My youngest of three was in the shower when she fell. She hit her head so hard it split open and although all it needed was butterfly stitches, I have been crying almost every half hour from guilt. I don't know if it's because she's the baby(2 next week) or just from the shock of seeing all that blood coming down her face. I don't know but I'm so down, any words of support would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks everyone, I realized that I was in fact overwhelmed with doing it all myself, and I was exploding at the exact moment I saw my daughter bleeding, and pretty much lost it. Thanks to everyones support I have been able to accept it was an accident. As a result I have decided to become even more proactive with my children. I have a tendency to stay home a lot because the younger two get in everything, I have decided to get each child invoved in an activity this Fall. That way they burn off energy and we get out the house. Again Thanks!
Hi L.,
It is so hard to see someone we love in pain. You are probably still in shock. She is ok, right? You can't control everything and that can be truly frightening,. Hang in there and know you are a good mom and love your children and that is really what is important!
Best wishes,
R.
Try to focus on the outcome (She is OK. That must mean that you did what needed to be done and did it well)and how you want her to remember this. You could use this to tell her how strong her body is, that she can suffer mishaps and get completely better, or that you will be able to help her when she is hurt. I hope that if you think of how to frame it for her; how to make the very best of a frightening incident for her, you will be able to move from your sadness. Maybe you can make this an empowering experience for her.
The fact is that you can't always be with her to catch her. You can, however, arm her with strength and comfort and confidence with which to face the next challenge.
I agree with the other posters - it was an accident and she'll be fine. Don't beat yourself up over it!
This will probably be the first of many "fall down and go boom!" that your child goes through. One of my friends even remarks about how clumsy her child is: "I bet if Cooper could trip over his own foot, he'd do it ten times a day!".
They're kids, they fall, they get hurt and then 10-30 minutes later they're up running around again like nothing ever happened (obviously don't minimize a serious injury). Maybe this funny story will help - When I was a kid, I was jumping on my parents' bed, fell off, and just like the song "broke my head" on the bedside telephone. I'm told my parents were very concerned that I had done serious damage (mostly due to the bleeding...head wounds bleed and bleed and bleed....) because in the ambulance on the way to the hospital I just stared blankly, wide eyed the whole time. The moment the ambulance pulled into the drive of the hospital and turned off the sirens, I sat straight up and began making 'siren noises'. My parents began laughing and felt silly that they had ever totally freaked out over what turned into 6 stitches! Now, many might debate my current mental capacity but I'd like to think I'm doing just fine and haven't suffered any long term damage.
Ohh I'm sorry. Yes we all feel the guilt at some part in parenthood. She's ok? When my insurance company called to see what happened with a claim, I said "let me try to remember, I have 3 we visit the er often. ____@____.com, if you need to vent it out. She will be ok and you are a great mom.
Dear L. - I once shut the car door on my son's fingers and was guilt ridden long after his fingers stopped hurting. I have no doubt that you take every precaution you can to protect your children and that this slip was just an accident. Head injuries are "bleeders" which adds to your shock and your baby's fear, but it is normal because of the blood flow to the brain. I'm sure your loving comfort was all she needed to feel better, and that you provided that in droves.
Be strong and know that accidents happen - what matters is that you are there to love her with all of your heart!
Sorry that happened to your little one. I think once you start having more than one the accident quotieant goes up. I know it has in my house...your eyes can only so many places at once. Also, the head bleeds really bad, even little scrapes can bleed bad. So I am thinking the fact that you feel badly about what happened shows your a great mom becasue you have a conscience, and nobody lieks to see their kids get hurt. Just don't beat yourself up too long, accidents happen.
{{{{}}} I'm so sorry. It's natural to feel down when you feel like you let your child get hurt. But remember that that doesn't make you a bad mother. My eldest is 18 and I can't count how many times in her lifetime that she's been hurt. It happens to the best of us. But I know at the time, it sure does feel like we've let them and us know. Just try to remember the good things that you've done/are doing. I see by the commentary on yourself that you love God, so may I suggest that everytime you start to cry, that you ask God to remind you of all the good things that you've done for your baby?? Keep those things/images in your head. You're going to college and raising 3 children, which is very hard to do. Adding a heap of guilt onto that, doesn't do you or anybody else any good. Please try to remember all the good things you're doing -- for yourself and your children. Good luck!!
I understand completely. This past New Year's Eve, when my oldest son had just turned 2, and I had just had my youngest on the 18th, I went to stop my son from getting off his big boy bed, and gave him nursemaid's elbow. I had apparently grabbed his arm the wrong way, and his elbow was basically dislocated. Then, not knowing that I had done that(because I hadn't pulled his arm or anything - I honestly didn't know what was going on), I let him be in pain for 4 hours, before I took him to the emergency room. I mean, he was crying off and on, I gave him Motrin, and still he didn't seem right. It was a very easy fix, but OMG, between the postpartum hormones, and the guilt I was a wreck. I didn't want to tell anyone, and when I did, I couldn't stop crying. Now, almost 8 months later, I still feel bad that it happened, but I know it wasn't then end of the world. My son is fine, and the whole thing is a distant memory. The best thing to have is a support network of friends - believe me everyone has a story.
Seeing your baby get hurt is certainly cause for feeling uneasy... and everyone feels guilty about their child getting hurt - even when it is "just one of those things"... give yourself a little more time to recover, Mama. And if you are still feeling down you just come on back to the board and we'll talk some more. I am glad to hear that your daughter is ok!
Oh my gosh! Parent guilt is the worst and there is no cure at all. You sound like you have a wonderful relationship with God so I think you should pray for the strength to stop blaming yourself. As the saying goes, turn it over to God.
Sweetie, you are a great mom. The reason I know that is because of your reaction. If you did not get affected by your child being hurt then there is something wrong. Accidents will happen. There is nothing you can do.all you can do is to be there to kiss their little boo-boos and tell them how much you love them.I have a 2 year old as well. He falls all the time. Simetimes Iam suprised at childrens resilence. I still get so upset when he gets hurt. But I do try not to blame myself.God will protect you and your family. All you need to do is enjoy them.God bless....T.
Pick your head up, you seem to be trying to do right by your children and you should be proud of that! We see on the news all the time, parents who intentionally hurt their children, accidents happen, my kids have gotten hurt, that is part of being a kid! My daughters both had many trips to the ER, especially my youngest. She started going to the Er once a month when she was about 9 months with UTI's and I questioned what I was doing wrong, why it kept happening, later we found out it was a genetic disorder, nothing I did, but I remmeber that feeling of guilt, that fear of knowing something is wrong, but I learned to find comfort in the fact that kids are kids and they get sick, they get hurt, my mom tells stories all the time of our trips to hte ER, it is part of being a kid, it is not a reflection of your parenting. Remember too, your baby is healthy, even with stitches. While I was at Childrens Memorial, I became very humble, seeing kids who are terminally ill, I still cried and paced when my girls went into surgery, that is normal, but in my heart I knew I was lucky, a kidney surgery is a walk in the park compared to chemotherapy or brain tumors. I dont know if this helped at all, but all I can say is, if you are waking up every day wanting to do right by your children, then you are being a great parent!
M.
Mother of 2 girls
4th grade teacher
It sounds to me like you're having some post-traumatic reaction. It seems like you have a lot in your life that might be stressors (even happy stress, like graduation from college.) Is is possible that this accident just triggered some worries you've been trying not to think about, about your future and your kids' futures?
Sometimes I just have to get off the merry-go-round and listen to what my mind and body are trying to tell me. Is it possible for you to get some time to yourself, even go for a few evening walks, and have some quiet time?
Hope this doesn't sound obnoxiously armchair-psychiatrist! Of course, i don't know anything about you other than the few words you wrote. But what the heck, a nice long walk without kids can't hurt, right?
Dear L.,
I know how you feel. Right before my daughter turned two she had stitches. I felt so bad. I blamed myself. what happened was an accident. I was in a hurry to go take a shower and turned real quick to go down the hallway. I didn't see her and bumped her with my hip. She fell backward and hit the corner of the hallway wall. there was so much blood and she had six stitches on her forhead. I still felt bad when we had to go back and get the stitches out. It took me a while to get over it. We just have to remind ourselves that accidents do happen. That doesn't mean we are bad people. Good Luck, because you are going to have a lot more cuts and bruises and possible more stitches.
B.
*HUG* It isn't your fault dear! Trust me, there will be lots of bumps, bruises, sprains, breaks and operations. Unfortunately that is part of being human and the pain of being a mom is watching your children BE human, frailties and all. =/ Deep breath, comfort her, kiss her and tell her that you are sorry she is hurt and that she is loved.
It bothers me that the media points fingers at moms all the time for how neglectful they are, especially if a child gets hurt! Anyone that has had a child 24/7 has had incidents where a child gets away from them, falls down unexpectedly, does something that is a "close call". Be always on the watch, always careful and never trust your children to do the right thing because they have something called FREE WILL and do not understand the consequences of their actions until much later. (some never learn it :P) Trust your gut, love your kids and be good to you.
Hang in there. You cannot blame yourself. But I know, it's hard. I cried for like 5 hours when my daughter fell once. You feel awful but you do the best that you can. I am glad to hear your daughter is doing well... and she'll still love you the same as well as your other kiddies. :)
Oh, you poor thing! One of the hardest things to do as a mother is watch your child go through pain. Don't be so h*** o* yourself, accidents happen. If it had happened while grandma was giving her a bath would you hold it against her? No, you would tell them accidents happen!
Its over, lesson learned, move forward. Something like this happens to all parents.
L.~
I just wanted to echo what the other moms have told you . . . kids are resiliant and this will just be one of those stories that you'll laugh about years from now.
I know it is had to imagine that but it's true.
In fact, we always tease my cousin (in a good way) about the fact that my aunt dropped her TWICE on her HEAD . . . Don't let the guilt rob you of the time you have with your kids!
You just keep reminding yourself that God is in control of everything and has a plan for everything that happens. In fact, I just read this,
"So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:31, NLT
Take care,
D.
L.,
It is not your fault! Accidents are a part of life and the main thng is--your baby is fine. Heck, when my son was six months old, I was bathing him in the bathroom sink--picked his wet little body up--he started to squirm---he shot out of my arms so fast and crashed on the floor---he was fine--but of course I took him to the ER to be sure...
Don't beat yourself up over this--please.
Don't put the pressure on yourself as tho it were your fault - it was an accident. I can completely understand how you feel - as I feel the same way when my son gets hurt - however - accidents are going to happen - no matter how good of a mom you are.
When my son accidentally sprayed COMET spray that I left out in the open into his eyes, I felt the same way you did. I had to take him to the ER and to the eye doctor. I was so afraid he was going to go blind because of my carelessness. As luck would have it, it turned out ok and his eye is fine. But just remember that Moms are human too. And no matter what happens to you or your kids, you cannot protect them from everything. And God won't give you anything you cannot handle. So take a breath, relax and remember...you survived your childhood, and your child will too! :) Good luck and keep your chin up.
We have all felt guit about seomthing, you are not alone! As my friends and I call it, the right of passage to being a kid, a kid is not a kid until they have some sort of scar! It happens to everyone and by no means you are a bad mother! Sounds like you are a great mom trying to improve yourself and your situation. Does you church have any moms groups? I find lots of support there. Or a MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) group that may meet at night in your area? Another place I find support.
Good Luck and I hope you feel better
Hello and God's speed
you are not to blame babies grow and as they grow there are going to bumps, dents, brusies, and yes even stitches. To me as a mom it's not the scars that are visible but the ones we can't see that hurt our children the most. The bumps and bruises teach them what not to do, like getting burned to learn about fire and heat. she will be ok and you will too.
I know how you feel. My son split his eyebrow open at 10 months when he was learning to walk. He needed 3 stitches, I cried more then him!
Don't beat yourself up, just remember that accidents happen and kids will get hurt. It's not your fault.
Big hugs!
It's so hard when our kids hurt themselves. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it. Kids are going to hurt themselves alot, many times right in front of us with out us being able to do anything. Take heart in the fact she's okay now, and she'll have a great story to tell later. Kids are so resilient. Thank goodness!
Hi L.,
I am so sorry about the accident. Just pray and thank God that she is okay. Look into those beautiful eyes of hers and you will see the love and that should lift your spritis. I will be praying for you.
Don't worry. These things happen sometimes. You could be the most careful person in the world & it still probally happened. When my daughter was 13 months old, she fell & cracked her head opened. I freaked out because it happened in front of me. I literly could see her skull. She ended up with about 10 stitches on the inside & they used the glue stuff to close the outside. The fact was I felt guilty too, but my daughter does not hold it against me. We all make mistakes. It's not life if we don't make any mistakes. As your child gets older, she may not even remember it happening. My daughter always tries to counterdict me when I say look at this scar. She proudly carries it as a badge. I hope you will realize that life will go on pretty much normal as long as you don't keep blaming yourself. Watch how your child acts & see if it has affected her as much as you. I hope this helps a little.
