Crying Self to Sleep

I had a similar situation with my fiancee's brother when he lived with us but I was on the side of letting my son cry himself to sleep. He was the one that wanted to hold him constantly to get him to go to sleep. It's better to let them cry themselves to sleep because then they learn how to soothe themselves and learn how basically fall asleep by themselves. If you constantly hold them or rock them then they won't get how to soothe themselves and when they get older will expect you to pick them up and hold them. I know you hate to hear them crying but it's actually for their own good.

R.,

I agree with Joanna, your baby is way to young to let him cry it out. At this point he is not trying to trick you. If he was up that long he probably is still trying to get his days & nights straight. And, even if he is just scared, he's scared, & needs you to let him know it is ok. I would give it at least 5 or 6 more months before considering the cry out method. Do you swaddle him? Good luck!

I really disagree that "constantly trying to console them is a waste of time"! Babies cry for a reason, especially this young. Our job as parents is to find out what that reason is and try to make it better. Sometimes we can't figure out what the problem is, but that doesn't mean there isn't one. After exhausting all of your options in trying to figure out the problem, sometimes all you can do for them is just be there and hold them.

If you don't have it already, I highly recommend getting "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears. From this book, we discovered that our daughter had acid reflux (at only a few months old!), so it was actually PAINFUL for her to lie down (that's why she didn't sleep very long, and seemed inconsolable at times). As you read about various topics (crying, eating, sleeping, etc.), the book gives several avenues for you to try-- "if your baby is doing this, it might be this, so try this" and eventually we figured out what was wrong. We got her on meds, elevated one end of her bed, kept her upright after feedings and things improved dramatically.

For at least the first year, it's really important to build trust with your baby. The sooner you respond to her cries, the more that trust will build, and the less anxious she will be (she will be more content becuase she knows that if she needs you, you will respond). We took the "do whatever it takes to soothe her" motto with our second baby (now 18 mos) and she is a much easier baby than our first was. She mostly sleeps through the night, which our first (now 5yrs) STILL doesn't do. Please follow your instincts, not what people say you SHOULD do (and don't be too tough on yourself if you can't figure out what's wrong). The most important thing you can do for your baby is love her and empathise with her. Too many parents don't put themselves in their children's shoes.

Go here http://www.thebabywhisperer.com/smf/ and search or do a post of your own. It could be anything: overtired, overstimulated, stomach pain. Get a routine going in the day so you can rule things out then you can better help him at night. HTH. :)

Hi R.

I havn't been a new mother in years. But I have been one 4 times over. First off if your baby is crying in the night, Make sure there is nothing wrong. Is he cold, wet, hungry, fevered etc. If not let him cry alittle it won't hurt him. But if it continues, then there is something wrong. A baby don't usually cry that much unless something is wrong. He could have cholic. Keep his tummy warm and see if that helps. I always rubbed my twins heads and they fell asleep. I don't know anything but for you to try it. Never hurts to try.

My grandchildren also have made it lol.

I can sympathize with your situation. I had a horrible sleeper who now at 16 months regularly sleeps all night. I have never once left him alone to cry it out. Babies cry because they have needs and they depend on their moms to take care of them. At this age, they need to nurse often. It is also nature's way of keeping them safe. SIDS is more likely when babies are in deep stages of sleep. And even when they are a bit older and aren't hungry, they still need you for emotional support. I suggest getting a Dr. Sears book (The Baby Book or really any of his books) and have your husband read the chapter about sleeping and crying it out. My husband was also uneducated about the harmful effects of letting a baby cry. I let him read that and he was convinced. Stay strong and always follow your mommy instinct. It's there for a reason. Hang in there!

R.,

I can completely sympathize with your frustration of trying to get your sweet little baby to sleep. One thought is to swaddle him really good. My son always got his arms out and didn't seem comforted by it until we learned that to properly swaddle him we had to make sure his arms were by his side (yes, it is tricky to make that happen). As a result swaddling became one of our most powerful tricks to calming him down to prepare him for sleep. The tighter the swaddle the better.

The other thing we did starting when he was 3 weeks old was to allow him to sleep in his swing. We would position him (already tightly swaddled) slightly on his side with a rolled up towel/blanket at his back and start the swing. Once he fell asleep we turned the swing off and he started sleeping 6-8 hrs every night! When he was 9 weeks old we transitioned him back to his crib so he wouldn't come to rely on the swing motion to fall asleep.

We have let him cry himself to sleep at times over the past year (but once he was a few months old) but for the most part I have used the cry but with me there to comfort method. In other words, I would check on him, pat his butt rhythmically for a few moments to reassure him and then leave. I would check on him every 15 minutes or so to remind him I was there but was giving him space to figure out how to self soothe. The Sleep Lady, Kim West, wrote a book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" that has been so helpful for us and you might check it out. She is very much into sleep training with some crying involved but with you there helping and reassuring. I loved her approach and found it very helpful. Your little one needs lots of loving right now and may just be wanting his 4th trimester of cuddling, warmth, being near mom, etc. Good luck and congrats on your new sweetie.

No offense but your son is WAY too young to cry himself to sleep. Babies are meant to wake up often during the night. Not only is it to sustain their hunger as they grow, but it keeps them breathing etc. and can be a SIDS deterrent. I, unlike many, did let my children cry themselves to sleep but they were about 4-6 mos. older than yours and it certainly was easier on them to understand a little later in life.

I was told by Dr.s and study infant development and growth - at a month old, they are too young to cry themselves to sleep. Their food intake is at it's greatest this time so they are still needing to eat frequently (even 2-3 times during the night).

I do believe in letting a child cry themselves to slepp, but not until about 5-6 months.

Yes, wait until your baby is about 6 months. That is when they are learning to control you. WHen ours were babies, we let them cry it out. It took about a week, and they were both PERFECT sleepers from then on. Evan is 5 and Noah is 2. They are in bed between 7:30 and 8 every night and we never have any problems! Good luck...

Mother knows best and your intincts are right on. A 4 week old is not capable of self soothing and their little bodies need nutrition throughout the night. As your baby grows he/she will be able to sleep longer. By 4 -5 months is when you'll see the longer stretches of sleep at night.

My daughter is 7 months old and still wakes for one feeding each night, 3am give or take 10 minutes, but it's dang near right on the dot. It's just her habit and her bodies way of telling her she needs more food.

Trust your instincts. :-)

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I have had this same issue. We have a 7 month old and we haven't let her cry herself to sleep at all. We decided it was probably time to do it and we let her cry last night for 45 minutes and she did finally fall asleep, then was up an hour later screaming again. I don't like the idea of letting her cry to sleep, and I understand it is the best thing to do, but it is terrible!

I believe a baby this young needs you and recommend rocking and soothing them until they are atleast 3-4 months old. I have read LOTS of articles on the "Cry it out Method" and most of them recommend letting them do that when they are about 3-4 months old, because that is when they are more likely to not need feeding in the night. But, you also have to remember not to let them feel abandoned. I'm actually getting ready to start this again w/ my 8.5 month old. He was sleeping through the night until he got sick, now that he is better, I'm going to start this method again because we are in need of a good nights sleep. It is very difficult, but what I suggest is letting him cry it out for 5 minutes, then going in a checking on him and saying something to him, then leaving the room. Go in again in 8 minutes if he is still crying and do the same thing, than again in 12 minutes and so on and so on, until he eventually falls asleep. But they say to not pick them up. But if he is in distress obviously pick him up and comfort him a bit, then try it again. If it doesn't work the first time, wait a week and try it again. But eventually, your baby will learn to self sooth. It is very diffuclt, I agree. But, I'm not a doctor just a mother of a 12 year old and a 8.5 month old! Try and enjoy every moment as it won't last forever, they are only little once!! Good luck!

Babies this young cannot be spoiled. They have physical needs that must be attended to. Tell your husband that the child does not need lessons in self sufficiency at this age. The only motives a one month old has are for very basic necessities and the only way they have to communicate those needs is by crying. I do attachment parenting with my 4 1/2 year old... she never had to cry herself to sleep (until she got old enough to sleep in her own room, and even then she never cried herself to sleep). We co-slept with her 2 1/2 years (both my husband and I felt more secure with her near us) with her on a bed next to ours that slowly moved across the room. She was in her own room by the time she was 3 1/2. She now sleeps in her room through the night, but does come for cuddles early in the morning. It's a myth that children will sleep with you until they are teenagers if you don't break them while they are young. With respect, patience, and compassion for who they are as individuals, it is possible to gently guide them into self sufficiency, rather than thrust them. I'm not saying every parent should do it the way we did it, but that's what worked for us... I'm sure you'll find what works for you and your child and your husband. Your instincts are 100% correct on this one though, your child needs you. We all go into child rearing with a lot of preconceived notions as to how it should be done, but many beliefs people have are not reasonable for infants and many others just don't work for everyone. And check out the baby whisperer link... I wish she had been around when mine was little. His problem may be as simple as he just needs to be next to you for extra warmth since it has been cold...

Well I don't think you understand that he is most likely not upset at all. Think about it. He doesn't have anything else to do for exercise. He can't do anything but eat, sleep and cry. all babies will cry a certain amount through out the day. It won't matter if you constantly get them to stop. They'll just start in again. Constantly trying to console them is a huge waste of time. Your job is not to shield him from every conceivable moment of discomfort, boredom, or loneliness. He must learn how to self soothe at some point and the longer you wait the harder it will be. Your job is to smile, love, protect, feed and nurture. If he isn't sick or in pain, put him down and leave him be.

The fact that he woke up so soon makes me wonder though if he could have gas or something. If he is in pain his mid section would be very hard and rigid. You'll get to know the sound of his different cries soon enough. So just know to choose times when you know he's feed, changed, doesn't seem to be in pain and then put him down with some soft music, shut the door and go do something for yourself or get some much needed chores done around the house.

Suzi

I definitely agree with the other moms who think he might be hungry. I breastfed and my son only slept 3-4 hours at a time at night and then he would be hungry and ready to nurse. He moved up gradually to 5-6 hours a night, and has just in the past three or four months started sleeping through the night. Try another feeding and that should help him go back to sleep. Also, one month is still very young and he's usually crying because he needs something. I wouldn't start the cry it out method for another few months. I would try to get your son on a regular routine, even if it involves waking up in the middle of the night for a feeding. Hopefully he'll go right back to sleep and so will you! Good luck!