Co- Worker's Infant Passed Away Today

Oh my goodness, how terrible. I cannot even begin to imagine their pain. WHat was the cause?

In any event, just be there for her. Try not to be all awkward and don't say "I know how you feel" type statements because no one knows how she feels. Just let her know you're there for her if/when she needs you.

I know when that happened to me having people bring me and my family over meals was a big help.. I really wasn't in the mood for cooking or doing anything.. It is really sad and I know the feeling of what the parents are going through.. I have lost 3 and now have 3 beautiful boys..

Perhaps a donation to a charity related to the cause of death, in the infants (or family) name... I'll put them in my prayers.

I am very sorry for your co-workers loss. Some ideas of what you could do are: you could send flowers to the funeral home, take a collection of some food and drop it off to her and her family. SHe is not going to want to cook,probably wont even want to eat alot. You could just get her and her family a card and take a collection with some money. Funeral expenses are very high. I hope these ideas help and once again I am sorry for the loss.

Losing a child is tragic no matter what the age. My heart goes out to your co-worker.

As far as things you and other co-workers could do for the family... Well, honestly, I'm sure this is not something they were prepared for. I'm sure they didn't have any insurance on the child and the cost of a funeral and burial can be staggering. Perhaps, you could start a collection for the family to help them through this time. The family would be able to use the money for funeral or other expenses that hit them through this.

In our family, we always send the family food as well. As the mother is probably still recovering, sending food that can be frozen for later meals would probably be a big help, also.

Also, a note included in either that tells them to please call if they need anything and includes the phone number(s) of those interested in being called.

As a co-worker, you could also see if there is anything at work that you could do to help your co-worker keep up with his/her work so that they aren't coming back to a backlog of work.

Anyhow, I hope this helps.

my best friend and i were both trying to have a baby. she got pregant first. and everything was fine until she was 8 mothe pregnant. 1 day before the baby shower, she went to her dr appt and no heartbeat. they induced her labor and she deleverd a dead baby. She lost her mind. to make things worse, i just found out I was pregnant.

i never told her, but i did all i could for her, she was so upset, all i could do was listen to whatever she had to say, and tell her it was not anything she had done.

Offer your co worker all the support you can offer,just call her up and tell her that you heard about her loss and tell her that you are always there for her to talk to. she will remember that more than anything else.

hopefully she dont end up like my friend did, she was so upset, she decided to drown her sorrows in booze. then that wasent enough, so she turned to drugs. she pulled out of it for a while, and she became a constant at my house almost like a second mom to my baby, and i let her, but she had other problems and losing that baby only made them worse. she ended up overdosing and she died, leaving behind her 9 year old son.

and other experience i have with this was when my sister and i were both pregnant with our first babys at the same time, i had mine in july and she had hers in october and hers died, that was tuff, talk about resentment. i always felt that no matter what she always resented that her baby died and mine lived. we had a funneral for her baby and evrything, the whole family got to hold the baby, and all before she was buried. but she never got over it, she went on to have 6 more kids and could never quite replace the one she lost.

All i can say is be there and listen, make the first move, call her up and offer her an ear, or better yet take her some flowers or, i bought my girlfriend a #1 mom necklace and i told her that she was the best mom no matter what, and with all the crazy stuff that happoened, she still had that necklace when she died. she didnt have anthing else, she traded all her stuff to get high, but she kept that damm necklace.

Hi C.. I also lost a 5 month old- almost 9 years ago now. It is a very tuff situation, and many young families just starting out are so overwhelmed by the whole thing.
My co workers collected money when my son died- to help w/expences that we were not prepared for. Even if its not alot- it will really help. And just offer your support- she will always need that. Take care- M.

Very sorry, but I can relate, I too lost a child at 18 mos... I found that the best thing anyone could do is help by cooking a meal and bringing it over, we had 2 other children at the time, peolpe offered to take them for a few hrs at a time. You said it is a newborn, maybe a gift of a cash collection or maybe hiring a cleaning service to go in and help out since mom is post pardum and also dealing with the loss of her child, I know cleaning would be the furthest thing from my mind. The idea of a care basket was great too, always a helpful gift...lastly prayer is always a special gift that everyone can appericate

My child passed away after 12 days just three years ago this month. My husband's co workers gave us a beautiful hydrangea plant in pink that blooms all summer long so everytime I tend it I think of her. At first it was very sad but now I enjoy seeing the life it brings to the garden. We also got other plants for our garden too.

Othe rpeople hired a caterer to make us a few meals that we coudl reheat since cooking was the last thing on my mind.

We also got a cloth wrapped box, like a fancy file box, with her name on it in which came two gifts for her twin sisters and then it was a place for me to put the few items that I had that I kept to remeber her by.

We also set up a fund to donate miney to a playground, but you could take up a collection for a fund dear to her heart or what the child died from and give it to a charity.

I would love to send her a card, although I do not know her, I understand what she is going through. my email is ____@____.com could give me her address or I could send it to you and you could forward it along.

This is a rough time..
Send flowers along with a card with money in it. I am sure they are going to contribute to something.
When you see her lift her up, try to make her laugh and although you might want to talk about it, let her bring it up.
When she is ready to talk about it, she will.
In this time of need pray for the family as I will do the same.
That is so sad, please follow up with me so I know that she's okay.

I think the best advice is to be there for them. It's really tough to lose anyone, especially a child. Let them know that you and your coworkers can be there for them with anything that they might need, to talk or even just to sit with them and do nothing. I wouldn't be to overbearing with it as it can be tough to have a lot of people around you at all times. Just check in on them every so often try and keep them from staying in the house too much. I have not lost a child and hope I never do but I lost two of my cousins and best friends when I was seventeen and another at twenty. I don't know if it's the same thing but I know it hurt and it still hurts. Let them scream if they need to or cry or get angry. All those things are normal when a person is grieving. Please pass my condolences onto the family. It's a terrible thing and I will pray for them.

C.,
What sad news. How awful. The first thing that comes to mind is perhaps having everyone chip in and purchase a nice card and also maybe putting together a care package of food items that the family can heat and eat or prepare easily. I am quite sure that in their grief they might really appreciate some quick and easy meal or snack ideas to keep their strength up during this difficult time.

Her family will be in our prayers.

Jamie

Unfortunataly, all you can say is I'm sorry and let her know if she wants or needs to talk you are there. Last June, I went through something similiar, but mine was my little sister. Her baby lived thirteen days. I live two hours away from her, but she knows if she wants to talk all she has to do is call.

My baby died at birth 10 years ago and I still have tears in my eyes as I write this post.

My suggestions: a sincere sympathy card for co-workers to sign, meals, food basket (because truly food and cooking are the last thing on her mind right now), a donation to an organization like Childrens Miracle Network or March of Dimes in the baby's name, a plant like a perennial bush someone else suggested is also a nice idea - painful at first, but a comfort as the years go by and it blooms year after year.

DO NOT SAY: "She/He's in a better place", "You're young, you can try again", "It must have been God's will", "She/He's one of God's Angels now" or the kicker "I understand how you feel" because unless you have watched your child die, you do not and cannot comprehend the pain and sorrow she feels. A simple "I'm so sorry" and a sincere offer to listen goes a long way.

I am so sorry for what your co-worker is going through. Bless you for reaching out to her.

Though I haven’t been in quite the same situation, in the last 5 years my own family has dealt with several losses and serious illness including miscarriages, the death of two of our siblings (not young children but we’ve helped our parents deal with their loss) and my young son’s battle with leukemia. Based upon my experiences there are a number of things you can do to help comfort your coworker.

First I would suggest keeping words to a simple “I’m sorry” and give her a hug. Some people don’t want to hear “She is in God’s hands”, “She will always be in your heart” or other things that are well-meant and that she might actually believe. She may not want to hear them repeated by every person she sees. If however, you are very close to her and think such words would be helpful to her then be sure to offer them.

Offer to listen if she needs to talk. Even if you don’t have answers, being available to listen is a wonderful asset.

Does she have other children? If so, offer to babysit or host a playdate – just your kids and hers.

You and your coworkers could make some meals to drop off at her house. Maybe have a sign up sheet so that the meals are spread out over the next few weeks and she isn’t bombarded all at once.

If your company has a “donated leave” program maybe you could consider donating some of your vacation time or sick time to her to allow her time to heal without worrying about finances. Or maybe take a collection to help with expenses.

If you know someone who has also lost a baby perhaps that person is willing to befriend your co-worker. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who has similar experiences. If your friend is willing to help, ask her if you can give your coworker her number.

Perhaps you could offer to do practical things like cut the grass, run some errands, or take on a fix-it project. Sometimes it is hard for someone in need to be able to figure out how to accept assistance and delegate tasks. If you can offer specific help (“I am going grocery shopping to pick up a few things. What can I get for you?” ) she may be more willing to accept.

This suggestion is going to conflict a bit with the first suggestion I made but is worth considering if you think it is appropriate. I’ve seen a book (though I’ve never read it) called “We were gonna to have a baby but we had an angel instead.” It was written for children to help explain the death of a younger sibling, but many parents wrote they found it comforting as well. I found it on Amazon.com and it got mostly favorable reviews.

I’ll keep her my prayers.

Hi C., you got some really great responses to your post, they're all great ideas! I am so sorry to hear about your co-worker's baby, and I just wanted to let you know that I run an infant loss support group that meets in York. If you would like more info on it so you can pass it along to your friend, you can email me at ____@____.com. I had a stillborn son on 12/26/03 and then my daughter was born prematurely on 10/10/04 and lived for 3 days. I also had 2 early miscarriages. I have a biological son who is 6, and then we adopted a baby boy in 09/05. We are now in the process of adopting a baby girl from Guatemala, but the grief process is ongoing and there will always be a huge hole in my heart from losing my babies. Just keep in mind, that most people step up and do things at the very beginning, when the loss is new, but rarely do people step up and do anything after some time has passed. The biggest thing for me now, is just knowing that people remember my babies, and use their names.

A.

I just read this today and I am just speechless...I cannot imagine the grief your co-worker is feeling. Thankfully, I cannot provide advise through direct experience, however, I have friends who have lost a newborn, and it's wretching. They will need you so just be there. Sometimes saying nothing says everything. A long hug and just letting them cry, scream, swear, and whatever else they need to do to cope. Don't say, "call me if and when you need me" because they won't. Generally, people who are depressed and stricken with such grief will not reach out even though they want to. So it is up to those who care about them to do the reaching. Call them. Tell them you're stopping over to clean the house--they don't have to talk if they don't want to but just BE there in case without being imposing.
I hope this helps and bless you for caring enough to reach out for help.

hello there,
it may be too late for it to be of any help...i apologize i didnt read the email till today...but how about setting up something to have food sent to the house for a week or so..there are websites that will send home cooked meals(for whatever amount of people you need) to someones house...one meal, a couple days, a week whatever..your coworker probably isnt thinking about food but they do need to eat...and this way they dont have to worry about what to do for dinner...i am sooo sorry to hear about this..my heart really does go out to them...i lost a child years ago and i cant imagine a worse pain....please extend my condolences if you see fit to do so..R.

hi,
not sure if this is too late but i just joined.I myself had my babygirl stillborn sept.13,2001.and im still grieving.one thing i can strongly suggest is to be in t ouch with her,dont wait for her to ask or talk.after my maternity leave was up,,,i got laid off my job and i was home alone all day and it was one of the toughest periods of my life.i was in no shape to look for a job,but being home alone after a few months the phone calls stopped and it was horrable like everyone just forgot.even now with having anthony everyone except my mom and hubby rarely mention her,its like she never existed.so please as time passes lend a shoulder,trust me even if she says she doesnt need to talk she will or at least to cry.also i joined a grief support group online and that was a lifesaver for me.as others have said food helps as i know i was in a fog.