it seems as though my fiance is pulling away from me lately. he is telling me he is starting to get scared about becoming a dad. is this normal? what can i do to help him through this?
i am on bedrest, and it seems to be putting alot of strain on us. i just dont know what to do. im 28 weeks pregnant. and up until recently i thought our relationship was going strong. is this something most couples go thru?
thank you everyone for the advice. i appreciate it alot. we started talking about everything today, and it seems to be working. i think he really just needed to know that he wasnt alone and i was scared too.
thanks again!
I went through something similar when I was pregnant. Actually, at one point I thought I would be alone trying to raise the baby. Everything changed when she was born. He fell in love with her immediately. I would say what he is going through can be very normal. Everyone responds differently. I know it's a difficult time for you but try to be strong. I wish you the best.
My husband was also scared when I was pregnant with our first child.(our daughter). He started getting scared towards the end of my pregnancy. For us woman the pregnancy is a reality from the get go most men dont really think of the baby until late pregnancy and some after birth becuase its not real to them. Its normal for first time parents to be scared and second guess themselves. he is probably just now realize that this baby is another human being that HE will be responsible for. Just let him know that you are also scared and that as long as you two can openly talk about it that any problem that may arise you two can get through together. My husband also had the baby blues after our daughter was born. I didnt have them until our second child was born. Alot of times us moms forget about our husbands or baby's fathers and they feel left out and overwhelmed also. Its just something that is never talked about especially since men usually don't talk about thier feelings. I hope this helps.
Larrissa H made a good point. The way he feels may stem from his relationship with his dad. My husband and I went through a difficult time during both of my pregnancies. We both suffered from depression. The responsiblility of caring for a baby/child can be alot on someone whether its the mother and/or father. Yes, you are sacrificing your body, going through changes, and etc... but he is feelings can't be ignored or pushed to the side. You two need to have a heart to heart talk about whats going on. Have you established staying home? Him being the main provider could also be stressful. Babies are an awesome gift, but can cause major strains on a relationship. Please try to be understanding of each other; understanding even if its somethings you don't want to hear. I don't know where you faith lies, but pray for him. Prayer works!
T., frist of all....all men suck, but they do get scared. i should know i have 3 kids and every time i got pregnant my husband got scared too. i think that they start to feel left out! and worry about how they will be able to take care of us . money is a big deal to men! my husband told me that he would sometimes have bad dreams about not being a good dad, and that scared thim alot! just think you are almost there and everything well be alright for both of you....you'll see!!!
tell him if think he is scared what does he think you are? you are the one who is pregnant, who has to go through labor, and will be the one who has to care for the baby most of the time.
its a man thing, he will get over it, and be fine when the baby comes. if not, kick him to the street.,
it could be hormones..i was EXTREMELY hormonal with my first pregnancy...it may be a mixture of alot of things..but i have come to realize that it can be very daunting for a guy to be a new dad (and not even just with the first child)...my husband was fine during the beginning of the pregnancy(first time) but towards the end,i had alot of problems...and he just got worse and worse...even while i was in the hospital he was a mess...afterwards(months afterwards), he admitted that he had been unsure if he was really ready for the responsiblity of being a dad...and scared of not knowing what to do to take care of a baby...i think alot of guys also feel helpless and left out(even if you do try to incorporate them in everything)..it is different for them...i would strongly suggest making sure you talk to your husband...ask him if he has any questions or needs you to explain anything...ask him what he needs to feel more comfortable(i know you are going through enough,you shouldnt have to baby him but some men really need this)...it caused alot of problems in my marriage(of course, my husband was an extreme case)we also had just gotten married a month before i got pregnant and just bought a house a month before that, so alot was going on at once and we didnt get to spend any time just being a married couple...i do think its normal but you and your husband have to keep those lines of communication open...because after the baby is born you are going to need help...you are going to be sleep deprived and stressed and you have to be able to count on him for support and aid...dont think it cant get better...it can...and you will both need an adjustment period after having the baby but if you can start the ball rolling together now,it will be so much easier later....i wish you the very very best..and feel free to write me if you want to talk..take care...R.
When I was prego the sec time. My husband was calm and cool. And I was the scared one. You can try to sit down with him and talk about how you both are feeling about becoming parents. Talk about what scarys you the most and what you feel might be the happiest times. Everyone gets scared about something.
Some men get scared when they are becoming a father...sometimes it is due to the fact that their own father might not have been there or they didn't have a good relationship with him. Just be open with him about the way you both feel and don't nag him. And I know that is hard when you are prego. Best of luck.
