Getting Ready to Welcome #2 to the Family

I was really nervous about two also. Mine are now 5 and 1. You'll all adjust just fine and no matter how difficult the first year may be (it's not that bad) you'll look back when the baby is one and be SO glad you did it. The interaction between siblings is SO cute. I'd never have an only child if I could help it. They just love each other so much. You can't really prepare for it, just take it as it comes one day at a time. It's not half as bad as you're scared it might be!

Something that we did with each of our next 5 children(couldn't do it with the first) was tell the kids that WE were having a baby. We never mentioned that mommy was having a baby, or things like that. We always made it a point to include the children in the fact that the baby was coming. It was our baby, not mommy's or daddy's. If you have friends or relatives near, take advantage of their help too. It might seem like no big deal to try and do it yourself, but it can be overwhelming and take any help you can get for as long as you can. Congrats and good luck.
J.

Mine are 15 months apart. When I was nearly due, I held her doll that is most like a newborn a lot. I was on semi-bed rest so I sat on the floor and held the doll while she played. then we would dress her and chang ethe diaper toether. ithink it heled her "see' me holding something besies her. I also had to not pick her up anyway, so when the baby came, that was normal for me to hold her on my lap but not carrier her, etc. We also had a couple books on beign a big sis. Lastly, plan for youand her to go out for a diaper run orsoemthing between feedings a week or so after the baby is home and while you husband still home to watch the baby. this gives Dad time to bond too. and to go out and buy things for the baby makes your daughter feel special. Lastly, give time between things. So like, if you are trying to not buy a second crib, then move the oldest to the bed first, wait a couple weeks with the crib in storage and then move to the babies room (maybe when she is not around even) this allows her to break for these securities..highchair too. and, finally, model...model the carring anfd giving you ask for. Set rules on how to touch the baby...like toes and fingers only...and stick with it...show and model this behavior over and over. since she is so young, modelling is the best way to teach. so model on the doll.

I wasn't expecting the feelings I had at the end of my 2nd pregnancy. I felt bad for my older son and found myself buying him toys. Looking back I would have just celebrated how lucky he was to be getting a sibling. The first couple of months is an adjustment, but after that the first year I found was pretty easy. It gets a little trickier when the little one is walking...usually the opposite direction of the older one. But now I have a 3 and 5 year old that are inseperable from the moment they wake up until bed time. They take care of each other, play together, fight together, bathe together...it is very cute. Your oldest child is very lucky!

Hi there and congrats! Although I only have one baby at this point, I have heard other moms give some really good advice in the past and thought I would share that. First, try not to blame the baby for your inability to attend to the older one. i.e. "the baby needs to eat, so I can't hold you right now." Try instead, "I'm busy right now, but will hold you soon." The other thing I have heard is to try to get your older one to take an interest in the baby by allowing her to hold it (put baby in her lap while sitting on the couch), hold out her finger and get baby to grasp it, etc. I have a niece and a nephew who are both toddlers. They LOVE to hold my three-month old, lay next to him on the floor, hold his hand, push him in the swing, etc. Of course, I am not their mom, so there aren't any jealousy issues there. But, any "play" you can encourage between them is great.

Good luck and congratulations again!

One thing that helped was giving them a baby doll to see what a baby was going to be like. Teaching them diapers and feedings, something a girl is probably aware of. We had boys. We also talked about the baby being ours, them included. As far as changing from one to two, mine were a little further apart, but I think a two yo could help. It helped both of ours take ownership. Getting a diaper or socks or whatever is in their ability level. Our two yo still tells everyone that his sister is his. Very possessive. It'll be the time of your life! You'll also sleep very well ... when you get to sleep! As soon as you can, get them to nap at the same time so you can nap, too. Or do work. I opt to nap. I use morning naps for quality mommy time for the older ones. Keeping that one on one time helps a lot. We go out occasionally. Even to the grocery store counts with little kids. They feel like they are special helpers. With them so close in age, the "Big Sister" thing won't always work. She's still a baby herself in many ways. There are times my arms are full with both babies. I'm probably stronger than I've ever been before. Allow big sister to have those "I need Mommy" moments. They're much shorter if you just meet the need. It'll be a lot of work and a lot of fun! Congratulations!!

You have gotten a lot of great responses. My girls are 18 months apart with the 3rd due in January. One response to the baby that hasn't been mentioned is "Abject Horror". When my friend brought our little girl (now almost 3) over, you could see the fear in her eyes as soon as she saw me holding the baby. I was on the couch, which faced the door, so the baby and I were the first thing she saw when she walked through the door.

My friend was able to keep her for about a week. She lived right next door and was able to take some time off from work. She brought her over everyday and had her say for a while to get acquainted with the baby and the new dynamic. This worked great, but I know it isn't always practical. No matter how they react, kids will adjust. Just be sure to get #1 plenty of attention.

My girls are almost inseparable at 34 months and 15 months. The first year to a year and a half can be difficult, especially if they are teething at the same time. That seems to bring the "monster" out of any child.

Best advice I can give, "take a deep breath and take it 1 day at a time." Don't beat yourself up when you inevitably "lose it" with your oldest, just look to the next moment/day. Kids are very forgiving and will adjust. Just remember that "The Lords mercies are new every day."

Hope this helps

-M.

You are in for great joy! I personally thought that going from one to two children was far easier than adjusting to one. You now have some experience and know a ballpark idea of what to expect. Amazingly, when your new baby arrives, you will be amazed at how independent your first child will seem and what a help that she will be. Having a routine and sticking to a schedule always made adjustment easier for our family. Congratulations.

Hi J.!

I have a two year old and an 11 week old and they are 22 months apart. I had some people give me some tips...and they worked.

1. Don't hold the baby when you daughter meets him/her for he fist time. If you or your husband is holding the baby when your daughter walks into the hospital room (or where ever you are delivering) she may feel replaced.

2. Have the new baby give a gift to your daughter

When my daughter met her new little sister we had the baby in the room with us (in the bassinet type thing) however neither my husband nor I were holding the baby. So, when my daughter came in the room we could give hugs and love on her, then we showed her the baby (held her up to see the baby), then the baby gave her a gift (baby doll and stroller). She loved the gift and we kept telling her if was from her new sister.

It seemed to have worked. My 2 yr. old has been very sweet to the baby and hasn't acted out or anything along those lines.

Good luck. It is a lot of fun having 2...busy but fun!

-J.

CONGRATS! You are very lucky. I am a single mom of two. Three years apart.
All I can say each baby is different, some are the same, keep expectations low, go with the flow. Since you are still in tune with babies since you have a 18 mos old, you will be surprised what a pro you are. For your daughter, start showing her the baby album and baby pics of her, talking about how much care babies need. Get her a baby doll and give it to her the night before the baby comes home so she has one to take care of too. Bring her to your OB appts, let her hear the heartbeats and keep her involved.

Thankfully jealousy was never an issue with my daughter as she was so excited and my son napped a lot so she still got lot's of one on one time with me. Make sure you nap when the kids do, don't worry about the small stuff and take it a day at a time. Don't try to be super mom because there is no such thing! :)

One may be a great napper, the next may be awful. One may like carrots the second hate them. So just go with it with an open mind.
You will love it, that first time you overhear them playing together it warms your heart! There are battles, but short lived and having two was truly a blessing for me.

Two is a blast and it only gets better as time goes on and they level out on the playing field. However, I believe it helps to start out properly too. Just be sure she does not feel replaced. When she comes to see you and new baby at the hospital have someone else holding baby and allow her to climb up to you and then the other person can hand you and your older child HER new baby. This gives her a sense of importance and responsibilty to care for this new bundle rather than resenting the little alien in her mothers arms. This worked wonders for us and my boys (4 and 6) are inseparable. Also, do not move her out of a room or crib for baby. Do that either several months before or after baby arrival. Same with toys and potty training. Replace things she may have to give up with what seems to her to be a newer better item before baby is in the picture. Items of contention may be things like bottle, binky, crib, diapers, or favorites. Get rid of all you can BEFORE baby even arrives so she does not associate the two. You will just love the times they play hand in hand. Sometimes a handful but other times amazing. My 4 yr old wanted help writing yesterday while his brother was away at school "I miss my brother." Best of luck.

You know I just didn't think about it too much. My daughter was 20 1/2 months when my son was born, and I just went with the flow. Some things that have helped is when I was going to be nursing him, or now feeding him I would give my daughter things to eat too in the meantime. I bathe them at the same time, of course now he's a little 1 year old so it's easier. But I did it when he was little too, I just had him in a litte tub in the tub, with her. Also I worked hard to get them to be napping at the same time at least once in the day. Now they are both at 1 afternoon nap. When they are newborn they sleep all the time, so just work up to it, when you put your older one down, see if the baby will sleep then too. Also I found under no circumstances was I ever going to take her and him to the library or anywhere by myself without a stroller. I did that once when he was a newborn and she was running all over the place. Not fun. Of course now it would probably be okay, but I don't know. Just relax and take it as it comes. Make sure you give your older one 1 on 1 time and let them help you as much as they can.

It will totally depend on your daughter and her personality. My son wanted to be involved with the baby, which was great. My best strategy was to nurse the baby on the couch and have DS (2 years old at the time) sit right up next to me. I'd put my arm around him and read him a book. That way, he didn't feel like my feeding the baby was a threat to our time together, it was EXTRA time together! I encouraged him to hold the baby with my help, had him run errands for me (could you go find the baby's blankie for me? or to grab a clean diaper, etc). He felt important and like he was helping take care of his baby brother.
Actually, I had a hard time keeping him off of the baby! He'd lay on him and hug him too tight. Of course I tried to avoid that, but let me tell you, baby brother is as tough as they come now!
Another coping technique was to put them to bed an hour apart. That way our bedtime routine didn't get cut short for the older one. That didn't work for very long, though. I ended up doing bedtime for a solid hour. So I made my husband start taking turns. We switch which kid we put to bed every night. Actually, he is'nt so comfortable with babies, so I put the baby to bed every night and we switched off with the 2 year old every other night. NOW we switch kids every night.

I jsut had my second son, Zach on Sept. 29th, and my first son was 19 1/2 months when he was born. Overall it's gone really well. The first day our oldest son was really mad at us, but that was more because we had the baby at night and took him to a friends house when he was already asleep so he woke up in a different home. He was also with friends most of the next day because we were resting. My husband took him to his room and played with him for a few minutes and his attitude toward us changed. We also got him a toy from his brother and he really enjoyed that. The first week was tough. More so with the toddler than the baby.

Here's some advice I received. While nursing (or feeding) put on a video for the toddler or have a bucket of toys that only come out while nursing. You can also read books with the toddler but that's a bit harder. My advice is to spend a lot of time now training your toddler things like, "Come touch mommy," "Sit on bottom," or to walk from your house to your car and to keep hands on car until you're ready to put them in the car.

It's a lot of fun!! It's fun to see the toddler love the baby and play with stuff animals as if they were babies. I think Baby number 2 is really easy, having 2 kids is not so easy.

Congratulations! I am an only child and now a mother of three boys and I was VERY anxious about going from one to two kids. . . my parents had no advice and I was concerned I would be surrendering the special relationship I had with my first son when the next one arrived. Rest assured, love really does grow, as corny as it sounds. This new baby will allow you to love your first in whole new ways as you see her as your daughter AND as a sister.
Some things I have loved are using a baby sling and an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper. Both are sanity savers when you're trying to juggle things, like taking a walk with a toddler and a little baby, or, say, sleeping and nighttime parenting. Could not do it without those pieces of equipment. We got my oldest boy a small sling to carry stuffed animals in when I carried his younger brother in my real baby sling on walks. Too cute and it made him feel like he was doing what I was doing. (I like to hope my daughter-in-law will thank me someday for raising him to be a good dad.)
Also, we loved the books by Jeanne Ashbe. She has done two lift-the-flap-type books appropriate for small children about to become siblings. They are called "What's Inside?" and "And After That." Both are fabulous and so cute, and address in a very simple way how a baby is growing inside mom, and how they will not be neglected even when things change. I also like Dr. William and Martha Sears' books "What Baby Needs" and their other children's library books. There are a lot more words than the Ashbe books but great pictures so you can talk about the topics on several levels.
When I was expecting my second, I found an amazing midwife who let my older boy be a part of nearly every prenatal visit. He was able to hold the stethoscope to my belly (while my midwife used her $$$ doptone) and "check" on his growing brother. I had my second son at a freestanding birth center and my first son was in the next room watching a movie ("Pinocchio," I think) and it was truly beautiful that he was along for the ride there, and we were a complete new family on the way home. Everyone has to do what works for them and I'm not knocking anyone else's choices, but for my family, I really credit that totally together start with giving my little men a feeling of attachment and brotherhood from the get-go. My first has felt a sweet obligation to help his younger brother since his birth, by bringing me diapers and burp cloths, and that feeling continues today at age 6 (as he bosses the three-year-old to find his shoes and get in the car). ;) If you are experiencing a healthy, low-risk pregnancy, I highly recommend finding an experienced, family-centered midwife who can offer you personalized pregnancy care and an opportunity to include your older child as much as you're comfortable with. I experienced gratitude for an excellent midwife again this August as I welcomed my third son--this time I skipped the driving part and welcomed him at home, with his brothers watching a movie downstairs and coming in to kiss their new little brother right after he was born. They are sweetly devoted to him already. Perhaps consider an out-of-hospital birth if your pregnancy is normal--for me, the recovery time was much shorter and the joy in my family much increased.
My biggest adjustment with a growing family has been figuring out how to cook and eat--a stockpile of easy and pre-made stuff in the freezer and pantry was a real lifeline. And as much as I want family togetherness right after the birth, it was a relief to have my grandma stay and be my postpartum doula and help and play with my oldest child when my hubby had to go back to work. Remember, somebody's got to "mother" the mother as you settle in. Again, I was so glad I wasn't solely in charge of everyone for the first couple weeks, but I was also glad to have help come stay with us so my oldest child didn't have to go away for me to get some rest and he could also settle in to his new brotherhood right at home.
I kept a few small items in a basket by my nursing chair for awhile so I could still read or play with stickers or play a little game with my oldest while I nursed his brother. I saved then for when I needed them only, so they had some novelty.
Finally, we have "dates" with the children and that started when my second child came. I started saying, "Hey, will you go with me on a date?" to my oldest when my husband could stay with the baby. Then we'd just go to the grocery store for half an hour, but we'd chat in the car and I'd let him pick out some Popsicles or fruit or whatever at the store and make a point to pay attention just to him. We both loved it and I've tried to continue that, sometimes with a real fun date and sometimes with an errand I've tried to make fun. One--on-one attention is important, I think.
My sincerest best wishes to you!

When we were expecting number 2 i made her apart of the pregnancy. I told hoe she was going to be a big help she was almost three when we found out. The day that we had him and my mom brought her to the hospital we gave her her own baby. We even and a doll carrier for the baby. She had to leave her baby there until her brother came home. So she carried out her baby at the same time. She even got pictures of the babies together. Now she is his litlle mommy.

Hi J.,
I went from 1 to 3 in 22 months! We got a baby doll and played with it. I carried it around for him to see it, but also for the dogs to adjust as well. Talk about it. I've often heard the comparison of how would you feel if your husband came home and said he was bringing home another wife. Now you have to share everything. From that perspective, you can definitely understand some of the acting out and jealousy you might experience.

There are also some good books that address bringing baby home (too many years have lapsed).

Before I nursed the babies, I made sure he was set up with everything he would need - snack, video, etc.

Make special time for the older one too. Involve her with helping too.

Somehow we all survive it.
Congrats!
S.

Get the book Siblings Without Rivalry. I have three children and am a birth doula in the Denver area and I recommend it to all my clients who are expecting their second. I think it is the best book on how to handle siblings, it has worked great for our family.