Fear of School

C.,

It is so close to the end of the year. I would wait and then let him go next year. Then he might have a more positive experience in the fall.

I'm a homeschooler (in Reno.) Since it's so close to the end of the year, I'd say that the transition should probably wait until the beginning of the next school year. It's easier to be "the new kid" at the beginning of the year, when no one has settled into their classes or routine yet. Prepare him for the fact that even if he's "skinny," he will get teased about something, and certain kids will exclude him for silly reasons. That age is really rough on everybody!

Sometimes they let kids take a different class than PE if they participate in a sport, would he rather do that? Otherwise he is going to have to learn to deal with what other people think of him at some point and Jr high is where you learn that skill.

Let him be home schooled until he is ready. The longer he doesn't have to face all the meanness of other kids and teachers and administrators, the better.

Read 'Dumbing Us Down' by John Taylor Gatto or 'The Unprocessed Child' by Valerie Fitzenreiter. Or google them.

If I had it to do over, I'd NEVER send my kids to school. I am a great-grand-mother and finally have perspective. Listen to your children. They are wise.

Hi C. -

Since it's so close to the end of the school year and you're all settling in a new place anyway, why not just finish up the year home schooling? I went through that chunky phase and it was bad enough being with kids I'd known since 1st grade. I'd have hated being in a situation where kids who didn't know me were meeting me for the first time. I was a sensitive, quiet artsy type. In high school we had better gym classes and I slimmed right down. Perhaps some sort of sport that appeals to your son though Park & Rec while he home schools? Or maybe there's even a home schoolers league where you live?

I wish you and your family all the best,
Colleen

I think like others have already said, you should wait until school starts in the fall. Mostly because chunky or not, a child entering school right now when all the cliques have formed and all is tough on anyone. Finish off this year homeschooling and not that he isn't active or doesn't eat well (I had a brother who went through that stage, heck, I went through it as well) anyway, if you aren't already eating healthy and getting daily excersise, start now. So he can start the school year feeling better about himself.

Best wishes,
M.

You've already gotten some good advice about the concern for his weight gain. I went through it in 6th grade myself and by high school, I was thin again. I wouldn't worry too much in regards to that as long as you've given him a good sense of self and self esteem. But, starting a new school is hard, starting mid year is much harder. Even if there isn't any "differences" to concern you, the teachers have a "rhythm" in their classrooms with the students they have had since the beginning of the school year. They are likely doing a few things that have carried over from the earlier in the year workwise. He'd need to adjust to the expectations of the teacher and if he has more than one teacher, even more so.
If you wait until the new school year begins, he can go through the learning curve with the rest of the new students and learn expectations, schedules etc at a normal pace.
I would definitely hold off starting school until he can start with everyone else. Plus, you can also give him some time to get to know some of the kids in his neighborhood who will likely be attending the same school so he might even have some friends to start school with.

I would think that the best thing to do is be consistent. Meaning, if your other children are sticking with the home-schooling, then so should he. If the others are going to public school, then so should he. As far as teasing etc...kids are going to be kids. They will find something to tease other kids about whether it is clothes, backpack, pens, hair....that is bound to happen about something and all of our children need to build a stronger exterior about that type of thing. They shouls be confident with who they are and know they are loved irregardless of other kids opionions of them - who are most likely only making fun due to a lack of their own self-esteem. Good luck & God Bless You!

Sinny or a little thick around the waist kids are h*** o* other kids, teach him to stand tall no matter what he looks like, if he goes in changes his clothes like there is nothing wrong with a little loving around his tummy then the kids won't notice. Even if they do , you tell your son, I dont care if I have some fat why do you , bug off !!! there isnt much time left in school if he wants to stay home just let him.

Hi C.,
I would finish out the school year with home schooling and get involved in a summer sport like track and field or football, swimming, etc.. Something that is active though so that he can shed some weight. Start fresh next year. Most middle schools don't have PE everyday. At my sons school it varied weekly. One week was Mon., Wed., Fri. and then the next week was Tues., Thurs. so on those days he could wear the shorts under his clothing and within a week or so and after meeting new friends and bonding, the akwardness will wear off and he'll be more likely to change with the reat of them. Being new and having any change is always hard for everyone. Remind him that there will be MANY new students starting in the fall and talk to his new teacher so that she/he can pair him up with a few good students right from the start that he can have lunch with. I would try to find out when open house is this year and take him to all of the appropriate grade classes to meet the teachers. One of them might end up being his teacher next year, so he would remember meeting them on the first day and will also have had the chance to see the inside of the clasrooms and the school campus. Hope he has a terrific and very non "boring" year! :)
~R.

I would let him wait and start school next year. You guys will have time to talk about all the things that go on at school and you can help him get ovr his fear of changing at school. Maybe this summer he will sprout up and lose those extra pounds. I know my brother did. It was the summer he turned thirteen. he was pretty short and had to have been 20 pounds too heavy. That summer he just grew like a weed.
take care

Hi C.,

My family has been here for one year now so we are new also. Let me tell you it is hard for new kids to make friends. I would finish the school year at home and maybe have your son prepare for the next school year over the summer. My 15 year old is just now starting to make some friends. It is hard in Vegas but not impossible. I think sending him to public school is not a bad thing(yes,hard nowdays). But it is a plus for socializing. He can always go back to home schooling if he finds it to stressful. I must admit Vegas can be quite lonely and hard to find a clique. So many people move in and out. I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck!!! And welcome....
C.

It's already the middle of April. I'd just go ahead and finish school at home this year. Let him have the summer to go the the gym or get fit some way. He'll be motivated and feel more in control of his own life that way. If you push him into school it may really hurt his self esteem, especially if the kids tease him for his weight. You don't want to make public school a negative experience for him.

V.

C. - 7th grade is a tough age, the kids are all changing a lot. I would suggest you have him finish the year at home, rather than start so far into the school year. You can also find out more about the academic expectations and options for 8th grade by talking with the school staff, to make sure your son is ready and that he is properly placed. For example, in our school in 8th grade the kids on the advanced track take math over at the high school, but you need to sign up this month for placement.

Then you could see if there are some summer school or day camp type activities he could do that would bring him into contact with some of the kids he will be going to school with in the fall, so he can have some familiar faces. In our area they also have "summer school" through the local college - some of it is academic in nature, but there are also fun things like yoga and archery. That would keep him entertained as well as meeting future classmates. If you can connect with some parents, maybe you can carpool so he has kids he arrives with.

Best wishes!

L.

You said he really wants to go. Maybe let him see the other boy's that attend the school. I'm sure they are of all sizes and short and tall too. That's just part of life. All the kids have to dress into gym short. Even the skinny one's and larger one's. They have the same fear. I would just let him know. We all had to do it. Some tried to use towels to cover up. Good Luck

The sad truth is that some kids somewhere are going to find something to tease him about no matter what. My daughter is skinny and beautiful and she gets teased by the kids who are teasers... It's something that is just gonna happen. I would focus more on reassuring your son that you love him and that there is nothing wrong with him, but that there have always been kids who tease in schools (public or private) and that he needs to learn how not to worry about what other people think. If he is happy with himself and you are happy with him, everything will work out. He'll make some friends and join a group of people, and some kids who aren't in his group will probably tease him. But, he'll have the friends and it will all balance out in the end!! :D

Huggles!!
~S.~

Hi C.,
I think it would be better for him to finish the school year at home. Kids can be cruel sometimes, it would be better if he starts off at the beginining of the school year, plus he would be more comfortable,less fearful, & more inclined to maintain his good grades. Take Care,
Barbara

I'd let him wait. What a difficult age group to try and break into. Can you sign him up for a sports team, so as to have friends quickly AND exercise more? There should be something, soccer, swimming, basketball, anything that has teams. Call your local recreation center to find out. That is what I'd push him into.

You've heard a million answers and all the ones I read sound great. Listen to your son and let him begin in the fall. In the meantime, focus on FAMILY exercise---go for brisk walks for 30-45 minutes every single morning or evening. Get out and play basketball and soccer with him or the whole family every couple days. Try to get him signed up with some sports---swimming, soccer, tennis, karate. The cardio will do him good and his success will help build his self-esteem. If he's not skilled at a team sport, try the Y programs (they're more instructional), and/or get him signed him up for karate and possibly tennis. Look over available camps in the summer, and see if he's willing to go to basketball or soccer camp. Upward basketball is a Christian based educational program and the kids don't seem to be as competitive, so if he's not skilled, go online and look to see if they have one in your area. Maybe you should look over your family's eating habits to see if you need to cut back on your junk food and add in more fruits and veggies and lower calorie meals. His instincts are right----kids are mean and anything he can do to reduce ammo is probably a smart thing. And if you can help him to build up his self esteem with the sports, he will feel more confident when school begins.

Keep him home. Public school are ruthless, he doesn't need to be subjected to that with-out a core of good friends.
My son was a little chubby too, he didn't seem to care. MOst of the kids these days are on the cubby side do to the lack of exercise and fast foods. Oh well, Hang in there!! You sound like a great Mom.
N.

As a teacher and a mother of a teenage boy, I would wait until the school year is over and begin in the Fall. If he wants to exercise and begin eating right for his body, he can do that over the summer. He might truly feel like he has a new beginning with a more slender frame and a new school year. I also have a teenage daughter who is a bit chunky and she will be starting middle school in the Fall. I am trying to get her as healthy as possible but not create a child who is constantly worried about her weight. It is a delicate balance but everything I say has to do with "being the most healthy you can be." I hope this helps.

C.,

I will not deny that this is a difficult age for kids as well as experiencing middle school. I have a 13 yr old 7th grader (2nd yr of Jr.High...Jr.High is 6th-8th) and I wont deny that my son has gone through some difficult things, that is what Jr. High is about. Its a kind of stage in their childhood where everyone is trying to find their place. My son started his Jr. High in a similar situation as your son, he didnt know a soul because we had just moved to San Diego because I divorced his Dad and left the area we were living in because of my job. Kids are a lot more flexible than we give them credit for but he is so happy now. He found a great group of boys to hang out with and they skateboard and go to youth group together. He found his spot, has a ton of friends and is happy with where he is :)
As for the weight gain...my son also did the same thing. I was concerned about his weight since all of a sudden he had a chunky stomach and sides which my son has always been skinny. All of a sudden he shot up is now pushing 5'8" at 13yrs old. Whenever I see my son putting on a bit weight, I know he is going to shoot up and he does every time. He is thin and he comes in handy when I cant reach something ;) Very odd to look up at your baby since he has a good 5 inches on me!! Good luck with everything...it will all work out :)

Hi C.,

I would let him homeschool him for the rest of this school year. It's only a couple of more months. I would also look into some activities for kids his age, and see if he can get some friends before the start of next school year so that starting a new school won't be so hard.

Best to You!
S.

I know it has to be hard moving to a new place like Vegas, and wanting to get settled and some friends, but my advice to you, is to stay away from the public schools here. I vowed up and down that I would never put my kids in them, and then I had a little girl with special needs, so I have to!. I went to school here, and aside from the poor education that they receive, there are some really brutal kids in the Jr. Highs and High Schools. If you already homeschool I would continue, and just get him involved at the local YMCA or church for making friends.