Deployed Dad...Pregnant Mom

I would go to my mom's! I have the best memories of spending a few summer weeks at my Grandmas with my mom while my dad was in the Air Force. You being comfortable and happy will be the best since you have the flexibility to do it ;)

these would be my first choices too. my mother in law flew accross the country to take care of us for a week when my second was born. my mom lives close, but was working and could only come for the days i was in the hospital. i wouldn't call my relationship with my mother in law rocky, but it was still a little uncomfortable. i worried about losing privacy and her doing things in a way i wouldn't like. it took a lot of chilling out on my part and reminding myself that in the big picture, what she did differently from me in my home was not very important. i ended up loving having her here and wished it was more than a week. she strengthened important bonds with the kids. while my husband was at work and school, i learned a lot about him and the way he was raised that she'd never had the opportunity to tell me before, and i realized that she was more on my side than i'd thought. i also learned a lot about her, which always helps in communication. it did take a while to break the kids of the spoiling she did with sweets, but like i said, in the big picture, it mattered more that they had fun with her and formed good memories than that they were hyped on sugar for a week. all the little things she did differently than me and my carefully planned lifestyle and schedule for my children were worth all the service she did for me. just some things to consider. and i also suggest praying for guidance in making this decision. i hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well!

hi K.,

I too am an Air Force wife, although I have not been in that particular situation. You would need to think of the pros and cons to each situation. On the one hand, you are a school teacher but will be on maternity leave, so leaving town to stay with your mom wouldn't negatively impact your status with your job. It sounds like YOU would be more comfortable with that situation, and you would be able to have the help you need without any added stress of being in an uncomfortable situation with the mom-in-law. But, if your mom works, how does that really help you? Does she work full time? Then she wouldn't really be around much to help out anyway, and you have carted yourself and your kids across country for what? Will she be able to take some vacation time to be able to help you out if you did go there after you had the baby or will you still be on your own (essentially) except for a few hours in the evenings (depending on what schedule your mom works)? As far as the second situation goes - hopefully your mom-in-law would just want what is best for you and you would be able to set aside your differences for a few weeks so you could get the help you need in the least disruptive way possible for your kids. Have you talked to her to try and figure out what the problem seems to be between the two of you? My mom-in-law resented the heck out of me because my husband was the first of her children to get married and she thought I took her son (we won't mention that he was already in the military for two years before he married me AND that his mom loved me until she found out we were getting married...sigh...long story) but we managed to work out our differences and get along just fine now. I'm not saying it happened over night, but everyone gets along much better now. Just a thought in case you haven't tried that yet. It won't be an easy conversation to have by any means, but it might clear the air. Anyway, I guess that would be my take on your two options. Another idea would be if you have any friends that maybe don't work and have flexible situations to be able to fly out to help or other relatives that might be able to come and help you out? Grandparent, Aunt? Or have you tried reaching out in the military community? If your husband will be deployed, his squadron should be able to help you in some way - find someone that can bring in meals or something to lend a hand. Or even the chapel on base might have some kind of program to help. Or feel free to contact me! I stay home with my daughter (2 1/2) and know what it's like to have my husband deploy right when I need him. :) If you need to talk, here is my email, then I can give you my other contact info: ____@____.com
best of luck! C. j

Wow, K., you have a tough situation. First, can I just say "Thank you" to you and your husband for all you guys sacrifice for our safety and freedom. It is appreciated more than I can say!

Moving to your mother's would be problematic in regards to your birth care. You would have to find a provider close to her, and deliver your baby with someone you are completely unfamiliar with, who has no understanding of your previous births or your pregnancy history, etc. Asking your MIL might be tough simply because of the stress. Emotional stress takes a physical toll, and you just don't need that in your last month of pregnancy, not to mention that stress during labor can slow and complicate your delivery.

I guess I would start by analysing what you need. Do you need someone to live in with you the last month of your pregnancy? Are you looking for someone to help with the cooking/cleaning? Do you need to arrange childcare for your labor/delivery and postpartum recovery? If you don't need live-in help, maybe you have some friends who can help with cooking/cleaning. Do you have church family that can help? What about friends from playgroups/school? So often we mothers are afraid (or too proud!) to ask for help. Believe me, there is nothing that people love more than helping a pregnant/new mom. How is your relationship with your neighbors? Maybe one of them could stay with your kids when the birth happens. Maybe your mom or one of your siblings could take some vacation/sick leave to help you out for a few days at or right after the birth. What about a postpartum doula? There are women who specialize in helping moms for the first couple weeks after a baby is born. They help with newborn care, cook, clean, can offer breastfeeding advice, etc. Sometimes you can even write off the cost on your taxes as a childcare/birth expense. Are there any military support groups around that could help you?

Depending on the level of "rocky"ness with your MIL, maybe you could have her stay for a week or two AFTER the baby is born. If you think she would be helpful to you, those happy birth hormones might help smooth things over. On the other hand, if you are going to have to fight her (ie, you want to breastfeed and she discourages your efforts) it is probably better to wait until you are more emotionally equipped for a visit.

Here is something that helped me with meals... every time I cooked a meal that would freeze reasonably well for the last couple months of my pregnancy, I would double or triple the recipe and freeze the extras. When our baby was born, we had a nice stockpile of freezer meals ready to go. I used disposable aluminum pans, and we bought paper plates and plastic forks to use the first month or so after our baby was born. It was such a relief not to have to worry about cleanup! You could also ask for a meal shower instead of a traditional baby shower. Instead of a baby gift, ask each guest to bring one or two frozen meals that you can stockpile. If you don't have the freezer space, maybe an accomodating friend can store them for you and you could pick up a week's worth of meals at a time? After the baby is born, keep a list on the fridge of the top 10 things you need done. Whenever someone asks what they can do to help (like visitors to see the baby!), just point them to the list and let them pick what they want to do. This is nice, because you don't have to ask someone to clean your bathroom... you just let them pick out a task.

I'm not a military mama, so I don't have any personal stories for you. A friend of mine was in the same situation, and it was hard for her, but she got through it. You will, too! Don't be afraid to ask for help. I bet there are a lot of people around you that are ready and willing to help you out if you just ask.

Best of luck, and thank you so much!
S.

Hi K.,

I was a Marine wife when my husband deployed and I was pregnant with our first child. (He has since gotten out of the military) I wasn't as attached as you are to your current community I was able to go home. I quit my job and did early return of dependents. My mom wanted me home we were stationed in Hawaii and she was in Montana. However, it messed a lot of things up when my husband came back we were essentially living into different lifestyles. (military, civilian) So when he did come back everybodys schedules were messed up. I would definitely do what another person said do the pros and cons of everything including the silly stuff, which might not be silly he for example you can't get other kids to sleep in foreign bed. I would definitely check out all your options, friends (military or otherwise), other family, church groups, military wives/spouse clubs, options available through his command for support. In Hawaii they had free birthing coaches for deployed members spouses.

When he got back we then moved on to California - it was a chaotic time in our lives. Its amazing how close knit the military can be so I would definitely check out all your options to see what would be easiest on you as well as your kids. Because lets be honest if it is easier on them it will be easier on you too.

God Bless you and your family. I will pray for you.
H.

If your mom is working I'm not sure how much help she can be. Plus, being away from the conveniences of home would be tough. I think the mother-in-law is the best option. You'll have to take it upon yourself to nurture your relationship with her. Be the bigger person. You and she should set up some norms, rules, and/or boundaries. Can you afford to hire a nanny?

K.,

Whew! I know it's a lot weighing on you. I'm also an AF wife here in the Springs expecting our first in Sept. I haven't been in the exact situation, so I can only imagine what's swirling through your mind! I agree with Carrie that although going home sounds ideal, it may not be. Even though you'd be more comfortable with your mom, with her working it may create more stress for you in the long run with the little ones and a new baby to care for while your mom is working. Not to mention the fact that you'll be switching doctors (which I've heard is a whole lot of paperwork with TriCare if you'll be out of the area; you'll have to have special paperwork to see a doctor long-term since it won't just be emergency care).

I know MILs can be tough, but perhaps she might be able to focus more on the other kiddos while you focus on yourself and the baby? Maybe you could talk to her frankly and explain the situation and say that you have enough to worry about with your hubby being gone and the baby coming, so you could appreciate her help, but that you can't have a lot of drama.

I've only been in the area for a couple of months, but I do like the chapel at Peterson. We were very active at our last chapel and have found the people there to be surrogate grandparents. When we were moving we had so many meals packed for us we didn't end up eating out between the time our packers came and we actually left town!

I know right now you're working during the day, but I'm checking out a mom's group tomorrow called MOMS Club East. I can tell you what I find out if you'd like! I'm looking for anyway to network and meet a nice group of friends.

Also consider going to Hearts Apart. The Airman and Family Readiness Flight has all kinds of information and programs for deployed spouses, and they have additional programs for those expecting while a spouse is deployed, both at PAFB and Schriever.

Feel free to contact me anytime! My husband does crew work, so while he's not deployed, I'm home alone a lot and always looking for something to do! ____@____.com

Best of luck!
S.

Hi, K.. It looks like you have gotten lots of reponses so by now you know you are not alone. My husband was deployed for a little over year. It turns out I got pregnant 1 week before he left town (last minute unexpected 24 hour leave). So I didn't even know I was pregnant until he was already in Iraq. I know it is hard, but you are strong enough to get through this. Matt came home 3 months after Darby was born. We named her Darby in honor of his tour. It means freedom. Anyway. I stayed very busy finishing my degree and working full time while he was gone. With two kids it sounds like you will have no problems wiht that! After Darby was born my mom came in town for 1 month and then I went to stay with her for 1 month in Texas. After that I came back home with the baby by myself and it was fine. Again, I just had the 1 at the time. I'm so glad that I had her with me! I don't think I could have done it on my own. Luckily my mom is a Realtor and it was the slow season so she could take the time off. If I were you I would go with the option that gives you the most support. Your kids will be fine wherever they are as long as they are with you. Good luck! I know you will have your hands full for the next few months. Feel free to email me if you need anything. ____@____.com

I'm assuming you have gone through resources trying to get your dh's bucket changed. If not, it doesn't hurt to bring it up, the AF is so much more family friendly than other branches. My dh was able to change his around for our dd's birth. He also got 3 weeks off work. I know that isn't always possible but first try. If not--there should be a key spouse program on your base. We have one here at Hill. We have contact with the spouses of deployed members throughout the deployment. (this is how the program is supposed to work) there are so many mom's alone that the network really saves so much! Have your dh talk to your shirt or commanding officer to find out who your key spouse is. Family Readiness should also have some sort of program for while your dh is deployed. We have free childcare once a week that we can use. And the Hearts Apart program has activities monthly for the families to get together and network and make frienships. For example valentines this year we had a dinner--I didn't have to be alone that night. You may still decide to go to your mom's but I just want to make sure you know of programs available to you to make it easier to stay if you would prefer that. Military family really can be a blessing during those deployments. I have also found great frienships in local mom's groups in our area. There are ways to stay and get the support you need. another note, my MIL and I were not real close, and my dh had a hard time with his mom too. He had back surgery and his mom came to stay for two weeks. we are closer now than ever before. it has been 2 years since his surgery, and I am glad we did have her come. my expectations were low. I know that isn't always the outcome. but something to think about. no one can predict what is going to be best, ultimately whatever you decide will be "best" for your family. mom's have great intuition! ;) Whichever way you go get support and don't be afraid to ask for help...afraid is the wrong word. I was too proud for a couple of my dh's deployements, this last one though I sucked it up and have been pleasantly surprised at how great it is to have support through the rough patches and the good days too. I personally would go nuts living in someone else's house. so I stay put during deployments. my mom also works and she would come for a weekend now and then when she could. She only lives an hour from me though, which is a big difference. also do you have a best friend? or someone else you love that might be willing to come stay for a couple of weeks? we looked into that option before we found out dh could rearrange his bucket. my bf was willing to get time off work and come for a couple of weeks. I didn't know about the birthing help but that is great news to have too. Good luck!

I did it! My husband is Army National Guard and he deployed for 14 months while I was pregnant with our second son. It was tough, but I constantly reassured myself while he was gone that it wasn't as hard as what he was doing.

My mother, fortunately, was only 2 hours away and I went to see her about once a month before AND after the baby was born. I didn't have any help on a day to day basis.

While I don't have any suggestions as to what you should do to make sure you have a support team nearby, I do recommend that you have one. I didn't have one and my second baby didn't sleep and didn't stop screaming EVER!! I was miserable and in many ways to proud to ask for help. I didn't enjoy his babyhood as I should have and wish now that I would have done whatever it took to make sure I got to nurture and take care of myself after he was born. My husband came home when our son was 7 months old.

So while it's natural to say, "I know what I'm doing is tough, but I bet my husband would trade places with me in a minute" and just suck it up and muddle through, it's not healthy for you or your baby. I think a lot of my baby's actions had much to do with my stress level, fatigue, frustration and lonliness. If you ask any soldier, most would tell you that the families who stay behind have it tougher than the soldiers who are mobilized. I hope you do find a solution and DO get some help after that baby comes!

God bless you and your family. We'll pray for you!

**Pregnant? Will your Spouse/Partner be deployed when you give birth?**

Childbirth And Postpartum Professional Association (CAPPA) / Operation Special Delivery (OSD) is here for you! OSD serves all branches of the Military, including Reservists and the National Guard.

Founded following the events of September 11, 2001, CAPPA/OSD provides Volunteer Labor Doulas to ALL 50 states and all U.S. military installations and personnel worldwide.

CAPPA’s Operation Special Delivery Labor Doula Program provides volunteer doulas to women who are giving birth while their partners are on military deployment. CAPPA/OSD is a non-profit international organization serving military installations worldwide; fully supporting all branches of the United States Armed Forces, Reservists, and National Guard, and their operations throughout the world.

CAPPA/OSD consists of professionally trained labor doulas who provide informational, emotional, and physical support during pregnancy, labor and birth, and early postpartum.

How to apply:

You may apply if your spouse or partner will be deployed at the time of your due date.

Visit www.operationspecialdelivery.com to download the application.

Questions? Email ____@____.com

If this is not something that you would like to use for yourself, please send it to any pregnant mama who might need it!

C. M., CBE, CLD, MWA
The Westside Birth Connection
###-###-####
www.westsidebirthconnection.com

Hi K., my name is K. and I am also an airforce wife. We moved to colorado july 07 and are still settling in. My husband for deployed for 4mths in 06 and that was our time. It was hard but I have to say that I had a great church that helped me and my four boys a lot. Going home has never been an option for me but another military wife told me that the most important thing I could do was to show my husband that everything would be okay. Since then I mentor other wivies/new military wivies-to-be. There are others supports if you going on base a will. I would love to talk with you more if you like ###-###-####

Your military friend
K.

I wish I had some fantastic experience to share with you...May I just offer you my grattitute, to both you and your husband. I am an avid patriot- I love this country with all my heart and am so grateful to be here raising a family. My husband and I have been married 4 years, and we have an almost 2 year old. We have this wonderful life because families like you are willing to fight both on the front lines, and in the home and delivery room. There are so many good men (and women) who sacrifice so much for our wonderful country. Thank you for doing what you're doing, and please thank your husband as well. The only thing I can promise is that you are stronger than you think you are, and you will be blessed for your family's sacrifice. You are incredible. Again, thank you.

Hi K.,

One option would be to hire a post-partum doula. They could come to your home a few hours a day to help out and possibly even do some overnights if you need it. A great website with lots of doula resources is http://coloradodoulas.com/

Good luck!

I just wanted to say, I'm right there with ya... my husband deploys in July, and I am due in Nov. Whatever you decided, I'm sure it will work out just fine. God bless you and your family.

K., go out to CAPPA.net and find a doula in your area that can attend you while you're in labor and provide you post partum support so you can stay in your home and avoid having a rocky relationship enter your home during a very sensitive time.

There are many, many doulas that will provide you with free service as part of Opperation Special Delivery. In fact, just go out to www.operationspecialdelivery.com

Begin now to make casseroles and such that you can put in the freezer to pop in the oven when baby is born. Call a friend or a few friends and have a recipe exchange where you all bring a recipe over and the ingredients enough for everyone and put them all together, you all will have meals ready for the freezer OR they can donate thier portions to you as a post partum gift of support.

Let me know if I can be of more use and support.

Go be with your mom. The MIL should be used as a last resort as this does not sound fun and could be more stress than it is worth. The only other option I can think of is to find the local LDS branch out there and talk to the Relief Society President or compassionate service leader. If you need help finding them let me know.

My husband spent more than half of our marriage away the first five years. He deployed the first time when I was pregnant with our first child he was notgoing to be home till my son was turning one. He was gone for almost 15 months. I moved home for that baby. It was almost more stress than it was worth. My Mom was a lot of help, but they still had teenagers at home, so I could never get my son to sleep well or at a decent time. Than when my second was a month old he left for six months again. I decided to stay where we were at so I would not disrupt my son. I utilized the rescorces to help. I am glad I stayed. That is just the time he left while we had kids. I have allready decided that when he goes next we are staying put. My son starts school this fall. We now have three kids and I do not want to disrupt their lives and sleep schedules. They do not sleep as well in other places. It is hard enough on them having Daddy gone.

My mother-in-law came on our last baby, because she had spring break. My husband works 24hr shifts now, so it was real nice having her. She helped with my 2 year old that was having a hard time with sleeping at the time. It helped us bond, and we are getting along better.

I hope this helps, good luck! Any decision you make will work out if you let it.

Have you checked with your Family Resource group on the base? They often have some resources for moms in your situation. I run a program called Blankets for Deployed Daddies (www.blanketsfordeployeddaddies.com) and we send out baby blankets for families expecting while daddy is deployed. I get a lot of requests from people in he FRG for others. Have you looked at a postpartum doula? They can be invaluable for helping keep things running smoothly at home. You might be able to connect with one through Sweet Beginnings (www.oursweetbeginnings.com) to see if they would be available for you. There is also a program called Operation Special Delivery (http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com/) that offers free doula services for military moms. They may be able to find you one in the area that will work for free. Just some thoughts. Happy Pregnancy!

L.

i was in that situation only it was my first and only child he is now 5, and when i was 6 months my husband left for kuwait. we lived in san diego and we are orginally from oxnard ca so i moved in with my mother and step father in law. i love them both very much and i was near my family as well. as for your situation i think you should fly to your mothers house i am sure with the family leave act she could stay home for a couple of days or just grin and bear it with your mother in law i mean do the kids like her does she do well with the kids. it might be time to make a bridge and get over every thing. maybe i dont know your whole story. any ways goodluck and if you wont you could email me for a strangers opinion.:) ____@____.com iam in wyoming if that is were you are.

I know this may sound silly, but I did this when my husband was deployed.

Make a list of the pros and cons of each option. When makingthis list considers the pros and cons for all involved. Consider things like: what effect will a temp. move have the kids,(ex: my daughter only sleeps well in her own bed, will you have the baby away from your dr, are you okay with that, the comfort of recovering in your own home, how often you and the kids see your mom, etc. Think of anything you can even if it seems silly. This will help you better see the differences. It is sometimes easier to see the good and bad of things if you put it on paper. Then judge according to what would be best for you and the kids, the one with the most pros.

Congrats on the baby. Hang in there. I'll br praying for you.

As a military wife, I would suggest that you look into your units support group first. I never ended up contacting any in our unit while my husband was deployed, as they were too far away, but I know that had great services available. The support unit is usually run entirely by the wives. That might be the best option as you could get some support without having to leave home. If you do decide to lean on your mother or MIL, I would go with whichever woman makes you the most confortable. Childbirth alone can be pretty emotion without the added stress of deployment, so don't make things harder on you just for the sake of the children stablility. They will feel the stress of a strained relationship (if that is the case) with your MIL even if they are able to stay at home. A trip to Grandma's could be very exciting and distracting for the little ones if you chose to stay with your mom too. Either way do what feels right for you and your children will all be fine.

I do not know where you are located, but I will be glad to be part of your support system if you need me. My DH is back off deployment now and I am expecting our second child in August.

No question in my mind. GO TO YOUR MOMS. I am sure she would love to see you and the grandkids. As a grandma I take the chance anytime I get it. I don't think it would be distrupful to the kids and grandparents are like going on vacation and everyone like to do that. You would even rest better knowing that you arn't walking on pin and needles around your mother-in-law. Good luck. Rose

Go stay with your mom. My husband in the army and when i was pregnant he was gone for 4 months. I was still working so I just stayed at home thinking everything would be fine. Well i got put on bed rest and I had to have people come to my house and do everything for me. It was so awful and I felt so alone. My husband has to go away again this summer and I have a 17 month old and I just found out I'm pregnant so I'm flying all the way to MI to stay with my parents. I know that it might be a little a little h*** o* my daughter for a week or two but i would rather be around family to help me just in case something happens and I think it will be fun for my daughter to have more people around. So I would go stay with mother so she can help you. Believe me you will need it.

Hi-- Youve already gotten tons of suggestions, but I just wanted to add another one, as well as my support and encouragement.
I love the doula suggestions. There are doulas who are trained in helping women through labor and others who are trained in helping women during the postpartum period--some are trained for both. Doulas are worth their weight in gold! Another source for doulas is www.dona.org. Many of those doulas will work for a much-reduced rate or even for free if you explain your situation. Just ask specifically if they offer discounts on their services for women whose partners are on active duty. Postpartum doulas help with kids and housework, too.
Also consider meeting up with a local group of La Leche League. Church friends can also be useful but La Leche League is non-sectarian and offers breastfeeding info and help for free and is a wonderful way to meet friendly moms in your area. The moms at a LLL group might have some suggestions of excellent doulas, midwives, OBGYN's and baby-sitters. If you went now, they could be part of your support system for when Baby comes.
Finally--if you can find the right contact, you could consider hiring some help for your older kids and housework just before and right after Baby comes. August might be the perfect time to hire a college student who is eager to make a buck--an early childhood education major would be perfect. Even an older high schooler whose family you knew and trusted would be useful. The helper could spend the night to help with bedtime and mornings, do laundry, take the older kids to the park, make sandwiches, run to the store, keep up basic housework, etc. It could be tricky to find the right person, but if you started looking around now at church or at La Leche League or other moms' groups, you could find a real gem. Then you could be at home, still the queen of your own world, but not completely burdened with everything.
I know LLL moms who have pulled together to rotate childcare for a friend whose new baby was a preemie in the NICU, so I feel certain you will be able to find the support you need locally if you plan ahead a bit. Lots of folks will be honored to pitch in for free, and if you combine their help with some paid help, you could seriously consider just staying on your own turf.
I know you need to do what you need to do, but it sure doesn't sound nice to me to bring in someone who might stress you out (MIL). I'd save that option for a desperate situation only, and only if she will truly help, so you're not tensed up and don't have to share your queen crown too much in your own home! ;)
Please keep us updated! I know people are ready to help you and are just waiting to be told what to do. Hang in there!

Honey, stay with your Mom. I gave birth while staying at my mother-laws. Our relationship was Okay, but deteriorated with her old school ways. Also, you need your space too. With your Mom working, you get the best of having some assistance and also some time alone with the kids. Don't think of it as disruptive to the kids, it is an adventure! You will just be so much more comfortable with your Mom.
May I also suggest having DVD player in the car for the ride in the car. I have moved with small children driving cross country - IL to CA and CA to CO and the difference on the second trip with them having movies for entertainment was incredible.

Good luck.

WHat bad timing on your husband's deployment...they should make exceptions for soon-to-be-dads! When you say your relationship with you Mother in Law is "rocky", I wonder if spending that much time (much of which would be stressful with birth and all that)would be worse on your relationship, or maybe bring you closer? Hmmmm. If it were me, I would go to your mom's. But that's me. If I had to pick who was to be with me in the delivery room, and who was going to help me the first few weeks with a baby and my older kids, I would rather have my own family, rather than my in laws. Especially if you are not on great terms with the in-laws. Your kids would probably enjoy a trip to grandma's for a few weeks. Last year, while my husband remodeled our house so we could sell it, I took my kids and went and stayed with my parents for two months. I thought it would be h*** o* the kids to be uprooted like that, but kids are so resiliant! They adapt to just about anything. my kids settled right in, and enjoyed their extended visit. I am sure your kids would be fine, too. Good luck with your decision and the birth of your baby!

P.S. I am adding this after reading the other posts: If you are worried about being delivered by a different doctor, you should also consider that in many cases (depending on the kind of practice he/she runs) your doctor may not be the one who delivers you anyway, if he/she isn't on call that day.

Not sure about the mom in law...it could bet total nightmare for you, or it could really help a happy relationship to blossom. I would stay home though, your kids will be going through enough without dad, moving them around won't make it any easier for them.

My MIL came to help out with my 4th child. I wouldn't say we were close and we did have our differences but having her come and stay really brought us closer together. She was wonderful. She really became close to the older kids too. I think that even though I had mixed feelings about her being here before, it was a really terrific experience. I think it would be harder to pull everything up and go so far to stay with your mom. I wouldn't want to have a baby in a strange hospital with a strange doctor either.

if you feel good about asking your mom-in-law, do it. it might help your relationship with her. besides going to your mom's, you can always get the ladies in your neighborhood or church to help out by visiting, bringing meals, cleaning, etc.

I'm so sorry, that would be incredibly hard, you must be very strong! I'm afraid I dont have any good suggestions but do what you think you and your children will be most comfortable with. If you think you can be more natural and comfy with your own Mom, or in your own home...
Good Luck,
S.

Go to your mom's house for sure! There's nothing like having a mom when you have a new baby. Even if she's working, she'll take care of you better than any in-law and comfort you more. Your mom-in-law is more likely to make the situation worse, especially if you don't already have a great relationship. Don't worry what's best for your kids on this one, worry what's best for you. What's best for you is likely what is best for your kids anyway so you don't turn into a depressed mommy. Good Luck!!