It is sad that we have come up with so many labels these days for our little still growing children. And, we are bombarded with all kinds of advice around us that it is so overwhelming to just be the parent we want to be for our children. Of course, do look at all the possibilities before choosing the path that feels right to you.
As for the behavior issue, all I have learned over and over that we can teach positive behavior only by demonstrating positive behavior ourselves. When we use punishing techniques such as time outs, withdrawal (love, food, friends), take away privileges, etc., a child does not feel recognized, understood, or loved and reacts in an immature way (though age appropriate) that we find unacceptable. Not sure what's the age of your child, but children do outgrow all immature behavior as they get older. But that does not mean we should accept or encourage bad behavior. As long as our techniques involve 'working with child', as opposed to 'doing to' techniques, with compassion, forgiveness, unconditional love, understanding, acknowledgement, things do turn out on the positive side.
I highly recommend these books:
Discover your child's learning style : children learn in unique ways--here's the key to every child's learning success by Mariaemma Willis & Victoria Kindle Hodson - Offeres interesting perspective on labels.
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish - Offers Correct and incorrect discipline techniques
Unconditional parenting : moving from rewards and punishments to love and reason by Alfie Kohn
Smart love : the compassionate alternative to discipline that will make you a better parent and your child a better person by Martha Heineman Pieper, William J. Pieper.
Best,
-Rachna
