Fear of Creating Bad Habits in One Month Old Through Bad Parenting! HELP!

calm down and enjoy your new baby...just 1 month old honey...cuddle with her as often as you can, hold her as much as you can, one day you'll wish you could and wont be able to. you are not the only mom who can't "hear the cry" i couldn't but my mom could, i just tried and ran her needs through my head...is she hungry? when was the last time i fed her, and how much did she eat, diaper change? go down the check list and when nothing works...just love and hold her.

you're not a bad parent, and no one is born to know how to be a mom or a dad and every parent is different....it's normal to worry but try not to

Hi A.. I just had my 3rd baby 6 days ago and know the feelings oh so well. Just wanted to share what my husband had said to me. It made me feel alot better about cuddling w/ baby. She was in your tummy for 9 months - she isn't just going to come out and just want to sleep in her crib. She needs to be snuggled with for security. I wouldn't stress about her falling asleep with you or her daddy.

Congrats on your baby!

Oh, I remember those times...the insecurities ...the guess work...

All I can tell you is that there really is no wrong choice. You just have to decide what type of parenting you want to do. You can collect advices that would run a gamut.

Personally, our first born slept with me. There are definitely advantages (easy access for feeding, bonding and it is said the children who cohabitate tend to be more self assured) but it also did a number on my back since she liked to be hugged. She moved to her sister's room at 4 and finally decided to sleep in her own room before her 6th birthday.

As far as the feeding, is she feeding on demand? If you don't eventually want to be a pacifier then you may want to put her on a schedule. You can usually tell when their hungry with the way the feed. Right now she really is still too young and needs to feed a lot.

In time you will be intune with her needs. Just go down the list when she cries. Is she hungry? Is she soiled? Is she tired?

When you have your second child you will find out how different and more relax of a parent you would be.

(((HUGS)))

I always say that the babies teach you everything you need to know. I wouldn't worry about it now- three weeks isn't much time to get the cues down. If what you are doing solves the crying, then you did the correct thing! I have an 11 week old, and the cries are now different for different needs. I know when she is hungry as opposed to tired, etc. She has a squeal she does when you aren't fixing her problem, so I just go down my mental list of things until the problem is solved. My son had colic, and I never knew what he wanted. He just cried all the time. So don't feel bad if you can't read the cues just yet.Just play it by ear and enjoy your little one!
As for sleeping- My daughter slept with me until she was about 3 weeks old, then moved her to her crib. When I did that, I made sure she was swaddled. I have to rock her to sleep in her swaddle blanket, and once she is asleep, she is fine in her crib. I think swaddling really helps. We aren't yet at the point where she will fall into a blissful sleep in her crib on her own, but it will come eventually. Don't worry, it will for you too!

Sounds normal for a month old baby! It's hard to always know exactly what they need but all you can do is try different things and see what works. Keep in mind too that some babies are harder to soothe than others - sometimes it's just their temperment and you have zero control over it.

There's nothing wrong with having them fall asleep in the swing - it won't last forever. Breastfed babies need to nurse about every 90 minutes to 2 hours, and many are simply soothed by sucking - you could consider a pacifier in between feedings if the nursing is going well and she is getting enough nutrition. You are not instilling any bad habits in your baby at this age - at this time they just need their basic needs met (food, warmth, sleep, clean diapers, love and cuddles). There will be plenty of time to change the habits if necessary but in the meanwhile you will be amazed how much they grow and change in such a short period of time!

Also, make sure you are getting enough rest and eating right - lack of sleep and poor nutrition can cause anyone to be more anxious and be more on edge. Also consider that you could have some post-partum depression which can make it more difficult to put things in perspective. You might want to talk with your own doctor, describe how you are feeling, and see what they say.

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You all just met. Give it time to get to know her cues and needs. Heck, you could do a lot worse than BF to solve problems - LOL!
If she is healthy, has a clean bill of health from her pediatrician and is growing you are doing great!
There is a wonderful parenting tool, a newsletter called Growing Child. My mother bought it for my for my first and I loved it. It provides tips on parenting and for parents to support them and their emotions as well as the child. I also love the way it teaches you about different milestones and what is developmentally appropriate, etc. I found the link and put it below. a resource like this could help put you at ease during this time of transition.
You are doing great!!
http://growingchild.com/GrowingChild.html

Breastfeeding is the easiest way to solve problem with babies. Nature provided you with that easy option, so feel free to use it as often as necessary. Right now your baby isn't learning any habits.

When my son was young, any new "problem" or habit that he developed always made me think I had somehow broken him and that he would always be difficult after that time. Eventually I learned that babies just go through phases. Any unpleasant behavior always went away fairly quickly if I didn't make an issue out of it. It helped me a lot to realize that I was not the cause of "habits." Babies just go through stages, and as long as you support them and love them, they will turn out completely fine.

Ultimately, don't stress about bad habits. Just keep her happy. Sometime after six months of age, you will notice when you need to redirect her from dangerous situations, but until then, do not worry about discipline in such a litttle baby.

Learning to be a parent is just that - a learning experience. I think it is almost impossible to "screw up" a baby less than six months old as long as you are providing for their basic needs and giving them plenty of love. A one month old typically does nurse alot so don't feel bad offering it to her if it comforts her. I held my daughter around the clock the first three months and we coslept because she woke up and screamed everytime I laid her down by herself. At about three months,she was able to start sleeping in her crib without any issues. Please don't worry about spoiling your baby at this age. It sounds like you a caring mom and doing a great job. Enjoy this time with her!

It is very normal to feel a little awkward, a little unsure, with your first. It's a new experience. My first was born over 28 years ago and I still remember those early days with him. The main thing is to know that you're doing a good job. And don't worry about spoiling your baby or holding her too much. I never got my babies (and I ended up having six of them, one at a time) on a strict sleeping or eating schedule but went with what the baby wanted. I picked them up every time they cried and sometimes didn't put them down when they slept. They are now very happy and well-adjusted young men.

This is totally normal. I did the same thing, if my baby was changed and not tired, if she cried, I just fed her, make sure she gets a good burp too. I got to the point I was breastfeeding every hour sometimes. It takes awhile to figure your baby out. With my second child it almost took me 6 months to get a good solid schedule that my baby and I were both happy with. It takes time and it sounds like you are doing great. You cant spoil her right now, so just enjoy her.

Hi A.,
Being a parent is very forgiving at this age (and even a little bit older too) so don't worry!! I am sure you are doing a great job. It is normal to worry, but before you know it, these times will have passed and you will be on to new worries! You will figure it out. You are the mom and you know your child better than anyone so use your intuition - I am sure you are already doing that right now without even realizing it.

One suggestion I have that I read in a book - Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg - and I did this with my two kids is to use the EASY routine. EASY stands for Eat Awake Sleep You. So what that means is the first thing you do with your baby when she wakes up is to feed her, then let her be awake for a little while doing whatever it is you do with her when she is awake - give her a bath, change her diaper, play with her, etc., then lay her down to sleep, then it is time for you. That way she doesn't associate eating with going to sleep because they are separated by the awake things.

Don't worry about rocking her to sleep - enjoy this time when you get to hold her. It is so precious and goes by so quick. If you want to wean her off of that, rock her for a while and lay her down when she is a little drowsy but not quite asleep. I am sure this is just a phase your little one is going through. A newborn is very different from a three month old - it is amazing! (A side note, do you swaddle her tight? That might help if you want to try to lay her down without holding her.)

You are not developing any bad habits at this age. Don't worry. You are a great mom!
Cyndi

No magical imparting of wisdom to your brain occurs after the child exits your body! Motherhood is a learned behavior, I truly believe. all new moms feel unsure but your confidence will grow as she does. You will learn WITH your baby as to her needs, wants and preferences.
If she's fed, she will be sleepy soon after--that's nap time. try to get her on a little schedule of wake, eat, play, sleep or wake, play, eat sleep....then repeat.
and remember--you cannot hold, cuddle or otherwise spoil an infant.
Congratulations and enjoy the journey!

Hi A.,

I don't think that my job as a parent is to keep my baby happy. My job is to keep her safe, well and teach her skills to give her a successful and rewarding life. I know that sometimes my babe would cry and it would be a good thing because he had to de-tox from the busy day. So, in that case, stopping him would have been more of a disservice because he would have been unable to process his emotions.

If you want to read, a good book is "The Science of Parenting" by Margot Sunderland. This book is based on brain development research as to what contributes to healthy brain growth. Another author that speaks to brain development with regards to child raising is Dan Siegel. I don't know offhand what book would be best, but he is an author grounded in scientific research. Dr. Sears is good too.

It sounds from your post that you may want to learn how to better hear your "mama instincts". Practice is a great way. Just relax and let your heart talk to you. Take deep breaths to relax. (like you are smoking a cigarette - deep inhale, hold it, then exhale). "The Baby Whisperer" talks about being in tune to your baby, but it's been years since I've read it to remember much more.

Keep self-evaluating, seeking information, learning and growing from it and you will continue to be a great mom. Your little girl is very fortunate to have such a caring mom!

it's so hard being a first-time new mom. it seems as if everyone else got the manual and you didn't. don't worry, hon, you're not going to create bad habits in a tiny. by the time an infant learns a habit they're on to a new phase anyway! you WILL learn your baby's expressions and habits and personality quirks, i promise.
pay attention to her reactions when you feed her. that'll help start cluing you in to what she's requesting. a tired fretful baby will not nurse like a lustily hungry one.
doesn't hurt to lay down a wide-awake baby periodically so that her crib isn't that weird place where she wakes up without any memory of getting there. once she's fed and dry, put her in it and sit next to her, smiling and rubbing her but not talking or laughing and playing. then when she starts to fuss, just pick her up again. that way her crib becomes somewhere nice, not somewhere she's stuck.
you'll be fine. relax and groove on your baby.
:) khairete
S.

You cannot spoil a child that age. However you are getting her to calm down/sleep is fine. She will not develop bad habits at 1 month old. In a month or two you can start doing some more sleep training but now she really doesn't even have much of a schedule. I loved the book "the no cry sleep solution". It had some good tips for young babies and older ones. I have a 2.5 year old son and I started out BFing him every time he cried b/c it worked. He turned out fine and goes to sleep by himself now. Don't worry you are doing a good job and your daughter will be fine. BTW it is important to BF a lot now b/c it lets your body know how much milk to make. If you try to limit her too much you will end up with supply issues. Good luck and good job with breastfeeding.

Edit after reading some of the other posts I just want to add that in my opinion it is a little too early to start "crying it out" to sleep. She is learning to trust the world by how you respond to her. Even "cry it out" doctors don't recommend it this early. In fact studies have shown that early on if you respond quickly to her she will cry less as she gets older b/c she knows you are there when she really needs it. I wouldn't recommend "crying it out" until she is at least 6 months old if you even decide to go this route. I know this is my opinion and others will differ but she really does need you and she is not old enough to manipulate you.

Breastfeeding definitely works for soothing -- it has everything a baby needs! Think of it - for the past 9 months, your baby has been completely surrounded by you, cuddled by you constantly, nourished by you, hearing your voice and your heartbeat, etc. Breastfeeding allows you to continue this experience as much as possible outside the body. Don't worry about "spoiling" her -- she's too young for one thing, and it's not "spoiling" to attend to her needs and let her know that you're there for her. It's comforting to her to know that you're there. It's a big world she's been born into, and all she knows about it is you, so when you're not there, her whole world is gone. Enjoy that and embrace it - before you know it, she'll be exploring that big wide world.

It's easy to overstimulate newborns. But carrying baby around in a sling or other carrier, and nursing her is not overstimulation. Constantly waving rattles in her face may be. :-) When baby breaks off eye contact or is looking away from what you're trying to interest her in, she's probably overstimulated. Don't fret, but just be there.

Some scientists who study both humans and animals will say, that based on various characteristics of different mammals, humans born at 9 months are "premature" compared to, say, full-term monkeys, kittens, horses, etc. They suggest that babies need "kangaroo care" for "the fourth trimester" - the first three months of life, when their bodies are still so immature in so many ways. Getting a carrier will allow her to get what she needs (you!), while still allowing you to do what you need to do. You've got years to work at instilling good habits in her; allow her these few months to just grow and be loved.

I soo feel you. With my first, I worried so much, I'm not sure how much of my son's first few weeks I was even "there" for. For me, I did the babywise program (in part). Mainly what I did was the routine of eat, play, sleep. The reason was the same as what you are saying, how do you know what is wrong? By doing the routine, I then knew to feed when he woke up and then played with him (or at least bugged him to keep him awake for awhile), when he started rooting again, I knew that it was because he was tired, and I would put him down (the sleep thing is harder, but it is doable). From this, I learned what he needed when, and was able to enjoy my time with him. Good luck!

It took me about 3 weeks before I could relax and know everything was going to work out alright. It takes time to develop confidence and get to know this new little person. Even with confidence you still don't stop worrying. At first it seemed like my son cried non-stop for almost 3 weeks. I was wishing "Please, Baby, let Mama get a little sleep!". Then he started to settle down and he was sleeping better and it felt wonderful for about 10 min before I started worrying "The baby isn't crying. Why isn't the baby crying? Is he alright? Is he breathing?" and then I'd have to keep checking on him. This got better once I was wearing him in a sling all day and he'd be sleeping right next to me but I could check him. It's impossible to spoil a baby up to about 6 or 7 months. A newborns stomach is only about the size of a walnut. It doesn't take much to fill it up and then breast milk gets absorbed really fast. They need holding, feeding on demand, changing as soon as they are wet/soiled, etc. As a rule of thumb, they about double their birth weight by month 5 and triple it by their first birthday. They are doing their fastest growing right now and they need to eat frequently. A baby absolutely needs to know that they are loved! Holding them and responding to them are how they get to know this. While all this is going on, your body is still getting back to it's pre-pregnacy self (it took nine months to grow your child, now it all goes back within about 8 weeks = hormonal whiplash!) You and your baby are doing fine and you'll be feeling a lot better about it soon!