Financial

I would put all of your money into one account. It may be hard to start sharing and comprimising, but you will be better off in the long run.

We do something similar to a couple of the other posts. We have four accounts - joint checking, his checking, my checking, savings.
Both of our employers allow direct deposit for several accts so we have a set, equal amount from each of our checks go in to savings. then we each have the same set amt going in to each of our individual checking. Then the balance of each of our paychecks go in to our joint account. All of the bills, groceries, etc come out of the joint checking.
Our personal checking we can do whatever we want with, no questions asked. it works out well for us because my husband always has money burning in his pocket and I like to save for a rainy day. I won't use my money for several weeks or months and then i have enough saved up to do something great like spa day without feeling guilty. and if hubby gives me a hard time I just remind him that he could have made a big purchase if he didnt have to buy donuts on the way to work, etc.

As for the bills, I do them all, and he started questioning me as to where is all of our money going? So I made him a spreadsheet of our average monthly bills itemized and our average monthly income and showed him exactly where our money was going.

One thing that worked for me and my ex (we actually agreed on finances!!) was that we had separate accounts and one joint account. We kept a percentage of our salary (I think it was 15%) for personal and the rest went into the joint account for bills and household expenses. We had to discuss any household purchases over $100 (you might need to use a different amount) and the money in our personal accounts was to spend at our own discretion. He used his to buy model trains and I used mine for electronic gadgets and antiques. :) We also used the personal accounts for gas and daily expenses (coffee, lunch, cigs, chew, whatever).

It worked pretty well for us -- I paid the bills and balanced "our" and my checkbooks, but left his completely alone. Maybe it could be the reverse for the two of you... My ex didn't want to know anything about the bills, etc, but it sounds like you do, so maybe once a month both of you can sit down and just get a summary of where you are and what happened in the last month, and what the goal is for the next???

(Unfortunately, when we split, he emptied the joint account and bounced a few checks. Arrgh!)

In any case, good luck...finances are a tough subject in any relationship...

I didn't read the other suggestions so mine might be the same. I would open up a joint checking account that would be just for your joint bills. Figure up what they all would be including groceries and household items. Divide it in half and make sure you each are putting that amount into the joint account to pay for things. Its his responsibility to help pay for things too, be firm. You should also open up a saving account and put in so much each month and agree that neither one is allowed to touch the money without talking to the other one first. That way it forces you to save too.
Then you each can spend your money on what you like with no questions asked. Best of luck!!! Money is such a touchy subject especially between spouses.

Comine your checkbooks, make a budget together for house hold items, give each person discretionary money that they can spend how ever they like, and then set a limit of say $100 that you need to get approval before buying. Either make one person the controller of the checkbook and paying the bills or take turns. If it is you that controls the checkbook, give him something to do too so he can be a part of it.

What has worked for hubby and I is a combined checkbook. That way you both know where the money is going... plus it becomes the FAMILY's money not yours, mines situation (which only works for very few living together couples).

You are not alone in the way you feel... I am more of a spender and hubby is a saver. We disagree on some things I buy because he thinks it is a 'waste' or unwise purchase (but I never spend more then $30 on something I would like... besides the typical groceries and home supplies). Times are getting harder so I know I have to watch my spending carefully and hubby and I are sitting down tommorow night to look over everything again.

Set a budget for each part of our lives: food, home supplies (cleaning stuff, toliet paper, kleenex and so on), rent/morgage, car payment(s), student loans, gas, clothes, entertainment (movies, eating out, theatre), other and savings.

I am not sure if I missed anything but add or take away anything that applies for you... Online you can usually find a site that shows how you should split the month income.

Here are some sites I have looked at:
http://www.disposableincome.net/
http://www.bygpub.com/finance/CashFlowCalc.htm
http://www.bygpub.com/finance/HiddenCalc.htm

Or you can seek out a personal to help mediate any disagreements the 2 of you have... that will take the pressure off of trying to figure out who is "right"

Seek out a money management class- I'm sure that you will be able to find way to be more thriftier & he will be able to spend a little- this is what your call a healthly compromise.

I agree with everyone else - set up a joint account. We have a joint account that all of the money goes into on payday. I was having trouble with my husband going out every day for expensive lunches, so I outlawed the use of the joint account for lunches out. Instead, each payday we each get a set amount of spending cash ($20 each) that we use for lunch out, donuts at kwik trip, etc. We also each have our own savings account that a set amount of money goes in to on the first of each month. (It isn't much, $25) That money is used for our "girls" weekends or "guys" weekends - or hobbies, etc. That way, my husband can't complain when I spend $100 on pictures or scrapbooking supplies or schedule a scrapbooking retreat. It has to come from my savings account.

This has worked well for us - because we have the joint account so we both know where the money is going, yet we each get our own money to spend how we want to.

We have a set up very close to Terri's I think it's very sound advice to have your own account and own money, but still make sure you have that joint one for all of the household things. You should still have your freedom to go out and buy yourself that face cream or whatever else you find necessary without having to explain yourself. So as long as the expenses are paid and whatever budget (savings and other clothing funds for the kids or whatever else you figure should be a shared expense) you have has been taken care of your money should be your money and his money should be his money.

But thats just my opinion. Good luck with that.

I think one place to start is to get rid of the terms "my money" and "my checkbook". There really is no "my" in marital finances--you both sink or swim together.

When my husband and I were first married, we kept separate accounts and just split up the bills so that we were both paying out roughly the same each month. After a couple of months, this really got to be a hassle, and I was getting sick of trying to figure whose "turn" it was to buy groceries, or whose responsibility it was to buy x, y, and z. I also didn't like the feeling of having to "ask for help" if I needed it.

We now have a joint checking account, a long-term savings account, and a short-term savings account. The long-term savings account is for life or death emergencies only. The short-term savings is mainly for travel expenses, as my in laws live out of state, and we take 1 or 2 trips a year. Once a week, I check the balances on each account, and go over them with my husband. We also talk about out of the ordinary expenses we may have coming up, and if there are any big purchases we'd like to make.

Not everyone is willing to do this, but we keep a spreadsheet of every single cent we spend, every month. We each keep track of what we spend each day (meals out, bus fare, groceries, etc.) and at the end of the day we log it in. Yes, we even write down the $.50 bag of chips from the vending machine. It takes about 30 seconds a day. We are completely transparent in our spending, there is no secrecy. The spreadsheet is helpful, because it keeps us on track. If I spend $50 on a dinner out, and he spends $50 on books, then we know we have to tone it down for a couple of weeks, or we'll go over budget.

A tip that you might find useful for your family is to figure out how much spending money you both can reasonably spend each month. Once the amount is picked--I'll go with $100 for simplicity's sake--you both agree not to comment on, or criticize, how the other chooses to spend their $100. And if one of you spends $150 in October, well, then that person can only spend $50 in November.

This concept will also work with household items. Pick an amount you agree on, and then work within that amount. Perhaps you want new curtains in October, and he wants a new drill set. Buying them both in October will put you over your househould limit, so then you have to work out which one can wait until November.

My husband and I haven't done this yet, but I also like the idea of having a rule that purchases over $x amount have to be discussed with the other spouse.

Good luck to you!

I agree with the other comments my fiance and i do the same thing we have 3 checking accounts, and we have never fought over money ever!!!! what he does with his account i dont care what i do with my account he dont care but all the bill and misc and kids stuff come out of the joint...But be fair if he makes more he puts in more