Help Needed to Get Three Year Old to Stay in Her Bed!

Updated on October 23, 2006
M.Y. asks from Kalamazoo, MI
14 answers

My daughter is going to be three in less than a month. She has a toddler bed and does fine after falling asleep. It is getting her to stay in her bed when we put her their that has become the issue.

Up until about a month ago we had a baby gate in her door way, because she does not like her door closed, but when she learned to crawl over it we took it down for safety reasons.

Now when we put her to bed she gets up and runs everywhere! In and out of her room, our room, up and down the stairs. Sometimes it takes her two hours or so to actually go to sleep!

What can I do to get her to stay in bed and go to sleep? This is screwing up bedtimes and naptimes and really disturbing our whole day.

What can I do next?

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R.G.

answers from Cleveland on

Have you tried reading bedtime stories to her? Also maybe try to show her that if she stays in her bed she can get a prize each morning, and at the end of the week take her someplace special if she stays in bed everynight.

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T.

answers from Detroit on

You could try a rewards system. If she stays in bed one night she can go to the dollar store and pick something out. Then maybe go to 5 nights and do something a little bigger. Work up to something she may really want. Then if she does not stay in bed tell her you have to take it away. Just something to try. It seemed to work with my son...........

A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

The bedtime routine is super important! Don't leave wiggle room either or they think it's an open invite to try to stay up later. When my son was about 2 we put him in a big boy bed because we needed the crib for his little sister. I made sure everything was childproof and no toys were in the room except for bedtime friends. He had an old door on his room which we took down and cut off right above the second hindge, so he had his own little half door. We also installed a new knob, but reversed it so it locked from the outside. It sounds cruel, but we basically locked him in his room at bedtime. Oh, and I also had to unscrew the light bulb so he couldn't turn on the light. It took a week or so, but he relized that without toys and in the dark ( except for a nightlight) there wasn't much to do except sleep. He is now four and is super easy to put to bed!! Over time we have introduced toys into his room, but if at anytime the toys got in the way at bedtime, then they were removed. We do 2 stories at bedtime and any fights about it being time to settle down and get ready for bed, results in loss of one or both books. So set the rules, make a plan and stick to a routine!!!!

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T.B.

answers from Detroit on

Hi My name is T., I have the same trouble with my son, Tristan, who will be three in December. We just lie down with him in his bed until he goes to sleep. I read to him, tell him what we will do with our day tomorrow, and chat until he dozes off. It seems to be working so far, when we first started we had to sit for about twohours, now me & my hubby are only staying for about 20 min-30 min. Good Luck!!! T.

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M.M.

answers from Saginaw on

We had to put two gates up. One on top of the other. When u hear her out of bed, go in there tell her its time for bed, dont say anymore, the second times tell her goodnight put her in her bed, the 3rd time dont say anything just put her in her bed. after that dont talk to her anymore. just put her in bed. ya it will get u tired but hey look at it this way, youll sleep better. LOL. She will get the point. it may take a few night but it will work. good luck to u. M.

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H.S.

answers from Lansing on

M.,

My son is almost 3, and he sleeps on his crib mattress that we had to put on the floor after he learned how to climb out of his crib. We do put 2 gates in his doorway (so we can hear him, and he feels better being able to hear us), they are sandwiched next to each other, but one is staggered a little higher than the other one. Any new situation is going to be very exciting for a little one! For months, he ran around his room like a crazy person, sometimes not falling asleep until almost 11:00!! When he finally did fall asleep, it was not on his bed! We had to carry him back to his bed every night. Eventually, the thrill of having the freedom to roam his bedroom was gone, and now when he gets tired, we take him to his room, and within 1/2 hour, he's usually asleep (on his bed). Just remember, your daughter is excited about this "new" thing!! Once the initial thrill wears off, she'll go to bed when she's tired. If you act like it's a normal routine, and not chase after her when she runs around (that will show her "this is a game"), she'll realize that "this is what people do". It takes a little while, but just like old toys, kids get sick of everything eventually!! GOOD LUCK!!

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N.W.

answers from Detroit on

M.,

Is it possible she just isnt' ready for bed? About a month ago, my 2 1/2 year old, who always went right to bed by 8pm stopped. Now we go to bed around 9. If we try much earlier it is a struggle. We finally realized he just wasn't tired enough. I'd also suggest some sort of physical activity about an hour before bed. Either a walk around the block, or turn some music on and dance, so she can work out her extra energy before winding down for the night.

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S.B.

answers from Grand Rapids on

When we first attempted to move our 2 1/2 year old into a toddler bed she would sleep fine, but get up in the morning and quietly tear her room apart. All drawers were emptied, baby powder was sprayed everywhere. She would go through EVERYTHING! We told her that she needed to go back into her crib becuase she is not allowed to make a bog mess in her room and she needs to stay in her bed. After a month of that we decided to try a toddler bed again and have been extremely successful. She was even more excited when she got her "big girl bed" back and now everynight she tells us that she wont make a big mess. She stays in her bed all night and even after she awakens in the morning until we open her door. We started having this problem shortly after we moved into our new house. I friend told me changing her bed soon after we moved could affect her and she might start acting out. Perhaps your little one is stressed about something and looks at this as a way to get your attention. Just a thought. Hope this helps.

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T.H.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi M.-

Prepare yourself for this. This is what we had to do with my son (I learned it in a parenting group).

When she gets up, you have to take her back to bed (unless you want her in your bed-ugh). The important thing is NOT TO TALK TO HER. Just quietly steer her back to her bed. Put a chair in her room and sit in it. If she tries to get back up, steer her back over and over. Eventually she will get the fact that she has to stay there.

Each night, move the chair farther and farther out of her room, until it is completely out.

This will NOT be easy, but after about a week, she should stay there. I suggest beginning on the weekend.

This took about a week for my son, who is very stubborn (he's now 13, so it's been a while, but it does work!).

Just remember, the most important thing is not to talk to her, because then you will just be agruing.

Good luck! Let me know if you try this and it works!

T.

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N.K.

answers from Cleveland on

Hi M.-
My daughter just turned 3 9/24 and finally stays in her bed at night, she used to come out over and over again no matter what I tried, I started a bedtime routine that did not work I tried the "super nanny" bedtime routine that did not work I finally just let her fall asleep on the couch and then carried her to bed which is not the best solution but I thought it was better than tearing my hair out trying to get her to stay in bed eventually she just went to bed and stayed in bed after lots of encouragement and it seemed to help to talk about what she would like to do the next day and to tell her to get lots of sleep so she could do whatever the activity was. I am not sure if any of this helps but at least you know someone else had the same problem! Good luck.

N.

ps
What is a Premier Designs Jeweler? It sounds exciting!

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A.M.

answers from Lansing on

Dear M.,
I have a 3 year old boy who does stay in his toddler bed. It is a process. The child has to know you are serious and consistant. Handle it the same way EVERY TIME. Walk her back to bed. Walk her back to bed. Walk her back to bed. Walk her back to bed. Patient. Calm. There is no need to speak - it's time to sleep. She will learn the game and soon tire of it. Like I said It's a process. But Walk her back to bed.

You Can Do It!
A. M.

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G.C.

answers from Columbus on

This may sound weird but it helped me with my son when he was about that same age...try a black light bulb and glow in the dark stars. You may want to even let her pick out something to add to her glow in the dark collection. Hope it helps!

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H.A.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Okay, my advice not be the most popular of them all, but I read a book about strong willed children (which my son is), and in it, it addressed bed time. First, you need to be firm and consistent! Find something that works and stick to it. Plus, make sure she knows the rules clearly. The book I read advocates spanking for willful disobedience and ONLY willful disobedience which getting out of bed over and over after being told over and over not to do falls under this category. It says that children are smart enough to understand the difference between spanking and hitting, meaning a spanking is done calmly and out of love, and hitting is done in the moment of anger or frustration. Also, it says to use an object, not your hand, b/c you want the child to know that your hand is safe and for loving them. When I lay my son down, I tell him not to get up, and if he does, that he will get a spanking. Sometimes he listens and does really well. Other times, he wants to push the limits and see if mommy really means what she says. Usually, it only takes one spanking for him to get the message. It's just an idea that has worked for us, hope you find what works for you!

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S.S.

answers from Melbourne on

Have you tried sitting ouside her door and making her get back in bed evry time she gets out. You could even start by sitting right next to her bed and making sure she stays in it. That is if you have the free-time to do so. It sounds as if she might need to get more energy out before she is laid down. My daughter has this problem during naptime and we are working on it although I cannot be watching her at all times because I have two other children to look after, one being only a month old. If you are consistent in making sure she stays in bed that should work but it may take a couple weeks.

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