Homework Woes

Hi L.,
I have the same trouble with my 9 year old daughter. Sometimes it really drives me crazy. When I try to help her with her homework, she get's mad at me for trying to help...but then if I don't help, she'll get mad at me. I talked to her school counselor about it and he suggested a few things. First off...my daughter is adhd, so he gave me some suggestions on helping her get focused on it. He also told me that the reason she gets mad at me for helping her (even though she tells me she needs the help) is because she is upset about the fact of always needing help on it and is probably wondering 'why do I always need help, why can't I do this myself'. Sometimes my husband will have "races" with her to try and get her to work on it. He'll do the work on another paper while she works on hers. She usually gets right on it and gets it done quickly when theres a challenge.

I hope I helped some...and hope I wasn't too confusing. Good Luck!

Blessings,
J.

hi, L....i think u should try to set it up with her in advance, so it it's like something u plan together instead of u telling her what to do...u know how women can be...haha. good luck!

Hi L... the best suggestion is to not inform her of what your "fun" plans are for her... offer positive reinforcement...Ex. if you do 2 pages of math.. later/tomorrow we can go for ice cream, or to a movie... something that she likes.. I have a 13 1/2 year old boy and to this day it still works....

Good luck
D.

Oh L.... I can totally relate to you. I have a daughter who will be 9 in April (and a son who just turned 3) that has problems with math also. It is not easy to get her to sit and do homework any night of the week. I bought a dry-erase board that has the days of the week on half of it and the other half is blank. I spoke with her teacher and every Friday when Sarah gets home from school I get a weekly progress report and a list of tests for the following week, along with any study guides that she might need. At that point I use the dry erase board to fill in the tests on the days of the week and on the blank side I write (as example) for the week: 30 minutes - Science studying, 20 minutes - Spelling review, 2 math pages, 30 minutes of reading from a book of your choice (or for a book report). I make up flash cards for her from her study guides and spelling words. This is in addition to her normal homework. If she gets an 85 or better on her tests, she gets to do something or go someplace special. If she gives me a hard time, I simply DON'T let her do her homework and send a note into the teacher explaining her attitude. Her teacher and I have worked it out that if this happens, she will have lunch and recess by herself in the classroom and that she must do the homework and studying at that time. After missing about a weeks worth lunch and recess with her friends, she straightened out. Not to say it's perfect now, but we're working on it. I try to make a game out of studying with her, with the flashcards. We use change and whatever she has at the end, she gets to keep. Taking things away didn't help us very much. It almost made things worse. The best advise I could give is to talk to your daughter's teacher and work out a punishment with her also. Good luck.

L.,
Another thing you can try is reward on the condition that she complete the specified number of pages not just a general you get to stay up late and have cookies all day (just an example) only if you do the required homework. And on the other end if she whines and complains I highly recomend TIME OUT!!!! one minute for every year of her age. It gets the point across fairly quickly-but you have to follow through with it not just threaten. Don't back down. Wait untill she calms down when in the time out spot or chair to begin her time if she gets up or yells-time starts over. Don't talk to her when shes in punishment. And once time is up get down on her level and tell her what she did wrong and why it was unacceptable.

Hope this helps,
K.

(I spent a good deal of childhood in time out for not doing my homework too.)

Try the star system. I did that with great success when my daughter was little (it's different now that shes a teen, but I still have the same challenge). If your daughter doesn't cry and does her homework, she gets a star. At the end of the week, 5 stars equals a treat. For my daughter it was a some part of a toy that she would work toward...nothing expensive...something more like an inexpensive Barbie. Or a movie rental. The 5 stars would equal 1/4 of the Barbie so she would have to work for 4 weeks to get it.

I have an 11 year old and an 8 year old that have never liked to do their homework!! I have found though, that when they have packets like that to do over vacations, start with that last night of school. Just because they are on vacation does not mean that school has disappeared. I go through the whole packet with them. The first night let them pick a page to do. Once it is done, let them know that tomorrow there will be two pages to do (or three depending on the size of the packet). If possible, make it the same time homework is done on a regular school day. Do this each day. Depending on the type of work, and length of vacation, you may be able to up the quantity of pages being done each night by pointing out that they will have more free time at the end of the break because they don't have to worry about school work. Sometimes throwing in a "free trip" works too, once all of the work is done. Something like a movie, or even a trip to the library.

L.,

You can try giving your daughter some control over the assignment. Of course it has to get done, and it cannot wait until the last night. Try letting her pick which two pages to do each day. Give her a choice of when to do it, like either before lunch, or after dinner. Then she knows when the time is coming to sit down and work, and it doesn't come as a forced "surprise". You can also bribe her. Tell her that if she does X number of pages each day like you want her to, and it's all done by Friday, then you'll take her to a movie on the weekend.

Homework stinks, and kids hate having it on vacation. You can't change that. She's not going to like it, really all you can do is try and lessen the pain.

Jess