Guest Overstaying Their Welcome.

No you cannot "excuse" yourself to go to bed. That is rude. Like others said many people put their children to bed then go back to socializing. If you didn't want your friends to stay late then have an afternoon get together-this way it is a kid-friendly party. Also, 9pm is not late to many people and it is perfectly normal for a nice dinner party to go to 9pm.

Surely, you don't have that many get-togethers at your home so losing a couple hours of sleep isn't THAT big of a deal.(and yes I say this as a mother of a preschooler and an infant). Time to step back and stop controlling every aspect of a situation.

Seems that you don't really enjoy these people very much. I mean, if you were really having a great time would you be complaining that they stayed until *gasp* 9:30 on a sautrday night??!! You should not have a dinner party if you want everyone out so you can go to bed by 10 pm, that just isn't reasonable. Have an afternoon BBQ or a Sunday Brunch. I don't understand why you could not have just put your daughter to bed at her bedtime. Tell the guests and their child not to bother her chances are she'll be fine. I know whenever you change a set routine with little ones there is a price to pay but really does that mean we shouldn't ever do it? What about vacations, holidays and staying up to enjoy a relative or friend who may not be around much. Life is for living, in many families letting a three year old stay up until 9:30 is no big deal especially if the adults are having fun. If it's important to your husband to socialize in this way then make a deal with him to put in extra time in taking care of the kids on Sunday so you can take a nap!

J., I promise you I'm not trying to be mean, but I want to tell you this so maybe you'll have a wake up call about letting this upset you. You're letting yourself get all worked up over people staying until 9:30!!!! Are you serious? Even when my husbands' friends bring their kids over on a boxing fight night, I put my kids to bed even though their kids are there, and if I'm tired, I just say goodnight and go to bed. I'm confused at why you'd make a big deal out of this. Be thankful you guys have friends in your lives as parents! A lot of people don't and would LOVE to have people to their house for visits. When I started reading your post, I assumed it was going to say that they stayed til like 3 or 4 in the morning since you were actually bringing it up, and I seriously can't get past the fact that the time ended up being 9:30! As far as your party coming up goes, maybe you should just rethink having it. Because if you're so worried about people leaving at no later than 10 and making sure people are "prompt" for dinner, than how much fun can this party actually be? Again, I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but you need to realize you're being very "square" here. Just have a good time, and let others have a good time,, and stop trying to control everything so that every one of your needs are worked around. It's selfish and not fun

If your kids go to bed at 7 (and I think that is great if it works for you!) and you go to bed at 9, and sticking to your schedule is important to you, don't host a dinner party. Do a brunch or afternoon lunch or afternoon BBQ instead. You'll be happier and more relaxed, especially if your daughter doesn't nap! Be grateful you don't have to work around that toddler nap schedule thing, and use that to your advantage to do your weekend entertaining earlier in the day.

When my girls were toddlers bedtime was 9:00, and it was flexible for special occassions. I personally think 7:00 bedtime is ridiculous, just like you probably think my 9:00 bedtime is ridiculous. But 9:00 worked for me, because hubby didn't get home from work until 8:30 most nights and this would allow him to spend time with them in the evening and help with bedtime routine. You have many reasons why 7:00 works for you.

Have you ever had the situation reversed where you were invited to someone's house and they didn't serve dinner until 6:00, and you had to leave immediatly after dinner before they had a chance to serve dessert? I think the solution would be to stick to afternoon events, or maybe brunch so you have serveral hours to visit.

I don't think I've ever been invited to a party that had an ending time on it, but I don't see any reason why you couldn't include that on the invitation. I also think it's a great idea to include the time the meal will be served, this way your guests can plan accordingly. If they can't arrive until later, they'll know to eat before they arrive.

Just another thought... It doesn't seem like you have enough time and energy to host a big party at this time. Maybe you should consider putting it off for awhile.

Your house, your rules. Do whatever you need to do to make things go smoothly for you. Although I think I would drop the word "promptly" from your invitation as that one seems a little rude to me. I think simply saying dinner will be served at 5:00 gets the same information across without sounding quite so angry about it. Don't hold dinner if anyone is late, but perhaps plan your menu accordingly so that it's dishes that are easy to reheat or keep warm if you feel you need to for the late comers.

As far as being angry at your friends, I think you're overreacting. I've always had my kids on more of a flexible sleep schedule. Yes, when we are home and there are no extenuating circumstances they have a set bedtime but when things come up or something changes our schedule we've always been able to just go with it and haven't had any problems. If I had company over for dinner, especially if there were kids for my kids to play with I would have let them stay up to have fun and wouldn't have been concerned about bedtime, but that's just me. Your friends probably have the same attitude as I do.

I do think it's fine to excuse yourself and have some quiet time in your room while the party winds down. Anyone out there who has ever had a baby in the house will understand. Just explain ahead of time to your husband that if the party goes past X time you will be excusing yourself.

EDIT: Sorry, I didn't even notice that you put 3-10 as the time. Do you really expect people to come for 7 hours? I see a timeframe like that and I automatically assume it's more of an open house kind of party where people can come and go as they please. With that kind of timeframe I would expect that food would be available pretty much throughout and it would just be very casual. If you want the 5:00 sit down to dinner time, I would change the party to 4-9 with dinner at 5:30 or 6:00 (5:00 seems kind of early).

Good luck,
K.

Why are you planning a big party when you don't feel up to it? A party is a party! You can certainly limit the hours, or you can send the kids to Grandma's for the night.(Or you can wait awhile until you feel stronger.)Going to bed while you have company stretches etiquette quite a bit, unless there are no women present. Do what's right for you-- you have alot to handle with 2 young babies.

9:30? Really? If you have your husband's co-workers over for dinner, you should expect that they stay atleast to 9:30. They probably would feel rude eating and then leaving. If that is too late for you, have afternoon parties or don't entertain. Dinner parties usually last longer, if you want to entertain for a short amount of time, put on the invitation something like Please come for appetizers from 4-6. If you are having a BBQ eat at 3:00 instead of 5:00 that way the party can wrap up earlier, you cannot be rude to your guest if they are late, even if you feel that their tardiness is rude. BBQ are usually informal and people sometimes do not arrive exactly on time, that is just how it is. And, NO NO NO you cannot go to bed when you have guest at your house. However, you can lay down with your children for a few minutes to help them fall asleep. If you are not up to having company then you should not have parties at this time. No one enjoys a party when they sense that the hostess is resentful of them for being there and can't wait for them to leave and believe me people sense that tension!!!

I have parties because I enjoy my guest and love to entertain, I do not plan a party with my main focus being how am I going to get these people out of my house.

People stay if they are having fun. If you really want to have people over and worry about when and if they will leave when you want them to, just make sure that your party is not fun, that will get them out in a hurry!

I agree with J. A.C. from Fort Wayne. My gosh, 9:30?! You are SO lucky to have friends in your life that you can socialize with! Over the years, we've tried, but no couple has ever "stuck"! When we do have people over, the kids would normally stay up later until around 10, and guests normally leave around 11. This is typical for a get together. Not to be mean, but I know grandparents who stay up later than 9:30-- the news doesn't even come on until 10! Your kids will not be traumatized by staying up until 10pm once in a while when they have kids over to play with. This is a fun experience, part of growing up. The truth is, if you were really enjoying yourself, then you wouldn't mind so much... so don't invite people over who you don't want to spend your time with. And I agree, put your party off until you are feeling a bit more flexible b/c most folks would be offended by being asked to leave or putting kids to bed at 7 or 8 during a party!
Take care! Get some sleep!

Wow! After having read most of the answers to J.'s question, it appears to me that the vast majority of those who replied to her failed to see that it was HER HUSBANDS friends who'd be coming to this party. And, yes, I can fully understand just how, and why, she would/could feel OBLIGATED to host said party.

My children are currently in their late teens, but I DO remember what it was like to have young ones in the house, and the lack of sleep associated with caring for them. While it's great, having kids, the first few years can be so h*** o* a mother, when she's constantly having to get up at night for feedings, changing diapers, etc....ESPECIALLY when she gets up for these things, and then can't get back to sleep herself!

I'm wondering, too, if it's so rude for her to excuse herself to put her children to bed, and then hit the sack herself, uuuhhh.. what's she supposed to do??.... Stay up "entertaining" until she just passes out in the Living Room??

Personally, (and yes, Im being a bit of a smart aleck, here) I think she should tell hubby that if he MUST host this party, that HE host it, and to find somewhere other than their home to do so. And btw, I thought it extremely rude of him (J.'s hubby) to spring this on her at the last minute. Event's like this take planing, and preparation. Neither of which it sounds as if she's had much time for.

J., if the friends dont want to leave when you need them to, simply call them a taxi, (at their expense) and tell them "the fat lady's done sung" and "it's over!" Perhaps they'll get the hint, then.

Hope this helps.

Wishing you the best with this.

T. B.

Not everyone has such strict bedtimes for their kids..... My husband and I just go to bed with our kids (ages 5 and 2 1/2) whenever they start getting tired. ANYWHERE from 8:30 to 10. BUT, if we have company over or are visiting, it has been as late as midnight. They always do FINE! When there is a special reason for staying up, they are much more likely to play nice and not get too cranky.

As for your husbands' work party. Could you host it in the garage??? Clean and sweep it out. Set up tables and chairs out there. That way, when you want to put your kids OR YOURSELF to bed, you can just go in the house and do it! YES, YOU can go to bed even if the party is still in full swing. That way, the only noise should be if someone comes in to use the bathroom.

If this is not an option, I think you should either skip hosting the party or just go with the flow and KNOW that it will be a late night. That's what naps are made for (for mommies too)! Your 2 year old will more than likely nap if she has had a late night for a special occasion as well! I think it's rude to actually "kick" people out. Sure you can put a start and end time on the invite, but know that most people will not even take notice of the end time.....

As for food. We ALWAYS just have food out (in crockpots and such) all night so that people can eat when they are hungry. It's so nice to be able to much when the mood strikes. I've been to parties where there is NOTHING except during a short period of time and then everything is put away again. It really sucks..........

Well in all honesty, my first thought is that you seem pretty worked up about your sleep for a one time event, if invites haven't gone out yet, maybe you should postpone things until the baby is older and not waking up so much. A party can be a lot of work, but it should be fun for the hosts as well. Just wait on the party if you can.

We do two large parties a year. Not everyone is going to show up on time. It's just a fact of life. Don't let that bother you or put a damper on your festivities. Add when dinner will be served to the invite. I would not write the word "promptly" for a few reasons. It sounds a little short and a little unwelcoming...it's a party, the schedule should be flexible. And the other issue is that you are doing a party for the first time with two little ones YOU may not be ready precisely at 5 and then you'll be tripping over yourself apologizing to the considerate guests for your tardiness, don't put that added stress on yourself. Serve the food at 5 (or close to it) and the late comers will either eat when they get there or miss out (our last party we ran out of our "main course" earlier than usual, non of the late comers were upset, they just enjoyed what was left.)

As far as ending things goes that gets a little tougher. You can have an end time on the invite and many will respect that. The issue is a lot of times if people are enjoying themselves, they just kind of loose track of time. Most of the time it's a compliment, it's not meant to be an inconvenience. At our parties, we just put our kids to bed at their normal time...our 4 yo just recently got to start staying up a little late ....I figure it's an extra special treat that only happens occasionally. Put your kids to bed and close off areas if you have to. At our last party I simply put up a baby gate near my daughter's room so kiddies that were there late wouldn't accidentally go in her room and disrupt things. And it is fine to excuse yourself to bed if you need to. While it's true that it stretches etiquette a bit, when you have little ones, sometimes etiquette has to be put on hold. My hubby does it every few years :) He walks around, thanks everyone for coming and goes to bed....usually it's well after midnight, but no one seems to think it's odd. He usually makes some comment about "not being able to hang" and heads off. Some people take it as a cue to leave, but not all do. If you want everyone to leave precisely at 10, a simple announcement will do it. "Thank you all so much for coming. We hope you enjoyed it..." yada yada. There will still be stragglers though.

With our parties I clean up a little as I go to make the big clean up in the morning a little easier. I don't stay up much past the last guest leaving....the dishes and trash can wait. The next day the hubby and I "take turns napping". It sounds a little silly, but it works. I usually get up with the kids and then after the breakfast routine he gets "tagged" to be on Daddy duty. It's not the most ideal situation, but it seems to work...we may still be run down, but we aren't so tired we can't function the rest of the week. Good luck with the party. Try to enjoy it!

If you want a quiet house so your kids can go to bed early or you want to go to bed early yourself then you should not have an evening party. Just saying that you put your kids to bed early does not necessarily mean you are saying you want people to leave. Some people do what my parents used to do, which is send the kids to bed and then go back to the living room to spend more time with the company. My kids have never had a hard and set time to be in bed by, and on the weekends they often stay up late and always have. Every family is different so you can't expect people to think that 9:30 on a Friday night is "late" just because you do. If you are uncomfortable telling people they will need to leave your house at a certain time, then you should rethink having them over in the evening and start hosting brunches instead of dinner parties.

it's not controlling, it's being clear. and people appreciate that. your friends do not strike me as rude in the slightest, and i'll be they'd be horrified to discover that you look at their enjoyment of their time with your family as 'overstaying their welcome'. it is your responsibility as the hostess to be clear on what your 'welcome' entails. you cannot fault your guests if they don't know what the rules are. and it's not fair to yourself to be getting upset over it. every family has different ideas as to what the 'right' bedtime is, and many of us allow flexibility even if we have rules for what we perceive to be fun special occasions. i'm sad for you that a pleasant visit was ruined, and sad for them that what they doubtless see as a fun friendly evening really wasn't, through no fault of their own.
if you are very set in your ways as to how your children's evening should go (and that's fine!!) then you shouldn't have evening parties. the suggestion to have a brunch instead is an excellent one. if you do have an evening party then yes, let everyone know in advance what the times are, and then be pleasant and firm when it's time to leave.
you are well within your rights to expect everyone to be on time for a sit-down dinner. BBQs are relaxed and informal and you are setting yourself up for frustration and lack of enjoyment of your guests if you are that uptight about it.
there's a happy medium between having clear parameters and being controlling. if you let your guests know clearly and courteously what you expect, everyone can enjoy themselves. it's not fair to you or your guests to leave it unspoken and then resent them for not reading your mind.
khairete
S.

Honesty is always the best policy.

Just say "I hate to cut this party short, however, I need to get my kids and myself in bed - the baby is waking up 3 times a night and I need my rest too. It's been GREAT seeing you guys!!!"

Other options would be to have friends over earlier in the day with the EXPRESS knowledge to the guests that the party is over at X time. They need to understand and respect that - you have an infant - they SHOULD!!!

This is YOUR life - you ARE allowed to control it. Don't feel silly for simply stating what you need to happen in your life. If these people are FRIENDS they will understand - if not, then they really aren't friends.

When I have a party. I let guests know that dinner will be served at X time. We will NOT wait for them. I personally believe it's rude to be late. I HATE being late. So really - I expect the same from my guests. When we are invited to friends houses, we show up on time. If traffic holds us up, we call and let them know we have run into traffic.

Don't be afraid or uncomfortable about stating your needs and/or demands in your own home.

I hope this helps you!!

I find that socializing with people I really want to be with energizes me, and is sometimes worth losing a couple hours sleep. On the other hand, "obligatory" socializing drains me. You sound a bit cornered into this party, judging from your exhausted worries.

I like the wording you suggest at the end. Some guests will probably still overstay, especially if beverages include alcohol. Non-parents and parents of older kids can be pretty oblivious.

Hints probably will not work. You may have to be pretty blunt when you want Joe to leave. If Joe is too "relaxed" to drive safely, you could graciously offer to let him use "the phone on the side table" to call a taxi. Of course, he has a cell phone, but the message should be clear.

If Joe hints that he'd like to spend the night, be clear, honest, and straightforward: "Joe, I hear that you would be happy to spend the night here. That does not work for us. The answer is no. Can we help you find tansportation home?" I've used this approach a number of times, and people are surprised by it, but not offended. So far, they have always complied with my clearly stated expectations, with no further drama. (Though if there was further drama, I would figure that's their problem, not mine.)

Since this party will be mostly your husband's workmates, ask him to be the bouncer. He knows how to talk to the guys he works with better than you do. You're caring for his children, you're overextended, you're trying to be supportive of his social connections, and you are only human. It's not too much to ask from him, so be clear about your needs.

if you can't handle it you probably shouldn't host the party
going to bed unless very ill would be rude
i would suggest a sitter for the kids so you can be a proper host

and just for the record i have a 14 month old and a 6 yr old and have hosted many parties and managed my kids

I know what your saying. Your way to tired to entertain guest late. 9pm is really not late for people to stay. So I think maybe that your not ready to have guests and parties right now. I think its ok that you wait to start entertaining people until your little one gets older and you get to sleep more. You sound tired and you may just need more time. Talk to your husband about waiting until your 5 month old sleeps all the way through the night. And to tell you the truth I have gone to bed when party goers want to stay late. I see nothing wrong with it If you have already sent the invitations and you need to go to bed with your little one, then go to bed. It ok to let your husband know to please keep it down while your trying to get to sleep with your children. Good luck!

I would just let them know with the invitation, what time the party ends. At the time you want to put your children to bed, get up and say " John, Linda, thank-you so much for coming, we've had a wonderful time! Time to put kiddos to bed! Have a good night and thanks for coming!" Then get up and put the kids to bed. They will know that then they are expected to leave. If they are clueless and still remain, let them know kindly that this is the time they need to be going because your kids need to go to bed.

Not to sound rude but you seem to be over reacting a bit to this and a little to concerned about your sleep. This wasn't an everyday thing and kids gettign to bed late once in a while is no big deal..I have 5& 6 yr old girls...and if we go over to friends house for dinner/hang out I do not expect to leave in time to get them to bed at their usual time of 8. As for the party, maybe you should postpone or get a babysitter (a family membe to take the kids for the night?). That said it is not rude to put an end time on the invite but the 'promptly' is a tad rude. And leaving and going to bed is more than a touch rude, as this is your party. Maybe start it earlier in the day instead of dinner do lunch.

You have two *little* kids and need your rest to be a good Mommy. There is NOTHING wrong with knowing yourself and what your needs are to be capable of that! It's exhausting to have little kids all day every day, and I totally get it.

Even with one child, we had a couple who would come early in the day for a bbq with us and hang out reallllly late, sometimes to midnight or later even though we turned off lights, put our daughter to bed, yawned, thanked them for coming, etc. They just didn't get the hints. We finally had to end the friendship because of it.

I would have your husband call this particular friend, if they are good friends, and in chatting say something like, "That was fun, but man, now that I have kids, we have to hit the hay early and I'm really feeling it today..." or something like that.

I would second, or third, having the next get together earlier in the day. If it's not possible to do at this point, then one night is not going to hurt anything, but I would still put the kids to bed on time (or close to it) even with the party going on. You can buy little white-noise machines or run a fan, etc to keep from hearing the party quite so much. I would even say that if people are still hanging out at 10, then you can excuse yourself and say that the baby is still waking during the night and you have to tend to him/her. No, it's not rude; your kids come first, and people understand that babies are tiring and you're a mommy. No big deal. If they are casual enough to still be hanging out at 10pm, then you can be casual enough to say you need to go to bed with the baby.

I hope it goes well for you!

Maybe you'd be better off socializing with people during lunch. You can't expect people to leave promptly at 8:00, and you can't go to bed when you have guests. That's rude.

I understand the importance of needing to go to bed on time and keeping your kids on a schedule, which is why I usually only have people over at lunch time.

Having a baby definitely puts a damper on the fun, eh? So why not have a brunch and notify them the exact time you need everyone out. But believe me there might still be that couple who decide to stay til nine.Of course excuse yourself and go to sleep. Or at least nap. Life still goes on and eventually kids move out and you can be all alone remembering how you missed the sleep one day. And then sleep for years... Anyway. Since it's your husband's work people you might work out that you will go to bed and your hubby will take care of the remainder leftovers. People do not live by the same rules, but you are the only one who can take care of you, so tell hubby he has this time and next time will be yours...

Maybe their kids go to bed later than yours? My 4 year old went to bed at 9 when she was 3 years old. My 19 month old goes to bed at 8. So being out half an hour past her bed time wouldn't have seemed that "surprising" to me. Maybe if they went to bed really early it would. I guess that also wouldn't bother me since my kids being up late once in a while won't throw them off schedule. But maybe it does yours? In that case, if your friends won't catch subtle hints like mentioning their bed time is coming, then you have to be direct. Thank your guests for coming. Maybe say something joking like, Sorry we have to kick you out, but Daughter is a real bear in the morning if we don't get her to bed on time! We can't wait to see you again since the girls had so much fun. Then stand up. Tell your daughter, "After we walk our guests out, we'll get ready for bed." If they don't get those not so subtle hints, then you're going to have to be super direct and tell them they'll have to leave. I'm guessing these aren't casual acquaintances since you've known them for 5 years. My friends wouldn't be offended if we told them they had to be out by a certain time so the kids could go to bed at a reasonable time. They have kids and they understand.

Do you have to have the BBQ at your house? Can someone else host it? Could you have it at a park? Then you could put an end time on the invite and it wouldn't make you out to be the bad guy when the party comes to an end since most parks close at sunset. We have friends who are perpetually late too. When we have group situations, if the majority of people are already there, we just go ahead and eat. We all have little kids and there's no way they will happily wait past a certain time to eat. Or would it be possible for the kids to sleep somewhere else for the night, like at grandparents? (My kids were BF so that would never have been an option for me with a 5 month old, but thought I'd mention it.) Personally, I would just go another year without doing the party if sleep is such a priority and a late night will stress you out. I've been sleep deprived, so I know it's rough. Having a 2 year old and a 5 month old can be a juggling act in the best of times, so it's understandable if you'd rather not deal with the hassle of a party and late guests.

It almost seems to me that you felt "obligated" to have these friends of your husband over, instead of really looking forward to it and enjoying the company! If you don't think you can be flexible enough to relax and enjoy a get together at your house, then please, put it off until your children are older, and you are not so sleep deprived.
I understand about needing to go to bed early, I used to have to be at work between 4 and 6 a.m. and if I wasn't in bed by 10:00 I simply didn't function very well the other day. That being said, plan your party for a day that you don't have to work the next day so that you can either sleep in or catch a nap during the day. Your guests are not being unreasonable to stay until 9:30 at night...especially if the get together didn't start until dinner time at 6:00 !!! As some of the other Mom's have suggested...have a luncheon on a Saturday and if it starts at noon you can be sure that they will all be gone before it is time to head to bed!!

You are perfectly within your rights to word the invites with an "end" time. I would put the end time an hour before you really wanted everyone to leave, so that there is a cushion of time in there for those that can't read a clock. I would say it's up to your hubby to enforce it, since the majority of the party goers will be his friends. There's no need to be rude when letting guests know it's time to leave, but since it's your house, you have a right to say when the party is over. My friends know that my kids go to bed at 7, and that I will fudge their bedtimes for special occasions, but certainly not for 2 whole hours after their bedtimes! I look at the clock and then say, "well, it's been fun, but it's time for bed now. Thank you all for coming and we'll get together again really soon." I walk them to the door and that is it. If people were to get offended by that, then I wouldn't be friends with them. And what is wrong with some of the moms on this site? When someone is asking for help, we should be giving them help, instead of making fun of them and making them feel like they are the one with the problem. If you don't have anything nice or encouraging to say, then don't say anything at all. That is not what we are here for.

An end time on an invitation for a group party is certainly acceptable. I appreciate knowing when dinner is planned--and DON'T hold dinner. Seven hours seems like a long time and I don't think you can reasonably expect people to leave at 10 on the dot.

You and your husband need to be on the same page. Start cleaning up about an hour before the end time on the invitation--put food away, clean up bottles and cans, etc. Thank people for coming. You can be gracious and still send a clear message that the party if over.

Smaller groups are a little harder to maneuver...
"I was just so surprised that these folks think it's reasonable for a 3 year old to be out to 9:30." Really? I certainly don't like my schedule to be disrupted either, but every family functions differently. You either need to start earlier or don't invite people over who don't live on the same schedule are you.

Some people just may not know how to make a graceful exit. They leave too soon and it seems rude, but leave it too late and it starts becoming swkward. Setting an end time gives everyone an expectation.

Every weekend we spend 1 or 2 nights with friends and their kids. Our kids never get to bed at their regular time on those nights. We stick to our schedule during the week and are lax about it on the weekend - that is for the grown ups sanity. If we stuck to their schedules on the weekends we would never get to see other grown ups.

We were at some friends last night with the kids and we left at 10:00 PM. I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. The last 1 1/2 hours of the party the kids all crawled into bed and watched a quiet movie.

If you have an issue with people being at your house past 9:00 PM, I think you are not ready to be hosting parties. If you aren't getting much sleep because of the baby it seems like it might be best to wait until you are sleeping through the night to have people over.

We have very good friends who are about 15 years older than us. They get up early and go to bed early. They have wonderful dinners and Christmas parties and are the most extraordinary hosts!
They always put a start and end time on their invitations. Not tacky at all.

Even better: the party/ dinner always ends at 9pm. Every year. And this is classy.....the man of the house always stands up and leaves whatever conversation he is in at 8:45pm, walks to the middle of the room and makes a wonderful, joy filled announcement and how blessed they are to have such great friends, we have enjoyed your company, and wish you a rest filled weekend....etc.... it is truly a marvelous way to get "the point across" and is done so well, that no one is offended. Everyone leaves feeling like a very valuable part of their lives.

Not all parents have the same idea as to what is acceptable time for kids to go to bed. I have friends that have a 3yr old that they let stay up til midnight if she wants. I personally would not do that...but it's not my child. I would be irritated if guests wouldn't let my child go to sleep though...so I understand that. But unless you tell friends that you're tired and ready to go to bed...they're not going to know it's time to go. They should have known not to let their child go in and try to grab your child out of bed. I have had friends come over and their kids stayed late with them...but I still put my kid to bed. My friends were at least respectful enough to make sure their child was quiet though and left my daughter alone.

Anyhow----some people just don't catch the hint that it's time to go. So, since you're havng a party and you're very concerned about the time and people staying too late...I would put on the invite from 3-10 or whatever. I'd put dinner is at 5 (not write "promptly" because that sounds controlling). If you want to stick to a schedule...you can do it and if people aren't ready to eat at 5...oh well. I don't hold up dinners/lunches/etc on the account of people being late. Last night we had a cookout and several people were late...but we started without them....we were hungry! Expect some people to not understand that the party is actually over at 10 though and expect to have to say you're really tired and have to go to bed.

Really to us and all of our friends, 9:30pm IS an early night! When we get together, it usually goes much later than that.

If noone specifically told them it was time to wrap things up, then you can't be mad at them. Some people don't get the clues and putting kids to bed isn't a factor either, b/c a lot of times, that means now that the kids are in bed, we can play a card game or something.

Also, when it's time to tell people to leave, don't feel ashamed announcing it. Tell everyone about 10 mins before hand that its time to wrap things up and start doing some cleanup. Then get up, turn on the lights and open the front door, tell people how much you enjoyed the visit and thank them for coming.

So far as the party you are having, it is acceptable and actually encouraged to put an end time. Otherwise, you are just confusing your guests. And yes, your wording sound fine. If you are serving dinner at a certain time, then by all means let them know on the invite. Really though, if I was invited to an all day party from 3-10, I probably wouldn't show up until after 5 or 6 anyways, that's a really long day, and it sounds more like a come and go as you please open house type party, as opposed to one where you expect guests to arrive promptly by the beginning to stay until the end. Unless it is a big swimming all out activity type party with a bbq following, then maybe.

Perhaps you can change the time for maybe 3-8 or something. If you don't do that, then try putting the end time on the invites 30 mins or so earlier, since there are usually a few stragglers who like to stretch it out as long as possible, so parties usually tend to go over anyways if lots of people show up.

Absolutely, put an end time on the invitation. Also, if you state that dinner is at 5:00, serve it at 5:00. If they are late, they can eat after the others. Most of our parties are buffet, so everyone just kind of eats when they get there, or after they get the kids fed, etc. A sit-down dinner is a little more formal and if that's what you want, fine, but if you put the food out at a certain time, it's their loss if they get there an hour later and it's gone. When the bedtime approaches, you could make comments regarding that time. You could say, "I'll be getting my 2 year old ready for bed in a few minutes, so if I don't see you before you leave, thanks for coming, etc...." Hopefully, they'll get the hint. But, for some people, a party means an all night (or almost all night) kind of deal. When my hubby and I have hosted or gone to parties, I'm usually having a great time being around other grown-ups, so I sacrifice sleep for some good company with friends. I guess it's your call, there. If your hubby invites his buds over for pizza, to watch the game, etc. then you go to sleep when you want. It's his invite with his friends. But, if you, as a couple, invite people over for dinner, either state that you may have to make it an early night due to the kids and your bedtimes (but be prepared for them not to leave exactly when you want) or don't have people over until your sleep shedule can handle it. If there are other wives and kids there, they are probably wanting to hang out with YOU and not sit and listen to their own husbands talking shop with their co-workers.
As for your friends rudeness, I wouldn't hold that against them. They might have figured since it was the weekend, bedtimes might be a little more lax. They have older children that don't wake them all night, so it might not have even crossed their minds that the toddler wouldn't stay up until 9:30. Even if you hubby told them, they might have thought that having people for dinner trumped the 7:00 bedtime. Having a regimented bedtime routine is a great thing for you and the kids so that there's the knowledge they will be getting enought sleep, but can reak havoc on your social life. I know, because my 1 year old is that way. It makes it nearly impossible to schedule and coordinate my 11 year old's baseball games (that may not get over until after 8:30 and some of them are an hour away!!) My daughter likes to go to bed not much later than 8, so it's a constant battle to make sure we aren't completely trashing her sleep habits.
Maybe in the future, have a Saturday lunch with your friends. Invite them over for a lunch and let them know it's because your evenings are all about the kid's bedtimes. Good luck with your party and I hope you can have a good time despite lack of sleep if it comes to that.

my kids' bedtime is 7:30 whether we have guests or not. we always apologize saying we need to put them in bed. when we have guests over with kids of their own who do not seem to be bothered by keeping their kids up late, we still do our thing.
i wouldn't put the ending time on the invite but i would make sure we still keep our schedule.w e hope people understand, and starting leaving, but if they don't, and their kids start disrupting our bedtime process, we ask the parents to entertain their kids while we put our kids to sleep. you need your schedule kept, and your sleep. sow what you have to do.

In my opinion you are the women of the house and that is your domain. (period)
If I were you once all the guest there I would shut the music off or television or any background noise get everyone's attention and politely explain to everyone that you like for them to enjoy themselves but please leave by whatever time you feel the should. also I would explain how I feel to my husband a few days before the party so he can be clear on your feelings and stand by your decision. And yes I would make it clear on the invites. and point it out during my talk with the guest. If they are your/husbands friends they will respect you.