Help Me to Get My 3 Year Old to Sleep Alone

This is very, very normal. Dr. Sears on "The Doctors" talked about how many kids at this age need to be "parented" to sleep.

I would do what he wants. I really would. Sit with him, and help him to feel safe. For at least a few nights, sit with him until he falls asleep. Once he feels safe you can begin making up excuses to leave with the promise to come back (laundry, dishes, bathroom, make a phone call, whatever). Always come back! Do this for a few nights, gradually lengthening the time you are gone. It won't be long before he'll be asleep when you get back.

It's really important that he feel safe. If you do this for him, he will feel safe, and this should no longer be a problem. I completely agree with Pam. I will ever regret doing this for both of my kids when they went through this phase.

Some kids are needy in this area... One of mine is. I'd do the gradual move out of the room and for the middle of the night, set up a little bed on the floor by yours and let him sleep there. We had to do that and I'm glad we did vs forced our daughter to stay in her room somehow bc I honestly believe some kids just have a deep seeded need for someone at night sometimes. They do outgrow it eventually... It tooks years in our case and she's still scared at night sometimes but not often at all. It's completely different with my other child so it's not our parenting. Just how she is and likely how your son is...

I would try a couple ot things:

1) night light in his room

2) a lovey to snuggle

3) monster spray -- or whatever you want to call it. I used plain water in a trigger spray bottle with a tiny bit of scent addded. Spray around his bed, under the windows on window sill, in doorways and along closrt door. This is special monster repellent -- no monsters can cross it.

Sounds like a power play to me.
Start tonight.
He gets in bed, read the stories, turn out the light, and sit outside the door. Do not engage him. Eventually, he will fall asleep.
Do this for a few nights.
Then just sit for a while - then leave.
By the end of the week, you'll be able to just walk out and be on your way.

Talk to him. Find out the "why" of his current bedtime routine and gently explain to him why you and Dad can't keep doing this same bedtime routine. Since it can be scary to have abrupt change, make a plan with your son on how you are going to change things. It could include just laying there for 10 mins, then just sitting in a chair by his bed... but get input from your son. Kids have great ideas and sometimes know what they can handle better than we might think. And if you have the time, read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It is geared mostly toward toddlers and babies, but there are some great basics about sleep and ideas for gently molding bedtime behavior.

It's a tough age.
Their imaginations are in overdrive and it's prime time for monster under the bed or in the closet time.
Approach it sideways.
During the day, try to have him make friends with his room.
Make it the fun place to be.
Read, rearrange the furniture, make forts in there, have him nap in there, etc.
At night for now, try having him sleep in a sleeping bag next to your bed.
He'll get over it eventually and want to be in his room, but for now the more you try to get him to sleep there, the more he'll resist it.

Why? Why wont he go in his room. Is he scared? I have speical monster./gohst spray- that get rid of any in the area. If it is too dark, get a night light.

Have freind come over and "exterminate". That helped with my son.

We have a weighted blanket for my little guy that my mom made. We put the rocks for the weight ourselves.. I told him, that they were speical monster repelling rocks.

Have him yell into his room.. _GO AWAY.. give him the empowerment. Let him know that he can make them leave.

Good luck

I also have a 3 1/2 year old who sometimes has issues going to bed! Since his bedtime is much earlier than mine and my husband's, I send my little boy to sleep in my "big bed." He is happier to go to sleep there. Then when I go upstairs to get ready for bed I just carry him already asleep to his own bed. He usually sleeps there the rest of the night but he will jump back in my bed sometimes at like 3 AM. It isn't a perfect scenario, but it works for us. And he is my baby, there will be no 4th child so he is it! So I don't mind indulging him a little, he will outgrow it, and so will your son. Other ideas that have not worked for us yet include night lights, a Dream Light, and toys to cuddle. My son tearfully insisted that he needed someone "real" to cuddle and that his toys are not real! Which is cute, if annoying!

We went through the same thing. We did the gradual move out of the bed and closer to the door until we were out the door. We made sure he had all his stuffed animals, asked if he wanted more/less light and take him back into his room if he gets up in the middle of the night. Do not put him in bed with you in the middle of the night. It takes a few nights of crying but I promise it gets better. It will take a little time. You both have to be firm and understand what the process is. We also make a huge deal out of it in the morning too that he was a big boy and slept in his own bed all night! I suppose you could even reward him with a small treat if he stays in his own bed and eventually phase that out as things get better.

Is there something specific that is scaring him? If it's the dark, you could try getting him a flashlight or small lamp for comfort. Maybe he hears random sounds- the house noises, outside noises, electricity humming, etc. those things can be pretty scary if you don't understand them. Heck, even straight silence can be intimidating when you are in bed alone. Maybe running a fan in his room, or some other form of white noise.

The key to your problem is in your sentence, "I have tried multiple things..."
Whatever tactics you pick (and there are good suggestions below), you need to stick with it. Make sure your son knows your expectations and follow-through until it works, no matter how long it takes. Do not give up and try something different. He's holding out knowing you'll eventually give in. And don't let him come into your room at night. If you expect him to fall asleep on his own, you should expect him to sleep on his own all night (aside from an occasional sickness, or something). Good luck!

I would take him to the store to pick out a nighttime buddy. A large bear or something similar that he can snuggle with at night. You might even try a Build A Bear that has a voice recorded in it saying something like I love you. You and/or DH can record yourselves for him and he can press that button at any point. My DD also sleeps better with a nightlight and I let her keep her "big light" on til I go to bed. It is a small thing that makes her feel better. If your son comes to your room in the night, I would give him a hug, remind him he's fine and quietly take him back to bed. No big hoopla and if he's returned to his own bed, then he won't be squirming in yours all night. If my DD has a really bad nightmare, I will take her to the couch for a snuggle.