Getting Kids to Sleep in Their Own Beds - Ypsilanti,MI

I started a new bedtime routine and it seems to work. I used to lay down and snuggle with my son but it took forever for him to sleep. He's 4.5. I read a mama who stayed in the room with her child, but tucked them in and then did computer stuff. They fell asleep with mommy in the room. It has worked like a charm. I give my son hugs/kisses and snuggle for several minutes, then sit in my rocker in the room. He conks out pretty quickly most days, I get time with him and watch him fall asleep, and it's great.

Good luck!

Hi W.,

Been there, done that, now have a boy who actually stays in bed. (although, typing this, there's always a fear of jinxing it!)

This is what we've done:
Start bedtime prep at 6:30. Pajama, brush teeth, wash face, potty. All of this is finished within a half hour.
7 pm: three stories (or 20 minutes of a chapter book), then our bedtime song. About 5-10 minutes of snuggle time and then "Goodnight".

At this point, he has to stay in bed unless he's using the bathroom. Because he's an affectionate kid, he wanted more hugs, too. Hard to say no to, but we stand firm. At snuggle time, we explained: "Bedtime is for you to stay in your bed.This is the time for hugs and kisses now. If you get out of your bed, we will not be giving any more hugs and kisses. I'll see you in the morning."

Then, walk out of the room. When she calls to you, (unless she's hurt, and we all know the difference...) ignore it. When she comes out, no eye contact, just "bedtime" and take her right back to bed. No hugs and kisses, no attention or affection, no anger or emotional response on your part. Just "bed" and walk her back to bed.

It took me two nights of this. (first night I camped out in the hallway with a book on some blankets) The sole purpose in my mind during those two evenings was correcting this behavior, and I expected that it would take up my evening. Knowing this, I wasn't mad when he came out. By the way, it is precisely the non-emotional response that sends the message that this is your child's challenge to master, not yours. After you've said "Bedtime" more than once, you don't even need to say it anymore. No bargaining, negotiating or cajoling. Unless there's an emergency, (blood, throwing up) just be calm, controlled force of nature and keep taking her back to bed with no interaction.

Eventually, if you can keep from engaging, she'll get the message that she's a big girl and can go to bed on her own. And, that you are confident that she's going to be fine.:)

I included the times of evening we do bedtime just for reference. Only you will know what works for you. My son is the same age as your daughter and usually needs about 10 hours of sleep a night. This way, he wakes up well-rested.

Bite the bullet, you have no me time until she adjusts. If you stay up she will stay up so go to bed when she does. It doesn't take long but she will get used to this being her bed time and then you can stay up again.

Either that or duct tape.

Well, a good book to help her learn some things about sleep time is Llama Llama Red Pajama ... as well, we had a big ticket item at the end of the tunnel for our son that he REALLY wanted. Another mom I know used "tickets" each night her son got three, then two then one and once the tickets were used up no more getting out. So for the first week she gave him three tickets, then a week or two later she reduced it and so on. Yes, until you get her down to one ticket and she UNDERSTANDS the process you will not get YOUR TIME but once it is understood you will be happily drinking a private Mojito!

maybe you could get one of those recorded books from Hallmark, the ones that are bedtimes stories and your husband could record the reading. Did that make sense? Not sure I described it accurately. Anyway that could be the book she listens to every night with Daddy's voice on it. I'd bet she is just missing her mommy daddy time right before bed, and maybe this would be a good cure. Good luck.

This will be a hard transition for her because she's used to being up when the adults are up. You're going to have to also get her little body clock used to sleeping earlier. It's a process, but you can do it!
At 4, my daughter was in kindergarten so there was absolutely no such thing as being awake until 10:30.
We had dinner, bath, snuggle time. Sleep.
I did a lot of visualization and relaxation with her. She loved it. She konked out and slept well.

I'm also wondering if your daughter really needs a snack at 8:30. What time are you having dinner? For some kids, as they get older, eating right before bedtime interferes with their ability to sleep. All kids are different, but you might want to think about the snack thing. There's nothing wrong with snacks and you don't mention what types of things she has, but it might be something else to consider.

You might have to put her to bed, turn all the lights off and tell her you're going to bed too in your own bed. Bedtime for everybody until you get her schedule changed. You can get back up after she's asleep. Eventually, she'll get the idea that you being up doesn't mean that she can be up.

Best wishes.

8:30 is too late to start.

You did not mention, does she nap during the day? She needs to be up from nap no later than 2:00.

How much active play outside does she get?In the afternoon she needs at least 1 hour of running jumping climbing, peddling.. etc. everyday.

Dinner needs to to be finished by 6:30 or 7:00. No TV, no horse play, no cell phones just a nice quiet pleasant dinner.

Then a quiet calm bath, with lower lights in the bathroom as well as her bedroom. Give her nice strong strokes on her legs, arms, back etc.. When you dry her off the same. Put her in her comfy pjs and tuck her in bed.

Read some stories.. Not the time to ask questions or involve her.in this story time. Just read calmly without excitement. I used to lightly rub our daughters head sometimes to get her to calm down.

Kisses hugs and them remind her you love her and she needs to stay in bed and be as quiet as possible, because the longer she sleeps the faster she will grow taller and smarter.

Maybe have a white noise machine or a fan.. Our daughter loved listening to a book on tape or some soft music.

Close her bedroom door. If she calls for you, remind her it is time to sleep. If she gets out of her room, do not say a word, just walk her back to her room and tell her she needs to stay in bed and sleep.

You have to keep this routine even on the weekends if possible.

Here's my answer to all of a mother's needs. I put my kids to bed at 7:30 at night every night winter and summer. As a working mother it was my only private time. From the time my eldest was five I returned to university to get a degree so I could have a real career. I graduated when the youngest was age three.
The only time they got in my bed was when they were sick.
I was very fixed about the bedtime routine which began by having them help me cook dinner if Daddy wasn't the chef. Then music practice, dinner, then bath, then a book. If you can't keep to the time you won't get any.
Four and a half she is old enough to be in her own bed.

I read in Family Fun magzine a few months ago that one couple put three toy cars on their child's dresser. If they got out of bed, one car was taken away. If they got out of bed again, another car was taken away. I don't remember exactly, but I guess they gave their kiddos a reward if all three cars were there in the morning. Or perhaps three was their limit, so after that, they were simply "not allowed" to get out of bed.

Another suggestion was that on Sundays the kid was given a "get out of bed free" card to put on her night-stand and use in that week. She could only use it once that whole week, so she had to decide when to use it - when was it most important for her to get out of bed.

For us - I just try to get my 3.5 yr old to get EVERYTHING done before-hand. "Did you get a sip of water? Yes. Did you go potty? Yes. Did you ___? Yes. Okay. Then there's NO reason for you to get out of bed. You need to STAY in your bed. Hugs, Kisses. Goodnight. See you in the morning. Sweet Dreams. Love you." Some nights he stays. Some nights he doesn't.

Added: What's her snack? I was just reading that a protein/carb combo is a best night-time inducing snack. Woman's Day magazine it was - suggested peanut butter on whole wheat toast.

We used a sticker chart. If she went to bed and stayed in there (one time was allowed to get out for "something") she would get a sticker. If she got a week of stickers, she would get to pick an activity to do on the weekend - ie. movie, picnic at the park (stuff we would typically do anyway, but she chose). She really responded well. I will tell you, the novelty did wear off for her... however, I've heard it changed behavior permanantly in others. I guess the point of my post is to try some positive reinforcement to encourage her to stay there. Best of luck : )