Help with Potty Training - Manhattan, IL

I just went through this last week. I never thought it would happen for my 3 year old daughter. I bought 'training' pants at target(soft cloth and the rubber ones) I bought the 'elmo potty time' video too. Put her in the soft cloth trainers(I told her there were no more diapers in her size) we put the video on, over and over and over. I gave her a ton of juice and she finally started to get the hang of it. The kicker was 'pee pee pennies' every time she peed(or helped clean up her accident...yes, I made her help me) she would get a penny. 20 pennies earned her a movie she wanted, 50 pennies get's her gift #2, 100 pennies is gift #3(let her select the reward)If she refuses to try or does not help clean up, take 1 penny away. within 2 days she was poopin on the potty and peeing..no accidents(we use diapers and the vinyl pants overnight...eventually hope to move to no diaper, just vinyls) Now, everwhere we go, I take her portable potty or potty seat. She has done amazingly well in one week and is so proud of herself!!! Try this and see...I never thought It would happen and others told me to 'back off' I did not back off, but stuck to my guns. The first day she was not so thrilled, but I stayed persistent and consistent and it worked....I also had the added incentive of preschool in the fall. Good luck, let me know if you need any more advice!

Drop the pullups and put her in underwear full time. The accidents will lessen and she will be trained in a week if she is truly ready. As long as you let her use the pull up like a diaper, she will.

I was in the same situation with a late July birthday child starting pre-school at 3 needing potty training. From experience, you'll have an easier time if the children feel no pressure, if you're patient and can have a casual attitude toward misses: "Oops, you peed in your pants. Accidents happen, let's clean it up and we'll try again next time." And yes, pullups become default diapers, no matter what you call them or how you use them.

Some tips that have worked for me or seemed like good suggestions even if I didn't use them:
1) Underwear only once you start (I tended to wait until they had established some routine of using the potty, even if it was just in the morning; I separated night training from daytime training, but started giving them pull ups at night so they could take them off to pee when they were ready, i.e., in the morning when they awoke)
2) Buy super cheap underwear that you don't mind throwing away for poop messes. Or get a sprayer that attaches to the toilet (google toilet shower?) for cleaning up the messes -- great for stomach flu incidents too.
3) If you have private space outdoors, take the potty outdoors, and let the children run naked or just in t-shirts -- outdoors accidents won't try you as much -- you can just hose it down and say calmly, "that's ok, we can try using the potty next time". After about a week or two of daily, 2-4 hours of this, try indoors. On chilly days or if this is too much, put sweatpants or loose shorts on with no underwear -- and then calmly explain that they don't have anything to catch the pee or poop and the potty is for pee and poop. When accidents happen, calmly clean up (have child help w/ clean up) and remind child that the clothes he/she is wearing won't catch the pee and poop.
4) Don't worry about poop-potty training if that's not coming along immediately -- chances are, your child will adjust their schedule to produce at night or during naps while they're wearing pullups or when they're home with you to give you some extra time if your child is later to train on this.
5) Find out what the "real" rule is regarding pull ups at school/preschool. My son's teacher told me before he started that many of the 3 year olds start w/ pullups and regular poop-incidents were the real problem because they just didn't have the support to handle that, which took off a lot of stress. Once at school, they'll have regular routines, see other children using the toilet, etc. and finish training if they're not at 100%.
6) If the child is getting stressed out, step back. Seriously, I pushed too hard in the beginning of summer and lost time because my son became more stubborn about it. This is something that needs to be encouraged but not forced upon the child.

Good luck -- and remember, it will happen!

She's too young!!!!

As you have seen, you are setting yourself up for a major power struggle and SHE WILL WIN. SHE has control over her body, not you.

I would stop any idea of potty training until THEY express an interest. And they will. Just be patient.

i tend to agree that kids, (at least girls) are generally ready at the 2 yr mark. at least that's what my experience has been. but you really have to suck it up and deal with the accidents. i have never used pull-ups and i believe that, as you pointed out, they will be default diapers. if they don't have accidents, i'm not sure how easily they will get "it". now with summer approaching it should be a little easier, clothes are lighter, the weather is warmer and hopefully clean-ups would be a little easier. i think it will be messy for a week or two but it may prove rewarding in the end. good luck and have patience...it will happen!

I don't have any practical advice considering my 3.5 y/o son won't go in the potty anymore either.

After crying about it to our pediatrician...he says...DO NOT FORCE IT! IT WILL BECOME A BATTLE AND YOU WILL LOSE EVERY TIME.

Hope that makes sense...sorry I am not more of a help.

Potty training is the most fustrating time in you and the twins life( so are the teen years ). Have a male family member that you trust to take your son, you take your daughter to the rest room. Have hand soap, a potty of their own, towels, and books ( books help them concentrate ).30 minutes on every 2 to 3 hours. Buy cartoon underpants for your son and pretty pricess panties for your daughter. Always have a song for accomplishments,"HORAY FOR YOU!!" at lest 5 times, do a dance, and have a snack. No results, sing a song," OH WELL, MAYBE NEXT TIME". My twin boy and girl are 22 now.

Every time you go, take her with you and let her go

Hi there, I agree with all the other post but I had something to add since I just trained my almost 3 year old. I would quit everything for a week but I would tell her everyday that Saturday ( for example) she is going to be a big girl and no more diapers. I went through everything you went through and got this advice form a book. I warned her for a week and then Saturday I took the diapers away, even for nap times. I had one of these small waterproof pad she naps on. I put her in normal underwear. Well we had 2 days of all accidents but on the third day she realized she is not getting the diapers back or something clicked and after 1 1/2 weeks we had our first dry- no accidents - day. Its been 3 weeks and we never looked back. I think preparing her helped We also threw her a potty power party the day after we had no accidents. Good luck.

Hi,
I waited a little longer with my boys and when we got on it, it all worked out within a week.
Anyway, you seem to be too frustrated to work on this right now. Fall is still a bit out, take a break and let it go for a couple of weeks. In between hang a favourite candy, toy whatever over the potty. Everytime she sees it tell her she can have it when she goes on the potty, after a few days with no pressure of using the potty she will ask to use the potty herslef. Go online on the Pampers and Huggies webpages. They have lots of reward stuff and so forth that you can print. We also have the Potty VHS from the Big Blue Bear, my kids liked that. Peer pressure also works, maybe you want to train them at the same time so they follow each other.Honestly, my sons where not ready at the age of 2.5 years.
Good luck... take it easy, everything happens when it is supposed to happen. They both will be ready for you in fall.

Hi C., I am a nanny to an almost 3 year girl who just became daytime potty trained but still wears a diaper for making a poop, at nap time and bedtime. With her what worked really well is having her wear underwear so she could feel the pee on her. Also she had a break through when her Mom let her wear no underwear or diaper. She sometimes will say when she has to go but for the most part I'm still telling her when its time to go to the bathroom. I would say the best thing to do is have her daughter wear underwear except for when you go outside of the home. From my experience the accidents aren't that bad and doesn't take that long before they realize that being wet doesn't feel good. It just means more laundry. I also think that if children feel pressured to do something the more they resist. I have experienced this with my own daughter and specifically with the little girl I care for with potty training. I know its hard to not get frustrating and to guide them patiently. She will get it when she is ready. I think your doing the right thing by training one at a time. I hope this is helpful. Good luck!
C.

I was at my wits end too. I then just let her continue to pee in her diaper. One day, she just took off her pants and diaper and hopped on the toilet and went.

If you really don't want to wait that long, you may want to put her in stretchy pant type pants with her favorite panties on. Explain that if she gets them wet, they will be thrown away (the panties). Once she goes, just let her be for 5-10 mintues. Oh yeah, make sure she has socks and an old pair of gym shoes on - otherwise you'll have a bigger mess.

~C.

I'd go w/ the underwear all the time. I used rubber pants for my daughters and that helped with the accidents. You have to accept that they will happen. It does seem that when you are at your wits end and don't think that it is going to happen--they get it or decide that they want to do it. It also helps to just let them run around bare bottomed. Don't stress and it will happen! Good luck...

I wish you could look up topics and gleen info from previous posts because this kind of question has been asked a million times. It is one of the most time consuming frustrating things to teach our children for sure.

now this might sound somewhat callous and I'm sorry, but I've trained four kids thus far and I don't give them an option.

No pull-ups...they are glorified diapers, which you have discovered already. It took me about a week with my oldest to give them to the church to use.

You know she understands what to do so make her do it. Get some carpet cleaner, an extra potty chair to keep nearby wherever she is (I would do the boy at the same time...why go through all the aggravation and time to do it all over again????)

Make her wear big girl panties...maybe let her pick some out. Tell her she is not allowed to make a mess in her panties. Talk about the "Big Girl Panties" like they are super special.

If she has an accident make her help you clean it up and tell her that big girls don't mess up their panties.

If she insists on messing in them, then I would punish her. She's not going to be traumatized. She's not going to end up a serial killer. She might try to hold it, but you can do things to out-wit that one too.

My brother got his little tail tore up for pooping in his pants after the second or third time because he didn't want to stop playing to go in the house and go potty. Well mom understood why he did it..and she knew it was normal behavior, but that didn't excuse him. He knew he shouldn't do that. So after the first time she told him that he was not allowed to have anymore accidents. When he did it again, she spanked his little tail. He never did it again.

You know he graduated high school at the top of his class. He graduated from college a double major in Computer Science and Math with a GPA of 3.8. And he goes potty everyday with no issues. I'm amazed that he didn't suffer psychological problems. But it worked and he stopped messing in his pants.

My oldest tried the same thing. She did great in the house, but we went outside and she just didn't want to stop playing no matter what I told her. I could assure her that we would come back outside, but she would tell me she didn't need to go and then the next minute she was having an accident.

The first time or two I was patient. I told her everyone has an accident, but next time I asked her if she needed to go she better tell me the truth and go in the house or she would get punished. She tried it once. I made her clean herself up, I spanked her tail and she didn't get to go back outside...and I made sure that she understood that she wasn't going back outside because she messed in her panties.

She never did it again. She's a very bright, loving, child. She has no problem going potty each morning by herself. It's amazing.

If the little guy doesn't know what to do yet, I recommend spending the day in the bathroom naked. Let him whiz on the floor once or twice (now try to get him on the potty chair quickly)...but he'll figure out that's what you are talking about.

You will need to watch them like a hawk to train them to poopy on the potty, but when you see them hiding or straining...get them to the toilet. It's very time consuming...you will need to watch them and pretty much put your house on hold. You will need to remind them about every 15 minutes. but they will get it.

I tried lots of things too - rewards I thought she would like (stickers, small toys etc) lots of positive reinforcement and on and on. It wasn't until I found her "currency" that it worked out. For us, she loves her cartoons, so if she went potty on the toilet, she earned a cartoon viewing. That, plus she had to clean up the mess if she had an accident worked for us. Good luck!

You can try cloth training pants instead of pull ups -- since pull ups keep the kid comfortable, they are pretty much a diaper that's easy to pull down. I like the "wee ones" from JC Penney. They run small, so size up unless your kids have skinny legs. The best training pants (as far as holding a lot of wetness) are Bright Bots. They are from Australia, but there are some places online that sell them. I bought some for my son at www.theecstore.com which sells all things potty training related. They also have waterproof covers that you could use over underwear or other training pants so you don't get a torrent of wetness all over the floor. You will still have to do a lot of laundry and change pants a lot.

Hi, i'm a mother of 2, and a grandmom of 1. I use the praise and award system with stickers.Evertime the child pee-pee or poop in potty.

Mom of twins...you rock! Okay, I had an issue with starting school in the fall too. My only advice to you is NOT to make it a battle. My daughter, now almost 4, just "decided" to go on the potty in March. She turns 4 in July. She would go to school and hold her pee/poo during and then come home and freak out for a pullup. It became such an issue! I didn't know what to do. It was so bad that she would actually sit on the potty with a pullup on and pee/poo in the pullup. So aggrevating! Anyhow, we ended up going away for Spring Break and told her that there we no more pullups where we were headed. She held it all day on the plane and when we got there. And, finally about 8pm that night, she broke. And she hasn't looked back since. I started when she was 2and 1/2. She's now almost 4. It was a long year and some battle that I kept pushing. It is not worth it. If you give them the power to decide they will do it much more easily. Don't make it a battle! It will happen. I know it is so tough! Hang in there...she will go soon, just don't push! I did and it made it so much worse! Good luck to you and both the kids!

This will not be the advice you want to hear.

She's not ready and all the forcing, bribing, pleading, crying in the world won't make her do it. You even said so yourself: "she shows no interest" and "she's refusing to go".

Potty training is probably one of the most frustrating things to do as a parent because, guess what, we have basically no control over our child's bowels and bladders. They get to decide, not us.

Pack it all up, put it all away, and wait for her to be ready. Otherwise, you're going to continue this frustrating power struggle and your daughter will only become more resistant.

C. - I totally understand what you are dealing with. I went through a very similar situation with my daughter at about the same age. I was also at my wits end after trying everything and nothing seemed to work and preschool around the corner. My daughter would even go to the other room file her diaper and then tell me!!! I got to the point where I took the reins and told her for several days that the pull ups were going 'bye bye' and she was going to use 'big girl underwear'. She was excited until reality hit. Yes, she peed on herself for about 3 days and then figured using the potty was not all that bad. After two days of her peeing on the floor I made HER clean it up - a whole new gross factor for her. (of course I would make sure the mess was clean but I made her do it first.) She knew where to go, she just did not want to so why should I have to always clean up HER mess. I am happy to say that after about a week of that she was doing pretty good with the timing and making it to the potty. We did this on 4th of July weekend- spent a lot of time at home for 3-4 weeks but it all paid off. She is now 4 1/2 and fully potty trained during the day - still working on the night time but it will come and I can handle buying one pack of pull ups a month.
I know it is hard but stick to it and she will do it - it has to be when she is ready and if you say she is then sometimes just a little push will do. Hang in there!!!!
As a side note, I also have a son who will be 2 in September.

Hve you tried the book "The Potty Boot camp" By Suzanne riffel? I started this last wed. with my 28 month old, and it really does help! it's hard work but, my son took very well to this program and now is 95% potty trained. Maybe if you start with your son, your daughter will want to do it?? It uses the timmer & reward method. First day w/ underware days 2-4 barebottomed. it also requires that you give "drills" when accidents occur..(And make them clean up their own messes)this is what is considered "pratice" take the child to and from the bathroom and explain them that we are doing this because you had an accident and pee-pee & poo-poo belong in the potty. When your in the bathroom, have her pull down her underware and sit. Get her up right away and her her pull up her underware take her out of the bathroom. Do this ten times each time she has an accident. You only need to do drills on day one. on day one, have her sit on the potty for up to 5 min. if she goes great! if not get her up, ste the timmer for 10 min. if in ten min she's dry, give a reward and praise. Take her to the potty and tell her it's now time to go in the potty. If she goes Clap and cheer and let her know how happy you are! Give a small reward (candy, new toy) do this for about 4-5 hours and put her down for her nap. by the end of the day she should know what is expected of her and just might go on her own or tell you that she has to go. Day #2-4 she should be barebottomed, this makes it easier for her to get to the bathroom and go by herself, also kids hate it when they are wet! By day five you should she about 90% of potty training accomplished.
That is just my short in a nut shell version...Check out the book to get more details...because there are more! LOL!
Good Luck!
S.

C.,
Try putting Froot Loops or Cheerios in the pot and see if it works. I know it sounds funny, but just give it a try. A friend of mine told me this about 2 years ago.

All the Best,
D.

Hi C. - we went through refusing to go during potty training with our son(he was 2). He would hold it for up to 6 hours during the 1st week. My best advice is to do what you are afraid to do: put her into underpants and allow the accidents to happen. (we keep him in diapers for naps and bedtime) It's the quickest way for them to understand. See how she does for a day - if still refusing to go in the potty stop asking her if she needs to go so often. Only ask 3 hours after she last went (whether it was an accident or in the potty) - and if she says "no" accept this and say "okay" and drop the subject. Don't push(I still do take no for an answer unless we're going on a long car ride) - and don't show you are upset when there is an accident, be matter-of-fact(it's hard). If limiting asking to every 3 hours doesn't work then stop asking altogether since she already knows what to do. It's a lot about independence and needing a sense of control at their age. I never punished my son (I think that sends the wrong message). Instead I used stickers as incentive when he did go. Also, try "Potty Power" DVD. See what happens - you may be surprised - I was!

Hi C.,
First of all, I admire you for caring for twins! I can't imagine, 'cause one is difficult enough. Anyway, it sounds like you need to be more consistent and you're probably going to have at least 3 days of many "accidents" (and laundry) before you start to see your desired results...no Pull-ups (except for sleeping).
When I potty trained, I would set the oven timer and take my son to the bathroom every 15 minutes, whenever we were at home...it's not convenient but it worked for me after many months of "trying" to potty train.
I'm also curious why you don't train both of the twins together. I would wonder if your girl would see your boy in a diaper and wonder why she couldn't wear one also. Best of luck to you!...just be consistent and have faith!