Help!!!! Potty Training My Almost 3.5 Yr Old!

I had the same issue just two weeks ago. I was tired of cleaning up accidents and washing several outfits each day. Finally, without any discussion about it, I put him in diapers. I put the potty chairs away and didn't talk about it. About a week later my 3 year old asked if he could use the potty. I let him, praised him and put the diaper back on. By the end of the day he asked to wear underpants. He has been dry ever since, including naps. I still put an overnight diaper on him because he is a very deep sleeper.

It was all about control for him. My ped said little ones can only control two things; eating and potty. Let them make the choice and it will always work out. Kids won't starve themselves and they won't wet their pants their whole life.

Good Luck!

I don't know if this will help or not, but my 3 1/2 year old has been potty trained since about 2 1/2 and we went thru the same struggles. Finally after trying for about a month, we decided to back off and try again in a month or so. The second time we tried it seemed he was more into doing it himself and caught on way quicker than when we tried to force him into doing it. I say take a break and try again in a few weeks. Maybe he feels pressured and wants to be able to make the decision for himself. doesn't hurt to take a break for both of you!

I went through the same thing with my daughter. It was a very difficult time. In the end, I just gave up for a while. I just let it go and then, shortly after that, just two or three months before she turned four, she decided that she was ready and all at once she was potty trained. My daughter is very strong willed, independent and stubborn and I think it just had to be on her own terms and had to be HER idea and not mine. She knew that it got to me and I think she was manipulating me a little too. So when I just started ignoring it, she gave up the fight. Hope this helps. I feel for you. It is very frustrating and embarrassing to have a child at that age doing that. However, rest assured, it will pass.

A.-
My son was 4 before he was potty trained. Do I feel your pain?!?! YESSSS!
If you're sure the issue isn't biological and just behavioral, I found it was better that I relinquish some control. I have no super solution, but after cleaning poo from every surface of my house several times--his stools were always loose, I sat down and gave him the big boy talk. He decided what day he wanted to start being a big boy and using the toilet. It was his decision, he had control. ( My son's issues were all about control.) He decided that he would start on his birthday. You could pick an arbitrary day and make it "big boy" day. I reminded him every day when big boy day was and had him tell me what happens. He just really needed to take ownership. Personally, I did not allow my son to wear underwear until he could prove he was responsible enough (minor accidents, aside). At age 4 he was completely potty trained with the exception of 2 or 3, "I'm too busy to stop and go potty" accidents. We talked about how important it is to go when you have to go that whatever your doing can wait.
I wish you the best, because I know what you're going through is not fun (nor is it funny). And you will always hear stories about other children being potty trained at 18 mos or 2 years or 3 years and here you are. What I will tell you though is that most likely your son won't be anal retentive and spend two hours sitting on the toilet at age 7, because he might have to go sometime soon.
With great empathy,
S.

Hi A.,
Sounds like you're doing a great job. Please, please, please don't even *mention* about going back to diapers, it will *not* help. You are well on your way to a potty-trained kid: it can be slow, and yes, he *will* have accidents, but it's okay, things are going very well from what you have said :)

I potty trained my (stubborn, independent, verbal, opinionated, happy, contrary) first son at 2 years 9 months, and out poo-breakthrough (lol), came when I read an article outlining pooping in the potty as an "expectation." (not an option)

Your clever little guy knows *exactly* what you *want* him to do. He does not *want* to do it. So... who's the parent?

When you see the poo-poo dance, *calmly* take him by the hand, walk him to the potty, sit him down, and tell him he stays put until he puts a poop in the potty. Then walk out and close the door.

It took my son 30 minutes of crying the first day (then I got my poop); 10 minutes of crying the second day (then I got my poop); and less than 5 minutes the third day. Then the crying stopped, and he started pooping in the potty.

Also, do *not* throw a poo-poo party after he finishes his business (think *expectation* not *happy accident*)

Good luck and keep up the great work!
t

Boys usually are later than girls. I have 3 boys and one girl and my last boy was 4 and it went very smoothly. I am a stay at home mom and was working with my other 3. I realized that my other 3 I pushed because of my schedule and convenience. With the last I was more relaxed and waited and didn't push and he did it. He says he wants big boy pants so maybe by doing what you said if he had an accident might work but realize even kids that are potty trained, have accidents occasionally. All kids are different on how they respond but be careful about punishing a child for having accidents.

My son is 4 years old and I am having the same problems. I just let him sit in the poop.

One day he will get it. I try not to lose my cool over it. And you shouldn't either.

The more you make a big deal about it the more he will do it. Let it go and turn your nose away.

I think these kids are still trying to connect all the aspects of the toliet training experience. Sometimes they get it, and then sometimes they don't. or don't want to. Expecally if they are involved in some activity that they like.

Hang in there.

Be deliberate. If you know he has to go, camp out in the bathroom with him and read a lot of books until he goes. Don't give in.

I went through the SAME thing with my son. When we went for his 3 year old check up he was peeing on the potty but having many accidents, soaking his bed through the night (which going on 7 he still does every night!) and refused to poop on the potty. The ped. said put underwear on him, make him clean up his messes but don't say anything while you're doing it. Stop making it a way of attention. No praise, no punishment. Just go about it as if it's something that just happens like eating breakfast whether he goes in the potty or in his pants. She also said she wasn't the least bit worried about if he was potty trained or not until 3 and half.
So I TRIED my best to listen to her. One day after preschool I was so frusterated b/c he decided he couldn't get up to go poop b/c it was nap time and he's not allowed off his cot!! GRRRRR! He was actually just about 3.5 when the incident occurred. I said "You can keep pooping in your pants and peeing in your pants. I don't care anymore, but you're best friend Zoey doesn't do it and she might start to care that you do." (Peer pressure NOT the greatest thing to use...) BUT the next day, he sat up, asked to go potty and started pooping and peeing in the potty 99% of the time. (As a boy he did sometimes get distracted by playing for the next 6 months but it was maybe once a month) So, just don't get frusterated. It's become a power struggle and something has to change in order for him to get it. He has power over you on this, he knows it fursterates you and he will use it for as long as he can. :) GOOD LUCK! (On my next kid, I think I'll adopt AFTER potty training! LOL)

I'm wondering if it is about privacy and independence. My son wanted to do his business on his own. He would not let me into the bathroom when he needed to poop. I agreed that was ok, but he needed to call me to help him wipe. So, I have a couple of questions about how your potty is set up. Do you have one where he can put his feet on the floor or on a step to push to poop. People don't think about the dynamics, and it's hard to poop if your feet are swinging in the air. Or do you have a seat that you position on the regular potty where you have to help him on. Even if you know it is stable up there, if his feet don't touch the floor or a step, it may not feel stable to him. When my son wanted to exert his independence about this, he would only use the bathroom where we had the potty seat with the step attached to it.(http://tinyurl.com/pottyseatwithstep) He would then go in on his own, set up the seat, and do his business on his own. If you decided to try this seat, make sure you have a rubber backed rug in front of the toilet so that the seat won't slip as your son is climbing on it. Good luck!

It took us almost 4 months of being pee trained before my daughter would poop in the potty. It was awful. We switched from underwear to pull-ups because I couldn't handle cleaning poop up all the time. I had a newborn at the time and I just couldn't deal with the messes anymore. When we switched to Pull-Ups we called them her "just in case pants." As in these are 'Just in case' you have an accident. She never peed in them, but would poop in them. It allowed us to back off of her and not keep hounding her all the time about pooping in the potty. Eventually she started going on her own. She got to control when she went. She got to decide. No one made the decision for her. I would imagine that at that age, it's probably a big thing to have even that little bit of control. It's been a few months now and we rarely have accidents. When she does pee or poop in her pants she cries cause she knows that babies pee and poop their pants and she's a big girl now. She also knows that if she pees and poops in her pants she can't go to pre-school in the fall. If you think switching back to diapers will get the message across to your son, then I say do it! Maybe pull-ups would be better than diapers. Good luck! Cleaning up poopy messes is NO fun!

A. D.
I am sure that he is not stubborn, he is normal, but not ready yet, that statement came from my kids doctor. My daughter is same age 3.3 years, Preschooler, she speaks, sings and dances, but barely use the potty, I have praised, yelled, gave time out, until the Dr. said she is not ready yet, it is frustrating, but that how things go with children. My older girls were using the potty before 2.5 years and I thought it will be the same for the younger, my boy was late, around 4, and it drove me crazzy, boys are different because of their male difference, standing and sitting up for pipi and caca (poo), so it might take sometimes before he understands it well. Be patient and once he starts doing it, he will be just fine. I understand the frustration.
Vava

My son wasn't interested at all in potty training until he was a little older than 3.5. I could not push him to do it for the life of me (and i didn't really try to from advice i had gotten), but still i was a little worried. He really just decided to do it on his own one day. Don't stress - he will figure it out.

I know it sounds cruel and perhaps a bit stubborn on my part but what worked with my son was making it a game...first, we kept him in regular underwear...when he would have an accident, we (my husband was on the same page at this point!) would take him into the bathroom, show him where the "packages" needed to be delivered and quickly and quietly replace his dirty underwear with clean underwear and then tell our son when you have to go next time the "potty" was where he needed to go to avoid another mishap...at that point, it only took us 1-2 days to get the message through! When he would go to the potty, his twin sister, my husband and I would do the "I just pooped on the potty" song and dance around like crazy, holding each others hands and celebrating his accomplishments! It worked! He is now 7 years old and still remembers the "Poop on the potty dance" with joy, not anquish! It's worth a try, but you have to stay on it for 1-2 days, with concentration on getting the message through! Best of luck! Mother of twins!

:) well don't give up. he is at the age now where he can be potty trained. Alot of children ( 2 of my own) are not potty trained til after 3 yrs. so take a breath there. concentrate on getting him not to pee in his pants again, stress might have caused him to revert back to that. try and observe him when he poops, when you know he's going ( even in his pants) how is he doing it? is he sitting, standing, struggling? is it a 1 min process or longer? watch for constipation, 1 dose of that can make some kids afraid to go, becuz it might hurt. if he is standing or squating while going, its just gonna be the process of teaching him to sit while he goes. A lil kid learning to poop on the potty can be a very difficult thing to learn. What seems easy to one child is not so easy for another. good luck and he will get it. :)