Daycare Woes - Is This Normal?

I worked in a day care while I was in college. They should have noticed it & reported it to you. This does not sound like a good situation, & someone should have noticed.

I don't have a child in daycare (never have), but have worked in them. First of all, every teacher is supposed to fill out an accident/incident report whenever something happens. Of course, that is not to say that a child can't fall down when she didn't see and get a knot on their head. Whether she knows or not depends on the child. I have had some kids who cry at the drop of the hat and it would be well known anytime they had so much as a tiny scratch. Other kids are tough as nails, bang their head, get up and keep playing. I think it is scary part for "mom" is that no one knows and you have no idea how it happened or how hard he was hit. A child could have a concussion and wouldn't necessarily display symptoms for over an hour or more and mom wouldn't recognize the symptoms and respond appropriately if she didn't even know something had occurred.

With that said, I never did put any of my children in daycare because I did work in them. There is so much that goes on sometimes and parents don't know. One problem I had was when a child purposely socked another child, I filled out two reports. One was an incident report for the child who did the hitting. That report just went into his file (parents not told or notified unless it became a constant problem). This was not my policy, but the daycare's. I needed to follow their guidelines. Then there was an accident report in which I was supposed to fill it out for the "victim" like little Johnny got hit during recess (making it sound like a simple accident when it was another kid being mean). I was not to mention names. I did not agree with this on any level. One time when this happened during recess, I brought Bully Billy inside and informed the director of what he did. They put him in another class who was watching a movie. This kid didn't have any punishment what-so-ever. If I was a parent of the "victim" I would want to know what they were dealing with in their day. If I was a parent of a misbehaved kid, I would want to know up front, not only after it became a habitual problem.

I'm not talking about the occasional flare up from a child who is usually well behaved (or decent anyway). I used to think that kids who really misbehaved would be asked to leave, but that's not so. These places do NOT want to lose any business so they tolerate Bully Billy and do little to stop it. I'm sure they would if a number of families pulled their kids out because of it (if they ever knew what was going on). It is my experience that the trouble maker kids aren't phased by having to go talk to the director where she reminds him that it isn't polite to hit and then sends him right back into the room. More often than not it was the same few kids who caused the problems and they never really changed. They are the ones who consume the teacher's time and the good kids often don't get the rewards and attention that they deserve. Teachers were often frustrated because their hands were tied as to what they could even do. Where I worked, we couldn't put a child in time out. They could sit in a thinking chair and that chair had to be with all the others (not set apart or facing another way). One time (in another classroom) a little boy turned his chair around because he didn't want anyone to look at him. The director came in and scolded the teacher for this boy facing the other way (and she didn't have him face that way).

It was my experience overall that most of the teachers were very good with the children and wished they could spend more time with the well behaved kids. There were a few on occasion who I would NOT want my child to be around all day, but most of the teachers were very loving. However, most of the teachers were very frustrated about the way the center handled the difficult kids as they occupied SO MUCH of the teacher's time and energy (which is why it is entirely possible for another kid to get a bump and the teacher not be aware.

Be persistant in them watching the tapes to see what happened. I have asked on several occasions and they will watch. They always act like it is an inconvenience, but they still do it. You have the right to know what happened. Please know that there will be lots more bumps and bruises, it comes with the territory. Once in a while isn't a big deal, but usually my sons teacher can explain what happened. Especially if it were on his head, you would have thought he would have cried. Leaving them all day is hard enough, but when they come home bruised it makes you feel all the more guilty for leaving them. Hang in there, and remember he is your child, and you have every right to know what happened!

Hi K.,
Please don't dismiss your feelings, you are paying for the most important service, someone to watch your child and keep him safe, and you have every right to inquire into the incidents that took place while he was in their care. Kids do get bumps, bruises, and bites, but at the same time its the center's responsibility to ensure your child is in a safe environment. One of the primary reasons I selected my current daycare provider is because of the cameras that are in place, and I am sure part of the fee you pay is inclusive of this. Also it is the responsibility of the Center Director to be responsive to your requests and to identify the incidents of the injuries to your child. If the Director is not responsive after several attemps and you do not receive a resolution you are comfortable with, I would consider changing providers. Don't dismiss yourself! As for if this is normal...your feelings are completely normal....children getting bumps and bruises are completely normal...but for your child to receive two separate injuries and for no one to have see either and be reluctant to look into it is not normal to me. If my child sneezes funny at my daycare they bring it up to me. Keep up your persistance and hopefully it turns up to be nothing!

It is one thing to have a little scrape on your knee and another to have a knot and/or a bite mark. I would think that the teacher would have noticed the behavior that led up to the bite if not the actual bite. Either way, I would expect the center to write an incident report when something like that happens to my child.

I dont know where you take him but I liked the day care we had Video that the parents can view themselves when ever they want from the start of the day to the end of the day and live.

My daughter would be in two rooms so i could view her in either room and the play grounds.

She went to Kids R Kids...in Keller.

You may want to find a daycare that has that type of system so you dont have to rely on the Director to look over the video you can do it yourself and let them know what you saw and when.

I agree with what you say somewhat. I would like an explination as well if my child had a bruise or bump, but the truth is, if the child does not cry, it's hard to know what happened. Maybe your little angel is a tough one and he bumps into things without feeling the pain?!
I would be a little more concerned about the bite mark if it were me. It's rare for a tussle to occur and it go unnoticed, especially when someone is bitten!
I have had a daycare in my home (now I just watch one infant and my own 3y/o daughter) and it is hard to explain every bump and bruise...even when you do notice it before the parent. What you thought was a small bump might actually result in a bruise later on.
It's always a delicate situation between child care provider and parent. The best advice I can give you is to watch if this kind of thing is ongoing. Does he come home more than once a week with a bruise? If so, you might have something to worry about. When he's at home with you is he especially clumsy? This may be the case at daycare also. You just never know but it does sound like you have a healthy relationship with his teacher. If you feel good about her, then he's probably just being "one of the boys"!
It never hurts to ask questions though and you should never feel like you are putting someone out by doing so. True this director has a daycare to run, but part of her job is appeasing her daycare parents. Follow up with her. It's ok to give her a little extra work to ease your mind...you are paying her to watch your most prized possession right?

In regards to the other parent that worked in daycare centers with habitually bisbehaved kids...i would like to agree. That is why I chose to keep my kids home with me and have a daycare in my home rather than work in a center. I saw time after time children with absolutely not discipline consume my whole day trying to keep the other kids safe with little to no help from the director. At least in my home I chose the children I kept and if I had a Bully Billy I could make the choice whether or not to keep him. The fact is, most directors don't care much because they don't have to deal with that particular child on a daily basis and he is seen as a dollar sign. Kinda sad, but true.

I wish I could give you some advice. I'm a new mom considering daycare. I don't think you're overreacting- thats for sure.

Which daycare?

The daycare should have to write up accident reports when things like this happen. When my son's toddler class was going through a big "biting" stage, he sometimes had 5 accident reports a day! There have been times where he's had a mark on him and I don't get a report, but never anything major. And, if I tell the director there's no report, the teacher gets counseled. I usually don't make a huge deal out of it, though. I don't think you're overreacting at all! If there's a knot, it must've been a pretty big fall! I would make them go through the tapes and figure it out. You're paying them to watch him.

K.,

You are not overreacting and you did all of the right things. BUG the director until you get the answers you want! If this had happened to my DS, or I was the teacher (been there, done that), even if I had not seen it happen, I would have noticed it at some point during the day and wrote up an incident report. Then I would have explained to the parent that I did not exactly see what happened but I have asked the director to review the tapes and then I would follow-up with the parent as soon as I have found out. That is me, of course. But as a parent, I would expect the same. I have noticed things on my DS when he was in daycare and you can guarantee I was on the phone asking questions!

I hope you find out and get the answers to the questions you are asking. As a working Mom, it is difficult enough to leave you child in the care of others without worrying ALL day if they are safe. I witnessed something at my child's daycare about a week before I withdrew him. I'm so happy I did, and so is he. He's now in home childcare where he gets more individual attention (not just a number).

K.,
I'm a SAHM now, but before having our 2nd child I was a full time working mom, so I understand all your worries/concerns.

If I were you, I would have been VERY concerned with the situation. Everyone knows how toddlers can get into the things before you know it and hurt themselves. However, a head bump AND a bite mark in ONE day...and no one knows what happened and there's no "Accident Report"! Hummm...

Personally, I think I might have said to the director, "Great, I have all day to watch the video and WE can figure out or see what happened RIGHT NOW!"

On the other hand, I would also keep bugging the director, and if I didn't have an answer by the end of the week, I would call HER director/boss and start getting some answers.

Here's a great website to use, if you want to check into your daycares records:

***Click on the link below, and enter in the name of the preschool/day care. Once, you do that it'll show whether the school has any "red flags"(EX: Caregiver terminated for mis-treating children.) and other helpful info***

TEXAS Department of Child & Protective Services:
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/Search_Texas_Child...

Please keep us posted and I hope that things work out for the better!

Take care,
EB
www.mothersnmore.com
(A great Mom's group for SAHM & Working Moms in the Flower Mound, Highland Village, Argyle, Corinth, and surrounding areas)

I agree with the other posts that you are right to be concerned, not necessarily about the injuries themselves but about the center's unwillingness to answer your concerns, as well as the fact that no one seemed to notice! My 1-yr-old has been in daycare for 4 months now, and has come home 3-4 times with visible bumps and bruises, but each time the teacher has told me immediately when I came to pick her up, even before I had a chance to notice, and explained what happened. My DD is learning to walk, so of COURSE she's going to fall, bump her head, etc.--she does these things when she's with me, too--but her teacher should be aware and communicate with the parent. Also, have you had the opportunity to see how the teacher deals with misbehavior? On two occasions I've seen kids at my DD's center misbehave (once pushing, once roughly grabbing a toy), and they've been immediately talked to in a way I was impressed with. I agree that leaving your child is hard enough, you deserve to have him somewhere where he is safe!

I am a mom of a 13 yr old and a 10 yr old. I have been through the day care days and I have been a pre-school teacher. You are not over re-acting, if any thing you are under re-acting. You pay good money for them to take care and look after your child, they have waited far to long to respond to your request, there is no reason the teacher should be unaware of your childs bruises and bite marks. It is her job to see what is going on. I can understand if she didn't see the incident directly, but there is no excuse for not knowing something happened. Find a new day care, stand your ground with this one, and report this one to the better business beuaro (sp?)

When my daughter was in her toddler class, she came home with bitemarks 3 different times in one month. I honestly considered pulling her out. They should write incident reports, but if the bitemark is not in a very visible place, it is quite possible the teacher wouldn't notice it. Some kids will not react and therefore the teacher may not notice. It happens quickly.

One of those three times, the bitemark was across her cheek and close to her eye. I was very horrified. I asked another mother if her daughter was bitten. It turned out, her daughter was the one that bit her...and they are best friends!! They don't bite out of hate. They bite because they don't know any better and sometimes they just want to know what would happen if they did it.

When I considered pulling her out, I called another daycare and asked how many biting incidents they get in a month. I was very surprised to find out that on a good month, they would have 7 to 8 incidents, but most months it averaged about 15 biting incidents. That's total in the class, and not always the same kids. The teacher:child ratio in that class was 1:18 and my daughter's class was 1:9, so I figured she was safer where she was. She hasn't had any trouble since.

K.,
If your gut tells you that something is wrong--then something is wrong! You are not overreacting and please don't use the excuse that you're a first time mom. You don't say how old your son is, but he obviously isn't old enough to tell what happened or he would have said something. I would insist that the tapes be watched, then you might have to make the unfortunate and inconvenient decision to find a new day care. All moms want their children to be safe.
Good luck.

It's true that children sometimes come home with scrapes, scratches, bruises, bumps and bite marks that teachers don't mention, but for the one's that look more "serious" to me I always bring them to the teacher's attention, ask what happened, and if they say they don't know, I ask them to please watch my child more closely for incidents like that. I tell them that I know it's impossible to see every little thing, but certain injuries like a bite or a visible bump are a little more serious than just a little bruise or scratch and someone needs to keep an eye out for that kind of stuff. In every day care and with every child care provider I've ever had this conversation with (and I have 3 kids that have been in day care at some point over the past 17 years), I start getting reports DAILY of ANY incidents that happened with my kids, even if they didn't leave a mark. They tend to want to prove that they are doing a good job watching my kids and are trying to put my mind at ease.

I've always found that it's important to let the teachers and directors know you empathize with the difficult job they have to do every day, but at the same time you have an expectation of excellence that you require when it comes to your child, and usually, if you're respectful to them and let them know you really appreciate them, they are really good about making sure you're happy with the care given to your kids.

If I had ever had a response from the director that you received, and they didn't get back with me regarding the results of reviewing the tapes within a few days, I would have removed my kids from their care. I never had that experience, but if I had, that's what I would have done.

When I didn't like something that happened at my child's day care that I thought wasn't taken seriously enough by the director, I have gone so far to as to contact the regional manager when it was a "chain" type daycare and/or the owner when using an independent daycare where the director was not the owner. It's harder when the director is the owner, but again, I've never had a problem with any type of retaliation when I've complained about incidents regarding my children, even when the director has been the owner. I've only seen results. Hopefully, you will as well.

I believe you have reason to be concerned. A child who has a bruise and a knot, would have cryed alot. The teacher or someone at the daycare should have known why and notified you when you picked him up. Bite marks are also something that they should have mentioned. (Bite marks are not that unusual when a group of small children are together). I would keep your eyes out. My daughter was in a daycare for four months when she was an infant and things started not adding up. I removed her and put her in a private sitter. That was the best thing for her. She has thrived ever since (two years now). I'm not saying remove him, but keep your eyes open. Your his mom and if something doesn't feel right it probley isn't. Good luck

I would definately want to know what happened to my child if he had bumps or bites on him. There should be some form of incident report. At the daycare I use if someone bites and it breaks the skin, the child is sent home. If someone scratches and it breaks the skin, the child is sent home. They are very strict about children not hurting each other. This is in the 2-year old classroom so it starts at a young age. I recieve incident reports and a phone call if he gets hurt in any way. I would continue to pursue this. Even with several children in the classroom, the teacher should know that something happened to your child and they should let you know. The director should be more than willing to figure out what happened and resolve the issue.

If he has strong visible marks, like these, the teacher should know because your child most likely cried at the time of the injury. How old is your son? If he's old enough to talk, then make sure he knows to tell the teacher when he's hurt. The fact that the teacher didn't know the child was injured raises huge questions about that school. I'd keep a record of the incidents and the school's response. If it continues, I'd file a complaint with the city/county that licenses the daycare. I'd also find another school.

No this is not normal, I worked in childcare for about 5 years and we had to fill out an "accident report" every time a child got hurt. This was shown to the parent when they picked up the child, the parent signed the report and it stayed on file at the center. Yes SOMEONE should have done SOMETHING and the director should not have blown you off like that. I'm assuming you don't have access to the video cameras or would've watched it yourself. I would definitely continue to watch and see if he comes home with any more bruises or bite marks and keep a record of it in case you have to go to the director again.