Does Any Respond to the Request of a RSVP Invite?

This REALLY bothers me too. People need to have better manners. You have to plan for the number of people to any party. I usually call the ones that have not responded 2-3 days in advance of the party and let them know that they have been invited to a party and I am SO VERY SORRY that their invitation must have gotten lost because I had not heard from them. Some "fess" up and some don't. Anyway, at least you have a contact and they will hopefully let you know then if they're coming. Alternately, you don't have to make up anything and just ask them if they are coming to the party or not because you want to plan for the right number of people. I like the book of etiquette idea . . . Have fun entertaining!

I have the same frustration. I immediately call - the same day I get the invite- to RSVP. The only thing you can do is call the parents to see if they plan on being there. I had to do that this year for my son's party.

I've long been frustrated and annoyed by the lack of manners. I was raised to RSVP, as it is only courteous. A friend of mine has an annual open house during the holidays. While it isn't the same thing, maybe you can adapt her policy in the future. She makes an assumption of attendance and asks for RSVPs only in the case of an inability to attend. She has also made it known that failure to attend for two years takes you off her list of invitees.

I assume you are going to have a whiz bang party with three guests or make your son feel very special with family at home.

Good luck.

S. A.

K.:

I always make a point of requesting an RSVP for any party or function I have (believe it or not, some people don't), but I also put a "reply by" date - that way I can start making phone calls to people who haven't responded the day after that date passes (without feeling awkward about it). Also, I find that people simply respond better to a set deadline. Lastly, some advice - NEVER, NEVER put "Regrets Only" - it's a terrible way to determine who will and won't be coming.

God, do I know this one! So many parents just never respond! Part of it may be that we don't know each other as well as we used to, and so just don't connect. I don't know.

What seems to work better is to use Evite -- a simple click and they let you know one way or another. Very sad that we have gotten this way -- it's so darn rude!

Good luck,

J.

Hi K.,

I had a similar experience with the invites to my son's birthdays also.

What I found was that, the younger the child's birthday, the less responses I got from Preschool. As he got older, more kids wanted to come to the birthdays.

I also learned that only the people who intended to come called me. If they did not call me - it meant "no, sorry, can't come", but I did not realize that the first year I did this and so I went through the total anxiety state of catering and making goodie bags for all "in case" they showed up. I never did that again. (We invited 12 kids and only 3 came - it ended up being both fun and fine, although I had way more food/drink/goodie bags than I needed).

If you want them to RSVP for yes OR no - you would have to have stated that on the invitation, otherwise (frustrating as it would seem), they will only call if it is a "yes".

I hope your son has a very happy birthday.

S.

Ohhhhh! I can definitely identify. It is so agrivating. I've had people not RSVP and show up, people I've called said they would be there and then they didn't show up. Now I usually use evite or leave out the time so they have to call to let me know if they are coming. I almost always end up calling people to see if they are coming, but still some say yes and don't show. People are so rude these days.

This may seem mean, but for kids parties, I've had favors with each kids name on it. When someone shows up who did not RSVP I put on an act and say something like "oh, sorry, you didn't RSVP so I didn't make one up for your child, but I have extra items to make one for her/him." Hopefully the next year they RSVP

Hi K.,

I know how you feel. It's been the same way for all of the parties I throw for my kids. I usually have to call everyone the day after my RSVP date has passed. I must confess, that I sometimes like to make them feel guilty. You're right, it only takes 30 seconds to say yes or no.

I have a friend with the same issue. To help get a headcount, she doesn't include the location of the party that way people have to call the get the address.

Hope that helps.

Hello K.,

The Mama with the idea of not giving the ADDRESS where the party will be has a great idea....never thought of that one...make sure that you say on the invite..PHONE FOR ADDRESS, because people take a lot for granted.

Hi K.,
Unfortunately, people are getting less and less communicative via the phone these days. Perhaps, it takes too long or more likely, it puts them in a position of having to be polite, friendly -- or basically having to fein interest in the person they are calling and don't know. You may find an RSVP more likely to be answered by providing a text messaging number and/or an email address. The easier it is to do (physically and emotionally), the more likely people are to do it.
No matter what -- enjoy the party!
K.

This is very common with invitations to anything these days (including weddings, etc).

I try to send out invitations enough ahead of time (few weeks). If I have email addresses, I usually email about a week later ("Hey everybody, I am trying to get a final count so please let me know if you/your son or daughter would like to come. We'd love to have you!") and maybe again a week before the event.

You will likely encounter this many more times over the years so may as well make a plan for how to deal with it. Good luck!

At my kids' preschool, I've seen people put out a list requesting RSVPs. There is a table where invitations, and other items, messages, etc. get left. I had most of my guests RSVP, both for my daughter's and son's parties, but I know that sometimes you really need a headcount. I know another mother just planned enough for everybody she had invited - and didn't expect any RSVPs. I also had people lose the invite info, perhaps a gentle reminder and your number for those who are juggling to many things?

A little about me:
High school science teacher, married 11 years, 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter.

Welcome to my world! I do home parties (sales)...and have for over 15 years.

My advice to hostesses is to make phone calls in addition to written invites. Calls don't take a lot of time -- but the person-to-person contact is very important. Without calls, we find that about 1 in 10 will come; with calls the response is much greater. (And there are always folks who RSVP yes....and then don't show; like no one will notice!)

Don't take it personally; people are busy; KIDS are on overload.... For birthday parties, we always aimed for the number of kids that equaled our daughters' ages.

Good luck!

C. H

I sympathize-- this problem is really pandemic! Your best bets are either: make just enough food/goodie bags for those who responded and tell any others who show up-- 'I'm so sorry, when you didn't RSVP I assumed you weren't coming!' or: call each and every non-responder and say, 'I'm so sorry-- I must have missed your message, cause I don't know if you're coming or not.' Either way sshould get your point across, and maybe you'll have better luck at future parties.

This is why I prefer to use evite.com. You get notification when they view the invitation and the chance of getting a yes or no response is much better. Of course your preschool might not release email addresses so that's an additional source of frustration. At this point you're going to have to ask folks at dropoff and pickup time and/or ask the teacher for a contact list (phone#s at this point). I'm sorry you're going to have to solicit RSVPs one-by-one... what a hassle.

I have experienced a similar phenomenon while planning parties for our three kids, holidays, etc. And yes, I always respond promptly (whether it's to accept or decline) to any invitations that we are fortunate enough to receive. However, I STRONGLY disagree with the philosophy that you need to bust people's chops for not RSVP'ing to your event. First--you never really know what someone else might have going on in their life that is far more important which may be distracting them from something as (relatively) frivolous as a party, and 2) theoretically, these people are your (or your children's) friends, so why would you want to make them feel bad? This is not how a gracious host behaves, and for those who are doing this, no wonder no one wants to attend your party, and 3)eventually karma will take care of everything for you when the perpetrators suffer the same fate at some function that they themselves plan.

Tried put in your email address as part of the RSVP options. I found that many parents reply via email - at late hours.