Frustrated with Son's New School

Updated on August 31, 2012
K.C. asks from Virginia Beach, VA
22 answers

My son is going into first grade at the local public school. Last year he attended Kindergarten at a nearby private school. I registered him in July and the only information I have received from the school is a postcard letting me know his teacher's name and room number, and to show up at a "Meet and Greet" today from 4-6pm. My understanding was that this was an open house (deduced from talking with other parents in the school district). I showed up at 4:10pm because parking was a nightmare and was astonished to find the teacher had already completed her presentation and really didn't seem interested in doing another one. Another parent and I actually scrolled through her Powerpoint presentation to get the information. I went home with no paperwork. His teacher is new to the school/district and could not answer ANY of my questions, which were about bussing, PE, lunch, school supplies, etc.

I tried going in with a positive attitude and am turned off each time I leave. I feel like I have to beg for information. So, I'm pretty much putting my 6-yr old on a bus on Tuesday and throwing him to the incompetent wolves. What can I do? His teacher was no help. The administration doesn't seem to care. Does my 1st grader just have to fend for himself? He is mature, and unfearful, so I'm not too worried about him, but I have always prepared him for new situations. Any advice? I'm not even sure what I'm looking for.... just reassurance maybe? Thanks in advance!!

And this school is average as far as schools go.... not the best, not the worst. Just average.

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M.C.

answers from Chicago on

I would not worry at all.

All those details get worked out. I don't think he'll be fending for himself. You might be a bit. :) Sometimes getting info to parents is tricky, but you'll learn how it all works.

5 moms found this helpful
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A.N.

answers from Charlottesville on

You might also ask the office if they use email to communicate daily or weekly announcements. And if they don't, ask them if they can look into adding that service. All of my kids' schools started using email within the last few years to send information to parents, and it has been great! I think the elementary school's info went out once a week, but the middle and high schools send it daily, and it includes all of the events going on for the day/week as well as the morning announcements. It's a great way to keep connected to what's going on at the school.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Wow he hasn't even started yet and you're already calling these people "incompetent wolves?"
When my first child started kindergarten we got to meet the teacher, see the classroom and we were handed a list of requested supplies.
That was it.
I never even questioned it.
All of your questions get answered as you get acclimated to the school. The teacher is a new hire so she needs to get acclimated too. I'm sure there will be a back to school night where the teacher goes over the curriculum in more thorough detail. Weekly newsletters will come home with all kinds of information and reminders. There will be opportunities to volunteer for all kinds of things, even things working parents can do.
Try to calm down. I worked at the elementary level for three years, the staff is super busy trying to get everything ready for the first day of school. It's not that they "don't care" it's just at this point they are more concerned with getting classes up and running than with answering a bunch of questions you will have answered within the next few weeks anyway. Their focus right now is on the students' needs, not the parents. Let them do their job, I'm sure your son is going to love first grade!!!

7 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

You're not throwing him to "incompetent wolves"! LOL
You're sending him to school.
You'll get information. At their pace.
I think you already learned your first lesson--be prompt.
This is why at our school, people actually go and STAND IN LINE for admittance to Open House. Yes--it's maddening. But we're not calling the shots.
At the same time, your son will be learning a lot about independence and responsibility--on a first grade level.
It will be OK.
I remember feeling the same way when my kid started K at our school.
We never got a supply list for K--or 1 or 2, for that matter. The school provided what they needed.
Schools get a new crop of kids every. Single. Year.
Think of it this way--this isn't their first rodeo! LOL

7 moms found this helpful

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Is she a new teacher? If so, I can imagine that she wouldn't have details of the bussing, PE, etc down pat right now. Even if she's a bit more seasoned, she might not know specifics, as policies change from year to year.

I'd call the office to ask your questions, and then trust that she is a good classroom teacher, until she proves otherwise with her results, not with the minutae of things that don't even pertain to her own classroom.

6 moms found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Try not to stress out. I think that you guys will be fine, it's not like you learn a lot at those things anyway and you met the teacher and found his classroom right? That is pretty much all you learn and/or need to know at this point.

Teachers don't really know (how could they, they aren't required to know where all their students live) all the bus schedules and pick up at your locations time anyway, call and ask the school secretary or the bus company itself for that information.

In 1st grade, your son isn't going to need to do anything special for PE besides where tennis shoes.

As far as school supplies goes, you should check in the office...but here ALL the local stores (Target, Staples, Walmart, etc.) have school supply lists out for the public and divided up by schools, and grades and you just grab the paper and get to buying.

Your son will come home with a packet of all the information you will need, lunch prices and menus, school calendar and all that jazz!
~My kids go back to school on Wednesday and today is their meet and greet too! I also have a 1st grader this year. They grow up so fast...

6 moms found this helpful
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K.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Welcome to institutionalized education. Your child will be fine, I'm sure. Go easy on the teacher. Now days, they often get just 1 or 2 days in the classroom to prepare before the first day of school.

5 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

It takes time to learn these things. You'll likely get your information from various sources.

We receive busing information on postcards from the Department of Transportation. Any issues or questions I have regarding the bus mean I have to call the Dept of Transportation. If there are bully issues on the bus, I call the Principal or Vice Principal because they head the anti-bullying programs.

School supplies are typically given by the school. The teacher may have to check and see what the school is actually giving her before she sends home a supply list so give her some time before you condemn her on this one. Typically they'll just ask for contributions to nose tissues. You don't need to contribute much else unless it's a lacking district.

With a meet and greet, you should be able to meet various teachers. So if you have questions about gym class you could have gone to meet the gym teacher.

If you have other questions that you feel are urgent then send a note in with your child or send the teacher an e-mail to her school e-mail account or leave her a voice-mail in her school voice-mail account. Let her know you missed the presentation and feel as if you missed a lot but chances are high that you didn't miss much in only ten minutes. It was likely her introducing herself, talking about her career, personalizing herself a little, showing various areas of the class room, and explaining basic discipline expectations for the classroom. They would also go over the basics of the daily routine/schedule. Quick and painless.

Try not to let this first impression be what makes the entire year and elementary career for this school. It's not a fair impression at this point. Whenever I go to ANY school function we have to get there at least 20-30 minutes early just to walk into the event on time. Sometimes we're lucky and we're ten minutes early. Keep that in mind. I'm sure that having parents walk in late/during her presentation was awkward and unsettling for her and it could have ruined the flow of the evening for her.

5 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

Around here, it is imperative to arrive a couple minutes before the said open house. This enables you to get parked, which is usually crazy, and get to the room on time.

The teacher may no have all the details you are asking for. Go to the office manager to find out where to get all the details. PE coaches, music teachers, art teachers, librarians..... are places to go to get specific information regarding their classes.

Bussing, carpool, daycare and afterschool care can vary the first week or two with people adjusting to the routines. Policies change from year to year as well.

Remember that she is being bombarded with every parent of every child in her class during this time period and it is not a good time to chat with the teacher other than offering assistance for the classroom, etc.

To get more specifics of her expectations, etc, you need to set up a conference time during her planning period/conference time or another good time for you both to sit done one on one and go over any questions you may have.

The first couple weeks are crazy and it usually evens out into a good routine pretty quickly. I am sure she would be happy to sit down with you and answer your questions,get to know you a little better and learn about your expectations.

Give her some slack and don't be too hard on her this first couple of weeks.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Well, I think you should've been there on time.

Different teachers have different ways of operating. Last year we had to pull teeth every time we needed to know something. This year, her teacher is super organized & good with communication.

If the teacher is new, she's probably still getting her footing & learning the ropes, policies & procedures herself. Maybe they had a high enrollment and had to hire her last minute (this happened last year at DD's school). I would give her a break

Beginning of school is always crazy, and I think you may have the wrong set of expectations depending on what your private school experience is.

Keep a good attitude, and ask as many questions as possible. Check the school's website for info. Most of the time, things do fall into place the first couple weeks of school.

4 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

You sound like me a few weeks ago. I felt my daughter's school should have mailed this, that and the other long in advance of school starting. I over-reacted, called them incompetent and hoped this was not an example of how they operate because it's a private school and I expected more out of them. Well it Turns out their was a mistake in my mailing address so I somehow got everything but the student packet of all things. We went to the orientation and it was great. We had very brief meetings with each of her teachers. Class has started this week. So far, so good. What I'm saying is....give it time, things will fall into place and you can't prepare him for everything. I feel teachers are so underpaid and under appreciated because they have to deal with someone else's kids all darn day and with crazy parents -like you and me. It's first grade, not grad school. Relax.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

They should have given you bus info or the bus website at registration, teachers don't have that info usually. She should have been able to tell you about school supplies though, that is strange. But you can also get the school supply lists on your districts website, or they have them at most local stores, like Walmart and Target, ect. If you would feel more comfortable drive him to school the first couple of days so you can see how things go.

However, what Cheryl B. said is not true. Teachers (at least in our area, and the ones I know from other areas, like my sister and cousin) go way above and beyond "the bare minimum", working many hours on lesson plans and crafts (time they dont get paid for) and buying supplies with their own money. My guess is that if this teacher is new that is why she did not have the info you needed, next year she will know more. Until then you may need to talk to the office to see if they can lead you in the right direction. Also, as far as info on PE, Lunch, Art, ect, those will usually be different teachers. Your main teacher should be able to tell you when, but for more info on the whats and hows of those classes you would need to talk to the teacher that teaches them.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

He will be fine and. He will come home with all the information that is needed. Try to relax.

4 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Your son is going to do great.
I promise.

Just stay calm, stay positive.
The school knows what they are doing, they are all there for the children. You will get into the groove and the community.

You know who his teacher is. He has seen the school..

Those meet and greets are kind of crazy. Everyone has expectations and questions, but since every child and every parent are all there at once.. it is stressful and a madhouse.

Make sure your son knows how he will be dropped off and picked up. That is essentially what he will be the most concerned about. The rest of the day he will be like every other first grader, brand new.. They will all learn together.

Will the school be hosting a back to school night in a few weeks? Make sure you get there early, be prepared for the parking situation.. A school wide anything is always a circus, because there is not enough parking for every car from each family attending.. It is just part of it..

Remember they are not there to piss you off or to ignore you, but with 20 + children in class that is 40 parents to also deal with.

This is an exciting time for your son!!!! Just keep telling him he is going to love it. New friends, new teacher, learning all kinds of amazing thing.

You will too!

3 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

You don't have to let your child fend for himself....

You can do what many of us have to do: call the office of the school and speak to the school secretary. If you don't get the information, ask again and again and again. If you are not comfortable sending him home on the bus, go and pick him up. You are not being forced to make him take the bus, right?(For what it's worth, teachers don't usually handle bus route info.)

A lot of parents new to a school have to suss all of this out. Yes, there should have been a school supplies list sent out, perhaps they are doing one next week? Perhaps, like my son's school, you buy the K-1 supplies the kindergarten year? You say that the teacher is new to the school, so I would ask "who can I talk to about X" to get the answers you need. School secretaries can be one of your best allies as well-- many of them have been with the school for a long time and know who to ask to get the answers you need. I know this is hard, but it's good that you have a teacher saying "I don't know" instead of giving you what they think is correct information. It's a shame that they didn't wait to do the presentation, and if it were me, I would have waited a few minutes before diving in, just to give parents a few extra minutes. (Teachers tend to start on time, on the dot, I've noticed.)

I think if you talk to the school secretary--without badmouthing the teacher, who may have just been hired at the last minute-- you will get the answers you need. I'd strongly encourage you to try there first.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Detroit on

The advice about the secretaries is true--they are the ones who know the answers. Ask them.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Call the guidance office. And if you don't know about the bus, call the depot. They can help you with the schedule and route. You should also look for a listserv or other online group for parents or contact the PTA. Seasoned parents can give you a quick rundown. And see what's on the district or school's website. A lot of things like the bell schedule and calendar are listed online these days.

I once encountered a teacher who totally dismissed me when I said I was there for SD (I was the only parent who could make the Open House) who later came back and asked about SS. She gushed about him. I felt like saying, "You need to be concerned about the student in your class TODAY and not the one you had 4 years ago" but I managed not to say it. SD did fine in the class, but we kept an eye on that one.

See how it goes. It might just be a new teacher getting her feet wet. Many teachers are hired shortly before school starts (my planner friend was going a bit sideways when districts told her they didn't hire til August) so maybe she didn't have a lot of time.

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

I don't think teachers know about busing and that kind of thing. I would go to the main office and ask your questions there.

What did they do for the rest of the Meet and Greet? If it was for 2 hours, she should have done her presentation again for the latecomers.

So sorry.

Dawn

1 mom found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Our school has the parents night thing and has 2 sessions for parents who have more that one child. The teacher starts on time and does the whole home work thing and how she plans things. Then if there are any questions she tries to answer them. If it was supposed to be different then this teacher may not have understood she was supposed to have an "open house" if that was truly what it was supposed to be.

They do make these things usually 2 hours "open house" style so that parents come go from room to room and visit with each teacher.

I would say that a teacher would usually have little knowledge about what happens in other departments in other offices in different buildings across town.

If you have bus questions call the bus barn and ask them specifically. They make the bus routes, they make their own bus policies about expectations, they are a business outside of the teachers knowledge. I would not even accept the teachers answer as anything more than a possibility of what might happen.

She should have had some knowledge about lunch, but if you do have questions about the lunch program call the school and ask the person who answers the phone if you can talk to the lunch personnel.

The school supply list should be at Walmart and other local business supply stores like Staples. They usually have a tower in the doorway with every schools lists. They also have them online at the schools website.

Google the school district. Like this....Oklahoma City Public Schools calendar. That takes me to a link where I can click on it and see the entire years calendar.

Once you get to your schools site you can get general information and also go to the teachers page. She may not have anything yet though. It often takes them time to figure out what they're kids are on the mark with and what they may be behind. She may have a curriculum all planned out but find that her first plans are way ahead of the group pr she may find half of them know it already and the other half has never heard of it.

The secretaries in the office are usually the ones that know everything about everything. They hear all that goes on, they see what goes on, they get told everything...

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

And so it begins.....

You will find the public school teachers ONLY do the bare minimum that they have to do to get their paychecks.

the ones around here will only schedule parent/teacher conferences from 2:00 - 3:00. So for those of us who commute to work, you either take 1/2 day off work for a 15 minute conference or have no conference. They won't do them in the morning because of their union contract.

All I can say is get used to it.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Welcome to public school. Your superintendent makes over $214,000/yr-why don't you lean on him? Make him earn it. Get in the principal's face-make them earn their pay, hold them accountable. Ever hear of "No Child Left Behind"? You're entitled to be at school anytime you want-for as long as it takes until you are satisfied and well informed. Hold their feet to the fire-if any other group of employees had such bad results, they would be fired. The teacher's presentation began at 4:00? So, she didn't have from 4:10-4:20 to speak to you? What, is she writing her third novel? Call a parent-teacher conference and ask them to set aside an hour-tell them you have a lot of questions and concerns. If you go out for dinner and get bad food and service, it's one night-this is your child and it's a whole school year! Kick *** and take names!

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, Krista:

As you know, there is candidates running for school board in VB.
I would suggest that you attend the Libertarian meeting at 8:15 a.m. tomorrow at 1060 Lynnhaven Parkway at the Pizza Crust breakfast.

You can see many people who are representing the citizens of VB running for office. It would be a perfect time to talk about your experience.
If that is not convenient. write the members of the current school board.
Good luck.
D.

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