Help!! My Daughter Wont Pee in Her Chair

Updated on June 15, 2007
D.G. asks from Stockton, CA
24 answers

My daughter will be on 2 the 27th, i have been trying to potty train her off & on for months with little success, she will go get a diaper if she pooped, sometimes she will pull down her pull ups and sit on the toilet but do nothing, i have spent so much money on training pants the cool alerts, feel and learn, i have put cloth panties and regular undies she will pee in them but do nothing, i have followed so many tips with no success, she doesnt care if she is wet. i need ideas that will encourge her to pee while she sits on her chair. Please dont tell me she is to young and to wait till she is 3 years old, i believe that is to old to start training and by 3 they should be fully trained, i believe this because my mom had me trained before my 1st b-day, so if i can be trained by then, then i think that isnt any reason my daughter cant do it, i'm on the vrge of giving up alltogether and letting her figure it out on her own. if anyone has ideas on how to encouge her that would be great

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So What Happened?

she is now peeing on the big toilet at least once a day. little by little were making progress

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A.W.

answers from Salinas on

My biggest piece of advice would be just to relax. I believe strongly that children will begin using the toilet when they are ready. Children who are able to do it in their own time have such a sence of pride and accomplishment when they finally get it. Just because you were "trained" at 1 year doesn't mean that she should be as well. All children are different. Many children are physically incapable of controlling their bladders at two years old. I think the most important point is that children are given the opportunity to be in control of their own toileting behaviors. This way they can gain that sence of pride and accomplishment rather than feeling as though they are failing at something when it may very well be out of their control (literally). Use positive suggestions, talk about how comfy panties are etc. And let it unfold at its own pace.

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A.N.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son was almost 3 when he finally potty trained, on one hand as everyone has stated, she may be too young. But I also wanted to share my experience with all those potty training aids. They don't work. Changing stuff around only confuses the situation. Those pull-ups pants set me back 3 months at one point. I suggest picking a strategy and sticking with it. The best potty training aid is consistancy.

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S.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

my son didn't do it until just after three years old. my daughter is two and a half and is not trained yet. He doc said that it was fine.. he said that three was a very common age. i wouldn't worry about it.

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C.A.

answers from San Diego on

Desirae,
I was the same way with my second child. My first one (8yrs older than my second) was potty trained in preschool so I never had to go through the whole training aspect. We started trying to get our second daughter potty trained at 18 months.. we bought the potty, the pull ups, the doll... everything. She just isnt going to go in it if you push her. We abandoned it all and decided she would go when she was ready. One day when she was 26 months old she just woke up in the morning, took her diaper off her self, and said "Mommy I want to go in the potty today." She hasnt worn a pull up, diaper, or even had an accident since.. and she just turned 3 in May.

Just give her patience.. she will do it when SHE is ready.. and throw those pull ups out or give them to someone.. they are a waste of time. They dont really help them in deciding they are wet. My daughter with the cool alerts would pee in them.. then tell me she was cold and needed to be changed.

When she does go pee in the potty, tell her she is a big girl and doing a great job. Take her to the local Target (Walmart, whatever) and let her pick out the panties she wants to wear. I found with both my girls that if you let them pick them out (*and dont be frustrated if they pick out boys undies.. Cars the movie came out when my youngest potty trained and she insisted on those...) They are less likely to want to get those soiled when they are their "Favorites"

Good Luck

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A.B.

answers from Stockton on

maybe shes just not ready the more you push them the more they wont go. shes only going to be 2 so just be patient with her. my oldest didnt potty train till she was 3 and a half it took her day care lady to get her to do it. dont fret she'll get it. i hope this helps just trust me you have to be very patient she'll suprise you!
Angie

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Ok I didn't read what the others aer telling you but here is my advice. You are right you start potty training early, I started my daughtor at 1 years old and what I would do is after she would eat or drink I would Put her on the potty for like 10 min. and most of the time she would cry but I wanted her to know what we need to do. Most of the time she would end up going pee in the lil potty. But as monthe went by she still wouldn't tell me so I bought a kids potty lid for the big potty to see if that would work. I pretty much was giving up and didn't bug her about the potty as much and took her shopping, let her pick out the panties she wanted and told her if you want to wear the big girl panties you have to go on the potty. Well time went by and, you know I quit bugging her about the potty and swear she came up to me and said go peepee on the potty and from ther she has been going and funny cus she hated the small potty and loved the big potty. So be patient and it is hard cus I heard my dad telling me all the time how she needed to be potty trained so I pushed the potty training and I believe it stressed her out cus as soon as I stopped the constant bugging her to go on the potty 2 weeks later she let me know she was ready on her own. She was 1 1/2 years old when she started to go. So remember they can feel pressure and stressed and get scared to go so make it fun and not something they don't want to do. I have a friend who is going through the same thing right now, she has been trying to potty train her daughtor now for 2 years and her daughtor is 3. I asked her questions and well you know it she constantly buggs her and askes every 45 min. I told her the same advice and her daughtor has better progress. Oh yeah try a potty chart too, for every time she goes say yay you went peepee on the potty and let her put a sticker on it and when it fills up give her a treat. Its all about making her feel like it is something fun.I hope you take this in and good luck! Let me know how it goes k! It is hard for us to go through but we need to think like them.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi Desirae,
The PED told me if she could sit on the potty for 2 whole minutes she was ready. I laughed, my little one can sit there for 2 hours. We go through a thing of, "Peepee Mommy". So I sit her down, then sometimes she says, "Up". So I take her off and then again, "Peepee". It is crazy. But she can sit there for 2 hours and hold it. Often if she does pee it is after a good hour and a half. I say be consistant, but I see others have been successful at letting train on their own.

My older daughter I did try at 2 years old and then went back and tried again at 2.5 and it worked just fine then.

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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Have you considered the possibility that she might not be ready for potty training yet? My daughter was 2.5 years old when I started potty training her, and she treated pull-ups just like diapers, but hated wet panties. It only took her a week to catch on. It is possible that your daughter isn't aware that she needs to use the potty.

This is a good resource to help determine if your child is ready: http://babyparenting.about.com/cs/pottytraining/f/readine...

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C.M.

answers from New Orleans on

I agree with the comment below. They say age three is when they are to be fully trained. Have you tried the plastic pants as well. They seem to be a bit more uncomfortable for kids when they wet themselves so I have heard. I was also told to do the reward system. Find something she loves and she is only to have this one thing when she goes in the potty. Not when she sits on it or says it. Only when she does it. Make sure it is something she does not have ever expect for potty time. Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi,

She is probably not ready yet but if you insist, here are some tips that may help. I know of a few kids that have trained as early as 18month but it is rare. In my daycare the average age is about 2 1/2.

Stop wasting your money on pull-ups. They are no better than diapers. Take her to buy regular panties. When she wets it will send a clear message to her because it will run down her legs. I have never seen a kid not care about it.

Potty training off and on never works. She is either in training or she is not. If she is training, it means that she will need to be introduced to public restrooms also. In other words, if you are going to the store or out to eat, do not put her in a diaper for a few hours for convenience. As soon as you get to your destination, the first place you need to visit is the bathroom. That way, she will know that there is one available giving her no excuse to go in her pants.

Some (most in my experience) kids will not train on a potty chair. Put her on the regular toilet. Purchase an insert to make the hole smaller if she feels insecure. Supply a stool so that she can climb up on her own. Let her get her own toilet paper and teach her how to wipe herself. Let her try to pull up her own panties and offer assistance if she needs it. Let her flush the toilet when she is done and wave goodbye. Kids love to flush the toilet. Handwashing is next and should be a ritual by the way. Some kids like a handwashing song. The key here is to make going to the bathroom fun!

She might like this activity so much that she will drive you nuts, but hang in there. The initial excitement will wear off in time.

I would let her do all of the steps whether she is successful or not. Add something special when she is successful like a sticker or something. Give her a favorite treat for a successful poop!

Hold all liquids for at least an hour before bedtime. She will more than likely stay dry through the night. Get a plastic mattress liner for her bed just in case.

Good luck and don't worry. Eventually your daughter will potty train.

D.

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M.R.

answers from San Diego on

I started trying to potty train my daughter at 1 1/2 yrs. and till now (3ysr old), she finally decided to go to the potty. I was told by many people that in her time it will happen, they were right. I tried everything, books,videos, parties in the potty. One thing that got her excited was jelly beans, i gave her two starburst jelly beans everytime she tried (this candy thing was my last resort).

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R.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

She is not old enough. Abandon all efforts and reintroduce it in 2-3 months. I went through this exact same thing with my daughter who I was anxious to potty train (started around 18 mos). We finally gave up for awhile and tried again at 25 months. We were 100% successful and did not have any of the problems we had w/the first tries. My son was not ready until 2 and a half. Some are not ready until 3. Just wait awhile and try again. :)

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

First of all I personally think your daughter is too young to be trained, she is not even 2 yet, although she will be soon. One of the things the pediatrician told me about potty training is that I should not pust my child. If they are not ready, wait some time. She may not be ready and probably senses your anxiety over this issue,( I sense it in your message) I know you have a 7 month old and you may not want to be changing 2 kids diapers at the same time, but sometimes thats what is needed to do. Well, I would give it some time, I think your really pushing it. My boys were potty trained at 3 years old. I trained them by putting a poster board in the bathroom and everytime they would go they would put a star sticker on the board. They would look forward to going into the bathroom. Just relax and good luck.

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A.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think she's just not old enought yet. I know it's tempting to try (all those diapers...ugh) but if you push her too hard before she's ready, it's just gonna backfire and make her wait longer. Be patient and try again in a few months.

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K.V.

answers from San Francisco on

As the other moms have said, she's just not ready. One is still pretty young to expect her to be able to control her peeing & pooping, even for a girl. I understand wanting her outa diapers but I wouldn't push her....could backfire & then potty training will take even longer. She may also be pickng up on your anxiety which can slow down the process even more. The only thing kids really have control over is their peeing & pooping & if they don't feel comfortable doing either, they will hold it til the cows come home! I know the expense of diapers is pricey for two but just hold on a bit longer. I would also suggest when you do start, skip the pull-ups....they're even more pricey than diapers & not very absorbent. Plus some kids feel like they have a diaper on & treat them as such. Hope this helps & good luck!

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S.H.

answers from San Francisco on

My advice to you is to not force her. I tried when my now 5 year old was two and he wouldn't do it. He did it everywhere but in the potty. I was frustrated, everyone kept telling me he should be ready, I felt like a horrible mom because I couldn't get him to potty train. I even tried rewards if he did it and that didn't work. Finally, I realized that not all kids are the same and he will do it when he is ready. I tried again a couple months after he turned three and that was it, he did it. Just give her time try again in a few months to see how she does. She'll do it, but it needs to be when she is ready.

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C.W.

answers from Las Vegas on

I had my youngest, Emma, when my now almost 3 year old, Elizabeth, was 21 months. I tried the whole 10 weeks I was on maternity leave to potty train to no avail. I finally gave up. Then about a week after Elizabeth turned 2...she woke up one Saturday morning and said I need to go potty. From then on she did it herself. She wore diapers for about 3 more weeks just for bed. We never did the pull-up thing.

So I guess, for me, it was just leave her be and she will do it when she is ready. If you push her it may just keep her in diapers a little longer???

Don't sweat it, she will pick it up before you know it.

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M.Z.

answers from Reno on

Oh my goodness! I know you don't WANT to hear it, but do you really feel you should be pushing your daughter when she is not ready? Yes, some kids do train early, but I haven't heard of ANY kids trained fully by 1yr old. You are the exception. Maybe you were ready, but your daughter isn't. If you push her to hard then she may rebel against it and you'll have a harder time of it in the long run. You need to make it a mutual decision, not just yours. We pushed my 2 yr old because I wanted him trained. He wasn't ready and ended up getting so frustrated and upset he refused to go near the training toilet. It's taken me 6 months to get him back in there. It can not be solely what you want. Your daughter may not be ready. If you truely think she should be, then talk to her doctor.

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

Hi Desirae! :)

Have you tried the doll method? It works really well and it's fun too! They have a great one for girls called, "Potty Patty" (potty scotty for boys) The kit comes with an instruction manual and everything you'll need to get started. Takes only 1 day too!!

Good luck!
M.

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K.B.

answers from Sacramento on

first i say say dont worry about it. A normal age for a child to get potty trained is 2 1/2. I would just continue to try and have her use the potty but dont force. I to believe that they should be fully trained by 3. Now the thing with your mom. I actually have a degree in child development and children dont have control of their bowels until at the earliest 18 months. We did a section about parents who said there kids were trained by 1. (im not saying it was yourS:) but what the difference is that we think being trained is going to the bathroom all by themselves with out us having to ask them. Now back about 20 to 30 years ago they would put there child on the potty after eating and drinking and then like every hour. so they spent most of their time on the potty. Which of course a lot of children go when they sit. I have a 2 1/2 old daughter we started trianing her at 18 months she still isn't trained but she will go. what we have done recently was have her run around the house naked and she has used tha potty every time. we are going to do this for about a week then start putting on panties, but no pants, we want to make it as easy as possible. so we will see if it works. and just remember that children do learn at their own pace. Every child is different.

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V.N.

answers from Sacramento on

The reason you're having so much trouble is because your daughter is not ready to potty train, especially at her age. Wait until she's at least 2 1/2. My boys potty trained at 2 years, 9 months at the earliest. I know girls train faster than boys, but seldom at age 2. If you push it now, your daughter will not be motivated to potty train when she is ready. I started too early (2 1/2) with my second son, and for the first week he had no accidents. But the novelty of earning stickers for going peepee in the toilet wore off, and it frustrated both of us. He ended up potty training at age 3 because that's when he wanted to.

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J.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I am just going to say what the last three people said, but she just may not be ready. I thought my daughter was ready very early too, but it turned out she wasn't. We introduced her potty around 1 1/2 and it wasn't until last week (3 years, 4 months) that she finally decided it was time to get rid of diapers. It only took one week and two accidents and she is now a big girl in big girl undies!

I would say, keep the potty out. She may still enjoy sitting on it every once in a while. If you feel like you need some structure to it, have her sit on it every day at the same time; before nap, before bathtime, after lunch, whenever. But don't make a big deal out of it. If she goes great, if not that is ok, too. There are only two things kids this age have control over, what goes in and what comes out. Don't stress too much, she will get there!

Good luck!
J.

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C.N.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

Dear Desirae,

It sounds like she is getting ready to be potty trained. But may be a little young. My great grandson is about 2 3/4 and is just now getting the drift. When he was 2 I was drying him one day after a bath and he noticed that he peed, and said 'ooooh oh ?' just like he didn't know that happened. So who knows what goes on in their minds, their bodies have to be ready too. I think that you are on the brink of training her, and success will come in a couple of months. Just be aware and try to get her on the potty in time. That is so cute when they sit there thinking something will happen and it doesn't. That means that she knows where to go and hasn't connected the muscular feeling with it yet. C. N.

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K.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I know you want her out of diapers but she is way too young. I know it can be done, but obvioulsy her body isn't ready. It isn't an intelligence thing it is a physical thing. Until they are about 3 their body doesn't send their brain the signal that they have to to the bathroom until they are already going.

It's hard having 2 in diapers but you need to wait another 6-8 months. You will be surprised how easy it is to train a child that is ready.

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