Feel Good

I have extra weight from my baby as a family we joined the YMCA - they have reduced their rates- they even start you off(6mos.) with a couch that shows you how to use the equiptment and what level to exercise at. I go with my family and leave the kids in daycare and work out w/ hubby in the work out room for almost a wk. I don't think I have lost much weight but I feel better about myself and I know it'll help me reach my goal. Best of luck

You know what?
I don't know you....haven't seen you....but I already know that you are beautiful.
You have been married successfully for 27 years. You have raised children that are doing well.
Please try not to let body image keep you from having sex with your husband.
I just turned 48 too. I've had a daughter and a son. My body is definitely changing. I don't have a husband, but if I did, I wouldn't let my body stop me from having sex with him. Your husband has aged right along with you, honey.
Try tai chi, try some exercise that won't hurt your back. You might be feeling a little bit of the blues because your children are older and don't need you as much, but your husband still does.
Also....just a thought, talk to your doctor. Some of your feelings and lack of desire might have more to do with your hormones changing than actually worrying about your body image.
I promise you that men who love their wives don't care if they gain some weight and they don't care if they aren't built like they were when they were 20. What they love is the comfort of being with a woman who is confident with herself and feels secure.
Sometimes we have to embrace ourselves as beautiful women no matter what shape or size we are. ESPECIALLY if we are lucky to have a husband for 27 years. I've been divorced longer than I was married at this point, so you are doing something right.
Maybe you just need to put a little romance back in your life which will give you a spring in your step which will motivate you to do some other things to make yourself feel better and it can all be a happy circle.
Talk to your doctor about managing your back pain. I'm sure you know that added weight causes more back pain and then you feel like you can be less active.
Sex is great exercise.
Just saying.

Surprise your husband with a glass of champagne and strawberries and some candles in the bedroom....
He will love it.
If you feel you can't bring yourself to try it, talk to your doctor to make sure you don't have a little depression or maybe this is a spell with your hormones.
I know some women who say their sex lives are better than ever knowing they can't get pregnant and their kids are grown so they don't have to be quiet anymore all the time.

You and your husband just need to have some fun together.
That's my opinion.
I really wish you the best!

The ONLY thing that keeps me from despising my body is using it for fun; having it be more than the thing that gets me from point A to point B.

WHAT do you enjoy? I've yet to meet someone who found nothing fun that's physical. They are often, however, not one that a person might think of as a physical activity. Here are some moderate to VERY physically active things that you might not think of:

- Music: playing, or singing
- Gardening
- Massage
- Museums (walking around museums is a LOT of walking)
- Art: painting, sculpture, glass, photography
- Babysitting (especially toddlers)
- Cooking (shopping, standing, chopping, prepping, sauteeing, stirring, tossing, flashing, kneeding, decorating... spend 2 hours or more cooking or decorating -ugh, get into decorating for a workout- and not only are you exhausted but most people can't stand to eat... it's like the food absorbed through their pores)
- Shopping
- Strolling (not "I'm going to walk for my health!" kind of walks, but walking somewhere pretty, chatting with a friend or enjoying the view)
- Sailing
- Flying kites
- Sitting up straight (military trick for maintaining weight and muscle tone is to NEVER lean against anything, even when sitting down). Over 90% of the calories we burn every day are from keeping our muscles and bones upright. Sitting up straight or standing up straight can actually add 1/3 - double your calorie expenditure for the day. OKAY okay, sitting and standing straight isn't "fun" per se, but it's amazing how much PERKIER (and occasionally ridiculous) one feels doing it. And a little ridiculousness/ perkyness can be fun. Or at least, a break from the routine.
- Manual typewriter (back in the days where weighing secretaries was a standard the average secretary gained 15lbs -and kept it on for decades- when the stenography groups switched from manual to electric typewriters ANYTHING that causes a person to keep off 15lbs counts as physical in my book). So if you write for fun in any fashion... break out a manual typewriter and BANG BANG ZWOOSH CLICK to your heart's content.

And only about 1000 more from knitting to hairstyling. That's not even counting the other several hundred that are actually obviously physically active like swimming, hiking, sports, etc.

The point i'm bringing these up though, ISN'T weight loss. (Although a side effect of doing fun physical things is weightloss). It's FUN things that one can do with one's body. If all our body did was hold our mind we could be in a jar. ANYHOW... I'm just MUCH happier in general (and less likely to be in the depths of despair over my appearance) when my body is actually doing fun things. Maybe that's a no brainer. It's taken me a long time to learn that, though.

I'm not overweight, but underweight. I feel terrible about my body too. It's ok!! I decided finally that even though I was not needing to lose weight, that everyone needs to excersise. I started doing a Jillian Michaels video and I have felt so sext just to be sore from a workout! It made me want to eat well and quit smoking. I'm keeping track of my nutrition with sparkpeople.com and though I have yet to quit smoking, it's on the table.
Sometimes you just have to force yourself into gear! I have felt like gold (though sore as all hell!!) since working out! Get moving! You deserve to feel good!

Hello, I went through the same thing for a few years. I just felt so unattractive. With the help of Weight Watchers, I lost 85 pounds and got into a size 4 to 6. What you have to understand is that your husband loves you. My husband passed away last March. We were one month away from our 43 anniversary. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him that while you are attracted to him, you don't feel attractive. He will probably make you feel much different.
Good luck.
K. K.

Look at the pictures painted by famous artists such as Rembrandt and Rafael. Voluptuous is beautiful! Back pain isn't. See the doctor and find out what you can do about the back pain. Could be some exercises taught by a physical therapist. Maybe wear a supportive girdle during the day.

I also suggest that if you can get into some activities and reawaken your zest for living the sexy feelings will come back.

I also suggest you look at your meds. Perhaps you're taking something that lowers your sex drive. I've changed anti-depressants and notice a difference.

Being a happy mother and a happy wife
is far more important than how you look.
And . . . y'know what?
I'll bet you don't look awful at all.
You may look a little heavy but that's not awful,
that's just how you look.
Can you arrange to have a quiet romantic evening with DH,
maybe candles and wine, and tell him
that you want to look beautiful and attractive to him
but your back hurts a lot. See what he says.
Good luck.

P., You have a lot of moms out here rooting for you. Many of us have felt exactly what you are feeling. It is simple: 1) Your husband loves to touch you and be intimate with you. Don't deny YOURSELF those moments. 2) I know that when I stopped spending all my energy thinking that I was failing, or overweight, or unhealthy, I am not trying hard enough, or all those other negative things, and started focusing on some positive aspects of my life, and started changing a few things, WOW I felt so much better and then I really started taking care of myself and I just keep feeling better & better. When my husband touches my stomach, I don't think, "Oh I have to hold in my stomach". (that's what I was always thinking in the past.) Now, I think "oh, his hand always feels so warm on my skin". It's much better for both of us. Give some love to yourself and enjoy this weekend, P.! We are all thinking good thoughts for you! B.

You are not alone. I put on a lot of weight even before the baby, and then a few more pounds. I'm also really unhappy because we live so far from our families. Now that we have a child, I want our child to know her grandparents, but it's financially more difficult to visit. I know working out every day has brought me to a livable level, but between being tired from working a full time job, keeping the house and running after a two year old, my body image issues and my overall dissatisfaction with my life I have a hard time giving it up:(

First of all you are not alone. I am sure that there are alot of mothers out there feeling the same way. A good way to get back on track with your husband and your weight is to go for a walk after dinner. That time is spent exercising and talking about your day. You can bring up things that are bothering you or just talk. I don't feel like making love to my husband some times either because of my weight I just had a baby 3 months ago and still recovering from the c-section. What you have to remember is this, I worry about my weight and think that I am not appealing to my husband. He has put on weight too and he complains about his body sometimes. My point of view on that is, I love him no matter what he looks like. I am not disgusted by his body because of a little weight gain, I kind of think that's cute. I try to think that for him it is probably the same way when he looks at me. Granted I like the room to be pitch black when it is time for intimacy, but because there is love there it doesn't matter. Sure I'd feel cuter and sexier when I lose the weight that I want to and it is coming off, slowly. But until then, I have to remind myself that that is how I feel connected to my husband. If I am not intimate with him I don't feel close to him at all and I miss him. So start out by walking after dinner, around your neighborhood, anywhere. Just start moving and reconnect with your husband. He loves you no matter what you look like. Because of that love you are attractive to him no matter how you feel. You are beuatiful to him inside and out.

I didn't read the other responses, so I apologize if this is a repeat. BTW, MY parents are going through 'empty nest syndrome' too, so I kind of know (from the other side) how you're feeling.

Have you tried working out together? Start slow... and make it romantic. Now is the perfect time to refocus on your marriage and not being 'parents' 24/7. Take morning and evening walks around the block together, hold hands, talk about your dreams for the future together, start a 'bucket list'... this is like dating each other all over again. I feel like people lose a sense of 'who they are' when they have kids (I know I have!!) Then once the kids are grown and out of the house, people find themselves thinking 'oh no! what next?!'

Don't take this as a sense of loss, like your purpose of a parent is over... your adult children still need you more than they'll ever admit (wait until those grandbabies start coming!) I would (and plan on, when my time comes), take this as an opportunity to start 'courting' your husband all over again. Renew your wedding vows! Have a yard sale. Take spontaneous (cheap) day trips to the mountains or the beach. Visit a museum you've never been to out of town, or maybe one that you had taken the kids long ago... you'd be surprised at how much different it is (and what you missed!) the first time with the kids there :)

Embrace this new life style change, love YOURSELF, and pat yourself on the back for successfully raising 2 outstanding children!! Great job :)

i agree with the person who says your husband thinks your hot. I always said that i am more willing to undress in front of a man than a woman, women are judgemental...men are just greatful lol. i also agree with the execise idea. i know what it feels to feel awfull about how you look (i have an eating disorder,as well as a mood disorder and think i look fat even when i am at a size four) i use to cut and burn myself alot and exercising is how i managed to stop

I am sure... your Husband does not look as he did 27 years ago... either.
If he does not make a big deal of it... nor critiques you for your 'appearance'.... then that is golden.
He probably just loves you for you.
That is golden.

Love Shira's ideas.

Exercise. Endorphins are amazing things. I go to Curves and love it. It's not cheap, but I like that it's all women, young and old, and a full body workout in 30 minutes. I lost 60 pounds within a year several years ago (I did more than just Curves, though) and have never looked back. Even though I now have a three year old and not nearly the time to devote to working out every day, on those days I do, I come home way more energetic than when I went.

I recommend you seek out books, groups, or a counselor or coach that works with belief systems. Our core belief systems are what create our feelings and reactions to our experiences. Have you ever wondered how some women who have extra weight seem to love their bodies and enjoy life and are very active? It is because of their thoughts and beliefs about themselves and life.

Are you feeling supported in your life? You mentioned back pain and when you look at mind/body connections there is usually some component of lack of support when people experience back issues.

How are you dealing with being an empty nester? Do you feel directionless? Were you defined by your role as a mother? How much permission do you have to care for yourself, to do the things you have always wanted to do? You mentioned being a happy mom and and wife; do you have any other ways to define yourself and places that you get to just be You? Do you even know what things you like and want outside of those other roles?

Have you been able to heal any childhood issues that created beliefs such as "I'm not good enough," "I'm unworthy," or "I am unloveable?" Do you hear the vicious voice in your head that constantly puts you down and beats you up? Do you have any tools to question your false, irrational belief systems?

Even though we often get focused on our outside self, our inner (usually unconcious) belief systems are what really drive our reactions. I highly recommend Byron Katie and "The Work." You can find her on www.thework.com. Also, I think Riley J. gave you a great list of activities to begin exploring your own interests. Best wishes, T.

First, you need to take care of you and your health. www.SoYouWantToCleanse.com is where I started 5 years ago, released 40 some pounds, and have since helped over 1500 others reach their health goals.

Second: you MUST talk to your husband. Tell him what you need and what you want. Start to plan the life you have always wanted with him.

Third: take time for you. You are so important. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.

B.
Family Success Coach

Well it sounds like its time to start eating better and working out..now that you have your kids out of the house you'll have more "me" time..so why not start taking walks or join a gym? i'm 46..i have a 4 almost 5 year old son..i workout every day ..and i drink a healthy smoothie for breakfast..hey i still don't feel like having sex all the time and i'm in shape lol! so the sex thing isn't about your weight possibly..could be b/c your hormones are changing..you're not in the baby making phase of your life so the libido has dropped.
my smoothie recipe is
1.mixed frozen fruit
2. 1 scoop plain goat yogurt
3. 1 scoop plain cow yogurt
4. flaxseeds (just sprinkle some in)
5. Orac Greens..1 scoop (purchase at the Vitamin Shoppe or Wholefoods)
6. 1 scoop of GNC protein powder "Strength & Agility" made for women our age
7. 1/2 scoop psycllan husks powder
8. 1 banana
9. almond milk
blend in blender..drink it all morning..i have also recently started taking a diet pill.. OxyElite Pro..its helped me drop some weight and gives me energy..i only take one in the morning before smoothie..
i workout to DVD's at home..Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred but its pretty tough..also P90X..after doing the 20 minute JM dvd's it has made the P90X workouts a lot easier..b/c hers are non stop ..builds up endurance..
I go to the gym 2 days a week and take spin class..
i like to exercise so i try to do some every day even if its only 20 minutes..you can find dvds that have short workouts..and do one early in the day and one later in the day..
Denise Austin dvd's would be great to start out with..like "Get Fit Fast" or Keli Roberts "Kickbox Bootcamp" or The Firm dvds..
I go to Equinox..let me know if you would like me to have them put you on the list at one of their gyms for a free week trial..they do that a lot
...you'll feel better if you exercise..its good for the mind as well as the body..the human body wasn't meant to sit around..its meant to move :)

i always feel better after..and even better when i fit my skinny jeans..

xo

D.

There are a lot of great posts below regarding ways to be more active and, as a serendipitous side effect, you will likely lose weight! But another good reason to lose the weight is that a lot of your back pain will also likely go away. Carrying additional weight on your body makes a huge (negative) impact on your back, joints, feet, etc., not to mention your overall health. I hope you can incorporate a lot of the tips mentioned by the great moms here, and as an added bonus your back pain will most likely diminish.

happiness is not a #.....& way too many people allow it to be.

Break that cycle & you'll be happy again!

Time to start walking, time to find something to spike your interest in life!

Take a trip with your husband.....or do something separate (I love to travel, my husband hates it. He loves to fish, I hate it. We do our own thing to reboot & be happy when we come back home. It works quite well!).

Good Luck & I wish you Peace!