Doesn't like "Strangers"... Just a Phase or Do We Need to Make Some Changes?

It is a phase... some babies just aren't as open to strangers. My little one cried for the first year of life with anyone she didn't see all the time. Even with grams and gramps...
She is 15 months now and in the past few months has really opened up and bloomed! She still can be shy, but no more tears and we can leave her with people while we get out of the house.
For now she is the one in the group of kids that is just wide eyed and taking it all in while everyone else is smiling and playing. But she still takes part- just is still working out her emotions I guess.
My hubby always wanted tme to leave her with others even when I know she would cry and cry and I was totally against it. I did it two times and it was miserable for her and the friend that was helping us out. How is that good for anyone?? So I stuck to my guns and never did it again until I knew she was ready. I am glad I did what I did....
She found her way all on her own and was able to work out her fears and emotions without me making her.
Best thing I ever did.
Good luck with it all....I certainly don't think it is bad to leave her with others, but for me I just didn't want to go down that path. Who knows if my path was right or wrong, but it just felt right.

Your son is just becoming aware of his surroundings and hasn't quite learned object permanance (just because you don't see something doesn't mean it's gone forever). So when you leave his sight he thinks you are GONE! But, the good thing is that your son is still young enough that after a few minutes he can be distracted. Leaving him with loving grandparents is a fine decision. Don't stress out over it. Your child may cry, but what he's really saying is "this is an unfamiliar situation and an unfamiliar place and I don't want my familiar objects to leave me." He calms down after a minute because he gets the love and attention he needs from your in-laws.

My daughter was like this, and I refused to force her to go to someone when she obviously didn't want to. It's hard sometimes when almost everyone pressures you to do something you're uncomfortable with. She's now almost four, and very confident and secure. I think it's best to try to read your little one and respond accordingly. Just my two cents--good luck. And I wouldn't stress too much about having left him with them if he calmed down right away. Just follow your feelings, and ultimately all will be fine.

babies can have varying amounts of stranger anxiety. the first time we left our youngest with my mom while we went to the movies, we thought she was comfortable with my mom and would sleep most of the time. instead she cried the whole 3 hours and for a month afterward she wouldn't make eye contact with my mom and only tolerated being held by her with a look of misery on her face. but i have a neighbor that my daughter had no problem with and would ask to be held by her even with me there. so for a while we depended on the neighbor if we needed to leave her with anyone and just vocally reassured her whenever my mom visited until she was comfortable with my mom again. this baby takes longer to get over upsetting experiences than her brothers did, but they all went through at least one stage of stranger anxiety, even strongly preferring me over their dad. take baby steps, starting with something like sitting next to your inlaws while you hold your son, then try them holding him while you sit next to them. When your son seems fine with that, move on to more distance until he gets to the point that he only cries for a few minutes when you first leave. and i would limit the number of times you leave him in a day if he's having a hard time with it. my current baby gets increasingly upset if i leave her multiple times in a day and then by the evening she won't let go of me even to sleep. so push him a little at a time but don't overdo it and he will eventually outgrow it.

Hi B.--
My older son was like this as well, except he didn't want anyone, including his own Dad. If I tried to push him it made it worse, not better. My gut always felt uncomfortable doing something that I knew made my baby upset. I say trust your gut in these situations. Now my son is five and is friendly towards everyone and is very secure because he was never pushed to "like" someone he was uncomfortable with. I just waited until he was more comfortable around people---this is just a phase, it will pass. The more secure he feels as a little one, the more solid his foundation, the more secure he will grow up. I know most advice is "get him used to it". My degree is in development and I disagree. Children will become independent as a natural developmental process....trying to push them before they are ready causes insecurity, not security. Be happy he loves you so much... Very soon he will be independent and running away---no need to push it.
Good luck,
J.

B.,
I would say that leaving him with your in laws was best. They are family and you trust them. Your baby will learn that too. He's just going through some stranger anxiety. It may get worse until he turns one or even two. When he starts to feel uncomfortable around people YOU know and trust then you need to find ways to show him that it's ok. Try giving the person a hug while holding your son. He will learn that since mommy likes this person than it is ok for ME (the baby) to like this person too. If a family member is holding your baby and he's clearly uncomfortable or upset stand right there next to him and the family member at arms reach and reasure your baby that it's ok. When you take your baby from the person right away it doesn't give him a chance to let himself relax or get comfortable. Now if he gets completely hysterical then take your baby and try to hug thing or talk with the person while holding your little one. Let your baby touch the other person while in your arms. These are all ways to show him your trust in that person. Your baby will judge his relationships with people by YOUR reactions and relationships to people. He will grow out of this! Good luck!

It's a phase. Kids go in and out of it a couple of times through babyhood and toddler ages.

As far as leaving him, most kids calm down fairly quickly after mom goes, it's the leaving part that's the hardest. It may not help him "get used to" his grandparents if he only sees them 1-2 times a month, but it also won't hurt anything. Just make sure his grandparents understand that it's normal and that they can't rush him warming up to them (it kinda sounds like they 'get' in anyway)

It is a phase. At this age they are starting to differentiate between parents, regular "visitors" and strangers. Babies take their cue from partents. A suggestion to get your son used to his grandparents is have pictures of them around the house and show him. Kids go through serevals phases of stranger anxiety at different ages. I hope you find a solution that works!

Sincerely,
Tricia
www.Mamas2Mamas.com

Sounds completely normal to me. Don't worry. My son went through the separation anxiety stages about every six months or so until he was two. Just keep exposing him to new people and environments...even though his crying will just about break your heart in two. (I sometimes put in ear plugs if I knew my son was perfectly safe -- just to get some sanity and me time.) Be strong. It's normal. It means he has bonded to his mama, and that's a great thing. Just don't avoid "strangers" altogether. He has to learn to be OK without you for short periods of time, for both of your sakes.

I'm sure he will get over it quickly, especially since he calmed down quickly after you left. A lot of times, little ones just have to see that Mom and Dad always return after they leave, and they become more secure again. It sounds like when you stepped out for a moment at your friend's that something clicked in him that you were gone and he didn't know what to make of it. It's just one more of those things that babies and small children have to learn to process in their world. Their getting upset doesn't necessarily indicate that they can't handle what's going on. You came back, and as he sees that you always do, his trust in you and other trustworthy people in his life will grow. I know he's really little, but part of parenting is gradually gaining bits of independence one step at a time with age-appropriate situations. It's good for him to see that there is nothing to be afraid of in these situations. You are doing a good job!

I am kinda freaky about my kids crying and other people handling them, especially before they are 1. I have three and all of them had that time where no one could hold them and indeed it started at around 4 months or so. You did the right thing in having him stay with your husbands parents. They want time to bond with him, he wouldn't calm down with them if he could see you, and he did calm down shortly after you left. You made the right choice for everyone.

Good job!

Just kind of a phase... you did good! It's good for him and you to leave him once in a while, especially with family or close friends, if even for a minute. Like they said, he calmed down after a bit! It will only get harder as he gets older if you never leave him at all! And it's okay, we all have a hard time, missing our kids, and hoping their okay and not screaming... and those who have them, have been there done that too! they understand and love the child. I think you did right thing, as long as your not always pawning them off onto people and taking advantage of them!

This is a perfectly normal thing for a child to do. They will get over it quickly and there are no long term issues that I have ever seen from leaving a baby with family for a few minutes.

Hi B., Did he cry the entire time you and your husband were gone? Or did he calm down and enjoy his time with his grand parents. If he cried then I would say he is just too young to be forced into those situations. There is nothing wrong with showing him first thing that you are there for him and he is safe with you. He should not be forced to stay with anyone or in any situation that is frightening to him. After all you are his only protection right now, once he realizes you would not put him in any danger then you can leave him and he might chose to leave you. It is late for me, I hope that made sense! gl, K. K.