Fussy Time, and Getting 5 Month Old to Sleep in Crib

hi. I have a five month old and she is a bad sleeper. I 've tried crying to sleep and sometimes it works but sometimes not. Her naps tend to be short too. My two year old was sleeping much better by this age, but I guess all kids are different. Hopefully there's still time to improve.

As for the postpartum, Being a stay at home mother is incredibly stressful and husbands who don't parent 24/7 just don't quite get it. There are some days I just want to run away. It does get easier. As they get a little more independant and more routine. Hang in there and talking to other mothers is the best.

K.

I believe in the family bed, even when child is older. If that is what the spirit of that young human needs they know it...getting the grown-ups to understand that is another thing. I suggest that you follow your heart. If your little person sleeping with you gets you more sleep, what's wrong with it? If you look at other countries around the world were the people aren't so focused on getting the kids off on their own as quickly as possible you'll see a more family oriented attitude. As far as the depression - I got myself into therapy when my girl was 2. None of us are without issues and when you have a baby to take care of, all those unresolved events come up from your own childhood. Five months after the birth is not unusual and it's your own higher self's way of showing you where your work is. Seeing a counselor helped me understand what I was feeling and why, which is a wonderful first step to healing. It's the very best gift that you can give to your baby because the unresolved issues of the parents get passed on to the child. If your own needs are going unmet it can lead to anger (but who could be angry with a baby and not feel guilt) and resentment, which you could try to hide but kids know eveything.

alison,

i had the 'colicky' baby, too, but not that long. my husband would put her in the baby bjorn and walk on the treadmill at all hours of the evening or night. we swaddled her until she was almost 4months old and could gain control of the thumb she so desperately wanted to suck. until then, i was often mommy the human breast pacifier-because she refused the plastic ones. we put her in the swing in our room or the hall right outside our room for awhile (she never officially slept in our room. she was right in her nursery).

with the napping, even when mine was sleeping great at night, she was the inconsistent napper and hated napping in her crib. that, too, eventually got better. no magic, just persistence (and a LOT of tears). we just quit the swing cold turkey and she learned that the crib was the sleeping place, day or night.

i had the baby blues, though i wouldn't say depression, probably until i went back to work. i felt like a failure at home when she wouldn't nap or wouldn't sleep or wasn't rolling over or we were still eating a lot of take out because i didnt' have time to make dinner like i thought i would. i cried every day for at least 6 months--also because i felt alone.

hang in there

Don't be too hard on yourself. Taking care of a new baby is VERY hard and overwhelming, particularly if it is your first time doing it!

I know this is very hard and it sounds cruel, but if you put the baby down at night and she is clean, fed, burped and comfortable, you can let her cry it out. This can be brutal for you and your husband, but it will teach her to self soothe and she will likely become a better sleeper for you. It will make you cry at first, but ultimately it will make all of your lives easier!

Regarding the daytime sleeping, I only let my children sleep in the crib at night. This establishes the difference between day and night. I would try day naps in a bouncy seat. I have a 5 month old son who takes most day naps in his bouncy or swing (bouncy works better for us and did for my older son who is now 2 1/2 too).

As far as any post partum issues, I would imagine that this is totally normal, but it is definitely worth discussing with your OB. On a non-medical note, but from one mother to another, it sounds like you need a little time for yourself--not with other mommies or anything to do with the baby. If you can have anyone who can help you out (family, babysitter, or a friend) and watch the baby for even an hour or two each week, you could have sometime for yourself which may make you feel much better. I hope this helps--best of luck!

You are not alone. I have found sleeping with 5 month old son in our bed has solved all our problems. We all get to sleep through the night. During the day I wear him in a sling. He is happy being held and I get to get all my work done at home. Loved The Dr. Sears Baby Book. From what I hear it gets easier.

You are not alone in this. I could not even admit my depression for the first three months. I wanted my family so badly I just kept trying to deny my feelings. I just figured it couldn't happen to me. Everyone around me just kept telling me I should enjoy how wonderful it is and I felt like running away and leaving them some days. I finally told my OB/GYN and she got me into some meds and therapy. It worked great. I was on meds 6 months but was much better within a month. and now I have hard days but I can honestly say that I don't even think of running anymore. I just think of asking other moms for help. Just write back if you would like to chat more about your experiences.
As far as the cranky evenings. Have you tried an earlier bed time or another nap. SHe may want more of a nap and bed sched. at this point. Is the room dark enough during the day. Just a couple ideas.

An added note. I just saw a post telling you can't breast feed on meds and that is untrue. You absolutely can. Just make it clear to your doc that you plan to continue if that is the case.

Alison:

Oh boy--your post took me back!! Nearly 20 years to be exact. There is so much in your post I do not know where to begin. Depression--NORMAL. Let's face it--you are exhausted! A little overwhelmed and frustrated and you have every right to be!! This is a tough time and you are a little isolated. I found it all very hard, expecially with a baby who was colicky! I wish I could tell you a quick answer for establishing good habits--like nice long naps in the crib, but I am sure there are Moms here with much more up to date info on that. If it is any consolation--this will pass. My eldest was all you say your baby is and more, and finally at 10-11 months we began to Farberize--a term from the book by a Dr. Farber on getting baby to sleep in the crib all night. I had a hard time with it and so did my hubby, but we all survived and he is a handsome, well adjusted 6ft 20 yr old man!! Hang in there--it does get better. Try to let her fuss a little at nap time--it will help her learn to settle herself.

This sounds like our daughter. She's going to be 5 months old in a few days, but when she was about 6 weeks old, it started to be very difficult to put her back to sleep after her middle-of-the-night feeding.

It was very frustrating for awhile. I would rock and walk and she would fall back asleep, but once her little body hit the crib, her eyes would pop open and I would have to start all over again. One night, I just got so tired, I put her down between my husband and I, and wouldn't you know it, she fell asleep almost immediately.

We started co-sleeping and it was great cause EVERYONE got to sleep and a few nights after we started this, she slept through the night and has been ever since.

Nowadays, she still has to fall asleep in our bed with me laying down next to her, but I don't need to rock her, or sing, or anything, she just needs to look at me and touch my face or hold my hand while she falls asleep. After she falls asleep, I will transfer her to her crib and she usually stays down for the night. If she wakes up or fusses while I'm moving her, I just put her back in our bed. If it gets too late or if she's too fussy, she'll just stay in our bed that night.

She does not nap well during the day for the nanny, usually an hour at a time at the most and NEVER in her crib, but on weekend, when we're home, we'll do the same thing (her in our bed) and she'll nap for hours.

I'm not saying that co-sleeping is the answer, but it may be worth a try. Good luck!

Hi Alison,
Your doing a great job. Being a new parent isn't easy, there is nothing to truly prepare for this new role! There is a great advice website/blog called askmoxie. She is a mom not an expert but her blog is wonderfully informative and lighthearted. She has alot of topics you can click on and there is a lot of info on sleep regressions/growth spurts. Its really helpful to know that alot of fussiness comes at times of new developmental periods.
There is a book called the Wonder Weeks (how to turn your babys 8 great fussy phases into magical leaps forward). This book helps to understand specific times when your baby may be fussier and what developmental stage they are going through! It helped me feel less anxious about seeing changes in sleep and behavior in my son.
I also recently posted here about an Amby bed, check out there website (they sell them on ebay too) but they are really good for restless sleepers, you may want to look into them. Also any type of baby carrier may help sooth your daughter during her fussy hours in the evening. At a moms group I attented the women would call those hours the witching hour b/c it is so common for babies to get fussy!
Good luck,
S.

Alison,
At 9 months old my husband and I finally let our son cry and night to put himself to sleep if he woke up. It took 4-5 nights but now he does really well at night on his own, sometimes even being awake when we put him in his crib.
However, during the day he is supposed to take an am and afternoon nap. I have found that since he started sleeping through the night he cuts back on his daytime naps. Sometimes he falls asleep about three hours after waking (10am) with a bottle. He will be completely out and when I put him down he will wake up; other times he sleeps for 2 hours. I too, am currently a stay at home mom and know how you feel. I guess I would say try to relax and say to yourself "as long as he's sleeping through the night, I can handle this during the day." I find if he is going to be awake, that I put him in the car and go to a store. This way I am out of the house and passing some time. Before you know it, it will be time for an afternoon nap and he may even fall asleep in the car. Also, praying for your husband to come home from work on time really helps too :)
I don't know if this is at all helpful or not.
I just found that when I relaxed about nap time, the day seemed to flow better. I am also going back to work next September and feel that it just gives me more time with my son.
Meg P

You already have a lot of good advice here about the sleep issues... but just to address the PPD issue. I think what you're describing is very normal. And given how sleep-deprived you are, it's no wonder you're feeling this way. It happens to me, too, usually after 2 or 3 consecutive nights of not getting nearly enough sleep. I turn into a weepy, crazy mess! :) The only solution in my case is more help from the husband/friends and trying to get more rest if at all possible.

I know how it feels to feel like you just can't do it... but try to remember that you ARE doing it and that at some point, things really will get better.

To answer your question #1, this is normal believe it or not. Our daughter was "colic" for 3 months before we figured out she had reflux. You should have your daughter checked for this. Once we got medicine for it she was like a totally different baby. The screaming stopped and she started sleeping better. To answer #2, our older daughter, now 2, would never nap in her crib either, so we let her nap on the couch where she'd sleep up to 2 hours. Naps eventually go away so it's not like you're creating a bad habbit. As long as she is good about sleeping in her crib at night. Have you tried going for a ride in the car and letting her nap in her car seat? Or let her nap in the swing if that's what it takes. There is no law that says a baby has to nap in their crib. As long as you are strick about night time sleeping in the crib I say let them nap anywhere. You have to give your self a break during the day. To answer #3, I didn't get postpartum until my first child was 6 months old. It's especially hard when your babies cries all the time. Try the reflux thing and see if that helps. Can you have a friend or family member come over a couples hours a week to help you? Is hiering a nanny out of the question?

C. R

It sounds like you are both WAY overtired. That is causing your depression (my guess), and that is keeping your daughter from getting a good sleep. My daughter would take naps during the day but would wake up if a pin dropped. It was so frustrating. I do not believe in the cry-out-approach, but I do believe that YOU are the most important person in your child's life, and if you are tired and depressed, that does more damage than a few nights of heartwrenching crying. Here is what _I_ would suggest. Do the cry-it-out "light" method (my own creation). Start a sleep routine: do some quiet activity (reading, cuddling), then lie down with her in your bed. She will cry because you are not doing the typical walk around the house soothing her. But she'll probably calm down eventually and fall asleep, then YOU can sleep, too. It will be very hard to just lie there and hear her cry, but she might find comfort in being next to your warm body. (Maybe start this idea with naptime. If she falls asleep but then wakes up after 15 minutes, she might fall back asleep if you are right next to her. If not, let her cry and see if she does fall back asleep.) My point is, she needs to catch up on her sleep before you can introduce a more workable sleep routine. Once she has caught up on her sleep and gotten into the habit of taking naps and sleeping all night, you can move her to her crib. Put her in there awake a little BEFORE nap time, and she will hopefully fall asleep when she gets tired. This won't work now, though. She is too tired. Don't let anyone scare you with "but she'll be in your bed till kindergarten." You'll know when it is right to insist she stay in her own bed. Those are my ideas. Let me know how you are doing.

Oh my goodness - hang in there!

Try Babywearing - sounds like your baby wants to be close to you. :) This will free up your hands. Find more info here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051100.asp
(and dad can help too!)

Also, see your doc about PPD, seek other moms like a support group or take a break from the baby and do something for yourself. It IS overwhelming and it DOES take a "village to raise a child." It's not easy, but I promise it gets better.

I have a 4 month old AND a 2 1/2 year old, work full time - and I want to cry sometimes too! :)

Try reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. A co-worker lent it to me because my 2 yr old son still wakes up at night!! I am finding it very helpful but I know it will take a while to break him out of this habit. You can do it, don't give up. Read the book and take what you can from it so it works for you and your baby.
The post partum will get better and I still remeber habving it 5 months later but if it doesn't talk to your doctor. You need some support for the evenings since you are home with her all day. Daddy, friend, relative, anyone to help you out. You can't do it all alone. My husband didn't help much either and I would cry for no reason but there IS a valid reason! It's HARD work. I don't usually respond to these things but you reminded me of myself so I had to write. Good luck and God bless!
S.

Hi Alison

I have an 18 month old daughter, but my scenario was not that different from yours when she was 5 months. From the time she came home with us until about 6 months, we had to walk my daughter every night for 1 - 2 hours, usually sometime between 5 - 8 pm, or she was very fussy. It was very difficult and trying, especially when you are tired from the day, so I feel for you and know what you are going through. I don't think it is that uncommon for babies that age to still have a fussy time. Our daughter did not have colic, but if yours did/does that may be adding to it. Around 5 months, once she'd been on a good nighttime routine and sleeping well at night for a bit, we started to put her to bed a little earlier as we wondered if she just wasn't getting enough sleep and it was making her cranky late in the day. We had been keeping her up until 9pm, so we started to put her to bed at 7:30 or 8pm. We found she still slept through the night (until 7 am), and she started to take a longer morning nap (although later in the morning). She never took much of an afternoon nap (maybe 30 minutes) and that did not change. But, by 6 months, the night fussiness went away. I do not know if it was the change in bed time or just her getting a little older helped her work it out, but if your daughter goes to bed a bit later, you might try moving it up earlier and see if it helps. I've heard that an overtired baby will often not sleep/nap well, too, so it may help the lack of nap situation you have during the day.

Regarding post partum depression, it can last a long time. It was almost a year before I felt back to myself emotionally and no longer had crying spells. Talk to your doctor. If it seems serious to you or them, there is counseling or medication (if you are not breast feeding or are willing to wean) that can help, or sometimes just talking it through and knowing what you are experiencing is totally normal can make you feel better so you can work through it. My doctor also said sleep deprivation makes the post partum worse, so if you are not getting good sleep at night still, see if you can get some help from your husband with being up at night, or some help during the day on occasion so you might catch a nap here or there to feel more rested.

Hang in there. It will get better and easier, and might just take a little more time. But if it helps at all, there are lots of moms who have had a similar experience to yours.

Good luck!
K.

Hi!
I may be able to help with 2 out of 3 at aleast.
1. My now 3 yr. old daughter was the same way at night. She fussed and wanted to just be held all night. Nothing worked.
We finally were at our wit's end and took her to the doctor. The poor thing had a double ear infection and we never knew it. No fever, no tugging at her ears....no signs. Once that cleared up, we had a different child. Happy and sleeping all night. I don't know if that's what you are dealing with, but it may pay to just have her checked.
2. I had post partum with my first child for 6 months until I finally went to the doctor for meds. They work!!!! Don't put yourself through it a day longer. Post Partum is real and can be treated.
Good luck!

I know my baby did not like to nap in the crib at first either. I think I had her napping in the swing for about 5 or so months. I then had a friend who's baby needed the swing more than we did, so I let them borrow it. I also wanted it out of the house so I wouldn't fall back on it. She only napped for about 20 minutes at first, but eventually she started doing two hour stretches (But only in the morning.. She will not nap in the afternoon). It is totally frustrating I understand. But your baby will get easier. Have you tried swaddling her. I used the miracle blanket (only can be bought on line or at buy buy baby), and it literally worked miracles. Does your baby have any acid reflux? Mine did, and that is why it was so hard for so long to have her sleep in her crib laying flat, that is also why the swaddling worked so well. Good luck, and don't be shy about asking for help. I am sure you are doing a great job.

Wow, does that sound like my daughter! She is 2 now but the first 5 or 6 months of her life were the hardest for us. She didn't sleep much (and didn't let us sleep) and wouldn't nap more than 10-15 minutes during the day unless she was in the car. It took us 4 1/2 months to figure out what was wrong, but we did! In our situation it came down to her having sensitivities to almost everything I was eating and since I was nursing I had to eliminate any foods I thought might be triggering a reaction in her. We also tried supplementing with some of the "hypoallergenic" formulas on the market but they are all dairy based and she would not tolerate them either. We didn't see much of a change until I went down to practically eating only crackers and water. It was then that I realized she was sleeping better and longer and didn't cry as much. I slowly started reintroducing foods into my diet and discovered she would not tolerate any dairy, eggs, or corn - including high fructose corn syrup which is in EVERYTHING (including bread)! I had to start reading the ingredients on everything we bought and I was shocked to see how much HFCS we were consuming. I noticed that if I ate one of these "problem foods" she would react to it about 5-8 hours later.

By chance we started talking to friends of a friend who were having similar problems and they raved about an organic formula called Nature's Only. Their son was thriving on it so we thought we'd give it a try (we found it at our local Nature's Way or Wild Oats). Our daughter's appetite increased, she started sleeping through the night and for the first time we were able to put her on a schedule.

As far as the depression goes, I am right there with you on that, too. When you are that tired and exhausted and frustrated you can't possibly see your way out of the fog. I don't know anyone who could. Hearing people say "it will pass" isn't helpful, either, because every day seems like an eternity when you're going through something like that. I can tell you that once the fog lifted for us I only looked ahead, never back. Other than the love I felt for her, I don't have fond memories of her infancy because she was so miserable (and so was I).

I'm a believer in the "cry it out" method. We did it for both of our kids (2 years apart) and it worked perfectly for us. Both kids cried for a loooong time the first night before passing out. We agreed to periodically comfort them, rub their backs, sing to them, kiss them, etc., but we could not pick them up that night (started both kids at 5 or 6 months). The second night the crying lasted for less than 30 minutes and the third night they barely cried at all. The first 2 nights were gut-wrenching, but so effective that today our 2 and 4 year old share a room and go right to sleep when it's bed time. Also, I tried to put them down for naps while they were awake (rather than rocking them to sleep) because I found that as soon as I laid a sleeping child down in the crib he or she would become startled, wake up and not go back to sleep. I used the "cry it out" method for naptime too.

I apologize if this was too wordy, but I got help from a message board on another website and it changed our lives. Hopefully something I've said here will help someone!

Good luck!

Hi Alison,

I see some similarities in your story with some of the challenges I had with my first child. First, let me start with #3...you feeling overwhelmed and you can't do it. I can sooooo relate to this. For my daughter's first year of life, she didn't sleep much during nap times and when she would fall asleep I was so excited that I could get my shower in and just have a couple of minutes to myself to "regroup" and refuel. So I would hurry up and get in the shower trying to take advantage of every second I had, but it never failed...within the first 3 minutes of my shower (right about the time I got the shampoo in my hair) my daughter would wake up screaming. So I quickly rinse the soap out of my hair, dry off and go and pick her up only to have her projectile vomit all over me. There were many days that I would just start weeping, feeling like I was a horrible mother because other women could do this...why can't I? I felt like a failure and started to question whether I should even be a mother. I was so thankful to go back to work full-time when my maternity leave was up if just to feel like I could actually do something right. When we were blessed with our second child two years later, I realized that my experiences with my daughter were not the norm. Not every mother goes through that, I wasn't a bad mother and I could handle being a mom. Because my daughter was my first, I didn't know that what I was experiencing with my daughter was not typical of all children. So, my response to #3 is you are not alone and find away to have a sitter or a friend or relative come in to help with the baby a few times a week if not every day for an hour or two just to give you some time to get away and do something for you. This may seem selfish, but trust me, you will be a better mother to your daughter because you will have more patience and tolerance to deal with things...it was the only way I could keep my sanity and be able to function at all.
As for #1 and #2, a couple of questions:
-Are you nursing or formual feeding?
-Does she just have little spit ups or does she have fairly large spit ups and/or projectile vomit?

I feel for you girl and will pray for you and your daughter.

Blessings,
C.

My son was still fussy and not sleeping well at 5 months. I also expected something magical to happen at 3 or 4 months, but it wasn't the case. At 6 or 7 months, things really calmed down. He slept MUCH better and began regular naps IN HIS CRIB- which hadn't been the case previously. You'll feel better too. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture- it can skew you're perspective of everything in your life. It will get better though. Obviously, if your depression is debilitating or you have serious thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby, you need to tell your doctor. Hang in there. My son is now 17 months and though there are diferent challenges, it's SO much better than those first few moths.

My daughter did the EXACT same thing. She would cry everytime I put her down even if she were asleep in my arms. I did 2 things...1. I bought a product called Colic Calm (they have a website). It is a vegitable charcoal gripe water that helped her belly. It is nasty (black) and it does stain BUT at times it would work abotu 20 mins after I gave it to her. 2. I surreneder to letting her cry it out. It was the HARDEST thing to do. I have a 4 year old & I work fulltime in an office so I had to decide when I was going to do this. The 1st night was AWEFUL BUT she did fall asleep after 20 minutes of crying. It was hard to do. The next night was the same thing. But the 3rd night it wasn't so bad she cried for about 10 minutes. Now I just rocker her for 5 minutes then put her down and she is out until the next morning.

As far as naps go. She is still bad at them. Not a big napper. Now that she is 9 months she is just starting to take 1 nap a day in the morning anywhere from 1 hour to 3.

Hangin there...your baby will grow out of this at some point. I never thought it would happen...but it did.

Good luck!

Hi
Your daughter sounds JUST like my 8 year old when she was little.
Do yourself a huge favor. Buy Dr. William Sears' book, "The Baby Book".
Read about attachment parenting and "parenting the high needs child" - affectionately known as the "velcro babies".

He will put you at ease and help you decide when she is in pain and when she just is being herself.

Don't worry - it all pays off - and it does end.
All the best,
H.

Hi Alison:

My best advice to you is HANG IN THERE!! I went thru everything you're going thru now!!
1. My daughter (now 9 months old) had her fussy time in the evening for about 1-2 hours till she was about 6-7 months old, then it just kinda' stopped :)
2. She slept in her crib starting at 4 months, but would never nap there during the day and would only cat nap during the day. Then at about 6-7 months, she started napping in her crib. Now, she usually knows when it's "nap time" and when I put her in her crib, she doesn't cry, but just goes to sleep!!
3. I also was diagnosed with PPD and have experienced the crying, anger, overwhelming feelings too and days when I would say "I just can't do this anymore," but with medication and therapy (you have the get the right therapist for you--I've changed twice), I can now say that I finally feel a little better (and it's been 9 months for me). I'm not "there" yet because I still cry and get mad, but I work at it every day and do believe it's getting better. It may take a while, but the PPD will lift. I feel that I just started to really enjoy my daughter and missed out on enjoying her in the beginning because of my PPD.

Consider yourself lucky that you have your husband to help--I'm a single mom and it's really hard!

Good luck and anytime you'd like to talk, my email is: ____@____.com

I can totally relate. I have twin 5 mos old boys. One of them still has the worst colic - the Reflux colic that the dr said could last up to 9 mos. My husband and I have to walk around with him in the bjorn for hours at night. But to make it all worse I have to try to get the other one down. And it never fails that when I finally get one down the other wakes. I hated life for 5 months but feel a little better. I still cry a lot because I am soooo.. exhausted. I get so angry that God gave me too when I should feel blessed. I love them them so much, but it is so hard with two.

I wish you all the luck, but know that you are not alone.

It all sounds normal to me, unfortunately! You poor thing! You sound completely exhausted, no wonder you feel depressed. They use sleep deprivation as a form of torture in the war! Do you have a trustworthy babysitter eg. your mom or family. Just someone to let you take a nap! As for the fussiness, my son was terribly fussy with colic for 8 months, untill we realized he had a milk allergy and switched him to soy. You may also try mixing a little cereal into her formula before bed to make her sleep more soundly. Yes, it does end, and you will feel happy to have you darling once again, I promise!

Sounds to me like your baby might be overtired, but that may sound like something that is easy to say. All babies are different and I have learned some do nap better than others. I have a 4 1/2 month old and when he is really fussy at 4pm I let him nap 30-45 minutes and he is then an angel till his 7pm bedtime....I too am hoping this is something he out grows. At this age he really can't stay awake more than 1 1/2 to 2 hours so the first sign of a yawn, rubbing of eyes or a whine, I lay him down in his crib to play with his blanket and he falls asleep. When he is over tired he will not let me put him in his bouncy, on the activity mat or the swing....only holding will work. I think his crankiness is a sign that I missed a window to put him down and I then battle to get him to fall asleep. Just so I am not prisoner in my own home I sometimes do errands or go for a walk so he falls a sleep in his car seat for a nap....frowned by many but I need my sanity...and it usually turns a series of catnaps into a longer nap. I think the key to getting him to sleep in his crib is to lay him down when he is tired, not overtired...when we miss the window...we scramble and do what ever we can and try gain the next day. I find, the more he sleeps, the less he fusses.
I had the baby blues also. Check with your Doctor to see if their is someone you can talk to. For me, once my son slept through the night for 4 nights and I got 4 good night of sleep in a row the baby blues went away.....when I'm tired the blues are back. Hope I've helped....

Dear Alison,

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I have a five month old. She does not have the night time issues your child is having, HOWEVER, she does (did...it's changing) have the same napping issues your child is having and I'm guessing that that is making the evening worse. I didn't believe this but it's true....the more the child sleeps in the day...the more the child will sleep @ night (of course there is always a limit...the child cannot sleep all day).

My first suggestion is to get the napping going. Try to aim for atleast two one hour naps. Get a sleep sheep or a sound machine (the baby may be a very light sleeper like mine). Background noise may really help (also there was a lot of noise in your tummy but it was muted and soothing). If you live in a bright apartment and can't get it a little darker (my daughter likes it dark when she sleeps and we live in one room that is bright all the time) put her in her carseat for naps and pull down the cover (maybe put a burp cloth over that (don't worry @ five months if the burp cloth falls on her she'll be able to pull it away from her face). Before I suggest a third thing to help....are you putting the child to sleep for naps or hoping she'll fall asleep herself? I used to hope she fell asleep herself but if they're over tired they generally won't fall asleep on their own (once they're well rested for a few days they'll start falling asleep on their own). If you're not assissting the nap yet, my suggestion is this...when the baby starts to get cranky and inconsolable. Pick her up in the cradle position, put the pacifier in her mouth and walk around while bouncing and shushing (also a little pull into yourself and away...not back and forth but up and down almost). Then when her eyes have been closed for atleast 3 minutes (and the eyelids start turning red) put her down in the carseat (you may want to have turned on the noise maching before you picked her up). I REALLY hope this works. Try it a few times. If she seems to start likeing the carseat during the day...you may want to try it at night too. It's okay to do this for a while if it means your sanity. If you are unhappy and over tired, the whole rest of the family is. If your pediatrician is saying not to put her in the carseat I would not listen...just smile and nod. They're saying it so you won't have to transition out of it but right now the crib is not working and ANY sleep now is worth a little struggle later (and there may not be any struggle...several of my friends had NO problem transitioning for car seat to crib. It actually helps them breathe easier.
If you're crying suddenly once or twice a day for less than 10 minutes I would say it's from the exhaustion and the feelings of being overwhelmed by the difficulties you're experiencing and not extended post partum BUT if you are experiencing more than that you NEED to call your doctor immediately. These things can be very serious.
After saying all of this...you may just have a baby with colic and unfortunately none of what I've said will help. I hope that is not the case. The good news is that it can't last forever.
Is the baby on any solids yet? Sorry I didn't address the nighttime issues. I think shooting for the naps might take care of the nighttime.
There is one other possiblity for the nighttime woes and that is separation anxiety (although that would more likely have started a month and a half ago and nor from the beginning). My guess is that you're with her ALL the time engaging her constantly. If that's the case you might try letting her entertain herself for 30 minute increments. My five month old is really starting to want my full undivided attention ALL the time and I can't give that to her because I will be giving her all the power and she will not feel safe. A childs security comes from knowing that you are the boss. It may be difficult to do this but at five months it is perfectly safe to let her cry for 20 minutes straight without picking her up. In fact, it's good for her. Believe it or not, this is when they start to learn to manipulate (not that they know they're doing something wrong or that it even is wrong..they just want you love and there's nothing wrong with that). They just need to know who the boss is so they can feel safe and taken care of. Ask your ped about this..he/she will most likely say the same thing.

I hope that this RIDICULOUSLY long E-mail was somewhat helpful. I am not a doctor, just a mom, but I wanted to share with you what is working for me since our children are at the same age. If you have any questions for me please post it. I feel for you. I really do.

Best,
E.

Sleep deprivation can cause depression, not just hormones changes, so be good to yourself. I think feelings of hopelessness and sadness and exhaustion peeked for me around the same age b/c I had been going, going, going, going for so many months and you think it should be easier by now! Those expectations can make you feel worse. Seek out help if you need it but most of all you need sleep, fresh air, and wholesome food. I read The No Cry Sleep Solution and it really helped me with my first daughter. It was hard to pick up on the cues that she was tired b/c I was too tired myself to notice, and then before you knew it she was overtired and would start the screaming and it seemed nothing could soothe her.

Dear Alison,
I am a Mom of four and can understand your frustration with her not napping during the day and the fussy time at night. My first was just like that. She did grow out of it. Have you tried baby Motzart in the bouncy chair at night? I think she is geting her last bit of energy out before she goes to sleep for the night.
In regards to the postpartum, I also had postpartum the first two week of all four of mine. Then, with my last baby in seem to stany and I tried vitamins and homeopathy.....but eventually needed to try medicine. Which was very hard for me to do. I diffinently think 5 months is to long time. I went two month before I got help. It took about a week or two to help. When it started working I said to myself, " Oh my goddness this is how I use to feel, I feel like myself again." Before getting help I would get overwelmed very easily and cried also. I have to say that I did need to try three different medication before I found one what worked for me the best. For me, life just seems to be to sort to go on feeling that way. I'm glad I kept trying different ones. One medication gave me the sweats.
I hope some of this helps. Don't feel alone....I have two other friends from a Mom's playgroup who get help also. It nice because we all understand what it is like to feel that way. Take Care, S.

Hi Alison... congratulations to your new addition to the family. I just want to say that it's a big adjustment to become a mom. I used to be a work-aholic person but after I have my daughter, who is now 3yrs 7 months, I settled down to just staying more at home than spend time earning extra money. I didn't have a very fussy baby but I did read on this book, THE HAPPIEST BABY IN THE BLOCK. It is actually very helpful, at least for me being a first time mother myself. I was told that nobody is a perfect mother, we learn along the way... so please give yourself a credit for trying. Also, since you are a stay home mom, try to nap the same time that your daughter is napping. Don't try and be a superwoman and make the house spotless. You have to still recuperate from your giving birth. Even if she's already 5 months old, your hormones are still adjusting as well.... that's why you have that post partum depression happening.... go out and mingle with first time mothers, talk to them as well... do some activities that can stimulate both your senses... it might help. If you need time off for yourself, you know what to do... have somebody watch your child even for a quick massage so that you aren't so stress out from resuming your life long job of being a mom. hope this works for you... you can do this... God didn't give you this task if you can't do it.

Hi Alison,
I am sorry to hear you are still dealing with fussiness in the evening as well as sleep issues. I can tell you now I know you must be frustrated. My heart goes out to you. I will share what has worked for me, so far...I am a mom of a 5 month old (next week)little boy. My baby eats every 3 or so hours (I feed him when he is hungry, but do not let him snack.) which helps him sleep.(he began sleeping through the night (7 hours) between 7 and 8 weeks. And now he is sleeping 12 hours a night and takes 3 naps a day that are at least 1.5 hours each. (some days way more and some days only an hour). I tell you this because I want you to know that what I have read works!!
Sometimes a baby wakes and has to cry for a couple of minutes before getting herself back to sleep. I used to rush in at every whimper and it was tiring. The first time I just waited by the door I was shocked when he went back to sleep after a few minutes of fussing. From then on I trusted this book and he is sleeping so well and is happy waking up from a nap as well as the full night-time sleep. SO I really wish you luck as you find your answer. here is my 2 cents... My friend recommended the book BABY WISE by Ezzo and Bucknam and initially I can tell you, I was hesitant to read or follow some "sleep method" book. But I had an open mind and read it. It has some great tips and advise. I highly recommend it. Anyway, the basis of the book just helps to guide you and your child into developing healthy sleep patterns.
The best thing about the book is they will mention something like put your baby down for a nap and see how long it takes for her to fall asleep on their own. I have a feeling that because she has been walked and rocked to sleep that she doesn't know how to fall asleep on her own. She may have difficulty. But if you want her to be able to put herself back to sleep when she awakens from an so called 15 minute nap you may have to be patient with her and let her work it out on her own. (the book gives you "starting late" advise too)
I know that if you are also not allowed real time for yourself, how could you not feel anything but depressed! You sound like you are doing a great job showing this lucky little girl love, and are a great mom, now you should help her to fall asleep, for her, but even more for YOU!! Really just give this book a chance because I swear by it. I also have read other books and take a little bit from each book that I read. But mostly, I respond to the needs of my baby! Good luck my dear!
S.
A little about me:
Married, stay at home mom, with first child. I am in a wonderful mom's group.

The first one is the absolute hardest!! I remember just being outside of Joshua's bdrm bec we would let him cry it out for about 5 min at a time and I felt like someone was killing him. I would just cry as my husband held me. Five min can seem like an eternity!!
Is the room dark enough for the day naps? Do you have something in the rm with her to make some white noise..ie humidifier, actual white noise maker etc She might just be playing you guys! You wouldn't think that a five mo old could but...the def can!! If you can stomach it, I STRONGLY suggest letting her cry it out for 5-6 min at a time, if she doesn't stop, Go in SAY NOTHING, DON'T pick her up but comfort her and walk out again. It will be one of the hardest things you do!! I can almost guarentee that the length of the crying session will DRASTICALLY decrease in two nights!! You will be totally SHOCKED! I was!! Just keep saying to yourself that she is fine and she only has so much energy in her. She will have to pass out sometime. Your stomach will turn everytime she raises the crying to another level but she is fine....really!! My heart goes out to you bec it is NOT fun at all but it can chg really quickly in your favor!!
Postpartum: I didn't have it but it might just be the stress of this whole new baby thing too. I found it to be kicking my butt in the begining! you start snapping at eachother (husb and you) You are dirty, cranky, hungry and the fuzz on your teeth is outrageous and disgusting! You are not you right now in any respect but you will be you again.....that I know!(maybe with just a few more grey hairs) It just takes time.
I have a 3.5yr old and an 18 mo old. The 18mo old would vomit if you let him cry for more than 30 seconds so that was our challenge. It could be worse!!
Good luck! It will end!!!
PS the postpartum can be helped by chiropractic care as well. Look into it!!!

Read: "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. I read it before my 3 year old daughter was born and am again using the techniques on my 4 month old son. he is currently sleeping in the swing at night, swaddled with loud white noise. This was the only way we got him to go from 4.5 hours at night to 7-8! it has improved my mood and coping skills significantly--mommies need sleep!! the book then describes methods to wean babies off of the swing, swaddle, etc. this book applies to 4-5 month olds not just infants. then, buy it for all of your expecting friends. good luck.

Dear Alison,
My daughter was the same way so I know exactly how you feel. My pediatrician told me she was bored and suggested taking her out often - and he was right! I would take her for several walks each day, spend hours at the mall, and take her to friends and family. At 4 months old we enrolled in swimming classes. She enjoyed the stimulation of being out and the exercise would wear her out. I suggest keeping your daughter as busy as possible and she should calm down. She will also sleep better when she begins moving more, crawling, and walking, so this phasetime shall pass.
Good Luck, W.

Hi Alison,

I remember those days like it was yesterday. If you are feeling tired and stressed the baby feels it. I have always believed in journaling to help understand what I am feeling and what is going on in my life.This may help to evaluate what you can do for yourself to help the situation. It is a new and exciting time to have a little one that relies on you for everything. Time goes by quickly when raising children,so it is important to take care of ourselves. I am a Health Counselor and I work with people striving to find balance in their life to achieve a manageable lifestyle and be able to feel good. Try the journaling and see what happens.