Development Advice for 3 Year Old

Hi N.,
I have 2 boys and 1 girl.
#1. Let him sit to pee. When he's ready to stand,he'll do it. (Be happy he's sitting, my boys are 7 and 5 and their aim isn't so great all the time.)
#2. Hand him a tissue and tell him it's not polite. If his nose is dry, you may want to help him clean it out in the morning. That should help.
#3. My boys were definitely not writing their names at 3 years old. That's VERY early. Girls typically have better speech, and better fine motor skills at this age. I wouldn't worry about him at all. He's perfectly fine.

It sounds to me like you have an incredibly normal 3-year-old boy. I wouldn't worry about any of those three issues, just enjoy his growth, imagination and development. He'll stand to pee when he wants to. In fact, it would be best to let him have control over a matter as private as that. I don't really have advice about nose-picking except to admonish him to use a kleenex. And it is a statistical fact that boys develop skills in drawing and coloring and writing letters and words much later than girls do. He probably just has other things to do and finds being attentive to something like that as just too boring to be worth his attention. Don' worry, enjoy. I used to tell myself, "This is the only year my son will be 3, so I had better enjoy every minute of it." And its true, my son is 21 and I'm pretty sure he stands up to pee (although i haven't checked lately) and I still have to tell him to use a kleenex when picking his nose! Its such an honor to be a mom!

Ok, here's a couple of thoughts.

I don't think sitting to pee is a big deal, but my first idea would be for hubby to maybe leave the door open so that your boy can see him standing. It's up to you if that is just an accidental thing or a directed "look this is how big boys do it. The other thing would be to give him 4 cheerios and have him put them in the potty and use it for target practice. I bet he would get into standing really quickly.Let's just hope his aim is good. haha

for his interest in drawing, I'm guessing that if you have an older daughter, that paper and markers etc are readily available and he could access them himself anytime he wants, right??? If not i would think of a way to set up an art area so that he is expose to the materials. Markers are easier for kids to use than crayons. and I would encourage him just to play with the colors and lines not to create anything. They sell, "boy" theme notebooks,notepads, speed mcqueen markers etc. That might also encourage him, if you handed him those when you were out to dinner. Another idea would be to incorporate pencil and paper into what he already plays, if he likes building with blocks you could make signs with him, that label the buildings, firehouse, school whatever, or signs that say, please do not knock down or somethign so sis doesn't bother it. If he plays "restaurant" with you or a friend give him a pad to take your order. That sort of thing.

As for the nose picking, Good Lord if you can figure that one out please tell me!!

I think your son is fine, but listen to his teachers and try playing with some other boys that age so you can see that he really is typical.

Please remember your son is just 3 1/2. There is a large range for this age of what children can and cannot do.

1. If he wants to sit to pee, let him. He's telling you he's not ready to stand. Be happy with this, lol. I have 4 boys and I had them sit as long as possible to save any messes! LOL

2. The dreaded nose picking. There's different things to try. Don't let him get away with it since it's a nasty habit. You'll want to nip it in the bud immediately before it becomes too much of a habit and gets harder to break later. He'll do it no matter what but he needs to see that you do not approve. Pull his hands away and tell him it's icky and dirty, whatever your disapproval word is. Have him wash his hands every time he does it. He may get tired of that and hopefully a simple warning will suffice. Keep a box of tissues handy where he can grab a tissue and root around if need be. He's going to do it so better to do it with a tissue than his finger, lol. Teaching nose blowing, if there's anything to really blow out, is good at this age. It can take time though.

3. Absolutely do not be alarmed on what you son can or won't do. He may not be interested in it right now and that's ok. Try offering finger painting to spark some interest. Print off fun pics that he chooses off the computer to color. His favorite character may help spark some interest.

My triplets will be missing the cut off this fall for Kindergarten as well. Their birthday is October 7 and the cut off is October 1. They could be tested in April for fall class, but I don't think they'd be ready emotionally to be so young starting Kindergarten at age 4 and then graduating high school at 17. So I'm trying to get them into preschool this fall rather than push them into Kindergarten. I don't want problems down the road. My husband and I both started Kindergarten at age 4. He ended up being held back in 1st grade, and I graduated high school at 17 and was NOT ready to be tossed out into the world at such a young age. The extra year would have done me good. My older boys have spring birthdays so we never had to face this issue until the triplets came along.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
chat and events within 2 hour radius

I have 4 kids, and only enrolled one of them in preschool. The other 3 have done just fine. the fact that he is the oldest in the group is good for him. My youngest is the youngest in her class -- and has been since kindergarten and while she passed her school readiness tests, I have been kicking myself for 8 years now that I didn't hold her back myself.

I would relax and watch the things he likes to do. He may just have a mind of his own, and he may like other things. But if he begins to withdraw and not respond to people and stuff like that, then pay quick attention. If it's just a matter of not being as verbal or paying attention to what others want him to do, it may be the difference between a boy and a girl. girls are more socially oriented, and will do what you want to please you, whereas my impression of little boys is that even at an early age they are more independent and driven by their own ideas. Sometime ask him to draw a person for you, praise him and keep it. 6 months from now, ask him to do it again, then compare the pix. don't be concerned with what's missing, cuz kids don't get this together until closer to being Kindergarten ready, but look for more detail than the first one had.

I had a child who held her pencil wrong no matter what I said or did. she was an A student.

the other thing you could do, if you want to, is buy magnetic letters for the refrig door, and spell his name so he sees it at home, too. but at 3, writing your name isn't a skill most kids have. Your daughter sounds like she had a real aptitude in this area, which makes it hard, then, to see if #2 is "average" because for your family, your average is already skewed by a precocious 1st child !

Good luck ! Parenting brings us questions like this all the time !! We try to chart the right course, and we sure wish there were more signs around to help us know we did it right !! :-)

I only have a quick response to #1, has your son ever peed with daddy? My son loved to pee like daddy and they would race at night to see who could pee first (that was the non-fighting way we got him to pee before going to bed).

You should introduce him to the actor Nose Pickens, famous for Dr. Strangelove.

My husband still sits, i love it! When he is in a hurry (or drinking) he will stand. I would not worry...

You have received great advice on all three points.

just a little more advice to number one. I taught my son to sit and wanted him to do it as long as possible because of mess. He started to stand when he was in preschool and saw other do it. I will have to say with him wanting so long, I think he aim is better and he doesn't make a mess when he stands. He is now 6 and does both.

N.
#1. Have you tried to get him to stand and pee with Daddy? or try that business with the cheerio game...put them in the pot and see if he can aim and hit them? I think either way, he will grow out of this sitting stage shortly. Both of my boys did.
#2. Not much advice on the nose picking, except to try to catch him and put an end to that right away. My neighbor has 3 girls who we have known since birth, and all of her girls STILL do this nose picking. I think it is disgusting, and the mom should be more firm about putting a stop to this. Think about the germs that are spreading....give him a consequence if possible....for not using a tissue.
#3. I think this is really a boy thing. My sons did not want to sit and color or write their alphabet letters. They had no interest in that whatsoever. They'd much rather play with boy toys....or anything you could think of to avoid practicing writing or coloring skills. By the time my oldest got to kindegarten he did wonderful with these skills. He still didn't want to do it at home, but had no problems with it in school. He is an honors student now. My youngest son was the same way.....wanted no parts of writing. He is the youngest in his class, and he is doing just fine with his writing. Not to worry! He'll grow out of this stage.....he is a typical 3 yr old boy! :-)

I also have a 5 year old daughter and 3 (almost 4) year old son (as well as an 18 month old daughter). I was a Pre-K through 1st grade teacher before having them. Your son is fine. None of the things you mentioned give me any concern. My son will be 4 in Feb and he prefers to sit over stand and has been potty trained since 3 (actually he was mostly trained before 2 and due to a medical procedure, he regressed and refused to try until 3). Anyways - not a big deal. Many potties are too tall for them at 3 so it will come as he's taller and more comfortable doing it.

Nose picking is a calming activity for my son. I often notice him doing it as he's falling asleep. It is a health issue if he's picking and touching toys at school and passing germs so you don't want to ignore it. Just offer him a tissue - even if he only uses it to wipe off his fingers at first. Then help him to learn he needs to wash his hands right away so he doesn't share germs. Try not to get too frustrated with him, but I would talk about germs - especially this time of year. There are lots of kid friendly books about sharing germs and good hygiene to prevent them. If you find him doing it when alone and the danger of germ sharing is low, then back off a little and understand it might be a calming behavior and it's not really hurting anyone in that situation. Of course, it doesn't hurt to suggest he washes his hands when he's ready to move on to something else.

There are lots of ways to develop those little finger muscles and it sounds like he's doing that. Drawing doesn't seem to be his thing. Provide playdough or fingerpaint to let him express his creative side instead. My son wasn't a big colorer but resently wants to do nothing else and he really does a nice job. Most kindergartens want them to write their first names coming in - but he's got a couple years so don't worry. Fingerpaint or shaving cream are other fun ways to learn to write names and even draw pictures. Maybe those would spark an interest that he'll carry over to paper. Boys do tend to be slower to develop in this area. Their brains are just wired for being active learners.

Just enjoy his silly little ways because chances are things will change and he'll be acting bigger and bigger before long.

N.,
I don't have advice for #1 or #2, but as far as his writing?coloring/pencil work...my son was the same way. I chalked it up to being "not his bag" but after his preschool teachers kept mentioning it, my ped referred him for an OT eval and in only 12-16 weeks (he started in Oct and will be done next week) the progress has been absolutely amazing. I mention this only so if you DO want to get him an eval, you can do it early b/c the eval appt will take several months of waiting. Good luck to you!

#1 I'd take the sitting as long as he will still do it! Much less cleaning on and around the toilet. We never pushed our son to start standing...or even recommended it. Being a boy, he figured it out on his own when he was about 4. Eventually, the easier for them the better. I have heard of people keeping a container of cheerios by the potty for throwing a few in and taking target practice. He might enjoy that. :)

#2 It's an endless battle in our home. Especially in this dry time of year. They're probably not going to stop. Maybe you could just set up boundaries for it. No picking when out in public, put your boogies in a tissue, wash your hands...

#3 He's still really young. My son is a fall B-day and went to preschool when he was just about to turn 4. He did little to no writing until mid year, and the following year in preschool he did tremendously. I'm a teacher and come from a family of teachers. I can tell you that there's no need for concern this early. It could also be an issue of interest rather than ability. My girls were interested in coloring etc. much earlier than my son was. Now, as a kindergartener, he's very detailed in his coloring and loves to draw and write. Whenever he does show an interest, it sounds like you're going to do a great job showing him all the mechanics. That in itself is a great start.

#3

Hi N.,
I am responding to issue #1. I would not worry about your son sitting to pee. He will eventually stand up. My son sat to pee and continued to do so for some time. He eventually decided to stand. I don't know if it was seeing daddy standing or seeing the other boys in preschool doing so. He changed from sitting to standing somewhere between 3 1/2 and 4.

holding pencil/crayons, etc is part of fine motor skills. Actually some schools like it when not pushed cause many times the kids have the wrong grasp and then they need to change it.

you can have him evaluated by the local system. Its free and worth it just in case.

Also boys and girls do develop differently as well as siblings of the same sex. Don't compare kids, only use as a general guideline and add few months up and done.

Be happy he uses a toilet, did it early. Though dad should bring him into the bathroom and show him few times.