DH Doesn't Want to Get a Vasectomy and I'm Done with BC - HELP!

Tell him you won't put out until he gets an appointment for the snip?

LOL I'm just kidding...or am I? Ugh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. A vasectomy, for the vast majority of patients is really not a big deal. He'll sit on an ice pack for a weekend.

Suggest that he use keep using condoms until he gets snipped?

Ok so this is mean but tell him you are pregnant, lol.....maybe that would scare him right to the Dr's office

Perhaps you should let him know that you're done with sex if he can't man up enough to get a vasectomy. Seriously -I have no room for these silly men! Did he not witness children come out of your vagina after being in your body for almost 10 months? Does he think it was a picnic? A vasectomy pales in comparison! Complications -yes -you're right about any surgery having the potential. Remind him that complications can arise from getting a cavity filled and perhaps you should google all of the complications experienced from almost every type of female birth control out there. Pay special attention to the cost, recovery time, invasiveness and COMPLICATIONS of tubal ligation!

Please print this out and show it to him. If he's so protective of his balls, he needs to act like he has them!

My husband had a vasectomy last summer -and it's been great. I'm sure -as with anything -some have complications at some point, but we know at least 5 guys well who I can think of right off the bat who have had them with no problem.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but this comes up WAY too much on this board, and these men need to get with the program. I guess most of them would crawl in a hole and die if they ever even had a period. I tell you -the term "pussy" in reference to cowardice has to be the most misused word out there!

Condoms aren't that effective by themselves anyway. Abstinence is a good substitute! I'm sure you hate to punish him but really, he's letting the internet make his decision for him? You can always find something out there - it's like the supermarket tabloids. Not everything is true out there. I worked in a vasectomy clinic 30 years ago and we had a very low complication rate, practically zero. Techniques are even better now - so he's being a little paranoid.

Tell him the truth - the biggest weekend for vasectomies is right before the NCAA "March Madness" basketball championships. Really! So many men get the surgery so that they have a good excuse to sit around watching TV with a bag of frozen peas on the incision site.

Having you undergo major surgery so that he doesn't have to have a 15 minute outpatient procedure is nonsensical. You would be out of commission for a lot longer than he will.

He needs to talk to a qualified urologist and find out exactly what that doctor's complication rate is. My guess is, it's extremely low no matter what. He can consult with his primary care physician and 2 urologists - a lot more reliable that random stuff on the internet.

It's his body and you should honor his decision. We women have the right to control what happens to our bodies and we should afford our husbands the same right.

I firmly believe that no one (men or women) should be forced **or coerced** to have surgery that changes their body. The decision to sterilize himself has to be something he voluntarily chooses. If he doesn't want to, then that option is not an option. As a couple you'll have to agree on a different method or wait until one of you compromises.

I say if he's going back on the deal you 2 made with each other then he's stuck with condoms. I bet that won't last long!!

Seriously, though, a lot of men are scared to death of getting vasectomies, but it's really not a big deal. It is out-patient, takes approximately 5 minutes, and they're uncomfortable for a few days. You've given BIRTH for God's sake! Really, it's the least he can do, right?

No sex. He'll come around.
It's very manipulative but it works.

LOL my hubby said that until we had our oops third baby...although we love her to death...he is now snipped. He didn't wait long until after our third to do the deed. I had bad issues with BC pills and the Mirena well I hate that thing...I gave it a try. So now we are a family of three and done instead of a family of two and done :)

You honored your part and now it is time for him to honor his. Show him the recovery time and risks involved with you having your tubes tied and the same for pregnancies (which you have alreayd done).

If that doesn't help, you have two options give in and have your tubes tied (and make him pamper you through recovery!) or tell him, no sex until he gets it taken care of.

i'm with you. the complications would be there for you too, only way more so. vasectomies rarely have negative repercussions. i'm glad my dh was agreeable.
make HIM deal with the condoms, the purchasing, application and disposal. if he's not willing to take any further steps after all you've done, at the very least he should be willing to take this on.
khairete
S.

You could always read about the natural family method ?? Basically you track your body and no sex when you are close to/and while ovulating.

Good luck

things like that, in my opinion, should NEVER be pushed upon another person. yeah, it sucks that he agreed to that and is backing down now, but what effect would it have on your marriage if he DID have a complication(now or later) from a surgical procedure that you "forced" him to have? if i were you, i'd back off from the conversation. i'd tell him(one LAST time, and then drop the issue) that you are disappointed he backed out of your "deal", but that you understand it is his body, and if he's not comfortable doing it, then he shouldn't do it. that said, i'd also inform him that YOU are done putting birth control into your body, and you are also unwilling to have a surgical procedure, so he needs to make sure that he has a supply of condoms around.

I was thinking along the same lines as 'Yarrmatey', but Essure is a nickle based 'plug'... I found out I cannot have nickle anywhere on or in my body. There is Adiana now. Which is silicone. It does the same as Essure. Most insurances will cover it and I understand there really isn't any recovery time. 3mos after you get it done, they will put dye in you to make sure your tubes are closed off completely.

My husband said that Essure and Adiana is too new and he'd rather get a vasectomy (which has been performed many, many years and has been proven effective) then worry about what may happen in my body 10, 20, 30yrs from now because they 'just don't know' being there hasn't been that many years of studies on them.

My ex was the BIGGEST sissy... He had a vasectomy and did just fine. His new wife thanked me for him having a vasectomy already!!! LOL!

There is a newer procedure for women that can be done in your Dr.'s office that is a permanent birth control - you should look into that. No one would have to have surgery.

WHAT??? A verbal contract is still a contract. Not only that, but out of respect for your wife and following up your word/promise with action. I have never withheld sex, but this is a case that I would, for certain...or at least use condoms...forever...which in NOT as reliable as a vasectomy.

There are problems with ALL sterilization and birth control usage (especially with Essure and Mirena)....but less with vasectomies, especially the open-ended technique, as far as prostate issues go later. I have done TONS of research on vasectomies for YEARS, becuase now that I am pregnant with #4, my husband IS going in for one, OR I can give him my home version of one....his choice. ;)

I have referred about 10 guys over to have vasectomies done with one specific doctor and they ALL came back saying how much easier it was that they thought it up in their cute little heads. My brother went to the same doc (at 30) and they were talking about cars, etc and suddenly, the doc says, "Ok, we're done." My brother was shocked. He felt nothing and said it was so easy...but I think it has to do with the technique. Dr. Benderev does not a use a scalpel (no scalpel technique - NST), nor does he inject anaesthetic (rather blows high pressure anesthetic on the scrotum) so there is no needle and then NO stitches....less swelling, less infection, less pain, etc. AND he leaves one end open. Maybe find someone like him near you...or come to sunny SoCal for a long weekend?

Have him read this on common fears for men:
http://www.vasectomy.com/ArticleDetail.asp?siteid=V&A...

.

First of all, not to make light, but I don't consider a vasectomy surgery. It's a procedure, yes, but little kids get stitches in their forehead or fingers that are more involved and serious. I don't know why some men can be such babies.
All the men I know who have had the "procedure" are more than happy they did it. They have happy sex lives with their wives without worrying about pregnancy. Most of them got it done on a Friday, had the weekend to take it easy and were back to work on Monday. Yes, some of them were nervous about it, but EVERY man I know who has had it done says it's wasn't nearly as bad as they thought. None of their nuts have fallen off.
You can't force your husband to get a vasectomy, but it would get old using condoms. I would hate that. (I had to have a hysterectomy young so I didn't worry about birth control, but I can't imagine having to use condoms with my own husband).
Like Julie B said, maybe sex isn't that important to him.
Men want women to give birth and give them children and then also find a way to be responsible for not having more kids when that decision is made.
I don't understand it.

Best wishes.

Hahaha... I am in the exact same situation. We had the same agreement after our 2nd was born.... she is now 9!
Recently, I walked up to my husband balling my eyes out, holdin a preg test saying +. It's his day off and was so relaxed and enjoying time with a buddy outside by the fire. Then outta nowhere he feels his heart drop though his pants. I start laughing and let him know that the test is the one I saved from the 3rd pregnancy.. Yup 8 yrs later after making that no more kids/ i'll get a snip agreement we got pregnant with the 3rd who is now 8mos. I have a 12yr old, 9yr old and now the 8mo old. Wouldn't change a thing. I have an absolute blast with my kids. I'm a bit of a jokster..gotta have fun.
Laugh it off or you'll stress way too much. I did the IUD after 3rd except just didn't tell hubby. Lettin him think I'm still fertile mertle. Husband is none the wiser. I don't want anymore people to be responsible for than what I've got already so I take care of that myself! Not to be TMI but while we're gettin it on I scare him every now and again by slipping off the condom. Haha.... priceless! Hope this helps.Have a great day!

Hi. My ex had a vasectomy after I had a erCsection, and another child. He felt that Since I had gone through the pregnancies (8 misses as well), and deliveries, that he would get the vasectomy. Knowing about it and discussing it with a doctor, he went through with it. Was swollen and sore for a couple of days. Ice packs and rest worked fine. Years later (16) he's still healthly that way. You argument is valid as his concerns for himself are. Waying the two options, your procedure is not 100% guaranteed due to the fact that tubes can and do become untied. I have a friend and know of others that this has happened to. The vasectomy is 100% guaranteed compared to tying your tubes. I would talk to your husband about these facts and also that you were pregnant, and delivered and that you would appreciate him doing the vasectomy. His recovery time is much quicker and less evasive. Pride has a lot to do with it with some men. But when it comes to your health, the vasectomy really is the best way to go. Good Luck to both of you!

Well if you decide that you need to take permanent birth control into your hands because your husband refuses to get the vasectomy you should look into Essure. It isn't as invasive as getting a tubal ligation and is more effective at pregnancy prevention than condom use. Good luck. Hopefully your husband stops being so wussy and just gets the vasectomy as agreed upon.

I know it's not really the solution you want - cuz bottom line is that hubs backed down on what he agreed to do - that sucks. I feel for you.

But, since it looks like you're going to have to be the one to do what has to be done......What about an iud? You can get the hormone free one, if that is a concern. Many women can't even tell it's there and insertion is virtually non-invasive.

that way it's "semi-permanent" so you don't have to deal with the hassle every day, but it's not invasive like getting your tubes tied.

Good luck!

Read this article and research the complications that can arise from having your tubes tied.

http://posttuballigationsyndrome.blogspot.com/

There are plenty other articles to support that this "syndrome" is very real for many women. Yes, some women have no complications at all, but what if you are one of those who do not have a happy ending? And I met a woman in my doctor's office who had a 4 month old sitting on her lap. This woman had her tubes tied 5 years ago and surprise, surprise, she got pregnant.

Are you annoyed for the lack of sex? Because if you are, what is wrong with buying condoms so that YOU can get what you need from him. I have bought condoms. It's not as embarrassing as you think. Just a thought to consider. I wouldn't be putting off my own pleasure because he doesn't want to buy birth control. I'd buy the darn things myself so I can be a happy wife. : )

Dear Mom-

Sometimes 'visual aids' help men to make a decision...

Gather a bottle of bourbon (to sterilize...and an anesthetic), sterile gloves, manicure scissors, small crochet hook, needle and thread and lighter (cautaurizing sp?) and bag of frozen peas...

He may give it some additional thought...

Michele/cat

If he won't get a vasectomy, then get your tubes tied. You said it is more invasive and harder with longer recovery time. Is that compared to a vasectomy?

I had my tubes tied 3 months after having a baby. It was an out-patient procedure that only took a couple of hours. The doctor went through my belly button, so no major cutting, just a tiny incision. After the procedure I stayed at the clinic for about an hour to make sure there were no complications. The only pain killer I had after leaving was plain old Tylenol. I wasn't allowed to lift anything heavier than the baby for three days, then life was back to normal.

Personally I think if you and your husband agree to not have more children, and you are tired of birth control, then getting your tubes tied is an option. Getting mine done was really no big deal.

A copper IUD (Paraguard) has a lower failure rate than even tubals or vasectomies.

My thoughts are that if you are done having kids it's your responsibilty to have surgery. Investigate the Essure proceedure. It's done in the office, no hospital time and it's over and you are up walking and doing stuff that day. My friend had hers done and went and ate Sushi with her hubby after. Then worked that evening. She said she had some mild cramps but more like a mild period that anything else. Her insurance said they would not cover it so they saved up but in the end the insurance cover it and they got back a check for the amount they paid.

The doc inserted a spring like objects into the tubes. They are treated with a chemical to promote cell growth. The tube eventually closes off with the extra cells and the tube becomes blocked off. No cutting, no surgery at all. She went back in to the docs in a few weeks and he used dye to make sure the tube closure was complete, again no pain, no invasive cutting, nothing.

FYI, My daughters first child was born to a guy who had had one vasectomy, his next child was born after the second one was done (my daughter had gone with him when it was done so we know he had it done by the doc) then he had a third girl pregnant and so on, sometimes they just don't work. Take the problem on yourself and get your self fixed.

There's a permanent birth control option for women now, called Essure.
I realize this doens't help with equality of effort, but it can solve your problem.
www.essure.com

I tried for this after I had my second 5 mos ago. My OB wouldn't do it because I'm too young (33). DH wound up getting a vasectomy, so it didn't matter. But this was my next step - to get a different doctor to do it - if DH wouldn't get snipped.

My husband refused to have any doctor do anything to his precious genitals. Men are such babies. I had a laprascopic tubal occlusion (LTO). Only 2 little cuts: one in the pubic hair and one in the belly button. Occlusion means they bend the tube and then tie it so the tube is closed. Just cutting the tube like they used to do can allow it to grow back. I have had no complications. I told my husband that since I had it done I can have wild sex with the UPS guy now and not get pregnant, lol! I was considering and IUD before this, since BC pills made my knuckles swell up. But nothing was 100% and I knew for certain that my old body did not want to be pregnant again. I would have it done, then milk it for all its worth - take to your bed for a few days and rest up!

Its one day of his life and its over and he is free to have unprotected sex for the rest of his life...its really a no brainer. No V=No Sex...don't give in! It will do nothing but improve yours sex life. Who wants to use condoms after you are done with kids....

My husband had a vasectomy right after the birth of our third child last year. It was non-invasive and pain free. He was prescribed a valium before the procedure and it took away all the apprehension. He never even took a Tylenol after and used no ice. The procedure is much different now than in the past! We went out to dinner that night with our kids!! Dr. Mostowfi at http://www.vasectomyclinics.com/ is who he used. IMHO-Your body has been through enough. Its his turn. Good luck!

After months of mental anguish worrying about having to have a vasectomy as wifes IUD was going to expire, I researched online and found what others in Tampa have bragged about. Dr Stein, who uses billboards on interstates in Florida was the answer. No pain at all. Slight discomfort the next 12 hours or so and thats it. I havent even needed the Advil given to me. It wasnt a picnic, but believe me, there is no guy that couldnt handle what I had to do yesterday. It was all mental for me and once it was over I was embarrassed for acting like I was entering open heart surgery. I HIGHLY suggest finding the following , A NO SCAPEL, NO NEEDLE doctor even if you have to fly to him/her for the procedure. The traditional method is painful as heck from what I hear, but this method is too easy. Seriously, I would've flown from out of state for this method. After insurance it was like $50 btw. No guy has any excuse if they only knew who to go to. And I was that guy before today. Hope it helps.