most kids love animals anyway. If anything, that makes you unique, and a heck of a lot more interesting than the kid who has a TV in their room (don't most kids have that these days, anyway?).