Helping 4 y.o. Son Learn to Wipe Himself

My 6 year old still requires help from time to time... He used to just sit on the toilet and shout "I'm done" until someone came in to help... (we don't sit and wait, becaue he reads his books and takes like 30 minutes each bowel movement).

Anyways, we reminded him that he's a big boy, and all the great things he gets to do because he's a big boy. He wipes, and then we procced to do something that was mentioned. I only insist he tries on his own first.

Good luck to us all!

I had a similar concern regarding my daughter, who is now almost 6. My sister laughed and said her 7 year-old son still needs help. We buy flushable toddler wipes so our daughter can handle most of the clean-up herself, but I wash a lot of panties anyway!

I don't think it's a huge deal to do it for him. I understand that you want it to be done well...mainly for his own health...cleaning up enough of it. However, once he's off to school or somewhere else for a longer period of time, what will he do? Has he ever done it himself?

I am in a very similar situation. My daughter (age 4 yr 3 months) does not like to wipe herself either. When we talked about it, she told me that she doesn't like to wash her hand with cold water. Can you believe THAT is what was deterring her from wiping? I was psyched, though, because I can fix that easily with some warm water. So now she's wipe for #1, but not for #2. We actually have a sticker chart on the fridge at the moment (I wiped by myself...with squares after it for stickers). We keep the stickers for her chart in a drawer in the kitchen where she can reach it and do it herself. We discussed a possible "prize" for when it's done (ie - go out for dinner, small toy, etc.) She has about 10 stickers at the moment, and probably wipes #2 about 1/2 the time. Sometimes she says, "mommy...your turn" and I do it. The way I see it is she's making progress...and will get there when she's ready. In the past when we've done the sticker chart thing for one or two focussed goals at a time, it has worked. A few times we've had to make a second chart with the same goal to really get it to be internalized and therefore done without the stickers. (ie...I used my big girl voice. I let my brother have a turn with a toy. I got dressed by myself.)

Good luck. I'll be curious to read the other replies as I am in a very similar situation.

I'm in the same situation as Robyn G ... my daughter is 7 and we still have some messy moments due to an unthorough clean. Initially I told her to 'wipe, then check' - if the paper had #2 on it after wiping, wipe again. This then led to clogged toilets, so I had to rework the 'wipe and check' rule! LOL Now we do 'wipe and check' with normal paper first time, then a flushable wipe second time -- if it's still icky after the wet wipe she gets to call for help.

i am going thru the same thing with my almost 5 yr old daughter!!! im frusterated by it, because i feel she should be able to do this. i keep asking her what is going to happen next year at school when im not there to wipe her own bum. i tell her to use a baby wipe, and she does pretty good with it. she has a hard time with the concept of "getting under there" enough. but, shes starting to do better with it. funny, ive been thinking about writing about this one for ideas too! guess you just beat me to it! good luck!

Hi -
I worked on this with my son for quite awhile. He is now 7 and we still have messy moments. I started by standing next to him and handing him a flushable wipe and letting him do the deed with my supervision. He was only given 2 wet wipes then we would use regular TP to finish. The hardest part was getting him to not use the whole roll at once! I also made sure to keep liquid soap or alcohol gel nearby so it would be easy for him to wash up right after. It does take alot of practice but be patient. They get it eventually. I promise he will be wiping his own butt by the time he gets to college!!!

Hi A. -

I have an almost 8 year old and a 7 year old. My almost 8 year old wipes on his own now, and sometimes leaves "streaks" (sorry, but I don't know how else to say it!) but my little guy just doesn't wipe right yet, so I help him.

I say help him when he asks for it - the result if you don't could be something very similar to a diaper rash when children don't wipe properly after only wiping wrong once or twice. And if you think that diaper rash is painful for a baby, imagine how it feels to a 6 or 7 year old who can articulate how miserable that might be!

And, let's face it - all boys (girls too for that matter) will eventually reach an age where they will not want you anywhere NEAR them, and they will eventually do it on their own.

Just my two cents. Good luck to you!!

Hi A.,
As a Kindergarten and preschool teacher I would say this is a skill that your son definatley can and should be working on. When he goes to school the teachers or other adults will not (by law) be able to help with this "task" and it is important for him to learn to foster independence. It can be a daunting task and learning process, more for the adults in his life than for your son. There are flushable wet wipes on the market that are designed to help children learn this process (Kandoo is one of them). The wet wipes seem to be easier to use and "get the job done" better than regular toliet paper. I would also suggest having your son try first before you step in to help. It will take a little getting used to for him but he will learn!
Best of luck.

You know you are a Mom when you talk to others about bum wiping huh? I love it!!

I would do this..... as I have a 7yr old boy. Buy the flushable wet wipes. When you bring them home I would take him to the bathroom, show him how the container works, and let him take one out and actually wipe. Tell him what he is looking for is no poop left on the wipe.

So when it is poop time, tell him to use the wet wipe (or 2) and if he finds it is messy THEN you will come in and help him.

That is how I got my son to get into that groove of wiping himself. In all honestly a messy bum is really impossible for a 4 1/2 yr old to get clean, BUT... I would first get him into doing it, not all poops are a mess.

I also suggest some black or dark colored underwear for a while for those little spots that might linger behind. And tell him 2 wipes of anything permits a toilet flushing....... I can remember the toilet getting backed up!!
Best of Luck

This is something that I myself am struggling with! My just 5 year old daughter is refusing to wipe after pooping. It's something that I feel she should be doing. I purchased special flushable wipes for her and went over handwashing techniques. But she just won't do it! She says she is afraid of getting poop on her hands.
I discussed this with our pediatrician and he said that as long as we don't have a problem with it- it's not going to cause developmental problems for her. He said she'll figure out a way to handle it on her own when she is at school since peer pressure will prevent her from asking for help from a teacher.
I understand completely where you are coming from though!
Good luck!

Just an FYI..some septic sysmtems still can cause problems from the Flushable Wipes..ours backed up with just two wipes flushed!

So..now I have ziplocks or plastic grocery bags to put the wipes in..such a joy :-) we are still working on using the potty and then he can start wiping himself more..

How my mom trained 4 of us I will never know!

I have a 4yo son also, so I totally understand your predicament. I would get the flushable toddler wipes, they work great. I would show him how to wipe with those and then just check him after. I've gotten to the point where I don't have to even check my son anymore.